Want to learn what I did wrong. Got physical a week later got hit with "Dont want to risk friendship" blah blah. Gone NC

[isasda66]

I already f@cked another girl but I still have some form of oneitis.

Girl got into core group. She used to be flirty but I didn't think much. (My first mistake not showing my intention). Only after a buddy revealed that while drunk she revealed to a small group that she fancied me. We used to message a bit but then ramped up the messages a lot. (My second mistake)

Got together with her. Week later she said she is freaking out blah blah if it was some stranger she would have said no etc. I suggested we forget this and move on she wanted time. Gave her time then she called and said "Dont want to risk friendship, I really value it even if you dont" I was just told her ok, cool. Cant force you to do sh1t you dont want to. (I found out she doesnt have a core group and is scared of being pshed out if sh1t doesnt go well)

Pulled back from her. She dm'ed asking whether I wanted to chill and then after I accepted it was posted for others to join us.

She's still flirty and tries to hold my arm/rest head on shoulder that typical bf/gf sh1t. I try to ignore it and but then amplified her actions (she hugs me I move my hand round her and then grab her ass).

At least I made one correct step and that is Ive stopped messaging her like before and apparently she is complaining to her gfs that Im annoying/bothering them by being "off" and "rude". One of her gf's is my bestfriends chick.

I want to understand where I went wrong. No point in trying to game her even though she claims she is still attracted. Not sure whether I can plate her.

But I genuinely want to know what I did wrong or what changed and learn so it doesn't happen in the future.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Maybe nothing...if she is afraid of being friendless if things go badly that might be an overriding issue for her where nothing you can do will be able to overcome that.

Just be cool and chill and if there is an opportunity to bang then take it.

 

[Medina]

Pretty much what I've been pedalling lately

She finds you attractive but her interest in being with you is low due to her love of 21st century freedom and other priorities (of which you sit near the bottom of) and when you pull away it gives her back this freedom to chase you again

It's not your fault. Girls these days wants to be fvcked with minimal attachment and intrusion from the male. So make the sex happen but remain indifferent and unattached

John Lennon once said "you've got to hide your love away"

 

[isasda66]

Maybe nothing...if she is afraid of being friendless if things go badly that might be an overriding issue for her where nothing you can do will be able to overcome that.

Just be cool and chill and if there is an opportunity to bang then take it.

Probably but am I on the right track by replying only when/if she reaches out.

She finds you attractive but her interest in being with you is low due to her love of 21st century freedom and other priorities (of which you sit near the bottom of) and when you pull away it gives her back this freedom to chase you again

So right now to make it happen I'll be NC for some time. I guess its a good sign that she is annoyed. But any idea to isolate her from the group, it would be pretty evident if I did. I'll try getting her out alone but if she ask "who all" or some other **** test of inviting others any way to proceed?

 

[Suave88]

I already f@cked another girl but I still have some form of oneitis.

Girl got into core group. She used to be flirty but I didn't think much. (My first mistake not showing my intention). Only after a buddy revealed that while drunk she revealed to a small group that she fancied me. We used to message a bit but then ramped up the messages a lot. (My second mistake)

Got together with her. Week later she said she is freaking out blah blah if it was some stranger she would have said no etc. I suggested we forget this and move on she wanted time. Gave her time then she called and said "Dont want to risk friendship, I really value it even if you dont" I was just told her ok, cool. Cant force you to do sh1t you dont want to. (I found out she doesnt have a core group and is scared of being pshed out if sh1t doesnt go well)

Pulled back from her. She dm'ed asking whether I wanted to chill and then after I accepted it was posted for others to join us.

She's still flirty and tries to hold my arm/rest head on shoulder that typical bf/gf sh1t. I try to ignore it and but then amplified her actions (she hugs me I move my hand round her and then grab her ass).

At least I made one correct step and that is Ive stopped messaging her like before and apparently she is complaining to her gfs that Im annoying/bothering them by being "off" and "rude". One of her gf's is my bestfriends chick.

I want to understand where I went wrong. No point in trying to game her even though she claims she is still attracted. Not sure whether I can plate her.

But I genuinely want to know what I did wrong or what changed and learn so it doesn't happen in the future.

You grabbed her azz without she being your girlfriend????

 

[isasda66]

You grabbed her azz without she being your girlfriend????

Yes. She would do what couples do and randomly come behind and hug me. I got advice to amplify her actions so now I grab her ass or spank it.

I also think she regrets getting physical. After her dont want to risk friendship (LJBF) call, we all went out for a movie and she was there. She tried her usual behaviour of and I put my arm around her and then grabbed her ass. She just said not in public but she knows that for all her actions I have a reaction.

 

[isasda66]

True measurement of a woman’s attraction is compliance, not attention. Attention is breadcrumbs. She is just breadcrumbing you. As soon as you try to get some sexual compliance she ghosts. It’s a one sided relationship and will ruin your self esteem the longer you entertain her.

Soon even your family and friends will instinctively sh1t on you because you will be carrying a vibe of a pitiful person.

I have hookedup with her. I assume she was really horny and then regrets it because I got a variant of the LJBF.
But NC is affecting her somewhat.

 

[Black Widow Void]

This one is easy:

When she was uncertain if you liked her, her interest remained (if not grew). Like a plant that craves water, you need to be sure and not over do it ... or the plant dies.

The fact that she can be ambiguously playful; grabbing your arm, head on shoulder etc (but not following through) is an indication that she's a bit 'too comfortable' around you.

Things were better when she was uncertain and genuinely expressed an interest in you. Right?

Find a spot somewhere between these two extremes. It's the 'sweet-spot.'

 

[isasda66]

Things were better when she was uncertain and genuinely expressed an interest in you. Right?

Not sure what you mean by this.

I completely agree she is far too comfortable. When she was uncertain she would post sexually suggestive memes etc on group chat. After the LJBF **** she cut down. Since she is a part of the social circle group should I reply to group messages where she tags me specifically? Cause currently I will only message her if she initiates a DM but I will keep it short and not make the same mistakes again.

 

[lamath]

This one is easy:

When she was uncertain if you liked her, her interest remained (if not grew). Like a plant that craves water, you need to be sure and not over do it ... or the plant dies.

The fact that she can be ambiguously playful; grabbing your arm, head on shoulder etc (but not following through) is an indication that she's a bit 'too comfortable' around you.

Things were better when she was uncertain and genuinely expressed an interest in you. Right?

Find a spot somewhere between these two extremes. It's the 'sweet-spot.'

This

And 2nd biggest mistake agreeing to hang after just be friend speach

 

[Tilex]

Next time you spend time together in a group setting like that again, bring another chick with you or flirt with another chick you see in public.
If she doesn't have a jealous reaction, then she doesn't give a f*ck about you.

Sometimes you gotta stir the pot a little bit to test interest levels.
I get the impression you're stuck in the friend zone, so you'll need to experiment with some tactics a little bit more.

 

[isasda66]

This

And 2nd biggest mistake agreeing to hang after just be friend speach

This was because my best friend forced me. I avoided the other 2 times saying I had plans and went elsewhere.

Next time you spend time together in a group setting like that again, bring another chick with you or flirt with another chick you see in public.
If she doesn't have a jealous reaction, then she doesn't give a f*ck about you.

Sometimes you gotta stir the pot a little bit to test interest levels.
I get the impression you're stuck in the friend zone, so you'll need to experiment with some tactics a little bit more.

I also got the friendzone vibe. But she is physically attracted to me so its a weird zone.
Let her reach out. Ill escalate and see where it leads.

 

[lamath]

This was because my best friend forced me. I avoided the other 2 times saying I had plans and went elsewhere.



I also got the friendzone vibe. But she is physically attracted to me so its a weird zone.
Let her reach out. Ill escalate and see where it leads.

Be careful if she reach out man. Most of the time its just to see if you are still around as a back up plan aka orbiter.
Best thing to do would be to forget about her and move on, if she reach out you ignore.
Unless she make it clear it to get together in we are gonna **** way.


No more attention to her, treat her like like a fat girl that hang out i your social circle.

 

[isasda66]

Be careful if she reach out man. Most of the time its just to see if you are still around as a back up plan aka orbiter.
Best thing to do would be to forget about her and move on, if she reach out you ignore.
Unless she make it clear it to get together in we are gonna **** way.


No more attention to her, treat her like like a fat girl that hang out i your social circle.

Difficult since she weaseled her way into the core group. And now is part of most plans involving that group. And I dont want to leave some buddies just to avoid her.

 

[isasda66]

With all do respect man. After this confession your entire post is irrelevant. The only way forward is to fix this. Outcome does not matter.

Im already trying, I dont initiate DMs with her. Though I do give couple word replies to her if she initiates. But end it asap.

I'll approach other women and hopefully bring them in.

 

[17 shots]

I wouldn't waste my time with a woman making things complicated like this. Also, sex one time with a woman means nothing in 2019. If weeks go by and you haven't done it again, don't use it as motivation to keep wasting your time

 

[ubercat]

Sometimes a chick is in the mood. She's got an itch in her panties or needs a quick self-esteem boost. But she doesn't see you as boyfriend material. Just think bonus bonus dude. You got the puss and you screened out one who's not for you. as the other guys said as long as you don't let her breadcrumb you overall a positive experience walk on.

 

[isasda66]

Moving on was the best advice. Ive already got my sights on another girl who is way hotter and since Im no longer her emotional tampon she messaged asking why Im ignoring her etc. And she is really upset. I dont have time for these timewasters.

1 chick isnt the end of the world.

BEST POST EVER!

 

[isasda66]

UPDATE: I need help on responding. Dont want her to get the upper hand. Unfortunately she mistakes kindness for weakness.

She sent a flirty message tagging me in our group chat and she then messaged a huge text wall last night. Multiple texts. In short she wants talk to know what she has done to upset me. She claims she doesnt want to hurt me with her eratic mood swings etc. and thats why the LJBF. Bull****. If its not a YES its a NO.

Ive stopped being her emotional tampon and messaging her. If she messages Ill send a short reply and keep it are the bare minimum. Ive made myself "scarce", by being busy declining group invites etc. She messaged once about me ignoring her but I laughed it off.

I did have to meet her in social settings 2/3 times. I acknowledged her spoke a bit but changed my attention elsewhere.

I know she is trying to keep me as her orbiter. I was planning on replying something light like "haha no clue what youre talking of. But I want whatever stash youre on"

Im not sure what she wants from me but if she expects me to be an orbiter thats not happening. I dont mind converting her to a plate. But if she wants a friendship, I'm really not gonna make any efforts to maintain it. I wont burn bridges like an AFC and tell her anything.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I haven't read everything you've said happened here but from what I've skimmed, you've done a better job than most at holding your ground.

Given that she's in your social group and she is playing these kinds of games, my suggestion is you stop considering anything sexual with her at all. I wouldn't worry about the classic advice of "I'm not interested in friendship, only romance, so it's romance or nothing." You don't really have that option here because you'll be seeing her all the time in your friend group so my advice is you friend-zone her. Be nice, but don't engage in the games, play things off with playful teasing, don't act weird around her, don't talk to other people about her, ignore gossip from friends about what she says about you, etc.

I was planning on replying something light like "haha no clue what youre talking of. But I want whatever stash youre on"

You have the right idea on brushing her craziness off to the side with humor but this is just a tad harsh. It would be ok for a girl you aren't going to see all the time in your social circle, but for this girl I'd be nicer in the teasing. Let her down easy.

So like:
Her, "Hey, my head is floating, I'm just in a weird place, I want to talk. I don't want you to be mad or hurt you. I know I have mood swings, blah blah blah"
Me, "lol you ok? Seems like you are taking this way too seriously"

Your frame with her should be: It's all good. Why are you freaking out? Good to hear from you but I have to run. See you sometime soon.