Don't know what is going on with this girl (and myself)

[SayWhat]

I've started a thread recently about looking for professional help, in that people asked what the events were that made me consider this.

So I decided to post an update and tell you a bit more what is going on in my mind.

Since my last post, we still continued to text. And at work we still act the same. So actually nothing changed and that's what's pushing me into a depression.

Reason is that every single day I say to myself "today I'm gonna talk to her". But then I wait for the right moment or think about what to say or that I should say a funny thing and at that time, the day is over. And of course I sense there is never a right moment, she starts talking or laughing with someone else and I feel worthless and further away from just saying anything. But then again, she doesn't say anything either. Today for example we sat next to each other at lunch, but we just talked to others around us. We rarely sit next to each other or are in close proximity as I get the feeling we avoid each other. Fun fact is that at the beginning of our course I wasn't really so 'into' her, so I just talked (I was still a bit intimidated because she's really pretty), but I could force myself to just say something at that time. Since we started texting, not at all anymore.

I have this feeling she's quite arrogant actually, but somewhere I think that's just because of my low self-esteem and the thought I'd never be able to get a girl like that to like me, even just as friends. So I guess it's a protection mechanism "I'd better subconciously act like that, so to prove I can't get a girl like that". To explain, I tend to get irritated by her voice, how she walks, what she wears, how she acts towards others... because something about those stuff rubs me in the wrong way (even though objectively there is no reason too). It really goes too deep to be healthy.

Many of you have said it before, my mental frame is absolute sh*t, I know that, but I can't change it, I don't know how to start or how to act. One thing I do know is, I don't blame her. I know it's all on me. I don't say anything, don't make eye contact, so I know I just get what I seed.

I'm not a talkative guy, unless I feel good/confident. So guess that's my main issue. The only thing I got going for me is the gym, recently I made some great progress and got a fair amount of compliments. But I can not even pull myself up on that, I see some other guy talking to her who is talkative and funny and it all goes to waste in my mind.

 

[MrWood]

when you see her at the coffee machine, look at her feet, look her in the eye, smile slightly and say "cute shoes", and walk away.

100% she will say something as you go (or she will have a huge smile) and dont look back over your shoulder.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I've started a thread recently about looking for professional help, in that people asked what the events were that made me consider this.

So I decided to post an update and tell you a bit more what is going on in my mind.

Since my last post, we still continued to text. And at work we still act the same. So actually nothing changed and that's what's pushing me into a depression.

Reason is that every single day I say to myself "today I'm gonna talk to her". But then I wait for the right moment or think about what to say or that I should say a funny thing and at that time, the day is over. And of course I sense there is never a right moment, she starts talking or laughing with someone else and I feel worthless and further away from just saying anything. But then again, she doesn't say anything either. Today for example we sat next to each other at lunch, but we just talked to others around us. We rarely sit next to each other or are in close proximity as I get the feeling we avoid each other. Fun fact is that at the beginning of our course I wasn't really so 'into' her, so I just talked (I was still a bit intimidated because she's really pretty), but I could force myself to just say something at that time. Since we started texting, not at all anymore.

I have this feeling she's quite arrogant actually, but somewhere I think that's just because of my low self-esteem and the thought I'd never be able to get a girl like that to like me, even just as friends. So I guess it's a protection mechanism "I'd better subconciously act like that, so to prove I can't get a girl like that". To explain, I tend to get irritated by her voice, how she walks, what she wears, how she acts towards others... because something about those stuff rubs me in the wrong way (even though objectively there is no reason too). It really goes too deep to be healthy.

Many of you have said it before, my mental frame is absolute sh*t, I know that, but I can't change it, I don't know how to start or how to act. One thing I do know is, I don't blame her. I know it's all on me. I don't say anything, don't make eye contact, so I know I just get what I seed.

I'm not a talkative guy, unless I feel good/confident. So guess that's my main issue. The only thing I got going for me is the gym, recently I made some great progress and got a fair amount of compliments. But I can not even pull myself up on that, I see some other guy talking to her who is talkative and funny and it all goes to waste in my mind.

Friends for what?

 

[SayWhat]

Friends for what?

Beats having no friends from the female kind at all. I realize for myself I can't be friends with a girl who I have the slightest sexual interest in, but this just sucks. It makes me think I have no value at all to any kind of woman.

This situation at work which I try to keep as short as possible:

Very attractive girl in a similar course with me, also a very alpha male in there as well. The girl texts me quite often (but it's diminishing), but we don't say anything at work, and when I say anything, I really mean anything besides goodmorning or one sentences conversations. With the alpha guy, she talks and laughs a lot. I can not for the fvcking love of god force myself into a conversation with her. When I see her talking to someone else I feel like a fvcking loser because she doesn't talk to me.

And a short example from today: she sent me a text, I replied. I know that in the past she would have replied on that as well, but she didn't today. She texted in another Whatsapp group later this day (common work group), but not to me anymore today. I know feelings are kinda bull**** and tend to work against us (especially me), but yeah, I feel I crossed a line with not saying anything to her or even responding to late and yeah not even using enough emoji.

You see how fvcked up I am?

 

[MrWood]

I realize for myself I can't be friends with a girl who I have the slightest sexual interest in

you are not alone

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Beats having no friends from the female kind at all. I realize for myself I can't be friends with a girl who I have the slightest sexual interest in, but this just sucks. It makes me think I have no value at all to any kind of woman.

This situation at work which I try to keep as short as possible:

Very attractive girl in a similar course with me, also a very alpha male in there as well. The girl texts me quite often (but it's diminishing), but we don't say anything at work, and when I say anything, I really mean anything besides goodmorning or one sentences conversations. With the alpha guy, she talks and laughs a lot. I can not for the fvcking love of god force myself into a conversation with her. When I see her talking to someone else I feel like a fvcking loser because she doesn't talk to me.

And a short example from today: she sent me a text, I replied. I know that in the past she would have replied on that as well, but she didn't today. She texted in another Whatsapp group later this day (common work group), but not to me anymore today. I know feelings are kinda bull**** and tend to work against us (especially me), but yeah, I feel I crossed a line with not saying anything to her or even responding to late and yeah not even using enough emoji.

You see how fvcked up I am?

You better drop your standards to ladies who see you in a sexual light as you already are. Once your swag gets restored others will see it. They will want you. You can be fvcking whar you think is "fat" or "ugly". Some female will want to fvck because of it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

you are not alone

It's not healthy unless you have a strong sex life outside her.

 

[SayWhat]

you are not alone

How do you act around them?

 

[MrWood]

It's not healthy unless you have a strong sex life outside her.

I have a very adequate sex life, a few FWB and a plate or 3

How do you act around them?

im like meh... in a group I can chat and friend up just fine, but I get bored quickly.

I simply dont keep women "friends" around nor have much interest to "hang out" with a chick... if I'm not interested.
Its not complicated nor a problem for me.

 

[SayWhat]

She kept on texting and I keep on replying just because we have to work in teams in the future.

But I think she finally snapped. I know she kept me on the leech the last weeks, one week I felt in control, the other she was.

But last week she texted another one of her selfies and I thought ‘fvck it’, so I flirted a bit extra and asked her something. Long story short, she said ‘well if you talk to me in real life I’ll do that for you’.

**** test of course, as she doesn’t talk either but I played a long cause I really didn’t care at that moment. I told her something along the lines of that it’s a secret and that I’ll tell her one day.

She has been asking constantly about it ever since, texting more as usual, begging me to respond because she thought I was mad at something she said,...

I know part of this is the lockdown talking, because she’s still showing weird behaviour here and there, but gonna see how far I can take this without risking my career.

One thing is for sure though, I would never want a relationship with her, we share a lot of similar interests, but she needs to much attention. Gonna withdraw it completely the next days and see what happens.

 

[EnTL]

you are being honest and i think all of us here can appreciate that but you need to man the **** up. we have all been where you are. i suggest reading or re-reading the book of pook. several things you may have glossed over or completely missed. good luck .

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Here's a secret. Women like all types of men as long as you're not hideously unattractive. If you take care of yourself any woman can be attracted to your looks. Knowing and realizing this should raise your confidence. Because your personality is what really matters and conveying a I DONT GIVE A FOOK attitude will help in totally reeling them in. My girlfriend has crazy high SMV because she ticks all of the boxes of today's beauty standards. Yet she's the one telling me how handsome I am everyday.

Yesterday she asked me "How are you this handsome?". I'm just above average looks wise but I take care of myself (bi-weekly barbershop visits, getting a tan every week, gym, bleach teeth on the regular, etc). She sees me like a greek God or some **** even though I'm objectively not but I still think I'm the fooking **** looks wise.

Maybe this girl sees you as insanely attractive aswell but you're over here ruining it by thinking you not nice like that. Believe in yourself and others will too. Now go talk to her and stop being a weirdo because at one point she'll just give up on contacting you.