Exhausted dealing with crazy ex that I work with

[dealkillsteal]

Hello

long time lurker first time poster looking for opinions and suggestions on this nightmare situation I’ve gotten myself into.

dated a girl I work with. We only dated for 3 months before I dumped her because her behavior was getting so bizarre. I won’t go into all the details but it included stuff like her yelling herself horse at me for minor things, hitting herself in the face, storming out of my apartment when she was mad and expecting me to chase after her, always mentioning other guys, etc. so I finally dumped her.

it’s been 11 months now and what I’ve had to put up with with this woman has been hell. She’s vandalized my car several times. She moved to my neighborhood. When I dated her she lived 40 minutes away and now she’s 5 minutes down the street. She’ll come to my department at work and stare at me. She flirts with other guys at work and rubs it in my face trying to get a reaction out of me. Occasionally she’ll follow me home from work. About a month ago it happened on the weekend. I’m going to get my hair cut on Saturday and look in my rear view mirror and she’s behind me. A few weeks ago I go to a cvs in my neighborhood to get some floss. I park on a residential side street. As I get back to my car right as I’m about to start my car I see a jogger running up the side walk next to me and sure enough its her. This was at night and no one else was around. It honestly sent a chill down my spine.

I’ve been to management about this and they’ve spoken with her. She even admitted to them that she put something on my car and hits herself in the face as a defense mechanism but they didn’t fire her. They did tell her to stop coming to my department during the day but she still does it. It’s like she’s not afraid of getting into trouble. One day I caught her staring at me but it wasn’t a normal stare. The only way I can describe it was like the same look Hannibal lector gave Clarice when she was telling him about the lambs. Her head was titled down and she was giving me this cold gaze. It felt like an animal was looking at me.

I’ve tried to get her to mess up and do something stupid at work. For example, I made a fake gmail account and sent it to her private gmail account. I basically lit her up. Called her every name in the book. The next day at work she shows up and gives me this perverse, evil “I got you” smile. She went to management about it and they asked me if I sent it. I just said no as they would have no way of proving it. Turns out she filed a police report over it.

Even though I know she’s dating other guys, she won’t leave me alone. It’s like she’s going out of her way to try and mess my head up. I don’t think it has anything to do with her wanting me back as much as it is her trying to get revenge on me. It hasn’t stopped either. Just a week ago she saw me walking back from lunch with another woman I work with. I didn’t even have lunch with her I was just walking back with her because we bumped into each other walking back from lunch. Well the next day I wake up to a half eaten sandwich with the wrapper under it just sitting on the hood of my car. The other times I’ve had my car vandalized it’s happened at work. But this was different. I think this woman actually got into my apartment complex and did this.

I am looking for another job but it’ll take a bit of time just because I’m making good money at this job I’m currently at and need to find another job that can match the salary. But I’m worried that if I do get another job, her behavior will escalate because there will no longer be the buffer of her and I working at the same Company. I feel like all bets will be off at that point.

I’ve been to the police about this and they told me unless I’m physically assaulted, they can’t do anything.

Needless to say I hate this bltch at this point and just want her to go away but I have a feeling she is going to try and ruin my life somehow. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I can’t even go out into my neighborhood anymore because she seems to always be around. Just the other day I took a walk after work to blow off some steam and sure enough half way through my walk I see her drive past me. It’s like she’s always in the background. It’d be one thing If I just had to deal with this at work but knowing she’s lurking about in my neighborhood is very unsettling. I have no peace of mind anymore.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard.

Seeing as though I've been stalked (knowingly at least) four a times and had my car keyed once, I know this is not fun.

Because she has admitted a few things to your HR person, this will at least (despite them doing nothing) provide some documentation -should this escalate to anything further.

Seeing as though you two work in the same building, I'm not sure how a restraining order would work, but it's something to think about.
Also, since you are looking for other employment options... here's a way to leave on a high-note. Have the restraining order sent to ya'lls place of employment (on your last day).

I had to issue a restraining order to the gal that keyed my car. It worked.

 

[dealkillsteal]

@BWV
The fact that my company hasn’t fired her really pisses me off. If I had done even a 10th of the things she’s done to me to her I would have been fired a long time ago. The act she puts on at work is truly sickening. It’s like she’s two completely different people.

also the fact that I’m a guy it feels like no one cares. Non management people at work that know about it think it’s funny. It’s not. I’ve had to protect my image at work so I try to downplay how badly it’s effected me. I never in my life thought having some woman stalk me would bother me like this but it has. I’m constantly anxious and on guard. I’ve lost sleep over this bull****.

 

[AttackFormation]

I read the opening of your post. This woman is cluster B, if you have not heard the term before - you could read/listen up on that and identify her traits. I am going to bed for now so more comments might come later.

 

[Black Widow Void]

If you are ever worried that she might hit herself and attempt to blame you, it's time to protect your image. .
They make these stealth camera pens that look like a regular writing pen, but have a movie and audio camera built within.
In my state, recording a conversation or filming is legal and will hold up in court ... as long as one of the parties has consented.

 

[dealkillsteal]

If you are ever worried that she might hit herself and attempt to blame you, it's time to protect your image. .
They make these stealth camera pens that look like a regular writing pen, but have a movie and audio camera built within.
In my state, recording a conversation or filming is legal and will hold up in court ... as long as one of the parties has consented.

That’s what scares me about her being in my neighborhood now. I feel like she’s strategically put herself in close proximity to me so that a false rape/assault charge would be more believable. It’s honestly why I’m afraid to go out anymore.

 

[dealkillsteal]

Hopefull she loses interest and finds another sucker/victim soon

I know for a fact she’s been seeing other guys which is why I’m worried she would still be bothering me.

 

[Billtx49]

I know for a fact she’s been seeing other guys which is why I’m worried she would still be bothering me.

Cluster B’s often have more than one man in rotation, but your main concern should be that she’s physical which indicates she’s most likely of the low functioning variety which isn’t good any way you look at it…

 

[dealkillsteal]

Cluster B’s often have more than one man in rotation, but your main concern should be that she’s physical which indicates she’s most likely of the low functioning variety which isn’t good any way you look at it…

That’s the thing is she’s held this job now for 2 years. She’s professional enough at work. But I do know she’s violent. The second thing she did to my car showed me that as well as when she hit herself in the face that one night. Also, after I dumped her I noticed there was broken stuff in my apartment. My 2nd bedroom door has a chip in it almost like someone hit it hard or chipped away at it with something sharp. My bedroom window seal has 8-9 small chunks missing in it. Again like someone took something sharp and stabbed at it. In the 3 months I dated her she was the only person I had at my place other than my good friend who comes over regularly and I trust would never do that. So it had to be her.

Thats what confuses me as to how someone so unstable has been able to hold a job down. It’s like she’s intelligent enough to put an act on during the day but is a complete psycho behind closed doors. It is like that woman in fatal attraction. Totally.

 

[thinker]

I don't know how you thought the email idea was a good one. You already spoke with management therefor they know something is up, by doing the email trick even if she can't prove it was you it is within the realm of possibilities. That was a really dumb move. Like others have said document everything and try to get a restraining order, move from your residence ASAP. Go back to management and get a lawyer involved, this might make things uncomfortable at work but think about how uncomfortable you will be if she sets you up with rape or assault charges. Try and ignore her as much as you can and get on with all that you have been advised with here don't wast any time.

 

[Billtx49]

That’s the thing is she’s held this job now for 2 years. She’s professional enough at work. But I do know she’s violent. The second thing she did to my car showed me that as well as when she hit herself in the face that one night. Also, after I dumped her I noticed there was broken stuff in my apartment. My 2nd bedroom door has a chip in it almost like someone hit it hard or chipped away at it with something sharp. My bedroom window seal has 8-9 small chunks missing in it. Again like someone took something sharp and stabbed at it. In the 3 months I dated her she was the only person I had at my place other than my good friend who comes over regularly and I trust would never do that. So it had to be her.

Thats what confuses me as to how someone so unstable has been able to hold a job down. It’s like she’s intelligent enough to put an act on during the day but is a complete psycho behind closed doors. It is like that woman in fatal attraction. Totally.

It’s an Emotional disorder. These women can be very effective in a work environment.
Keep in mind though that these low functioning physical types have used knives and guns on men before…

 

[dealkillsteal]

It’s an Emotional disorder. These women can be very effective in a work environment.
Keep in mind though that these low functioning physical types have used knives and guns on men before…

yeah I hear you. She’s got pics on her instagram from like 3-4 years ago where she’s holding a handgun. I know she’s got several people in her family that are military.

that Saturday I got my haircut when she followed me had an intensity to it. She followed me through a few lights. At the next read I was in a right hand turn lane. When it hit green I quickly cut into the left lane and heard a horn honk behind me and I look into my rear view mirror and it looked like she tried to follow me but instead turned right at got honked on.

The way the sun was hitting the front glass of her car it was hard to see inside but I saw she had a ballcap and sunglasses on.

 

[Billtx49]

Yep, she was BB incognito.

 

[dealkillsteal]

Yep, she was BB incognito.

Yeah. Again it’s like she’s intelligent but also stupid. Did the bltch really think I wouldn’t recognize her car?

 

[dealkillsteal]

I don't know how you thought the email idea was a good one. You already spoke with management therefor they know something is up, by doing the email trick even if she can't prove it was you it is within the realm of possibilities. That was a really dumb move. Like others have said document everything and try to get a restraining order, move from your residence ASAP. Go back to management and get a lawyer involved, this might make things uncomfortable at work but think about how uncomfortable you will be if she sets you up with rape or assault charges. Try and ignore her as much as you can and get on with all that you have been advised with here don't wast any time.

You’re right I don’t really know what I was thinking by doing that. My mind was so fried I wasn’t thinking straight.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

and yet another cautionary tale for dating co workers.
Coincidently my dating a co worker relationship nightmare lasted 3 months too.

 

[dealkillsteal]

Females can get away with a lot. If the roles were reversed you’d already be in jail.

What’s worse is the effect on my mind the longer this plays out. The gossip at this office regarding this is intense. But no one seems to be concerned with her behavior. Like I said most people think it’s funny. But imagine if this was a guy doing this to me. It’d be like you said, horror movie/serial killer stuff. But because she’s a woman it’s OK. To be in that crowd with her still at the office makes me question my own sanity. Like maybe it’s not that big of a deal I’ll think to myself - when it clearly is a big deal. That’s been the hardest part. Can you imagine if I moved to her neighborhood after we broke up? Can you imagine what people would have said? I probably would have got fired for that shlt alone.

 

[2Rocky]

If you people don't realize THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU DON'T DATE WOMEN YOU WORK WITH!

If I were your boss I'd fire you both for ****ing up my company's productivity...

 

[dealkillsteal]

If you people don't realize THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU DON'T DATE WOMEN YOU WORK WITH!

If I were your boss I'd fire you both for ****ing up my company's productivity...

Hey thanks man.

 

[JustDoItAlways2]

The best method to disarm the cluster B's is called the Grey Rock Method.

Basically, you avoid the person (almost like No Contact but don't go out of your way to make it obvious), never let them get to you, act as boring as possible and they will eventually move on to someone else and leave you alone.