So the lesson was you might have high esteem and a high sense of security. You shouldn't spend a lot of time around those who are not reciprocating or showing you the appropriate worth.
Someone with high esteem wouldn’t entertain those who are pulling them down. Like attracts like, generally. and it’s more about value.
if someone who has a high sense of self worth and value spends time with those who don’t reciprocate or show equal value, by virtue of being in that, he devalues him/herself. It’s like speaking and having someone not listen to a word you’re saying. The more you talk, the more you devalue what you say. It’s up to the individual to know what is giving him value or where he adds value. This ties in to esteem and self value.
the reason why men or women ‘crumble’ or hurt deeply after the conclusion to a relationship is because they invested their sense of self in to what was ’the relationship’. in ways they were dependent. they wrapped themselves to tight around something that is in essence quite abstract. They fall because they were leaning on another for their validation throughout. Within relationship is a need. Because you actually need another to have a relationship. This is where everyone runs in to problems. “Do I show I don’t need them much?” “Do I show I need them too much?”
While it’s natural to miss another, or feel deep loss after they are gone, one shouldn’t lose ones identity (which is usually the case in truckloads).
My self esteem can’t be built around another person. They can’t be the validation I seek. It has to be an intrinsic ecosystem of self validation and . Otherwise basic tactics will run my life her slights or disapproval’s or even approvals.
Then if that validation is no longer present, how do I operate?
This is why one should only do things they TRULY want to; because these micro decisions shape ones identity and patterns within how they go through life. But many times people will do things because their significant other wants them to do that. Multiply these micro agreeances by many and after two years you have someone who is a stranger in their own body operating out of a need to make their person happy. You know the motto “happy wife happy life”.
Needy men are the result of someone who cannot lead their own self. And this is usually tied to the idea of self esteem which is being discussed.
So how do you guys get over this with women?
Realize that it’s your ego at work. That it is fragile. That you do reject emotional rejection. By attempting to get her back after a rejection or loss, you are motivated to
prove your worth so you would maybe win the affections again.
