Trust and keys

[RickTheToad]

Had an interesting convo with the GF today. She was frustrated that we only see each other on the weekends and we cannot really see each other during the week due to my hectic schedule and the CT lockdown for the public. She then stated she doesn't understand why I will not allow her in my home when I am not there. I simply said I am not there yet. I trust, but in stages. She then went on and on that she has keys to her aunts, her doc's and her friends, but not me. I said, well, I am not there yet, if that is an issue, you may want to think things through. I do not trust easy and no one other than me has a key to my place. She's also known every person she's mentioned since she was basically a teenager, she's 33 now. She's only known me for little less than a year. She backed away, but I don't know. I've only given my key to my ex-wife, when we were married, and I found her ruffling through my things and I didn't like that. I do not like people in my house when I am not there.

Thoughts?

 

[zekko]

My thoughts are that women are natural snoops.

 

[7onriverI f]

Rule number 7: Thou never giver woman keys to house.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Bring up the prenup that's reviewed and edited by three different lawyers in three different areas of your state(6 lawyers when she hires her own), explain the signing will be in front of a retired judge and the reading and signing videotaped.
In the prenup will be the requirement to reread and resign every 6 months to further ironclad up those original intentions.(Post-nups)

'-nups' is a misnomer but realise this, keys equals commonlaw. Are laws still interpreted and enforced the same way in these Covid times? Are we already living in a gynocentric society in the West?

Don't take her keys either.
Might as well go ahead and hire a P.I. at this point....why's she pressuring now?
Get more background info., legally. Something's up.



Just kidding, give her keys you've got nothing to worry about.

 

[Seductions_Mad_Scientist]

Had an interesting convo with the GF today. She was frustrated that we only see each other on the weekends and we cannot really see each other during the week due to my hectic schedule and the CT lockdown for the public. She then stated she doesn't understand why I will not allow her in my home when I am not there. I simply said I am not there yet. I trust, but in stages. She then went on and on that she has keys to her aunts, her doc's and her friends, but not me. I said, well, I am not there yet, if that is an issue, you may want to think things through. I do not trust easy and no one other than me has a key to my place. She's also known every person she's mentioned since she was basically a teenager, she's 33 now. She's only known me for little less than a year. She backed away, but I don't know. I've only given my key to my ex-wife, when we were married, and I found her ruffling through my things and I didn't like that. I do not like people in my house when I am not there.

Thoughts?

You literally managed the situation textbook perfect.

Props.

 

[sosumba]

To me that sounds like she is clearely want to advance things one step at a time to be living with you and to finally domesticate you. As poster above stated, you did a really good job on adressing her complaining!

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I would handle it by listening to her and asking some serious questions and some playful/teasing questions. Why do you want my keys baby? You think I have a busy side-hustle going on or something? Really hear her out and repeat some of what she says so she knows you’re listening. “So you’re saying you feel it is a symbol of trust?” The best closing statement I have found, after she seems like she has said all she had to say is, “I hear you” and say it honestly and with empathy. But DO NOT give her your keys if you don’t want to.

Her asking for this could be due to her not feeling like things are progressing. You mention only seeing her on the weekends etc. not NECESSARILY a bad thing.... she should always want more of you, but if you really like this girl and see something long term with her, I would come up with your OWN idea as to how to take the relationship further..... but what you do to do that should be your idea not you giving in to hers. Example, maybe you see her once during the weekdays every week or every other etc. But don’t make it a bargaining conversation and don’t link it to her request for keys.

 

[RickTheToad]

I would handle it by listening to her and asking some serious questions and some playful/teasing questions. Why do you want my keys baby? You think I have a busy side-hustle going on or something? Really hear her out and repeat some of what she says so she knows you’re listening. “So you’re saying you feel it is a symbol of trust?” The best closing statement I have found, after she seems like she has said all she had to say is, “I hear you” and say it honestly and with empathy. But DO NOT give her your keys if you don’t want to.

Her asking for this could be due to her not feeling like things are progressing. You mention only seeing her on the weekends etc. not NECESSARILY a bad thing.... she should always want more of you, but if you really like this girl and see something long term with her, I would come up with your OWN idea as to how to take the relationship further..... but what you do to do that should be your idea not you giving in to hers. Example, maybe you see her once during the weekdays every week or every other etc. But don’t make it a bargaining conversation and don’t link it to her request for keys.

Offered multiple times for us to do something during the week. She said it's hard for her as then she has to rush in the morning to get back to her place (stay at home order) to do work on the computer. Then she said, if I can stay there til the afternoon and do work at my place, it would be easier. But since I leave 5 - 6 am, I would have give her my keys, code to the alarm etc. I do not feel comfortable with, and that is when this conversation expanded to the above.

 

[RickTheToad]

Stick to your guns. I never gave my wife a key to my place before we were married, and she never asked for one(the answer would've been "NO" ). To me, anyone who asks for a key is automatically suspect. I don't even let my wife into my home office, unless I'm there, and I keep it locked.

My ex-wife, at the time, went into my home office when I was out of the house. I thought something was up when things were not in the correct place in my desk, so I placed a small camera on the upper corner of the room, and there she was. It literally was like sleeping with the enemy. I threw her out of my house a couple months later and filed for divorce.

I may have trust issues, but they are valid. I didn't like this conversation, and I assume it will come up again soon. This one is a good one, but sometimes I feel she tries to push her agenda, but then backs away.

 

[RickTheToad]

With women, it isn't always their own personal agenda they're pushing. Women talk too much. They tell their girlfriends E V E R Y T H I N G, from the length and girth of your diick to your bank account balance, down to the last decimal. They'll brag about your good points and complain about your "bad" points.

God forbid her best friend is an IRS agent, and you forget to claim an expensive birthday present on your income taxes! None of your secrets are sacred to her, no matter how madly in love with you she is, and if she ever isn't, you might as well publish a gossip column, in which YOU are the main target.

Tell her she'll get a key when she gets a ring, and not before. That'll shut her up, scare her off, or make her work her ass off for that ring. No matter how she responds, you win.

I'd never sign another State marriage license. She knows that. It was a nightmare when the real lady came out. Took too long and cost too much $$$ to undo that mistake. However, other options and contracts can be made and signed, just not with the State. She has some things to do before I'm there. That's her call if she wants comes through with them or not. She's making progress, but more needs to be done on that front. But key, no f ucken way.

I'm a State employee, so I am not worried about tax issues. My real estate is done by a CPA firm. I'm 100 on that front. One thing I know, you don't mess with the IRS.

 

[Black Widow Void]

If you aren't comfortable with the idea, don't do it (I've also dealt with this and get where you're coming from).
It's okay for her to be frustrated about your choice,
but it is not okay for her to:
push boundaries after they've been established
apply emotional blackmail as a retaliation
or orchestrate ways that make it inconvenient (if she doesn't have a key).

 

[RickTheToad]

If you aren't comfortable with the idea, don't do it (I've also dealt with this and get where you're coming from).
It's okay for her to be frustrated about your choice,
but it is not okay for her to:
push boundaries after they've been established
apply emotional blackmail as a retaliation
or orchestrate ways that make it inconvenient (if she doesn't have a key).

She knows not do to that. She's even said a time or two she doesn't want to screw this up. She doesn't withhold sex or anything either. She does, which I am not crazy about, buy me things and send me gifts. I've receive gifts from GFs and FBs before, but she brings it to a whole nother level. I appreciate it, but I've asked her to tone it down, and she has, a bit. But, again, this key thing she brings up from time to time.

 

[jaymbrs]

Im somewhat dealing with that right now with my GF. I have the keys to her place, though I've never gone without here there because I think that'd be weird. But she does not have a key to mine. Simply put, no need for it. Really only people who live in my place (me) need a key to my place. My sister has a spare key in case of emergencies. No need for anyone else to have one. So she can't use that excuse.

 

[Glassguy]

You give her the keys to your place. She goes there when you are not there. She then sifts through everything you own trying to find some inkling of evidence on something to not trust you over.

Dont give her the keys. Maintain that masculine and strong frame.

 

[Reyaj]

Unless you're married or living together she should not have a key to your place.

Im somewhat dealing with that right now with my GF. I have the keys to her place, though I've never gone without here there because I think that'd be weird. But she does not have a key to mine. Simply put, no need for it. Really only people who live in my place (me) need a key to my place. My sister has a spare key in case of emergencies. No need for anyone else to have one. So she can't use that excuse.

How did you pull that off?

 

[jaymbrs]

Unless you're married or living together she should not have a key to your place.



How did you pull that off?

Not giving her my key? I was very straight forward and told her she doesnt live with me so she doesnt need a key to my place.

 

[RickTheToad]

You give her the keys to your place. She goes there when you are not there. She then sifts through everything you own trying to find some inkling of evidence on something to not trust you over.

Dont give her the keys. Maintain that masculine and strong frame.

As stated in my OP, ain't going to happen.

 

[Reyaj]

Not giving her my key? I was very straight forward and told her she doesnt live with me so she doesnt need a key to my place.

Yes but you said you have the keys to her place. How do you get hers and she doesn't get yours lol

 

[RickTheToad]

Not giving her my key? I was very straight forward and told her she doesnt live with me so she doesnt need a key to my place.

Yea, I did that with my before we were married years ago. She gave me a key to her place so I could lock up and leave. I have her a key to mine after she moved it. Worked well. I filed for divorce a year later. So, there you go. Moving in ruins relationships.

 

[zekko]

I was very straight forward and told her she doesnt live with me so she doesnt need a key to my place.

True enough. Usually the idea behind giving someone a key is to have someone to go to in case you lock yourself out, or if you need to have her go get something out of the house when you can't get there, or to care for a pet if you're not around. Girls get hung up on this because they want to be that important person in your life, plus it's a trust issue. Doesn't mean you should give her a key though lol.