Men, why do you do this after a first date?

[Soldier King]

I'm sorry you are having trouble. I would do one of 2 things.
1 which I recommend. Just wait, you are a prize, just being you is enough. No you didn't have to kiss him, if you are enough in his eyes, he will be patient, no matter how long he has to wait, and he will try even harder the next time.
Hopefully you showed a bit of who you were more than just your beauty, because men will remember more than you think.

2. You can text him, sun is shining, it's going to be a good day .
Don't do it if this isn't congruent with you are. Just possibly something positive and after that if he doesn't respond, let it go.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Ignored texts. Ignored phone call. Car problems. Hour commute. A week of no contact at one point.... You're too inconvenient to continue pursuing, even for a nice guy willing to go out of his way.

This x100. Women like this are flaky and low quality. Too many other women out there that won't play kids games and "forget" about dates they agree to. F that. Thats a deal killer right there, no questions asked.

No way in hell would I have picked OP up. Plus, women are masters at excuses so the whole car thing would have sounded like BS to me.

The funny thing here is OP's hamster wheel is spinning because the guy isn't pining to date her again. Good, lol.

Hope the guy finds a decent woman that appreciates a stand-up man.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Actually the last two dates I had where all I got out of it was the privilege of kissing her on the forehead led directly to me ghosting them and losing interest lol. It's offensive to waste my time like that.

I only kiss the forehead of women I genuinely care deeply for.

It's funny to me how you've basically displayed low interest or disinterest and now you're wondering why he's decided to back off. If you really want him, you need to give him something to work with.

 

[The Duke]

So I had this date set up with this guy a few weeks ago for that evening. He texted me, but I was busy on another date actually so I didn't have a chance to respond back. Then he called me a few hours after the text. I finally got around to calling him back a few hours later. He called and said he had to cancel our date because he had an emergency at work (he owns his own business - you've probably used one of his products actually). That he wanted to call me instead of text because that was the proper thing to do and didn't want to seem like he was blowing me off because he was, "still very interested" in going out with me, and picked another day.

The day of the rescheduled date comes around. I'm on my way and I'm 30 minutes out and my car gives out. I send him the video of my car and he offered to come there to pick me up and help fix my car. I tell him I had a tow on the way so he didn't need to pick me up. Later he asked if I was okay and we exchanged a few texts and I eventually didn't respond. The next morning he asked how my car was and if was okay. I thought it was very sweet of him to be so concerned.

Finally, our date comes around. I was on my way and he sent me a text asking if I was still coming because he said given our track record haha. Again, I thought it was very sweet that he was concerned/worried I was going to bail on me. The date is going well (or so I thought) and I mention this spot in the city that everyone has tried but I haven't. He said yea we've got to go there some time-okay, a good sign? Then later during the date, he turns to me and says, "I enjoy spending time with you". I reciprocated. He found out that I ubered there so he offered me a ride home. I was coming off the curb and he reached out for my hand to help me - very much the gentleman. He drives me home, which was 30 minutes of out his way btw. He gets out of the car, comes to my side, says he wants to do this again and said maybe we can go to that restaurant you haven't tried yet. I said yea sure that would be cool. He comes in to hug me and gives me a peck on the temple. I text him thanks again for the ride home

. Then he eventually tells me he got home to which I replied I'm glad he made home safe and he said thank you. I didn't respond after that.

He texted me two days later asking how my day was going and we texted for a bit, but he didn’t bring up the date.

So why do this?

Tl;dr Why say you enjoy spending time with her during date? Make an hour round trip just to drop her off? Why say you want to see her again? Why contact her a day or 2 later?

Why do that if you’re just not going to follow through with second date? Why not have just kept all those things to yourself after the date and just disappear instead?

I don't see any issues with him. If he chased after you too hard you would be complaining about that too. You are basically disappointed that he hasn't contacted you to set up date #2 within 2 days? lol. You're thinking too much.

 

[tiziki]

I don't see any issues with him. If he chased after you too hard you would be complaining about that too. You are basically disappointed that he hasn't contacted you to set up date #2 within 2 days? lol. You're thinking too much.

It hasn’t been 2 Days. It’s been 2 weeks.

 

[The Duke]

It hasn’t been 2 Days. It’s been 2 weeks.

ok then he isn't that interested in you. Women are famous for behaving this way....why are you surprised?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I've seen that too, but I think some women are actually just unfeminine as well haha

I agree with you on this.... the part about women not having game and thinking the guy should chase them regardless. I've had it happen to me twice in the last year. I could go into details about how it all unfolded and why I think it's the case but will save the wall of text.

 

[Dash Riprock]

It hasn’t been 2 Days. It’s been 2 weeks.

For going no contact on OP, I want to send this guy a gift basket of good whiskey, Cuban cigars, and two tickets to the next Packers-Bears game at Lambeau Field, all expenses paid.

Well done, my friend, well done. No time for BS women's mind games and flakiness.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

It hasn’t been 2 Days. It’s been 2 weeks.

This wasn't clear in your original post. You likely didn't do enough to display interest in him and he gave up on you. Did you initiate texting after the date at all? From your post it seems like you didn't. He initiated with you 2 days after the date, you talked a bit. Maybe what you said during that conversation didn't give him enough reason to believe you were interested, and you didn't initiate conversation with him again. Initiation is a key indicator of interest. At minimum, you should match his initiation. He texted you 2 days after the date. The next initiation is on you. If I text a girl and she never texts me, I'm going to move on. If she doesn't initiate then it means she doesn't care and isn't interested. I don't want to date a girl who isn't interested. Why should he always be the one reaching out to you 100% of the time?

 

[Soldier King]

For going no contact on OP, I want to send this guy a gift basket of good whiskey, Cuban cigars, and two tickets to the next Packers-Bears game at Lambeau Field, all expenses paid.

Well done, my friend, well done. No time for BS women's mind games and flakiness.

I'm not saying that this is true because I don't know, but what if she is a woman of quality? If she was, it would actually be a lesson that you shouldn't overthink everything if you like a person and keep trying. If not, then get back up soldier .

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Yeah, I've had girls call me out of nowhere, almost a year from the last time I saw them. When I'd ask why they decided to call after so long, they'd admit they'd given up on me calling them back. I told one girl, "I called you, but you never returned my call; so, I left it alone." She confessed she just wanted me to initiate all the contact. I laughed and said, that's not how I operate; if I call you, and you don't call me back, I'm not calling you again." She got with the program.

Yes, again, I think this a good thing in that girls who expect a guy to chase them with no reciprocation are going to be HORRIBLE in a relationship. There will be a lot of other problems - lots of entitlement, expectations, and no reciprocity. Princesses really. No thanks!

 

[dude99]

ok then he isn't that interested in you. Women are famous for behaving this way....why are you surprised?

Women are surprised because they are used to dishing out this treatment. Not receiving it

 

[Soldier King]

how wrong you are Danger.

Let me add a caveat that she must show a little bit of interest, not 0. If that's what you meant then I do agree with you.

Say a woman gives me her phone number but never answers one time.
Then one day I see her and she sees a bus coming at a man and she runs in front and saves him. Or you find out somehow she has a really strong belief in God or what you believe in. Or you found out she went out of her way to help people. Or has musical talent. Or something that you really admire it could be anything.

She showed you barely any interest but she was a woman of quality, a rare woman. You're gonna give up so easily and not try more???

Trust me I do see your point about how much she puts in. But I would say it's an equation, she can put a lot less in, if she has a lot more to give.
I want someone who pushes me to be better not just someone to like me. Of course in the end I want both, a woman of quality and someone who loves me. But if she's truly a 10 including personality, why should you give up so fast? Even if she says mostly no at the start, can't you improve yourself enough to win her heart?

 

[MrWood]

I have gone out of my way to be polite with no intention to further any relations... the car ride is a perfect example.

Honestly it seems as if you both mutually friend-zoned each other.

Take our advice we give a man in the same situation... next and move on.

 

[tiziki]

I have gone out of my way to be polite with no intention to further any relations... the car ride is a perfect example.

Honestly it seems as if you both mutually friend-zoned each other.

Take our advice we give a man in the same situation... next and move on.

thanks. So you would turn to your date and say you’re enjoying her company, say how the next time we should do xyz, make an hour round trip to drop her off, mention going out for the second time, then contact her again all to be nice?

 

[Visionist]

If he said and did all that and then ignored you, then he has other things on his time right now.

Other women most likely.

 

[tiziki]

If he said and did all that and then ignored you, then he has other things on his time right now.

Other women most likely.

thats the thing he’s never ignored. He was telling me gm the next day (last week) and we were teasing each other.

 

[bizzym]

If he said and did all that and then ignored you, then he has other things on his time right now.

Other women most likely.

it actually sounds like it’s the other way around tbh.

she said “No I’m the one who wasn’t texting back lol.
because before the date when he offered to come get me when my car broke down I kind of stopped responding and he still reached out the next day to check up on me. Then I didn’t reply when he went away for work then made contact a week later.

forgot before an hour before our date he texted me asking how I was. I said I’m good and then he asked if I was still on time for our date because of the other times went he wanted to double check. I guess he wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to bail?”

Can’t find it rn but I read somewhere that she took 17 hours to respond after he made contact after their date.

OP you sound like you have other options and you were toying with him.

 

[MrWood]

hmm... he could have just been like 'meh' after trying... or he has a better option.

I for one am very vain in that I wont date beyond a certain body style, no matter how cool a chick is... despite the fact that I have a horrible disfigurement. I dont lead girls on however, but have gone on second dates to be 'polite'.

Do you have a 'cute' figure?

 

[tiziki]

hmm... he could have just been like 'meh' after trying... or he has a better option.

I for one am very vain in that I wont date beyond a certain body style, no matter how cool a chick is... despite the fact that I have a horrible disfigurement. I dont lead girls on however, but have gone on second dates to be 'polite'.

Do you have a 'cute' figure?

he saw my insta before we went out and complimented my looks during the date. So I don’t think that’s the case.

But to answer your question, not toot my own horn but im pretty attractive. 5’1 115
DD, 25 waist, 37 inch hips. Curly hair, tan skin...I’m biracial.