The golden rule on Cancels/Flakes

[Glassguy]

Just a reminder as the question will start popping up again:

If she gives a specific date to reschedule then you can accept that if you are free. If anything happens on the rescheduled date that she cannot make it, she will never get another response from me.

If she cancels just before the date/flakes and offers no other specific date to reschedule:

1.) Dont act butthurt. Act indifferent. Response should always be "OK" or "K". Nothing else is needed. You do not say "Oh well do you want to try again some other time"? No. We do not give them another opportunity to waste our time again.
2.) Do not reach out after that text. At all. Leave the ball in her court. If she reaches out again, you simply tell her an evening that you are free and invite her over TO YOUR PLACE. She canceled her opportunity for a DATE.
3.) If she declines, do not reach back out. If she reaches out in the future, you can offer her coming over to your place again. I personally would choose not to and not even respond back if she reached out after flaking/canceling and declining my offer for her to come over to my place after reaching out again.

Obviously things do come up in terms of schedules. But if a chick does not give me a specific date as a counter offer, I just move on and she gets nothing else from me besides "K".

In my previous experience with flakes:

1.) They will flake again if you keep giving them the opportunity.
2.) If something genuinely came up they will offer another day. If anything comes up that day and they cant make it again, I wont even acknowledge they are canceling with a response. I simply delete their contact info and message and move on.
3.) Very seldom will a chick with value come over when they reach out again. If they do, I will certainly take advantage of it and fvck them and then send them home where they will always remain on the bottom of my list of chicks to hang out with.

This past weekend I got a message from a chick that was supposed to come over, then go out for drinks and then back to my place. She sends me a pic of her in bed at 1pm saying she had a severe migraine and was trying to feel better for our date. Then sends me another text to say she wasnt going to be able to make it at 5pm (we were going to meet at my place at 7). I simply said "OK". Nothing else. Then she sends me a long message about how she was sorry, wanted to reschedule, etc.

So all I said was "Due to my very busy schedule, I will let you know in the future if I get a free evening and want to try again". That was it. Totally mind fvkced her. She then started giving me a laundry list of evenings she was available.

I told her she could come over next Saturday at 10pm because I had plans until then. "Not going out for drinks?" she asked. "No I have drinks here at home".

If she doesnt show up for any reason, I will be dust in the wind and she can text me 100 times and I wont respond.

A woman can only waste your time once without you having control of it. If you allow it to happen again its your own fault. First time shame on you, second time shame on me.

Happy Hunting.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Nice! I will start employing this method...but my issue isn't so much flakes, I can't remember the last time I had one, its getting a second date, although that seems to be going better now as I currently have 3 plates I am banging on a regular weekly basis now.

Will add this to the tool belt.

 

[synecdoche]

Good post as usual Glassguy, great reminder.

 

[SayWhat]

Great post

One thing about the migraine, if it really was the case that she had an attack, I fully understand that she would cancel. I myself suffer occasionally from it (and even have the worst form as it comes with 'auras'). But migraine by itself is not just a headache as many people believe, it is really disabling and you can't and don't want to do anything besides staying in bed. Although taking a picture of herself at that moment when she has a migraine makes me doubt though...

But that on a side note, she clearly wanted to reschedule.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Good guidelines for guys dealing with this issue.

You should consider writing up something on how to prevent or even eliminate flaking to begin with as well. I know you can.

Yeah @Glassguy please do. That would be very very helpful

 

[Dash Riprock]

Good post @Glassguy .

The key here is VALUE.

Value your time, your self-respect, yourself, and your pride. See yourself and as a high-quality person and employ/embody the Abundance Mindset, whether you're dating no women or 20 women.

So many men, >90%, turn into docile puppy dogs or slobbering fools, at the mere premise of interest from a woman. Said woman sniffs this out and leads him around, cancelling dates, using him, or LJBF'ing him. Average guy is there to take what she gives him, following her lead and chasing like she's the last woman on planet earth. I see it all the time.

Women are flaky by nature. It's in their biology and DNA. Get used to it and don't kill yourself overthinking flakes, cancels, mixed signals, etc. Sometimes you can affect it, sometimes you can't. If you want to cut down on flakes, and remember nothing is air-tight, here are my recommendations:

1- Choose high-quality women only. You KNOW the warning signs, so I'm not going to list them all, but will you pay attention to them?
2- Your chances for the date happening are much higher if you met her in-person as opposed to online.
3- BE FUN. Damn, 98% of all men are boring as f*uck which will dry a woman's p*ussy like the Sarah Desert. Have some fun with her: "Hey Sally, for Thursday, we're having an oyster eating contest. Loser buys the drinks after--and I have expensive taste--so you'd better start training!" Or something similar.
4- Don't blow up her phone, but (depending on how far out the date is set for) sending one message before the date and one to confirm, if she doesn’t first is ok. If I don't get a confirmation on a first or second date, I don't show up. I'm way too busy. Confirming a date is adult, not beta.
5- Women who have a full-time job + kids + live more than 30 minutes away are a poor choice. I get these types all time and unless they're willing to meet me where I live, I'm not interested.
6- Interest level counts so if you're going off of OLD conversations, try to gauge her response rate, length of responses, and (HUGE) if she’s asking you any questions on anything. These are indicators of moderate to high interest and will cut down on flakes.

Fight the good fight men.

~Dash~

 

[FJA]

Very good. Also a good one, I do this if she flaked 2 times, text as an answer on her cancellation: ¨Ok, if you like to reschedule later, let me know, if I´m still interested we can meet¨.

With saying this, you act indifferent / not needy, something she doesn´t expect (because you say ¨ok¨), women quite early think that a man is already totally in love with her. She knows that it seems that your are not that much (anymore) into her, since you say ¨if I´m still interested¨. So she needs to challenge you now instead of you her.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Solid OP. I agree with this 100%,

I will make one note that I don’t apply those rules to online first dates where I haven’t met the chick yet. Flakes from a chick that has not yet met you is not an indication of disinterest.

 

[logicallefty]

I usually go "All rite, thanks for letting me know".Then yeah, everything else Glassguy said.

 

[Glassguy]

Good guidelines for guys dealing with this issue.

You should consider writing up something on how to prevent or even eliminate flaking to begin with as well. I know you can.

I will do. I have an extremely low
flake/cancel % but its bound to happen at some point to everyone, no matter how high value a person is. I contribute my low % to how I screen and analyze the woman's interest level pre date, which has a lot to do with a low % of cancels (and even reschedules for that matter).

I'll try to create a thread about that in the next few days when I get more free time on my hands.

 

[nicksaiz65]

I will do. I have an extremely low
flake/cancel % but its bound to happen at some point to everyone, no matter how high value a person is. I contribute my low % to how I screen and analyze the woman's interest level pre date, which has a lot to do with a low % of cancels (and even reschedules for that matter).

I'll try to create a thread about that in the next few days when I get more free time on my hands.

Thanks man. Your write ups have really been helping me out. I have two dates this week and had one last week.

I'm especially interested to see that "how to prevent flaking" write up. More than anything, that has been one of the biggest sticking points in my game.

 

[Glassguy]

I'll try to do a thread in the morning when I get back to work. I can type it out much quicker on a PC rather than fighting auto correct on my phone

 

[Glassguy]

Great post

One thing about the migraine, if it really was the case that she had an attack, I fully understand that she would cancel. I myself suffer occasionally from it (and even have the worst form as it comes with 'auras'). But migraine by itself is not just a headache as many people believe, it is really disabling and you can't and don't want to do anything besides staying in bed. Although taking a picture of herself at that moment when she has a migraine makes me doubt though...

But that on a side note, she clearly wanted to reschedule.

I totally get the migraine thing. But if a rich pro athlete was taking her for drinks would she have suffered through it? Maybe.

She is sexting me atm and making plans. Apparently when I took away the date opportunity and only offered drinks at my place, it worked on my favor. And she is working harder too. And being much more sexual.

A win/win.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Sure it happens to all of us, but it can definitely be reduced to a level that’s practically insignificant.

I know we both covered aspects of this prescreening stuff in other threads, but it would be great to have a definitive reference.

No, it can’t. Flaking is standard operating procedure on first dates. After the first date it inversely correlates with interest level.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Sure it happens to all of us, but it can definitely be reduced to a level that’s practically insignificant.

I know we both covered aspects of this prescreening stuff in other threads, but it would be great to have a definitive reference.

Tell me if we see eye to eye on this. The way I see it, with flaking you kinda have to chalk it up to the game, but at the same time don't chalk it up to the game.

Like sometimes flaking happens. But if you're constantly getting flaked on, the problem is you. There's something that you're either doing, or not doing. Heck, you might just need to increase your SMV so you don't get flaked on as much lol.

 

[RangerMIke]

Been doing it pretty much like this my whole life. I had a chick flake on me a month ago... just forgot about her... then out of nowhere she calls and asks me out, we have a date Thursday.

Another story... I had a woman that flaked on me and it was a year and I ran into her again at some event. She gives me this whole "Why haven't you called?" I gave her my standard response to this "Well, the phone works both ways." Chatted for a while, then she said "We should do something." I invited her to my place.... as recommended by @Glassguy and she balked... when silent again. A few weeks later she sends me this text out of the blue asking about how I'm doing... I said "Fine, would love to see you why don;t you come over tonight." Her response..... "Why don't you come here, I have a brand new 4 post bed I need to break in... bring condoms."

Then I said "B1tch... what do you think I am... you can't jerk me around!"

Just kidding... I grabbed a bottle of Sake, got in the car, and we broke in that bed.

Most times it will NOT work out like this... a vast majority of the times you'll never hear from her again. However, if you get all bent out of shape and start start acting like all this bothers you, it is guaranteed you will NEVER see her again. But you forget about her because it distracts you for other people that want to spend time with you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The golden rule of flakes/cancels is ironically the say thing you guys who think you know shyt tests.
You dont entertain flakes and cancels because they never happen because your not a cereal chaser....

Women call a guy that falls for her flakes a "chaser". Shes the "drink" and you're the "chaser". The mix drink is serve to someone else buddy.

 

[SoSuave666]

I do not even respond if they give no indication they want to meet in the future. Fine by me, my d1ck smells like latex three days a week I was doing them a favor by asking them for a drink.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It should never come to this. Your whole frame is starting up side down.
SHE should be in anxiety that You won't flake on her.

The ends dont justify the means. Take a step back and look at the overall picture.

Never be in a dynamic were the girl even replies with a reschedule. She should be trying to lock you down to a time usually because you already forgot about her to begin with.

Women call a guy that falls for her flakes a "chaser". Shes the "drink" and you're the "chaser". The mix drink is serve to someone else buddy.

No. You’re twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to find something in the OP to disagree with. “Frame” doesn’t dictate flakes.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No. You’re twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to find something in the OP to disagree with. “Frame” doesn’t dictate flakes.

I don't support flakes. They do it because they can. Shut her off.