"Love triangle" at work. LJBF. Trying to kill my betta behavior.

[carlitos_91]

Hi guys, 10x for accepting me. Met up a girl at work (yep, 1st mistake, probably). She: just starting at the office, 19 YO, looks - 7. She just lost 18 kilograms (40 pounds) - and now she is starting to get real attention from guys. Me - 28 YO, team lead, for sure the alpha at the office (not so hard - 10 girls and 3 boys), looking good , working out.

At first, I’ve ignored her. She got off her way to start communicating with me. Flirtatious from day 1. I was dating 2 other girls, 9 and 8 and I was taking my time with this one at the office.

First date - she gave me all the signs she wants to meet me after work. I did my move. Went out. I was not sure if I like her or if we going to vibe. But we did vibe, easy to talk to and we flirted a lot. I started to like her.

Second date - she was initiating contact more and more on and off work. After our first date, a co-worker told me that another guy at work was trying to make moves on her too. He is younger than me - 23. My mindset was: “Good, this guy will **** up soon and drag her even more into me”. I was right. He made a move and she friend-zoned him. She became even more into me now. When I got into the office she was following my every move.

I’ve suggested that we should go out again + have wine at my place. She was into it. We went out, BUT I decided not to go for the kiss or taking her home for s*x (2nd mistake :XX). Why - I was going to meet the other girl (9) the next day and wanted to explore my options with her before I make my decision. At the end of the day, we are co-workers, so I was not so sure yet, even though I’ve suggested the wine thing. The date went really good again, flirting and so on, but maybe she was not OK that I’ve changed the plan and we didn’t go for the wine at the end.

Third date - not initiated by any of us. At the office, I’ve suggested we should go shopping and donate to children in need. She has a car and initiated helping me. Meanwhile, the guy at the office who was friend-zoned by her made another moove and was turned down again. So I thought the mistake I made (not kissing/ f**ing her) was not so major.

I met the 9 the day before and it was boring as **** with her . I knew that if I don’t do anything with the girl at work now, I am going to be game over with her. The first thing I did when we hopped in the car was to kiss her. All night kissing, hugging and holding hands. She even started making some plans together. At the end of the date, I knew the s*x was not going to happen tonight, because after a couple of hours she was going to hit the road with her parents for vacation and they were waiting for her. I’ve kissed her, she asked when we gonna “drink wine” and I said - “as soon as you come back”.

Until now I’ve explored my options with all the girls I was dating and made move with the one I liked the most. But now…...

When she came back - I’ve suggested we should do for the wine the next night. Her reaction: “Sorry, I don’t do this kind of things”. I tried to act cool about it and said something like: “You are saying me you quit drinking. ” She replied with a really serious tone: “Let’s have that conversation some other time”. I let it go and acted as nothing happened and just initiated the next date - she was in. 2 days before the date we went to take a coffee while at work (we do that from time to time). She was really flirtatious again!!! So I’ve tried to kiss her but she said not to do it. Then the LJBF speech followed. Somehow I sensed it was going to happen. Of course, I said to her that I am out and have enough friends. She said it was not fair to turn her friendship invitation down (blah-blah). Next couple of days she acted really, really angry at the office and looking at me like I’ve killed her pet. I was really pissed off too. Now I am in NC and kind of ignoring her.

After 2 weeks off for Christmas - Now I am acting again happy and detached. She seems like she doesn’t care at all. But now she started talking and meeting the other guy at the office she friend-zoned twice.

Guys, I want to kill my beta behavior. I have a lot to learn, I know I have alpha potential.

I have some questions for you:
1) What I could have done better?
2) Why the f**k the friend-zoned twice guy is still in the picture, what do you think?
3) I, the girl and 4 more co-workers are going to an art event at the end of the month. I will be going for sure since I don’t want to leave the impression that she has a hold on me. But how to act? Remember at work we are ignoring each other.
4) She will invite the whole office to her B-Day party next, month. But I will turn it down. Not her friend.

Any advice appreciated.

P.S - English is not my native language.

 

[Glassguy]

Not really sure where to start here because you did so many things wrong. But welcome to the forum. Let me break a few things down for you:

#1 You're not the "alpha" of anything. I can prove that. #2 there is no way you should have to be depressed and "get over" someone after 3 dates. #3 None of your dates were set up logistically for sex to happen. So guess what? You never nailed her and she friendzoned you.

Thats it in a nutshell. You need more options, not focusing on one woman.

for sure the alpha at the office (not so hard - 10 girls and 3 boys), looking good , working out.

Alpha has more about mindset and frame than if you are looking good. Lots of betas look good and the chicks friendzone them because they are not a man and taking what they want in life.

I started to like her.

You started to LIKE her after 1 date? You dont even know her. What is there to like? Very beta. You didnt even kiss her?

I’ve suggested that we should go out again + have wine at my place. She was into it. We went out, BUT I decided not to go for the kiss or taking her home for s*x

This is where you blew it. All you had to do was have her come over for wine. She just wanted to smash. But you (beta) had to take her out? You should have just spent $10 on wine (or even better- told HER to bring the wine) and smashed her guts out. Afterwards, ignore her some more. Then invite her over and smash again. Wash, rinse and repeat. Major beta move.

Third date - not initiated by any of us. At the office, I’ve suggested we should go shopping and donate to children in need.

This is not a date dude. This is something that friends do......not 2 people wanting to fvck each other's brains out. Thus, you are now her friend and not smashing her.

After 2 weeks off for Christmas - Now I am acting again happy and detached. She seems like she doesn’t care at all. But now she started talking and meeting the other guy at the office she friend-zoned twice.

She doesnt care. And you were way too invested in this chick. One of the reasons she doesnt care. Your coworker probably got the hint and started escalating with her when he got another chance. He is probably greasing her box on a daily basis now.

I have some questions for you:
1) What I could have done better?
2) Why the f**k the friend-zoned twice guy is still in the picture, what do you think?
3) I, the girl and 4 more co-workers are going to an art event at the end of the month. I will be going for sure since I don’t want to leave the impression that she has a hold on me. But how to act? Remember at work we are ignoring each other.
4) She will invite the whole office to her B-Day party next, month. But I will turn it down. Not her friend.

To answer your questions:

1.) I already listed them
2.) Why do you care?
3.) Act naturally. You shouldnt care about her.
4.) But you ARE her friend. You put yourself there.

Listen- most of us have made some of these same mistakes in the past. Probably never to this degree but you need to stick around here because you have so much to learn.
Your first order of business should be to find 2 attractive women and start smashing them. Take one of them to the bday party. After all, she is just your friend now.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You must not appreciate your job because you are risking being fired over some stupid chick.

 

[carlitos_91]

Not really sure where to start here because you did so many things wrong. But welcome to the forum. Let me break a few things down for you:

#1 You're not the "alpha" of anything. I can prove that. #2 there is no way you should have to be depressed and "get over" someone after 3 dates. #3 None of your dates were set up logistically for sex to happen. So guess what? You never nailed her and she friendzoned you.

Thats it in a nutshell. You need more options, not focusing on one woman.


Alpha has more about mindset and frame than if you are looking good. Lots of betas look good and the chicks friendzone them because they are not a man and taking what they want in life.


You started to LIKE her after 1 date? You dont even know her. What is there to like? Very beta. You didnt even kiss her?


This is where you blew it. All you had to do was have her come over for wine. She just wanted to smash. But you (beta) had to take her out? You should have just spent $10 on wine (or even better- told HER to bring the wine) and smashed her guts out. Afterwards, ignore her some more. Then invite her over and smash again. Wash, rinse and repeat. Major beta move.


This is not a date dude. This is something that friends do......not 2 people wanting to fvck each other's brains out. Thus, you are now her friend and not smashing her.


She doesnt care. And you were way too invested in this chick. One of the reasons she doesnt care. Your coworker probably got the hint and started escalating with her when he got another chance. He is probably greasing her box on a daily basis now.



To answer your questions:

1.) I already listed them
2.) Why do you care?
3.) Act naturally. You shouldnt care about her.
4.) But you ARE her friend. You put yourself there.

Listen- most of us have made some of these same mistakes in the past. Probably never to this degree but you need to stick around here because you have so much to learn.
Your first order of business should be to find 2 attractive women and start smashing them. Take one of them to the bday party. After all, she is just your friend now.

Man, I appreciate your answer. I see your point and I agree with you, 100%.

I blew it big time after I didn't smash her when she was in. After that, I think I tried to compensate, to make up for the mistake and the missed opportunity so I blew it.

But all these details do not matter, because as you say I have a bigger problem. I just need to kill that beta in me. I want to live a life in abundance, with integrity and to be proud by myself. Not humiliate like that.

How I can turn it around? Not with this particular situation of course. I want to turn it around for me and forever. What do you think I should be focusing on, in your opinion?

You mentioned: stick around the forum - will do that. Find 2 attractive women to smash. I am dating two 8s next few weeks (new ones, never dated them before) will see what is going to happen. I do have a sexmate - a girl I bang (maybe 5 on looks hahaha) when I want - I will keep that one.

I have on my list:
- get red-pilled (in the process from a couple of days)
- read Rollo Tomassi's book
- take action improving social circle, finance, fitness

If you have something more to add, please!! I know there is no shortcut, but if you have some more guidance and resources, please share.

Once again. 10x for your time!!

 

[carlitos_91]

You must not appreciate your job because you are risking being fired over some stupid chick.

Naah man, that never happened in the entire history of my country and never will :XX

My concern here is not getting fired. I can find another job just like that + I can support myself without that job. My concern is - I need to take action and improve.

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

To me, it just sounds like you didn't make a legit move on her fast enough and she lost interest, at least she wants to be your friend! Lol

For the future, make a move, if you are hanging out with a girl you need to lead it to sex, who cares if it happens or not at least she knows your intentions and you had some balls.

 

[Killakittie]

Don't date women at work. HR could have a field day with you if this girl decides your sexually harassing her.

 

[carlitos_91]

Don't date women at work. HR could have a field day with you if this girl decides your sexually harassing her.

I am not in USA, man. This has never happened in my country and most probably never will. It is just like that here.

 

[17 shots]

Her saying LJBF was a either a test to see if you only cared about having sex with her(which you failed)...or you were over pursuing her and saying and doing things that made her believe you only wanted her and had no options

 

[carlitos_91]

Her saying LJBF was a either a test to see if you only cared about having sex with her(which you failed)...or you were over pursuing her and saying and doing things that made her believe you only wanted her and had no options

She knew I had options for sure. I was not hiding that.
If a girl says to me LJBF, for any reason I never agree and just leave. Even if it is a test. Isn't that the right tactic to LJBF?

For me it is.....

 

[Bible_Belt]

If it helps with your perspective, if she is fat at age 18 and 19, even if she lost a little weight recently, she is almost certainly going to gain it back and a lot more.

 

[carlitos_91]

If it helps with your perspective, if she is fat at age 18 and 19, even if she lost a little weight recently, she is almost certainly going to gain it back and a lot more.

Ahahhahaha good one. Hahaha

I hope no. She is a good girl.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Naah man, that never happened in the entire history of my country and never will :XX

My concern here is not getting fired. I can find another job just like that + I can support myself without that job. My concern is - I need to take action and improve.

Must not be in the US then haha

 

[17 shots]

She knew I had options for sure. I was not hiding that.
If a girl says to me LJBF, for any reason I never agree and just leave. Even if it is a test. Isn't that the right tactic to LJBF?

For me it is.....

It depends on the circumstances, I've had women say that and I still ended up having sex with them later. In your case, I would have just ignored it, because you've been making progress with her. You can be friends and still have sex. Friends is what you guys already were anyways

 

[carlitos_91]

It depends on the circumstances, I've had women say that and I still ended up having sex with them later. In your case, I would have just ignored it, because you've been making progress with her. You can be friends and still have sex. Friends is what you guys already were anyways

See your point, but as in the first reply on my post it was mentioned - I am not so ahead at the game and at the end of the day I would not be able to handle the situation after LJBF speech. I lost control of myself and the situation way before that and for such a beginner like me, it is only downhill from there. I shouldn't have made my "life hard" instead I should have just f**** her when the option was on the table. Now the only option for me is maintaining the NC, because I insisted on it. Starting from zero and acting just like a friend doesn't sound congruent in my current situation. Next her and learn the lessons..... Your opinion?

 

[MrWood]

in my experience, you ask her to the house and she accepts... you need to put the moves on her.

its why she came, she knows whats up (a seduction at minimum) and its up to her to either play along or LJBF you.

note: of the last 20 different women to my place, only 3 didnt lead to sex

 

[carlitos_91]

Grateful for the replies here. This forum is gold!

I have shared the situation with a friend of mine. His reaction was: "You ware dating 3 girls at a time?! Why would you do that?" I was like: wtf maan. Need that social circle change. :XX

 

[soulforge]

The Moral of the story is... Always aim to FURK the girl.. I swear by it lol

 

[soulforge]

I went on a date with a chick last weekend, within a couple of hours and a few drinks, I was banging her stupid in my living room.

Not sure why dudes hang around.. You need to be a savage!

Just take that puzzy!

 

[carlitos_91]

in my experience, you ask her to the house and she accepts... you need to put the moves on her.

its why she came, she knows whats up (a seduction at minimum) and its up to her to either play along or LJBF you.

note: of the last 20 different women to my place, only 3 didnt lead to sex

I know man. :XX My statistic is 3 of 3 for the last couple of months Not good, not terrible.

In this situation, I was indecisive and basically acting like the women. :XX And at the end of that date I felt really off man, because I wanted to go for the kiss and have sex with her, but I hold it... Why - waiting to see what is going to happen with the 9 the next day. I should learn to spin plates. My mistake has nothing to do with the girl. It is all on me. Will never do that kind of BETA moove again in my life!!!

10x man.