Good day folks, im looking for advice on the situation I find myself in at the moment, im 32, recently bought my first house, own a car outright no debt on it, im doing ok for myself have a good job, work out 4 times per week, and im a keen golfer handicap is 2 so spend a lot of time on the golf course, I met my girlfriend 2 years ago this was about the time things were changing in my dating life I was becoming successful with women, then I have fell into the trap of LTR. She is constantly asking when can she move in etc I feel this is not what I want at this stage in my life as I feel im at the start of my peak regarding dating but I can't get her to take the hint regarding moving in etc it seems to make her Chase me more, now I know the reason why because she sees me as a provider but I like having the freedom of having my own property without a woman upsetting that, what im trying to get at is how do I tell her that I don't want to move in together without upsetting her too much, I wish she would actually go off me so I wouldn't need to tell her but she seems to be more interested in me as the months go on. Im not into getting married and don't know if I even want kids but ever time I mention it she thinks im just joking any suggestions? Thanks in advance
Things moving too fast
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bcude
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She's trying to lock you down since she sees the value in you. This is normal, a LTR either goes forward or it goes backwards, it never stays at the same point and women expect progression in way of dating>ltr>living together>marriage>kids. Moving in together is one natural step in their eyes.
Tell her unapologetically that you feel good about where you're right now and you're not really sure about moving in with her and that you cherish your freedom. Don't string her along if you don't see marriage and/or kids as an option.
She will probably work even more to lock you down until she realises it's pointless and leave you when her biological clock and all that starts ringing louder and louder. Or she walks immediately which seems to be fine considering you're implying that she trapped you into a LTR where you don't really want to be with your newly discovered higher SMV.
I get that you're trying to be a kind human being but being afraid of upsetting her when you only act according to what you want tells me you've the wrong mindset, she should be afraid of scaring you away with her advances. You're the priceless bird she's trying to lock down into her cage, act like it.
Tell her unapologetically that you feel good about where you're right now and you're not really sure about moving in with her and that you cherish your freedom. Don't string her along if you don't see marriage and/or kids as an option.
She will probably work even more to lock you down until she realises it's pointless and leave you when her biological clock and all that starts ringing louder and louder. Or she walks immediately which seems to be fine considering you're implying that she trapped you into a LTR where you don't really want to be with your newly discovered higher SMV.
I get that you're trying to be a kind human being but being afraid of upsetting her when you only act according to what you want tells me you've the wrong mindset, she should be afraid of scaring you away with her advances. You're the priceless bird she's trying to lock down into her cage, act like it.
BackInTheGame78
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You are at a stage of the relationship where she is telling you to sh!t or get off the pot.
So likely if you are not willing to advance the relationship it will signal the end of it. Might be 3 months, 6 months, 9 months or whenever but this is the "we want different things out of life" conversation you will be having with her at some point.
There is no "trick" here. You either want to advance the relationship or you don't. And she has the right to decide she no longer wants to wait if you tell or show her you dont want to.
lamath
Master Don Juan
I would just tell her very clearly that i wont be rush and that either she accept it or not.
If its no then time to go for the next best things.
Dont play house if you dont plan to go further with her, it will only makes things harder down the road.
Lots of men get caught with women they dont really want after they started living together.
If its no then time to go for the next best things.
Dont play house if you dont plan to go further with her, it will only makes things harder down the road.
Lots of men get caught with women they dont really want after they started living together.
A man’s aim with a woman should be to set out HIS terms, she can either accept or refuse.
No man can be scared of upsetting a woman and be successful in life.
Glassguy
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I think you need to sit her down and have a conversation with her. Its natural that a woman expects to start having marriage discussions by the 2 yr mark. At least an engagement.
You sound like me in terms of having things outside of women that fill your plate full of things that make you happy. I am a very competitive person and I do spend a lot of time on the golf course.
Currently I am a 6 handicap (USGA) but I can get it down to a 3-4 if I can play at least 2 times during the week. For me golfing, bow hunting, boating, fishing trips.....all a major part of who I am. I am also ready for warm weather and getting back on the course.
On one hand it doesnt seem like your current GF is giving you grief about having hobbies which is a bonus. But you need to sit her down and have an honest talk about how the big things in life (marriage, kids, etc) line up between the two of you. If nothing else its being fair to yourself.
There is absolutely no reason to push forward with her if she wants one thing and you another.
MrWood
Master Don Juan
if you are 30-40, own a home and have a stable career future, you are grade A Prime for a 23-30 trying to lock you down.
You are now Beta food and the females are biting. Girls will ditch any Bad Brad in exchange for your soon to be dadbod.
You are worthy for at least 2- HB/SMV values... if you were a 7 you are now a 5 and a 8, ( you can now look like a 5 and score HB8)
or you can stay single and slay 19-30yo sluttage for 3-4 more years if you are HB7+ yourself
You are now Beta food and the females are biting. Girls will ditch any Bad Brad in exchange for your soon to be dadbod.
You are worthy for at least 2- HB/SMV values... if you were a 7 you are now a 5 and a 8, ( you can now look like a 5 and score HB8)
or you can stay single and slay 19-30yo sluttage for 3-4 more years if you are HB7+ yourself
RickTheToad
Moderator
First off, it's all fair game until the move in question comes up. If that is not what you want, you then need to inform her that you are not ready for that at that time (if this is true). If you never see this a possibility, then you should inform her of this as well. You can, want kids, just not want marriage. Marriage is very scary these days, and I'd agree it's very dangerous for any person. So, if you want a kid or kids, but no marriage, then you should inform her of that as well. Don't lead her down a path that you do not plan to take with her.
Grow a pair of fvcking balls and tell her no what is yours is yours once a woman gets her fingers into your business its all over for you, women have more rights than you do. Things go south between you, good by house, all the stuff you worked hard for is gone, poof like a fart in the wind. Women have one agenda and its do what benefits them and only them, let a woman walk all over you once she will keep doing it.