Nexting too quick?

[StacksHitEmUp]

Do you man ever look for the easy way outof dating someone or getting outof a new relationship? I realized yesterday that I'll often take the 'no disrespect' rule to the extreme in order to give myself the easy way out and next someone prematurely. Right now I'm dating this colombian girl (yes, I've hit it multiple times) and last week I asked her out for the following day. She said she couldn't at the time I proposed, but counter-offered by going out the same day at a different time. I, however, told her never mind and this was also my queue where I said to myself: **** it I'm jetting out, she ain't worth my time. I find myself overreacting to simple **** just so I can next someone. Do you DJ's ever feel like you're nexting too quick or specifically searching for reasons to next someone even though you like the person? Am I suffering from fear of commitment?

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

Yep, that's why most guys on the forum dont get laid, there too busy trying to look alpha lol.

Keep friendly contact with as many females as possible, learned that in high school, as long as she doesnt straight up ignore me then I keep there number.....

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

You should next a woman for any reason you feel is truly worthy of that action, but this should be done with a logic and reasoning that is based on standards that you adhere to solidly.

From the example you gave, it seems you're reaction is far more emotionally based.

Yeah, it was a bad reaction and decided to reach out after 3 days anyway. She's very angry with me because I ignored her last message the day after and there was some instagram footage of me having a good time at the club with some other girls last wednesday and during the weekend. Anyway, I'm not trying to turn this into an 'give me advice on what to do with her' thread. I'm going to ask this though, how do I come back from this because she's as angry as I've seen her and she assumes I've been "cheating" (we're not even in an 'official' relationship). I mean it's easy to next and move on to other women but how do you ever get somewhere with anyone if you just next at the first sight of something that doesn't go your way?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I've struggled with this too, from time to time. There is another applicable thread today about a girl wondering why a guy didn't ask her out on a second date, even though she didn't show much interest in him and expected him to initiate 100% of the time with her. Things like this are exactly why "rules" are made. They help guys remove the emotion out of things. You use the "rules" at first until you get your bearings and can learn to go by intuition. But it still gets murky when you have things like re-schedules, excuses, etc. How much is too much? It can be difficult to know. In your specific example though, my rule is that I generally always accept a counter if the location and timing work for me. It's when there is no counter that I next or leave it in her court. However, if she seems to push back on my suggestion repeatedly and only agrees to see me if I accept one of her counters, it's a serious red flag and I will either next for it, or I will dig my heels in and only accept a date on my counter, not hers. I will say though that it is extremely rare something will happen (sex or dating) with a girl who gets into that cycle with me.

 

[Soldier King]

For many generations, man has struggled with this question: is it really worth it???

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Find a girl of true quality, that won't make you give up on her even when she is being difficult.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

I've struggled with this too, from time to time. There is another applicable thread today about a girl wondering why a guy didn't ask her out on a second date, even though she didn't show much interest in him and expected him to initiate 100% of the time with her. Things like this are exactly why "rules" are made. They help guys remove the emotion out of things. You use the "rules" at first until you get your bearings and can learn to go by intuition. But it still gets murky when you have things like re-schedules, excuses, etc. How much is too much? It can be difficult to know. In your specific example though, my rule is that I generally always accept a counter if the location and timing work for me. It's when there is no counter that I next or leave it in her court. However, if she seems to push back on my suggestion repeatedly and only agrees to see me if I accept one of her counters, it's a serious red flag and I will either next for it, or I will dig my heels in and only accept a date on my counter, not hers. I will say though that it is extremely rare something will happen (sex or dating) with a girl who gets into that cycle with me.

Good answer. I'll keep her for now cause she asked to see me yesterday and there wasn't a date yet where we didn't end up having sex. She also initiates A LOT opposed to me. Is there such a thing as a woman initiating too much?

Find a girl of true quality, that won't make you give up on her even when she is being difficult.

Honestly, I'm actually trying to not give up on her. I often find myself nexting in order to not let myself get hurt even when everything seems fine but I just eject before the possibility of any feelings developping. Problem is I'm seeing her for 5 weeks now and I'm starting to feel more vulnerable despite still having other options. I also got no clue if I want to be in an LTR but so far being with her feels kinda nice. I feel like most men on this forum never allow themselves to actually open up and put themself in a vulnerable position thus not actually connecting with women on a deeper level which is fine but to me that gets old quickly as just banging randoms feels like I'm just boosting my own ego but doesn't do much else for me except the actual sex. Spinning multiple plates also gets quite tiring at times and there's the drama when they find out you're not exclusively seeing them.

 

[bcude]

You don't. And that's fine if you have no interest in serious relationships anyway.

But at some point I think it's only natural that we reach a point where we just get tired of the constant turnover, not because we lust for a relationship necessarily, but because it's just not worth the hassle and effort sometimes.

I personally still have a steady turnover, but I aim to maintain a couple of plates long term. In some cases 6 months to a year each. Because these set ups are not permanent, there is no need for me to screen as hard as if it was a serious relationship. I only need to screen for intolerable actions. Drama, inconvenience, etc. that I will not put up with. It is based on a show of respect.

I also make my situations fairly clear with these women. They know they are plates. I am not stringing them into something they think is a budding relationship when I have no intention of such.

Perhaps you just need to clear up your method of operation, outline exactly what you want and what is necessary and unnecessary to achieve and maintain that goal.

I don't want to hijack the thread, but i'm curious about this since you always have well thought out answers and a sound mindset.
What do you consider as drama and inconvenience and how do you deal with it? Do you just walk or call them out and/or walk?
I think this an important but somewhat vague topic that men handle in different ways to maintain dignity and respect. Especially in LTR when feelings start to creep in, you become more attached and stretch your boundaries to keep the peace.