Want to learn what I did wrong. Got physical a week later got hit with "Dont want to risk friendship" blah blah. Gone NC

[isasda66]

So like:
Her, "Hey, my head is floating, I'm just in a weird place, I want to talk. I don't want you to be mad or hurt you. I know I have mood swings, blah blah blah"
Me, "lol you ok? Seems like you are taking this way too seriously"

Your frame with her should be: It's all good. Why are you freaking out? Good to hear from you but I have to run. See you sometime soon.

Thanks a lot. Will try to keep it light. So no chance of plating her?

In 3 weeks I managed to only see her 2 or 3 times max. All times in group settings. Friendzoning her is good. But I really dont feel like hanging out with her. Though I know I'll have to as her best friend is dating my best friend.

Ive lost all respect for her. Especially because basically she "realised a week later Im too close a friend to lose" (ive known her for less than 6 months, though I was pretty AFC).

Im not her consolation prize or backup option. Im also a bit pissed since I feel played.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

No chance of plating her due to the emotions you are expressing, your past AFC actions, the group dynamics, and her unsteady desire for you. I'd focus more on controlling your emotions toward her (anger, attraction, etc).

If you friendzone her, you aren't a consolation prize or backup option because if she comes back around to you looking to hookup, you aren't going to take her up on it. Your mindset needs to be you are setting the terms of your relationship with her, not the other way around, and your terms are "friendzone." Don't tell her that, don't even talk to her about your "relationship" or your "friendship". Simply dodge that kind of discussion with playful teasing and subject changes.... just brush it off.

 

[Clamslammer]

I already f@cked another girl but I still have some form of oneitis.

Girl got into core group. She used to be flirty but I didn't think much. (My first mistake not showing my intention). Only after a buddy revealed that while drunk she revealed to a small group that she fancied me. We used to message a bit but then ramped up the messages a lot. (My second mistake)

Got together with her. Week later she said she is freaking out blah blah if it was some stranger she would have said no etc. I suggested we forget this and move on she wanted time. Gave her time then she called and said "Dont want to risk friendship, I really value it even if you dont" I was just told her ok, cool. Cant force you to do sh1t you dont want to. (I found out she doesnt have a core group and is scared of being pshed out if sh1t doesnt go well)

Pulled back from her. She dm'ed asking whether I wanted to chill and then after I accepted it was posted for others to join us.

She's still flirty and tries to hold my arm/rest head on shoulder that typical bf/gf sh1t. I try to ignore it and but then amplified her actions (she hugs me I move my hand round her and then grab her ass).

At least I made one correct step and that is Ive stopped messaging her like before and apparently she is complaining to her gfs that Im annoying/bothering them by being "off" and "rude". One of her gf's is my bestfriends chick.

I want to understand where I went wrong. No point in trying to game her even though she claims she is still attracted. Not sure whether I can plate her.

But I genuinely want to know what I did wrong or what changed and learn so it doesn't happen in the future.

You basically became her gay male girlfriend and does not look at you in a sexual way. Next time you see a girl you like you walk up to her and make your intentions clear...she either blows you out or she comes along for the ride.

You are clearly interested romantically. Please do not contact her again, next time she contacts you invite her over for drinks and food.

 

[AttackFormation]

As long as you keep thinking that there is a chance you could be sexual with her if only you "out-game" her, she may have lost you as a a eunuch attendant but she still has you thinking about her which is what she wants. The only way to win these games is to have a zero games policy, and not play. Pretend she is a male - acknowledge her as minimally as possible, don't care about explaining yourself, and don't try to "figure out" how to have sex with her.

 

[isasda66]

Good thing is she seemed pretty pissed. I didnt get dragged down in her text conversations.

Hopefully she gets the message.

She bitched to her bestfriend about me being rude psycho blah blah and then her last statements were that more than rude im acting different.

People will talk so do I continue saying nothing is wrong its just that im busy so thats why she may be feeling like that or do I only tell a close friend or two?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

You shouldn't want to piss her off. No point in that. ARE you being rude and psycho? Psycho is a pretty strong word that MOST girls wouldn't use to describe a guy who is just distancing himself from her and being indifferent, but if she herself is psycho she could be projecting.

And no, do not talk to friends about it. At MOST, if they ask you, you can say, "Odd, not sure what is up. Thought she and I agreed we make good friends. Anyway..... what's up this weekend?" and leave it at that.

 

[isasda66]

but if she herself is psycho she could be projecting

She used to call me that playfully because I risked my life for a sports event. This time I think its her friends who weirdly enough asked her why she didnt want to hookup/date with me and now will follow whatever he says.

But I think she is projecting because I kept my message playfull and started brushing aside the whats bothering you friend topic.

Could she be frustrated at not knowing whether she has me as an orbiter?

you can say, "Odd, not sure what is up. Thought she and I agreed we make good friends. Anyway..... what's up this weekend?" and leave it at that.

Cool. I though of saying "All good. no clue why she blah blah " Just wasnt sure.

 

[jaymbrs]

Good thing is she seemed pretty pissed. I didnt get dragged down in her text conversations.

Hopefully she gets the message.

She bitched to her bestfriend about me being rude psycho blah blah and then her last statements were that more than rude im acting different.

People will talk so do I continue saying nothing is wrong its just that im busy so thats why she may be feeling like that or do I only tell a close friend or two?

This says alot. This is a difficult situation since she's in your inner circle but she's trying to put you down to others just because she's not getting what she wants. I'd try and cut ties with this crazy ***** asap. Before you know, she'll have everyone thinking you're a bad person. Let your closest friend know about this and start getting people on your side before she does.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

True measurement of a woman’s attraction is compliance, not attention. Attention is breadcrumbs. She is just breadcrumbing you. As soon as you try to get some sexual compliance she ghosts. It’s a one sided relationship and will ruin your self esteem the longer you entertain her.

Soon even your family and friends will instinctively sh1t on you because you will be carrying a vibe of a pitiful person.

When we are low they will attempt to step on us. When we stand tall many will respect and treat with deference while others attempt to shoot down.

 

[gettinit]

If you friendzone her, you aren't a consolation prize or backup option because if she comes back around to you looking to hookup, you aren't going to take her up on it. Your mindset needs to be you are setting the terms of your relationship with her, not the other way around, and your terms are "friendzone." Don't tell her that, don't even talk to her about your "relationship" or your "friendship". Simply dodge that kind of discussion with playful teasing and subject changes.... just brush it off.

This /\ /\

This is a fairly close parallel to to what I am dealing with right now, with the exception of the one off s*x and what you are dealing with is exactly what I was worried might happen in my social circle. Smear campaigns can be pretty diabolical and subtle if she tries to go that route to maintain her position in the group. Basically death by a thousand cuts. I am slowly backing away while maintaining a "friendly" demeanor and limiting text conversations and contact, just as you are. Treat her like she is a friendly neighbor, nothing special, yet not completely ignoring either. Otherwise, its will give anything bad she may say, credence. This course of action seems to be working out, for me anyway. She has set a nice little trap though, by asking to get together since she has something for me. Pretty difficult to avoid that one without coming across as a d*ck. I'll be sure to make it a group situation, be friendly and have an excuse leave ready if I feel the need. What I am getting at, is that there is always a solution if you keep a clear head and just chill. Take control of things, don't play into her hands and keep in mind that this will all soon be forgotten.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Just keep acting like you want to fvxk her and keep getting sexual towards her. Don't care whether she accepts or rejects...the more you act this way and don't care about her reactions the more the tables turn in your favor.

 

[redskinsfan92]

Tell her friend WITH BENEFITS is fine with you. You value the benefits

 

[isasda66]

You said this...
And then this. Im thinking that you you might have missed her intetest at first. She flirted and you only responded after someone else told you she was interested then did you react.
This is hard for a frmale to overcome do to her self esteem level.
Im thinking hers is low because a low self esteem girl will want a man who raises it...
If she were high self esteem she would persue you harder do to this lack of interest ,"not thinking much of it" after her flirting. She would be feeling why isnt he into me?
I think she is not a good joice because of this... but maybe a plate..
She got kicked out of her other circle so something is up.
Be on guard with this chick but i say this outside what you did wrong too..which was inaction.
Slow to respond.
Girls dont directly flirt this strong at first. Some do... but when they do flirt its for a reason.

Lol I moved on from her. Brings back memories. I've come a long way in the last six months but I still have a long way to go.

Yeah I had a BP mentality of being nice and thinking girls are these pure creatures. Holy **** was I wrong. Now I rather get rejected and move on.

Girls dont directly flirt this strong at first. Some do... but when they do flirt its for a reason.

Whats the reason typically?

 

[isasda66]

But on a subroutine level all high self worth girls are testing your masculine frame and your own self esteem after an initial attraction.

They always want to test whether they can get my commitment without anything sexual.

A guy who agrees to friends has shot himself. Because she knows that he wont bother with anyone else if he agrees to her terms.

 

[dude99]

I already f@cked another girl but I still have some form of oneitis.

Girl got into core group. She used to be flirty but I didn't think much. (My first mistake not showing my intention). Only after a buddy revealed that while drunk she revealed to a small group that she fancied me. We used to message a bit but then ramped up the messages a lot. (My second mistake)

Got together with her. Week later she said she is freaking out blah blah if it was some stranger she would have said no etc. I suggested we forget this and move on she wanted time. Gave her time then she called and said "Dont want to risk friendship, I really value it even if you dont" I was just told her ok, cool. Cant force you to do sh1t you dont want to. (I found out she doesnt have a core group and is scared of being pshed out if sh1t doesnt go well)

Pulled back from her. She dm'ed asking whether I wanted to chill and then after I accepted it was posted for others to join us.

She's still flirty and tries to hold my arm/rest head on shoulder that typical bf/gf sh1t. I try to ignore it and but then amplified her actions (she hugs me I move my hand round her and then grab her ass).

At least I made one correct step and that is Ive stopped messaging her like before and apparently she is complaining to her gfs that Im annoying/bothering them by being "off" and "rude". One of her gf's is my bestfriends chick.

I want to understand where I went wrong. No point in trying to game her even though she claims she is still attracted. Not sure whether I can plate her.

But I genuinely want to know what I did wrong or what changed and learn so it doesn't happen in the future.

She sounds like a waste of time. She discloses to your group that she is interested in you then when you show interest she backs off and gives you the biggest BS line out there "i dont want to jeopardize the friend ship. Blah blah blah."

Backing off was perfect. She reacted and is now bitching you are 'off'. Of course you are. Her actions switched you off and now she is dealing with the consequences of her actions.

You didnt go wrong. She did. You are the prize and she is looking to waste your time. The ball is 100 % in her court to fix things. The problem is she is trying to play games for attention. She wants to be chased and dangle you from a string. You dont have time for that .
Go date other women. She knows exactly what she did wrong and is looking to get you to chase. Do not bite.

 

[bat soup]

Got together with her. Week later she said she is freaking out blah blah if it was some stranger she would have said no etc. I suggested we forget this and move on she wanted time. Gave her time then she called and said "Dont want to risk friendship, I really value it even if you dont" I was just told her ok, cool. Cant force you to do sh1t you don

She sounds like a head case. It's hard to say what her game is, but the fact that she's playing all these games means you shouldn't take her too seriously and avoid getting emotionally involved. Bang as many other chicks as you can and consider her nothing more than an unreliable plate.

 

[isasda66]

She sounds like a waste of time. She discloses to your group that she is interested in you then when you show interest she backs off and gives you the biggest BS line out there "i dont want to jeopardize the friend ship. Blah blah blah."

Backing off was perfect. She reacted and is now bitching you are 'off'. Of course you are. Her actions switched you off and now she is dealing with the consequences of her actions.

You didnt go wrong. She did. You are the prize and she is looking to waste your time. The ball is 100 % in her court to fix things. The problem is she is trying to play games for attention. She wants to be chased and dangle you from a string. You dont have time for that .
Go date other women. She knows exactly what she did wrong and is looking to get you to chase. Do not bite.

I actually did back off. Plated her for a bit end december till about feb/march. She wasnt worth it so ghosted her.

She sounds like a head case. It's hard to say what her game is, but the fact that she's playing all these games means you shouldn't take her too seriously and avoid getting emotionally involved. Bang as many other chicks as you can and consider her nothing more than an unreliable plate.

Yup. She thought she could get better. Dumped her when her **** test became too much.