Pros and Cons of this woman

[Plinco]

I'm having a hard time deciding whether or now to stay with this woman or not. I'm writing in this forum get outside opinions so I may hopefully get another perspective.

Pros:
she's not bad looking
she's 11 years younger than me
sweet as can be, and too scared to do anything that would upset me. Cooks and cleans.
90% compatible with me, personality wise
she's not capable of changing who I am or interrupting my work, even though she tries.

Cons:
she's not bad enough for me to want to have sex with
she's very sensitive, so she cries if I say something that I might say from time to time
She doesn't work right now and she lives with me (this is not a huge deal, but means that I am not saving as much as I normally would)
she's slow, and tries to slow me down. I don't let her and this causes some friction.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Why waste time If you don’t want to have sex with her?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why waste time If you don’t want to have sex with her?

Exactly my point

 

[Plinco]

The question I might ask, is how important is sex in a relationship. That's not something that I gave thought to before.

 

[andreihaha]

The question I might ask, is how important is sex in a relationship. That's not something that I gave thought to before.

I've been in your shoes before. So I know it's harder a harder decision than others migh think.
But I was still atracted to her, just didn't think she was an 8+ phisically. But everything else about her was attractive.
I think there are only 3 ways to go:
1. You end things with her.
2. Stuff starts to bother you more about her and you end up breaking up eventually.
3. You start seeing more and more attractive traits about her and she'll actually start to look better and better. It's weird and exciting when that happens.

I've experienced all of these cases, time will tell I guess.

 

[jaymbrs]

No desire for sex? Red flag. She tries to change who you are and interrupt your work. Red flag. She doesn't work. Red flag. The only positive here can be summarized as her being submissive. That's it. This won't last based on that alone.

 

[Plinco]

I'm having a discussion with her now via texts. Specifically I'm talking about where I want to end up and how I'm going to get there. I'm looking for misaligned values.

 

[Plinco]

Well she has backed off from trying to influence me, but I still don't find her sexually attractive despite the fact that she is not bad looking and I really feel like I need a release

 

[lamath]

Well she has backed off from trying to influence me, but I still don't find her sexually attractive despite the fact that she is not bad looking and I really feel like I need a release

Overly sensitive is a big energy drain,on the long run it will eat your time and good mood out of you, just for that reason i would next.

Also living with you might actually be the reason why you dont really feel like ****ing her.

 

[Hal9000]

Sounds like she would be a better maid than a gf. If the sex isn't satisfying, or is nonexistent, then the relationship is already doomed.

 

[Plinco]

Also living with you might actually be the reason why you dont really feel like ****ing her.

possibly

 

[Plinco]

Sounds like she would be a better maid than a gf. If the sex isn't satisfying, or is nonexistent, then the relationship is already doomed.

Yeah. There are a lot of things running through my mind right now which is complicating my decision making progress.

 

[Plinco]

All women try this to some extent. So she doesnt work but is she taking care of the ranch?
Some guys want a homemaker type and that's ok.
You have decide what you want. Same theme over and over with guys in RL and here.
Your making decisions based off of woman?
What do you want? Why does she occupy so much mental energy?
If shes not fulfilling the human connection part of your life. As her to get her own place.

I can kick her out at any time; she has a place to go to. I used to find her attractive, but I don't anymore, or at least right now, physically. She is compatible in every other way. The silver lining here is that since I'm abstinent, I've been hyper focused on my work.

 

[Plinco]

and to make things fun/worse/interesting, is that I have a handful of women who know about this, but think they can domesticate me. Anytime they try I trap them in a debate which I win every time, which makes me feel smart haha) You will not believe the guilty BS one of them pushes on me though! She basically says that my job in life is to sacrifice myself to others, I wonder what she really thinks of me.

 

[bcude]

Overly sensitive is a big energy drain,on the long run it will eat your time and good mood out of you, just for that reason i would next.

This is spot on, speaking out of experience.
Also taking your time and energy to make a post about her on this forum is answer enough, that's usually not a sign that she's the one for you, especially not living together.
If you don't want to have sex with her something's very off, again i'm speaking out of experience.
Sounds like you're trying to glue together something that's broken. The foundation should start with sex and grow from there.

 

[Plinco]

This is spot on, speaking out of experience.
Also taking your time and energy to make a post about her on this forum is answer enough, that's usually not a sign that she's the one for you, especially not living together.
If you don't want to have sex with her something's very off, again i'm speaking out of experience.
Sounds like you're trying to glue together something that's broken. The foundation should start with sex and grow from there.

I think that might be. This has been true for me in the past, the problem is that those relationships don't last because of disagreements of some traits. If I let her go, I would feel saved and released, but also very sad to see her go because she is so good at almost everything else. If I could have multiple wives, I would choose her, and then another woman if I could haha)

 

[Plinco]

It comes down to the value she adds to your life

She adds value because she supports me being a workaholic, she takes care of all of the domestic trivial stuff. One of the questions I am asking myself, is that enough. Only I can really answer that.

 

[Plinco]

??? Not following you.

What part?

 

[XThrax]

It should not take much for a man to want to have sex with a woman. It's your #1 biologic imperative. I can only imagine if she not sexually attractive to you now, it will not get better later.
It's not the most important thing but you should definitely feel something when you look at her and she should want to have sex with you.

She is slow and slow you down? Explain

 

[Plinco]

She is slow and slow you down? Explain

I move fast with everything I do because it makes a boring task slightly fun, and because I value my time. If I want to go out and smell fresh air, I do that when I am out doing my sprints. The girl on the other hand, likes to do everything slowly. She takes at least twice as long to do something in part because she has no ambition whatsoever, and she likes to take in an atmosphere. She likes spices and cooking soups that she will spend more money and time to make something that to me takes more time to eat, uses more ingredients which costs me more money and more time to shop for, and has less of the nutrition that I need.