Guys don't want to learn to fight..or maybe im weird

[Pandora]

So I started martial arts training a year and a half ago. I am not good at BJJ. It is not natural for me but I do know some basics. I love the striking arts. What I am surprised by is that most of my guys friends don't want to train or spar. These guys would always talk about war stories in the streets when they beat up so and so. We sparred once and I did better than them ( and I suck). We were not hitting each other hard at all. Very light 30% sparring.


I would get my butt kicked against someone with training because I suck but the average guy sucks even more. There is no lateral movement, no head movement, no fients, over extending on punches etc. Now they try to avoid sparring. I would think that they would be eager to practice in order to get good. I want to learn with my friends so when I go back to spar at the martial arts gym I have practiced. I am obsessed with martial arts and I don't understand why they are not also obsessed with it. I want to practice against regular guys because I still learn stuff from wild punchers. I use them to learn slipping and weaving.

Maybe I am obsessed because I got bullied for a period of time in middle and early high school. But even if that didn't happen I would still love to be competent at fighting. I am starting to think its an ego thing. Guys don't want to be exposed as not knowing how to fight. I can not relate because I LOVE when people show me my fighting deficiencies. I am eager to learn. I go up to random strangers who look like they know what they are doing on the heavy bag and ask them to show me.

Sometimes we over idealize men. But a mans ego is almost as fragile as a women's ego. Or maybe I am just a weirdo.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

People are pussies nowadays. I think what it is—when you’re young and full of testosterone and aggression, you’ve naturally got that fire in you, that INSTINCT. And because of that, you naturally have an ability to fight. By as you get older and things become routine and regimented, we lose that. So maybe at one point, your friends did actually know how to fight at least in some way. But over time just kinda lost that within them. It’s like being a soccer player, and then retiring, then years later just taking a soccer ball and seeing what you can do; the movements just don’t feel the same and you feel more sluggish and uncoordinated.

 

[Poonani Maker]

The gym where I went wouldn't let me spar and rightly so. Now, I think I could having gotten myself the movements (habit) I need. I have habits for blocking a low leg kick, slips, and cover and moving around in a circle and be pretty much constantly moving. Sparring full contact or even 50% is a no-go cause just a couple hits to your head will affect you over your life like a punch card (you run out). Unless you're considering competing I'd NEVER go full contact or even 50%. Just knowing the movement is enough to help you in a fight on the street. And endurance for kickboxing is totally different than endurance for wrestling. I'm dead if I get taken down by a bonafide wrestler. I got decent movement (and tools, except a roundhouse or a cresent kick or spinning back kick - I haven't trained much high kicks cause it's just not practical unless you're younger than 32 or thereabouts, I only do jab kicks and hook kicks maybe a side kick, I've never trained a spinning back fist and should start, but I have trained superman punches some, I train elbows but never knees need to start that too) standup and never get tired.

 

[Pandora]

The gym where I went wouldn't let me spar and rightly so. Now, I think I could having gotten myself the movements (habit) I need. I have habits for blocking a low leg kick, slips, and cover and moving around in a circle and be pretty much constantly moving. Sparring full contact or even 50% is a no-go cause just a couple hits to your head will affect you over your life like a punch card (you run out). Unless you're considering competing I'd NEVER go full contact or even 50%. Just knowing the movement is enough to help you in a fight on the street. And endurance for kickboxing is totally different than endurance for wrestling. I'm dead if I get taken down by a bonafide wrestler. I got decent movement (and tools, except a roundhouse or a cresent kick or spinning back kick - I haven't trained much high kicks cause it's just not practical unless you're younger than 32 or thereabouts, I only do jab kicks and hook kicks maybe a side kick, I've never trained a spinning back fist and should start, but I have trained superman punches some, I train elbows but never knees need to start that too) standup and never get tired.

I totally agree. My gym lets us spar only once a week. For beginners like me its light sparring. This is why I want to get more practice with my friends. I also just want to practice blocking, slipping, footwork and moving. I 100% agree that just having good movement is good enough for most street fights. This is why I am desperate to practice it with my friends.

I am in my mid 30's so I am much too old to compete at any level. I also don't want to break my nose lol. I am just disappointed that my some of my friends talk a good game but don't want to back it up. How can you walk around like you are tough but you don't know jack sh*t and you are ok with that. Its like they got deflated once they realized that they had been living in delusion. They just rush towards you with sloppy punches and leave themselves wide open for a single or double leg, or just a slip and counter. That should have been a wake up call for them. I wanted us all to get better.

 

[Pandora]

People are pussies nowadays. I think what it is—when you’re young and full of testosterone and aggression, you’ve naturally got that fire in you, that INSTINCT. And because of that, you naturally have an ability to fight. By as you get older and things become routine and regimented, we lose that. So maybe at one point, your friends did actually know how to fight at least in some way. But over time just kinda lost that within them. It’s like being a soccer player, and then retiring, then years later just taking a soccer ball and seeing what you can do; the movements just don’t feel the same and you feel more sluggish and uncoordinated.

Bro I agree. I think you are correct. These guys are late 20's early 30's. I think that their coordination is off. The funny thing is that they will play basketball all day long. So their coordination cant be too off. Idk man....its puzzling. I think they just don't want their delusion of fighting skill to be burst.

I truly wanted us all to get better as a group. I could bring what I learned from the gym and we could all practice. Or they could look up videos on techniques and we all practice. When we were little boys we were all eager to practice karate in the back yard. When we get older we loose that zeal. Smh

 

[Poonani Maker]

Bro I agree. I think you are correct. These guys are late 20's early 30's. I think that their coordination is off. The funny thing is that they will play basketball all day long. So their coordination cant be too off. Idk man....its puzzling. I think they just don't want their delusion of fighting skill to be burst.

I truly wanted us all to get better as a group. I could bring what I learned from the gym and we could all practice. Or they could look up videos on techniques and we all practice. When we were little boys we were all eager to practice karate in the back yard. When we get older we loose that zeal. Smh

I had a worker under me get Very angry with me last week. I don't know him very well. He sees a shrink I know and had a bitter departure from his last job as a lineman. He's very stocky but only 5'6." He was getting Angry over Nothing, and I kinda agitated him further but knew when to quit. I could just FEEL his animal violence building in him next to me. I was the one who had to pay attention to what I was doing while he watched. I could just Feel it. I mean he could've easily sucker-punched me as I was distracted with work. He's got mental problems and has said he is an avowed "hedonist" though he's married. I kept thinking "could I take this guy if he took a swing at me?" I mean, he's 33 and I'm almost mid-40s and I'm Not angry so he's got the alpha energy flowing through him I can feel it next to me cause he's talking about walking off the job and you know just not giving a fvck about losing the job. I can't summon the anger cause he's coming out of left field - I don't know where it's coming from, and I'm in disbelief that he Really is that angry over my not being able to get through to him in a call and him being LATE to work and I jokingly criticize him for it (but he can't pick up on my sarcasm or jest cause he's socially inept). I think I could take him as long as I'm not sucker-punched. He probably weighs 220 at 5'6." I'm 181 at 6'2." I'd have to stick n' move for sure and REMAIN CALM. That's what fighters do is Even Keel, remain calm even though it's a blood sport. The wild flailing swinging is where we gotta capitalize. I mean this guy could climb poles all day and was no pushover and a very hard worker. He even pointed at me and pushed his index finger in my chest. I laughed. I don't want NO violence jeopardizing my job, so I de-escalate.

I have to work with him week after next and into January. It's like I have to keep one eye on my work and one eye on Him.

So that's where training I think benefits US is it will make us stay calm in an aggressive alpha situation. His wife is hot and his alphaness certainly did its work on Her. My dad had that Anger all the time and he was in Many fights. I could never really summon Anger outta the blue without really good REASON. This flippant anger usually comes from alphas (for show?? to woo women?). If you train you can shut the alpha up, you can destroy the bullies in your midst. That's why I train, to be ready and let the chips fall where they may in a chaotic situation. We should train dry-fire too with our firearms all the time, and I know I don't do that at ALL like I should.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Bro I agree. I think you are correct. These guys are late 20's early 30's. I think that their coordination is off. The funny thing is that they will play basketball all day long. So their coordination cant be too off. Idk man....its puzzling. I think they just don't want their delusion of fighting skill to be burst.

I truly wanted us all to get better as a group. I could bring what I learned from the gym and we could all practice. Or they could look up videos on techniques and we all practice. When we were little boys we were all eager to practice karate in the back yard. When we get older we loose that zeal. Smh

Catch them when they’re pissed over a bad call or something in basketball and see them then. Or see how aggressive they are with each other/when they play. You can kinda tell how they’d be like based off that, though most of the time in sports I’d assume they’d prolly just try slugging each other and doing as much damage to each other as possible without any concern for themselves lol. That’s how most sports fights tend to be like.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I had a worker under me get Very angry with me last week. I don't know him very well. He sees a shrink I know and had a bitter departure from his last job as a lineman. He's very stocky but only 5'6." He was getting Angry over Nothing, and I kinda agitated him further but knew when to quit. I could just FEEL his animal violence building in him next to me. I was the one who had to pay attention to what I was doing while he watched. I could just Feel it. I mean he could've easily sucker-punched me as I was distracted with work. He's got mental problems and has said he is an avowed "hedonist" though he's married. I kept thinking "could I take this guy if he took a swing at me?" I mean, he's 33 and I'm almost mid-40s and I'm Not angry so he's got the alpha energy flowing through him I can feel it next to me cause he's talking about walking off the job and you know just not giving a fvck about losing the job. I can't summon the anger cause he's coming out of left field - I don't know where it's coming from, and I'm in disbelief that he Really is that angry over my not being able to get through to him in a call and him being LATE to work and I jokingly criticize him for it (but he can't pick up on my sarcasm or jest cause he's socially inept). I think I could take him as long as I'm not sucker-punched. He probably weighs 220 at 5'6." I'm 181 at 6'2." I'd have to stick n' move for sure and REMAIN CALM. That's what fighters do is Even Keel, remain calm even though it's a blood sport. The wild flailing swinging is where we gotta capitalize. I mean this guy could climb poles all day and was no pushover and a very hard worker. He even pointed at me and pushed his index finger in my chest. I laughed. I don't want NO violence jeopardizing my job, so I de-escalate.

I have to work with him week after next and into January. It's like I have to keep one eye on my work and one eye on Him.

So that's where training I think benefits US is it will make us stay calm in an aggressive alpha situation. His wife is hot and his alphaness certainly did its work on Her. My dad had that Anger all the time and he was in Many fights. I could never really summon Anger outta the blue without really good REASON. This flippant anger usually comes from alphas (for show?? to woo women?). If you train you can shut the alpha up, you can destroy the bullies in your midst. That's why I train, to be ready and let the chips fall where they may in a chaotic situation. We should train dry-fire too with our firearms all the time, and I know I don't do that at ALL like I should.

Bro that guy is a devil-worshiper (dead serious). He might not realize he is though. But that’s where all his problems are coming from. If you want to really piss him off, tell him he needs a little bit of God in his life like some Muslims. That’ll set him off through the roof haha

 

[Pandora]

So that's where training I think benefits US is it will make us stay calm in an aggressive alpha situation. His wife is hot and his alphaness certainly did its work on Her. My dad had that Anger all the time and he was in Many fights. I could never really summon Anger outta the blue without really good REASON. This flippant anger usually comes from alphas (for show?? to woo women?). If you train you can shut the alpha up, you can destroy the bullies in your midst. That's why I train, to be ready and let the chips fall where they may in a chaotic situation. We should train dry-fire too with our firearms all the time, and I know I don't do that at ALL like I should.

Knowing a little about fighting makes you not want to fight. You don't feel like you need to prove anything. It is insecurity that makes you aggressive. This is why you were able to stay calm. Good for you man.

 

[Pandora]

Catch them when they’re pissed over a bad call or something in basketball and see them then. Or see how aggressive they are with each other/when they play. You can kinda tell how they’d be like based off that, though most of the time in sports I’d assume they’d prolly just try slugging each other and doing as much damage to each other as possible without any concern for themselves lol. That’s how most sports fights tend to be like.

haha yeh they are aggressive when they play. There were a couple close calls when things got tense with the other team. You would think they would want to learn how to fight in case some guy from the other team crosses that line. You know how urban dudes are when they are playing basketball. They take it way too seriously.

 

[FairShake]

Most men don't care about learning to fight better in their 30s. Every year you age your fighting ability has diminishing returns. Being able to fix things, negotiate things, provide for your family, these are the ultimate attributes of a man at this age.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Most men don't care about learning to fight better in their 30s. Every year you age your fighting ability has diminishing returns. Being able to fix things, negotiate things, provide for your family, these are the ultimate attributes of a man at this age.

Why not have both? and if you Don't have a family, um you have time to have both.

 

[Pandora]

Most men don't care about learning to fight better in their 30s. Every year you age your fighting ability has diminishing returns. Being able to fix things, negotiate things, provide for your family, these are the ultimate attributes of a man at this age.

Yes I can see this. Maybe I am going through a mid life crisis lol. It wasnt until I was 30 that I decided to live life the way I wanted to live it. I started doing things that I always wanted to do. One of them was learn the basics of fighting. It wasnt until I was 30 that I could afford a gym. I was in school up until that point.

I still think every man should know the basics of fighting. It just gives you peace. One day if you have a son you want to be able to show him how to not get bullied. Martial arts is also a great stress reliever. You feel more confident when you are walking with a lady friend.

My sisters ex boyfriend was at the age of 24 when he had to defend her in the street. Some guy was talking to her outside of some bars. The guy decided to sucker punch my sisters boyfriend. They got into a short altercation then the guy ran away. The guys friend then proceeded to hit him and then also run. I don't think martial arts would have saved him from the initial sucker punch but it would have saved him from the follow up punches. I understand that this is an extremely rare scenario though. I agree with you that other attributes are more important. I guess because I don't have those other things straightened out yet I am focusing on this less important thing.

 

[Pandora]

Why not have both? and if you Don't have a family, um you have time to have both.

Yeh exactly. I watch MMA a lot. Why not learn some stuff? I don't ever want to have a family and lose out on the hobbies that make me happy. I do not have a family so I guess I can do both.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Yeh exactly. I watch MMA a lot. Why not learn some stuff? I don't ever want to have a family and lose out on the hobbies that make me happy. I do not have a family so I guess I can do both.

My family is myself for now. I could feed 4 mouths as well. Of course, that would limit my retirement.

 

[FairShake]

Why not have both? and if you Don't have a family, um you have time to have both.

Both are fine if that's your trip but he was asking why 30 year olds weren't interested in sparring. To put a personal spin on it, I more or less grew up in the Harrowgate Gym in Philadelphia since my dad forced me to go at age 8. Now, at 38, haven't been in years. Last time I did go, at the age of 35 or so, I was an elder, an old head. Most dudes I grew up sweating and bleeding with are just too busy developing and refining skills, contacts, and finances that help us get to the next level and the fvck out of the hood.

Just pointing out cultural norms, not bashing them or him.

 

[Poonani Maker]

^^ I think sparring is so touted as dire to growth I'd say by 98%, but you do see UFC fighters (Tony Ferguson comes to mind) who haven't sparred in almost a decade (grappling or Ju Jitsu yeah called "rolling" but striking no). Now granted, these extreme upper echelon have had all those practice hits taken to the head early on in their careers so they don't need to spar anymore. I train fighting as a means to stay or get fit. That's my purpose and it's worked. I've dropped from 197 to 181 since August and still dropping, could probably get to 177 or thereabouts at 6'2." To get to 170 I'd probably have to lose muscle unfortunately. Up until major abdominal surgery July 2014, I'd regularly hang around 160s and women would call me "skinny" and poke at my belly even though she was a waif herself. I didn't know I had the birth defect I had, but it's fixed now so I almost immediately filled out and everyone noticed that I "look better" or healthier that I was too gaunt those years previous. I still would like to get back down to 170s though, though 180s where I am now would be more natural. I will start back at the Real gym in Jan and will be able to sustain the workouts with the younger folk. Last time in Sept-Oct I couldn't even keep up with fat hoggish women there (one of them had to pause and go throw up in the bathroom, but she Still could hit hard and long whereas I'd tire and need water but I didn't puke).

 

[Pandora]

^^ I think sparring is so touted as dire to growth I'd say by 98%, but you do see UFC fighters (Tony Ferguson comes to mind) who haven't sparred in almost a decade (grappling or Ju Jitsu yeah called "rolling" but striking no). Now granted, these extreme upper echelon have had all those practice hits taken to the head early on in their careers so they don't need to spar anymore. I train fighting as a means to stay or get fit. That's my purpose and it's worked. I've dropped from 197 to 181 since August and still dropping, could probably get to 177 or thereabouts at 6'2." To get to 170 I'd probably have to lose muscle unfortunately. Up until major abdominal surgery July 2014, I'd regularly hang around 160s and women would call me "skinny" and poke at my belly even though she was a waif herself. I didn't know I had the birth defect I had, but it's fixed now so I almost immediately filled out and everyone noticed that I "look better" or healthier that I was too gaunt those years previous. I still would like to get back down to 170s though, though 180s where I am now would be more natural. I will start back at the Real gym in Jan and will be able to sustain the workouts with the younger folk. Last time in Sept-Oct I couldn't even keep up with fat hoggish women there (one of them had to pause and go throw up in the bathroom, but she Still could hit hard and long whereas I'd tire and need water but I didn't puke).

Wait..Tony Ferguson says he doesnt spar? He is gifted for real. I think Khabib has his number though. Khabib is just too strong and is too good on the cage.

 

[Pandora]

Both are fine if that's your trip but he was asking why 30 year olds weren't interested in sparring. To put a personal spin on it, I more or less grew up in the Harrowgate Gym in Philadelphia since my dad forced me to go at age 8. Now, at 38, haven't been in years. Last time I did go, at the age of 35 or so, I was an elder, an old head. Most dudes I grew up sweating and bleeding with are just too busy developing and refining skills, contacts, and finances that help us get to the next level and the fvck out of the hood.

Just pointing out cultural norms, not bashing them or him.

I agree man. I never had a dad that gave me the opportunity to learn hoq to fight. You already got it out of your system. You learned the basics at an early age.

These 30 yr olds I know dont know the basics. They also talk a good game about their war stories. They also work out alot so just wanted to add fighting to our gym regimen.

 

[Pandora]

The world is confusing. Just when you think you have figured out what is going on your fall flat on your face. Stable jobs are non existent. Stable women are non existent. The only thing that is reliable is fitness and fighting. Those two things are an outlet in a chaotic world. A run is still a run and a jab is still a jab. There is purity and simplicity in exercise. I think this was one of the main tenets of the movie/book Fight Club. SB nation just did a good documentary on the history of paid fighters and this was that was their theme.