Although our dynamics are a bit different, I grew up with a father having the same behavioral problems.
The behavior is not only narcissism, but an obsession with order and control. The thing you have to think about is the trade off. Will it be worth it? And, you have a son... how about his financial welfare and also his emotional welfare? I can't answer these questions, but it's something to consider.
The paragraphs below will be more about my history. I'm not sure if this will be of any benefit to you or not. After all, what worked for me - may not work for you.
Divorced parents and at the age of 18. I moved in with my father, attended college full time and worked part time. The SOB was a micromanager. If there was any flaw he could find, he pretty much frothed at the mouth to point out any imperfection. I suspect that both our father's were a 'success' and mine achieved his success, not just by money in the family, but his determination and his (over) authoritative behavior.
Pulling into the driveway and seeing his car meant that I'd be tense. When he was on a business trip and his car was gone, it was like ... being able to exhale and feel comfortable. I finally got tired of it.
I told him that I'd dropped out of school and planned to work full time and that I was leaving that night. 30 miles away, my Grandparents house was for sale (they had already moved to another state). I still had a key. The power had been shut off and some nights the weather got down to the upper teens. I picked up a few blankets and a pillow at a thrift store and stayed there for six weeks (until having enough money and a buffer income to get my own place).
Would it had been nicer to stay with my father and complete school in a 'normal' amount of time? To the outsider, they'd probably say that I was crazy. During that six weeks of coldness, no power, washing my hair under a bathroom sink/spot bathing at a near by convenience store wasn't fun... but I never regretted my decision.
This may sound harsh, but we can chose to remain under someone's thumb (if the price is right) or we can trade in a particular lifestyle for one of better mental health. There hadn't been any physical abuse with my father, but his abuse in other areas was something I didn't invite or want. I can still recall my grandparents house being so cold that I could see condensation out of my nostrils, but not once did I think.. I sure wish I was back at my dad's.
His last words before I left? "Son, you'll never amount to a hill of beans." I never achieved his (so-called) 'success' but, not to brag, I still ended up doing okay. Even after his death, I still don't regret cutting ties. Your mileage may vary, but I hope that something within this posting was helpful.
.
