Just Played My Top Card With The GF

[Roober]

It was good that you corrected her, however, i can't say I agree with the approach. Her response of "you're always jealous" suggests there are hints of insecurity within your frame. If she knew she was replaceable, she wouldn't even challenge you like that as a justification for her actions.

People make mistakes, nobody is perfect. When you couple that with women's innate desire to provide support and care for people they know, it is certainly a recipe for challenging the boundaries of a relationship. The lonely bastard probably reached out, and she gave him the time to communicate. Of I had to guess, she is very conscientious with people?

I would probably frame it as a question some sort of question. This provides her an opportunity to reflect on her actions. The lesson would be in her own response.

-So it's okay to console our lonely friends of the opposite sex?
-Is he paying you to be his therapist?
-Should I be helping out my coworker going through a divorce? She wants to get drinks.

Now I'm not saying this action was okay. What I am saying is that the context of this example and your previous 18 months with this woman should give you a bigger picture.

 

[synecdoche]

I

I agree with this analysis. LL called her out on this however he should have done this covertly instead of overtly. Women are like children. Tell them " don't do this...or else" isn't going to stop them. You must do something that tells them they did something wrong. For example take away their "toys" or in the woman's case "your attention". They will figure out something is wrong, or that you know something. Then if she is still "into" you or fears she "loses" you then she will comply.

The OP says he is having the best sex and I think this is also the problem. Would the OP give this leeway if the sex was bad? I don't think its worth it being in a relationship where your gf continues to talk to other guys. RM said it correctly. Women don't talk to other guys for no reason. She is looking for something to develop. Women have ulterior motives. If the guy was a hunchback and had the face of Frankenstein, would she entertain him? The whole story of her consoling the guy after a break up sounds suspicious. She wants to know more about him and his relationships.

Some people would say this is not an automatic next but from my experience this is a huge red flag. If I was really "into" her then I would make covert moves to signal my boundaries. If I wasn't then I would next her. Its hard to do when you are living with her since the barriers to exit are high. But I guess Tomassi was right...

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4
NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

I feel for the OP. He is not a noob but everyone sooner or later comes into this sort of situation. I hope the chick respects these boundaries and all goes well but from my experience, its better to make plans for an exit.

I've been in this situation many times as well. Looking back, calling her out on her behaviour, is just weak. For example It's like "hey, i saw your eye flirting with some guy at the bar" " Dont do this again" " Respect me". Saying this to her puts you in a weak frame. She will also see it as this and not as you establishing boundaries. I would just notice this behaviour and keep it to myself and continue observing her. I may withdraw attention. She may think something is wrong. This will increase her IL towards you. The sad fact is whether shes talking with some dude about his breakup or eye flirting with some dude in the bar, this means her IL in you has dropped. A chick with a high IL in you will NEVER do this. You need some way to raise her IL again. Telling her not to do it will have the opposite effect.

Lets say you react covertly (withdraw attention) and she notices something is wrong, at what point will you start giving her attention again? I suppose if she complies or if she shows good behaviour. She cooks you a dinner? She showers you with attention? She starts seeking your validation?

If you always punish her by withdrawing attention and then act like nothing happened if she behaves well again, I feel like a lunatic not making up his mind and playing it backwards. (If that makes any sense.)

 

[logicallefty]

@mikey2012 I don't think there's any need to worry about LL. He has his "beer theory" of women, this is another Tuesday for him.

Bingo. I have moved on. Many of you guys haven’t, which is fine. It’s a good discussion. Hopefully other guys will benefit from it.

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

This is why i dont go MGTOW. How will ever experience anything?

Exactly, men are seriously becoming more like women every day, men are logical, women are emotional, if you notice on this site most men respond to situations emotionally, like women.

What's the logical way to handle this? Break up or shut up, simple. As in, break up or let it go. Logical, all this other stuff is irrelevant, guys are thinking way to deep into it.

And this false belief that theres this perfect girl in the world who wont give you any problems is hilarious to me lol

 

[lamath]

Lets say you react covertly (withdraw attention) and she notices something is wrong, at what point will you start giving her attention again? I suppose if she complies or if she shows good behaviour. She cooks you a dinner? She showers you with attention? She starts seeking your validation?

If you always punish her by withdrawing attention and then act like nothing happened if she behaves well again, I feel like a lunatic not making up his mind and playing it backwards. (If that makes any sense.)

For me withdrawl of attention is not something intentional, that drama makes me want to spend more time away from her.

 

[Alvafe]

This is why i dont go MGTOW. How will ever experience anything?

MGTOW is less about avoiding females and more about making you the priority, woman will come and go but you will still be going foward

 

[17 shots]

The post of mine you quoted was a response to someone else's assertions and not the OP's. You're out of context here. Read my other posts in this thread for my opinions on the original post.

Ok I see what you're saying. Honestly though I just picked your post, out of ten I wanted to quote lol, it was really a statement to everyone in here who's acting like this is just a normal day in the life of having a gf... it's not

OP is acting like he's got it all figured out though, and that he only posted this stuff to show us the proper way to handle your woman so whatever, I'm out of this now. It's his world

 

[logicallefty]

What you are talking about is called plausible deniability. It’s the reason why I’ve gotten laid hundreds of times with taken women. It’s typical female game 101. First they find an excuse to interact with you. And next thing you know, they come up with a reason to be alone with you and tell their boyfriends “what? I can have friends!” And then they are fvcking you and telling you how their boyfriends have been getting on their nerves lately.

The fact that there are so called experienced guys on this very thread acting like they don’t know this basic female seduction game is hilarious.

All women have the same game. You’ve been with enough women and you see the patterns as clear as the blue sky.

I’m not coming from the perspective of the relationship guy. I’m coming from the perspective of the guy women cheat with. And I can smell the potential cheating in this situation. I can smell it a mile away.

And sadly for the op, I haven’t been wrong since 1999.

If you have slept with hundreds of women who were taken then you have expertise in an area that I have never seen a dedicated thread about in my nearly 15 years here. Or if there was maybe I just didn’t read it because I generally don’t need to dig in that market for women as I where I live there are plenty of opportunities. But I know not all geographic areas have enough women who are single to go around. You should open a new thread and post some stuff about gaming taken women. Might get you some additional popularity around here. I particularly would like to know what is the worst thing that happened to you if you ever got caught? Did you ever get a good old fashion azz beating?

 

[logicallefty]

The mistake is you actually think I game these women. If you looked at all my posts, I’ve always said women are the real seducers. It’s literally in every thread I ever replied to.

My experience comes from women like your gf directly coming to me and seducing me.

I’m not saying they haven’t been posts about the subject. I’m saying I have never seen a dedicated thread about it, That I recall. I remember a time on this forum where if you talked about getting with another man’s woman, you were considered of bad integrity. I don’t know if that would be the case anymore though. Probably not.

 

[Spaz]

What’s most entertaining about this site in general, is that many men here (not all) are so full of double standards. Many men here chastise women, next or ghost them, for the exact same things that they themselves share they are doing on this site. Chatting up and reaching out to exs during “difficult times,” meeting up w exs back at their place “alone”, always keeping multiple women on the hook through social media. It’s simply laughable that some expect perfect behavior from a woman, but they themselves, can’t seem to live up to the very same standards they set for the woman they are fuking.

Don't be jealous of men.

We can even pee upright.

 

[guru1000]

What’s most entertaining about this site in general, is that many men here (not all) are so full of double standards. Many men here chastise women, next or ghost them, for the exact same things that they themselves share they are doing on this site. Chatting up and reaching out to exs during “difficult times,” meeting up w exs back at their place “alone”, always keeping multiple women on the hook through social media. It’s simply laughable that some expect perfect behavior from a woman, but they themselves, can’t seem to live up to the very same standards they set for the woman they are fuking.

You confuse egalitarian equals with complementary equals.

By your logic, men and women are equal in every way, like a lesbian couple. This reasoning has and will continue to poison your romantic relationships and the male/female polarity therein.

What you should focus on is HOW to be a complementary equal.

 

[Spaz]

Most of the time the woman is the one who initiates. Because again, women are the real seducers. They make it possible for sex to happen. It would of never happened if the woman wasn’t already fantasizing about it.

The average guy doesn’t leave his house and thinks to himself “today I’m going to seduce a taken woman.”

The average guy leaves his house with the intent to get laid.

Most of the time the woman tells him she’s single. And then eventually reveals she’s seeing someone AFTER the sex. But she also tells him “my bf is an a$$hole and I’m going to break up with him anyway.”

When I said I’ve been with so many women like this, this is what I meant. I have no intention of breaking up anything, and females have their own manipulation game going on where they are juggling multiple men.

This is how most women date in 2020. I’m just telling you how it is on the other side because women tell me these things.

I can't recall how many women ended up the next morning on my bed telling me of their ****ty boyfriend's or husband's.

But I do recall this, that I felt tricked by some of these conniving women, little do they let on in the beginning that they're taken, that even I, with all my experiences, still can't see through it all.

 

[guru1000]

Equality was not mentioned, nor did it have anything to do with the point. Expecting standards of behavior from anyone, that you, yourself, can’t/won’t/don’t know live up to, is living in dreamland and reeks really poor leadership skills. If you’re not of good character, live your life without honor and integrity, if seems ridiculous to expect others to behave with such traits in how they relate to you.

"Double standard" which you led with presupposes Egalitarian Equality, as if did not, then no "Double" could occur. This leaves the rest of your point moot as the Equality you seek is egalitarian, not complementary.

 

[flowtheory]

Firstly, this turned out to be quite the thread! Good read.

This part I quoted said more to me than the exchange. "push the envelope" and "caught her in a couple lies lately."

I noticed this most as well.

GF and I have been together for 18 x months now. Lately she has been going through some stuff in her personal life unrelated to me which I get. But she also thinks it gives her the rights to push the envelope with me. I've caught her in a couple lies lately and this morning I proved to her beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have limits and am willing to walk.

Bolded - she has been going through some things which are unrelated to you. But she believes this gives her the right to push the envelope with you.
Why would she create drama as opposed to seek refuge and support with you? Are you being distant from her? Does she not feel your presence? Is she entertaining other men as a way to engage you on some level?
You caught her in a couple of lies lately. Not just this one which started the post. But a couple. What has she been lying about?

You originally stated in the OP, this isn't so much about what happened, as it is - which you insinuated - about her character. This is about her character which has you asking the bigger questions and which drove you to suggest in your conversation to use a dread tactic of saying "open relationship" in order to see her position on your guys' relationship. So this denotes that you don't feel secure in your relationship (and for good reason if she is undermining the trust through means of lying).

So, to navigate swiftly through this dynamic of you and her, can you provide us with more context of what led to your guys' fight?
What has been happening in the past 1-2 months @logicallefty ?

Outlined in a later message, you say you have moved in together. Has this caused turbulence in some regard?

 

[logicallefty]

@flowtheory Im good for now. Not seeking any advice on the matter at this time. Will let you guys know when/if that time comes. Thanks for the concern.

 

[mikey2012]

If you have slept with hundreds of women who were taken then you have expertise in an area that I have never seen a dedicated thread about in my nearly 15 years here. Or if there was maybe I just didn’t read it because I generally don’t need to dig in that market for women as I where I live there are plenty of opportunities. But I know not all geographic areas have enough women who are single to go around. You should open a new thread and post some stuff about gaming taken women. Might get you some additional popularity around here. I particularly would like to know what is the worst thing that happened to you if you ever got caught? Did you ever get a good old fashion azz beating?

Come on man. Be honest , You are posting this and telling us this is the proper way to handle women who test your boundaries, In reality this is something that is bugging you and you wanted to poll our opinions on this situation.
No doubt you are experienced, however your situation is typical of all of us who have been in LTR. Sooner or later there is a breaking point and if we hang around too long, then your girlfriend or LTR FB will begin to pre branch swing. In my experience this happens around the 12-18 month mark.
The sun is setting on this relationship. What is your end game? Continuing living with her ? For how long ? Get married?
It's usually at this juncture if the couple is serious about one another they will move to the next level ie discuss marriage . How old is your girlfriend? It's either move up or out.
But for me continuing a LTR with someone who regularly entertains other guys is a no no. She should have said "I'm sorry that you broke up with your girlfriend". That's all.
Calling her out on behavior will only make her more secretive and you look weak. The biggest problem you have at the moment is that you live with her. You need space and so does she. The IL has gone down and she is expressing this by talking to other men. I hope it all works out for you but this is not a good situation.

 

[zekko]

Lol, this thread is a good reminder not to post any personal problems here. The posters will badger you without ceasing.

 

[logicallefty]

Lol, this thread is a good reminder not to post any personal problems here. The posters will badger you without ceasing.

For sure. Lesson learned here. lol

 

[lamath]

Lol, this thread is a good reminder not to post any personal problems here. The posters will badger you without ceasing.

Sadly it seems some ppl cant give their opinion without a you are doing it wrong you must be beta/afc .

 

[zinc4]

Lmao.

GF and I have been together for 18 x months now. Lately she has been going through some stuff in her personal life unrelated to me which I get. But she also thinks it gives her the rights to push the envelope with me. I've caught her in a couple lies lately and this morning I proved to her beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have limits and am willing to walk.

This morning I caught her chatting with a guy on FB who she told me a while back she didn't talk to anymore. The guy isn't so much the issue, it was the lie that frosted me. So the convo went like this:

(I saw his name on her phone, and she knew I saw it)
LL: Oh what you doing over there?
GF: Just talking to Bob Smith, he just went through a really bad breakup and his GF really kicked him hard
LL: Oh yeah, women will do that.. Hmm. I think I remember you talking about him, you met him at a bar before you were with me, correct?
GF: yeah, we are just friends
LL: I may be mistaken and I apologize if I am, but didn't you tell me at one time you didn't talk to him anymore??
GF: I am not doing anything with him, you always get so jealous!!
LL: But you did tell me you no longer talked to him though right?
GF: Yeah but we are not doing anything
LL: Oh I didn't say you were. And i'm not jealous at all. In fact, if you would like to go out with him tonight I would be willing to do an open relationship with you so you can.
GF: WTF is that supposed to mean!!!!!
LL: I means I caught you in a lie and am giving you the opportunity to not get caught in another one. Want to go out with him, go ahead. Just let me know. We can do the open thing if that works better for you.
GF: WTF so you can go out with other women??!!!!!
LL: Well yeah, duhh, that's what an open relationship is.

She went in the other room, started crying, slaming doors. Not happy..

Any questions on if I am willing to walk and not put up with her collective female BS behavior?????? No, not from her.

Lmao....typical low quality attention ***** logic....first accuses you of being too jealous despite you having a normal and healthy sane reaction vibe to her talking to another man then goes ape**** when you switch the tables on her.....

Just dealt with a biatch like this man....dump her.