Girlfriend started on annoying shyt tests.

[rart]

I'm 43 is dating a woman 42 a bit less than a year. No major red flags so far, but she started doing this annoying shyt test. She would start a minor fight and then shut down. I just leave her alone. Then she comes back and says why didn't you go after me?! I just respond, i thought you wanted space so I gave it you. She would say that she didn't really needed space but wanted for me to calm her down.

Or the other times she would say ok i'm leaving. And I would respond ok i'll give you a ride home. She would then get upset that I offered her the ride home because what she really wanted for me was to ask her to stay.

These are not very frequent, there has been just two episodes like that so far.

What do you guys think?

 

[AttackFormation]

What do you guys think?

The key is to not let her mental/emotional twists and turns change your mind. What she is really testing, whether she is aware of it or not, is whether she can control you. React how YOU want to react, not what will be the "right move" to placate her. What she most wants is proof that she cannot control you, and to feel like she is put in her place. Women want men they can't control, and despise men they can control.

Personally I would just embrace the drama and playfight back with her, then rough her up a bit sexually. She wants to be pacified by a strong man. Grab her, turn her around, and spank her fvcking @ss. Then push her up against the wall and talk to her about how c0cky she is and how she knows she is misbehaving. "Oh yeah, what are you gonna do daddy?". Put her in her place where she wants to be. I enjoy heat-filled playfights. Sigh.... I kinda miss my ex.

 

[jaymbrs]

She's ****ing nuts. The fact that she essentially admitted to **** testing is enough for me to walk away from this. I have no time for it.

And agreed with the above poster. Whether or not you're passing theses "**** tests" is irrelevant. She wants to control you, and will continue to try until one of you dies.

 

[AttackFormation]

She's ****ing nuts. The fact that she essentially admitted to **** testing is enough for me to walk away from this. I have no time for it.

And agreed with the above poster. Whether or not you're passing theses "**** tests" is irrelevant. She wants to control you, and will continue to try until one of you dies.

She doesn't want to control him... she wants him to show that she can't control him. She wants him to show her that he is a strong man who will put her in her place as he sees fit. She wants to feel his masculinity. She is not necessarily being malicious, just has a high need to feel that he will handle her and is dominant. It's an opportunity to let his passion out.

 

[rart]

She does not realize that she is being unreasonable and I don't want and cannot show to her how unreasonable she is (no woman is capable of detecting their own failure of reason). I think AF's insights are spot on

 

[jaymbrs]

She doesn't want to control him... she wants him to show that she can't control him. She wants him to show her that he is a strong man who will put her in her place as he sees fit. She wants to feel his masculinity. She is not necessarily being malicious, just has a high need to feel that he will handle her and is dominant. It's an opportunity to let his passion out.

You don't know for sure what she's trying to do. My point is there's something fundamentally wrong with her. Not all women act like this.

 

[AttackFormation]

She does not realize that she is being unreasonable and I don't want and cannot prove her anything. I think AF's insights are spot on

Embrace these acts for what they are... a submissive woman crying out for you to be the man she needs in the way she knows to communicate it. Any guy who comes into this thread and says that she should be cut off for this, doesn't understand what she is really communicating.

You don't know for sure what she's trying to do. My point is there's something fundamentally wrong with her. Not all women act like this.

I don't, but I have a good guess. I don't think there is necessarily something wrong with her. She is just expressing that she wants him to put her in her place as he sees fit. She wants to feel his masculinity, so she can respect him.

 

[rart]

Otherwise she is very feminine and submissive, wanting to please me

 

[AttackFormation]

Otherwise she is very feminine and submissive, wanting to please me

Yep there you go, as I suspected.

She needs to feel your masculine polarity to feel at ease as a woman... spank her, choke her, rough her up, tell her what to do, tell her NO, playfight with her, grab her by her collar/shirt, start dry fvcking her spontaneously after you push her up against the wall when she doesn't expect it to shut her up or just at any time, tell her you know she needs to be put in her place and how you know this is what she wants/needs, tell her you are in charge, be as firm with her as a piece of stainless steel... she NEEDS TO FEEL your masculinity pacifying her. She has a high need for it.

 

[Epic Days]

I'm 43 is dating a woman 42 a bit less than a year. No major red flags so far, but she started doing this annoying shyt test. She would start a minor fight and then shut down. I just leave her alone. Then she comes back and says why didn't you go after me?! I just respond, i thought you wanted space so I gave it you. She would say that she didn't really needed space but wanted for me to calm her down.

Or the other times she would say ok i'm leaving. And I would respond ok i'll give you a ride home. She would then get upset that I offered her the ride home because what she really wanted for me was to ask her to stay.

These are not very frequent, there has been just two episodes like that so far.

What do you guys think?

More normal than you think. Here, conjure this up in your head...

A woman say...”tack, hack, yack” and then pulls the “becoming quiet” or “I think I want to leave now”

The silly boyfriend or guy she’s seeing, can’t hardly stand it and then supplicates. He is afraid she will dump him or whatever.

She knows, the second he does this...she now owns him and is now in charge. Ever hear a woman say...”I’m in charge because I’m in charge of the pvssy?” You dump that bytch in an instant until she can apologize and follow it up with a really nice svck to prove it.

I have personally done this more than once.

 

[Kotaix]

I'm 43 is dating a woman 42 a bit less than a year. No major red flags so far, but she started doing this annoying shyt test. She would start a minor fight and then shut down. I just leave her alone. Then she comes back and says why didn't you go after me?! I just respond, i thought you wanted space so I gave it you. She would say that she didn't really needed space but wanted for me to calm her down.

Or the other times she would say ok i'm leaving. And I would respond ok i'll give you a ride home. She would then get upset that I offered her the ride home because what she really wanted for me was to ask her to stay.

These are not very frequent, there has been just two episodes like that so far.

What do you guys think?

My mom has told me multiple times how she married my dad because she told him to leave and he left instead of grovelling like all other guys had before. They've been happily married for 40 years now and his word is still law, although he rarely needs to assert himself.

You're doing the correct thing by leaving her alone. She says she wanted you to talk to her and calm her down, but we all know exactly how well it goes when you tell a woman to "calm down". Keep doing what you're doing and teach her a lesson, but don't give her a ride home, just let her leave.

 

[AttackFormation]

My mom has told me multiple times how she married my dad because she told him to leave and he left instead of grovelling like all other guys had before. They've been happily married for 40 years now and his word is still law, although he rarely needs to assert himself.

You're doing the correct thing by leaving her alone. She says she wanted you to talk to her and calm her down, but we all know exactly how well it goes when you tell a woman to "calm down". Keep doing what you're doing and teach her a lesson, but don't give her a ride home, just let her leave.

Yup... if she senses that he is trying to please her, her respect will go out the window.

I think either approach works. He can withdraw his time and attention, or he can agree and amplify the drama and just cut through it by making her submit physically. Both approaches show he puts his spine first and her second, which is the point.

 

[MrWood]

I have had the exact same thing happen as OP.
I reacted the same.
She reacted the same.

got yelled at for not caring because I didnt put a blanket on her when she fell asleep at 8pm, it was 75f in the room.

We are not mothers, we are men.

 

[flowtheory]

I have had the exact same thing happen as OP.
I reacted the same.
She reacted the same.

got yelled at for not caring because I didnt put a blanket on her when she fell asleep at 8pm, it was 75f in the room.

We are not mothers, we are men.

Hahahah that’s actually funny

Personally I would just embrace the drama and playfight back with her

When you say play fight you mean sarcastic fighting, correct?

 

[zekko]

Or the other times she would say ok i'm leaving. And I would respond ok i'll give you a ride home. She would then get upset that I offered her the ride home because what she really wanted for me was to ask her to stay.

I don't think this is a sh!t test, this is a foreshadowing.

 

[ubercat]

Yeah just frame it in your needs. Her- why didn't you come after me. You - I thought we needed some space.

Her - ok I'm leaving. You - sure babe take care. And then get busy with something else.

It's doesn't matter if it's a s*** test or her beginning to pull the pin. Either way you don't want to be controlled.

and most guys date at least 5 years younger so she really shouldn't be throwing her weight around. probably part of the problem starting to hit the wall and feels her powers waning.

Yet another reason every man should have a shed with a lockable door.

 

[AttackFormation]

When you say play fight you mean sarcastic fighting, correct?

For example when she comes back and says "why didn't you come after me?!" I'd do something like pretend to be shocked and say "have I not come after you?! OMG!! what about my feelings??! maybe I can't do it because you never care about me" and pout. Then you keep messing with her and start grinning. I make it so theatric and exaggerated that there's no way she could take it too seriously, which is the point. Agree & amplify her drama and turn it back on her, hahaha.

 

[lamath]

I think those are good spot to show her you are willing to walk if she keep up with the non-sense.

I would tell her -Wtf you expect me to read your mind and know what you want, stop acting like a kid......im not a babysitter i wont endure those tantrum.

 

[flowtheory]

I’ve actually found women who do these types of tests actually have a very strong desire for the person they are with. And instead of channeling those emotions to something positive (that which is logical and what a man would do) they create excitement and uncertainty (drama; that how the feminine operates).

this is why men get upset and bent out of shape. If a man isn’t understanding the nothing fights she creates, he isn’t understanding the world of polarization or spontaneity. Which is fine, but it will just drain him. And he won’t be able to create humour from a situation like Attack said with play fighting.
@AttackFormation seems correct in that it’s also about control. She’s trying to control him through her uncontrollable emotions. By her being totally vulnerable to her emotions it means she is open to possible hurt or being left. She seeks temporary frame control.

Creating drama is also a proper gauge to see if he man still cares enough about her to fight with her. If she’s not receiving his positive presence, she will obtain his presence through the means of negative (drama). In the end presence is what she ultimately craves. Couple this with the fact that she is usually feminine and enjoyable to be around most other times.. it’s probably nothing to worry about.

 

[AttackFormation]

@AttackFormation seems correct in that it’s also about control. She’s trying to control him through her uncontrollable emotions.

I wouldn't put it that way, I don't think she is "trying" to control him. I think she is just acting naturally. The point is that he shouldn't let her behavior control him, whether she actually calculates it or not, as it would cause her to lose respect.

And after this:

For example when she comes back and says "why didn't you come after me?!" I'd do something like pretend to be shocked and say "have I not come after you?! OMG!! what about my feelings??! maybe I can't do it because you never care about me" and pout. Then you keep messing with her and start grinning. I make it so theatric and exaggerated that there's no way she could take it too seriously, which is the point. Agree & amplify her drama and turn it back on her, hahaha.

Eventually you can feel her calming down a bit and wanting to be reassured, and that's when you tone it down and start getting physical with her. Start hugging, caressing and kissing her. Then she might say something like "I hate you", and there you go.

Fvck, I'm a master at this shyt.... I miss doing this shyt with my ex.