Text situation

[shouldbefun]

So question dudes, now to keep it simple and stupid, here are the facts:

I asked her out two weeks ago in person (kinda), for a date last week, but she didn't say yes or no at that point. She said she had y, but then I said "we'll keep in touch."

Several days pass by and I text her, asking "to let me know if she's free on this or that day" (Thought this was better than lets do x on y at 8pm for instance). The suspense awaited me. She replied in a 1.5 weeks after I sent her that text, apologizing she was busy at that moment and couldn’t get back to me. Loss of words, I rather would have that she didn’t reply at all to be honest but it is what it is.

I replied with something short : "Ok" after an hour of her text. (Could have replied in a week but thought F*** it, lets break the rules a bit, but it might have shown that I cared because I responded in less than a day?)

So the question is,

a) Is "Ok" a good reply in this case? In this case, where she didn't really agree to the date as she said maybe, but her ignoring me for a week and a half, and then apologizing, seemed bizarre to me to respond in a "cool no worries". "Ok" seems a good reply as in its low investment and shows that I'm not bitter at all on the other hand, I find it very bitter in this context, I don't know why...is it really bitter or am I hallucinating and should be chill? I just think I could've sent a more courteous message.

- Now if it was a real flake, where you set a date, both of you agree, and then cancel/never show up, and a week later, you get that text, judging from google, and forums, Ok is the most acceptable answer then.

I guess it's a question more about "what should you do" rather than "how can I save with this girl", for I'll give it another shot, but I just wanted to know about the OK situation and about b).

b) Calling the same day after you get a text like above is not the best right? Give it a few days to cool down, 2-3 days and then hit her up? Or would a next day call be cool enough or would it send the wrong message?

Thanks dudes!

 

[shouldbefun]

Why did you think this? Your instincts were wrong, in this case.

But it's a moot point as her interest seems very low. It's not worth hyper analyzing whether "ok" is a good response or not. Maybe hit her up one more time by text, but put her on the back burner and talk to other women. But yes in general less is more with texting.

Yeah I thought it was a way to get her more invested in the date itself and reduce flaking.

Yeah so in a few days hit her up again and why text instead of calling? I thought calling is the preferred way no?

Why would you say analyzing ok is not worth it? I mean, does this mean I messed up and sent her a text which meant "I don't really care" instead of being chill?

 

[Black Widow Void]

Several days pass by and I text her, asking "to let me know if she's free on this or that day"

We've all done it and it's one of those "live and learn" lessons. Unfortunately, the above type of message sub-communicates that you are willing to let her call the shots. This is about as enticing as "what do you want to do, I dunno, what ever you want to do."

I get your motive. None of us like to be up in the air and we want solid answers.

Here's a method that I use. It provides confirmation (no matter positive or negative) and doesn't diminish our image.

If following up on the day of the date:
You: "Hey, I'm expecting a 5 min business call around 6:00 (or what ever time you two are to meet). Is your heart set on 6:00 or is 6: 15 fine."
Although you are giving her a choice, you have assumed the sale and her follow up (or lack of) will confirm if she's buying or shopping.

If following up days before, you can improvise on the above method.
You: "Hey, next Friday (or whatever day the tentative date is) I plan to be over at _____ (insert location area). Let's meet for drinks over at _____ (insert business name) at 6:00 . " Once again, you assume the sale and her response will determine if she's buying or shopping.

 

[shouldbefun]

We've all done it and it's one of those "live and learn" lessons. Unfortunately, the above type of message sub-communicates that you are willing to let her call the shots. This is about as enticing as "what do you want to do, I dunno, what ever you want to do."

I get your motive. None of us like to be up in the air and we want solid answers.

Here's a method that I use. It provides confirmation (no matter positive or negative) and doesn't diminish our image.

If following up on the day of the date:
You: "Hey, I'm expecting a 5 min business call around 6:00 (or what ever time you two are to meet). Is your heart set on 6:00 or is 6: 15 fine."
Although you are giving her a choice, you have assumed the sale and her follow up (or lack of) will confirm if she's buying or shopping.

If following up days before, you can improvise on the above method.
You: "Hey, next Friday (or whatever day the tentative date is) I plan to be over at _____ (insert location area). Let's meet for drinks over at _____ (insert business name) at 6:00 . " Once again, you assume the sale and her response will determine if she's buying or shopping.

Is this like an anti flake text ? Wouldn't it be better sending saying "Hey Im running late for 15 or 20 mins" or if sending a text earlier at noon saying "see you today at 6pm?"

For the follow up, wouldn't it be better saying hows your schedule looking like this weekend/week to grab some drinks etc?
I just feel like the text you included is very risky if the approach was quick/ without talking for considerate time.

 

[shouldbefun]

No dude. "ok" is one of the best texts you can send; it does very little damage and isn't negative, either.

I mean you're lost in the weeds on this interaction, that's all. You met her two weeks ago and the connection fizzled out, most likely. It's not what she said but how and when she says it. If you're in doubt, her interest is probably low.

But forget her. Over the past two weeks you could have been chatting up other women. That's the broader point I'm trying to make. There are many, many women out there.

Going back to this point, I just feel like saying Ok doesn't offer anything/closure. She states a point and instead of noticing that point, you just say ok, which is more like "lets not talk about it at all/idgaf." Idk I might be looking into this way too deeply.

Which has its own benefits, and you're playing not by her rules...but you are not suggesting that you really are chill about it.

Its like saying
sister : Hey bro, I got married, couldn't call you, was too busy...
you: ok (which conveys that you don't really care)

Is this what ok is about?

 

[Young OG]

So question dudes, now to keep it simple and stupid, here are the facts:

I asked her out two weeks ago in person (kinda), for a date last week, but she didn't say yes or no at that point. She said she had y, but then I said "we'll keep in touch."

Several days pass by and I text her, asking "to let me know if she's free on this or that day" (Thought this was better than lets do x on y at 8pm for instance). The suspense awaited me. She replied in a 1.5 weeks after I sent her that text, apologizing she was busy at that moment and couldn’t get back to me. Loss of words, I rather would have that she didn’t reply at all to be honest but it is what it is.

I replied with something short : "Ok" after an hour of her text. (Could have replied in a week but thought F*** it, lets break the rules a bit, but it might have shown that I cared because I responded in less than a day?)

So the question is,

a) Is "Ok" a good reply in this case? In this case, where she didn't really agree to the date as she said maybe, but her ignoring me for a week and a half, and then apologizing, seemed bizarre to me to respond in a "cool no worries". "Ok" seems a good reply as in its low investment and shows that I'm not bitter at all on the other hand, I find it very bitter in this context, I don't know why...is it really bitter or am I hallucinating and should be chill? I just think I could've sent a more courteous message.

- Now if it was a real flake, where you set a date, both of you agree, and then cancel/never show up, and a week later, you get that text, judging from google, and forums, Ok is the most acceptable answer then.

I guess it's a question more about "what should you do" rather than "how can I save with this girl", for I'll give it another shot, but I just wanted to know about the OK situation and about b).

b) Calling the same day after you get a text like above is not the best right? Give it a few days to cool down, 2-3 days and then hit her up? Or would a next day call be cool enough or would it send the wrong message?

Thanks dudes!

Never ask when a woman is free. Men are supposed to lead and that's not leading. This is what I would have said:
Me: We should grab a drink this Friday
Her: Sure, sounds like fun
Me: Great. Meet me at Billy Bob's Bar at 8pm Friday

If a girl took 1.5 weeks to text me back, I wouldn't even reply. She has low interest and I find it disrespectful. Do you think she would wait 1.5 weeks to text Brad Pitt back? You know the answer.

Don't call her or text her. Move on and talk to other women.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Is this like an anti flake text ? Wouldn't it be better sending saying "Hey Im running late for 15 or 20 mins" or if sending a text earlier at noon saying "see you today at 6pm?"

I doubt there's anything that can guarantee a "no-flake." I presume that something similar is presented elsewhere known as "anti flake." There are methods to push the odds more in our favor, but that is no 100% guarantee.

Wouldn't it be better sending saying "Hey Im running late for 15 or 20 mins" or if sending a text earlier at noon saying "see you today at 6pm?"
"

Both the above make a statement and do not necessarily require an answer. What if she didn't respond to your statment(s)? Do you text again? That's not good. Or, would you show up on blind faith? That's also not good.

When a text ends with a question mark, the recipient has an obligation to respond (and they know it). If they choose not to respond, you at least have a concrete answer. If they do respond, you have a concrete answer.

For the follow up, wouldn't it be better saying hows your schedule looking like this weekend/week to grab some drinks etc?
I just feel like the text you included is very risky if the approach was quick/ without talking for considerate time.

My response may sound condescending, but I don't see any other way to say it.
Nothing personal.. but how's your method been working out for you ... so far.

 

[synecdoche]

Never ask when a woman is free. Men are supposed to lead and that's not leading. This is what I would have said:
Me: We should grab a drink this Friday
Her: Sure, sounds like fun
Me: Great. Meet me at Billy Bob's Bar at 8pm Friday

I agree with you that men should be leading, however this could put you in a bad spot especially with girls who have a busy life.

For instance, if she has plans Friday and asks to reschedule to Saturday, if you accept this she knows you have nothing going on the whole weekend. (You could of course ask to meet up the week after). Or if she doesn't propose another day you'll now have to pursue her again next week to meet up. You'll have to start chasing.

I would rather give her 2 options or ask her what her schedule looks like next week and act accordingly.

On topic: great advise above, low interest, sending her "OK" didn't do any harm nor any good. I wouldn't have replied and moved on.

 

[Young OG]

I agree with you that men should be leading, however this could put you in a bad spot especially with girls who have a busy life.

For instance, if she has plans Friday and asks to reschedule to Saturday, if you accept this she knows you have nothing going on the whole weekend. (You could of course ask to meet up the week after). Or if she doesn't propose another day you'll now have to pursue her again next week to meet up. You'll have to start chasing.

I would rather give her 2 options or ask her what her schedule looks like next week and act accordingly.

You shouldn't have an open schedule the entire weekend. If your not a loser, have a life, and are high value then you wouldn't be free Saturday. There have been plenty of times where I already have plans with a different girl.

 

[nicksaiz65]

I agree with you that men should be leading, however this could put you in a bad spot especially with girls who have a busy life.

For instance, if she has plans Friday and asks to reschedule to Saturday, if you accept this she knows you have nothing going on the whole weekend. (You could of course ask to meet up the week after). Or if she doesn't propose another day you'll now have to pursue her again next week to meet up. You'll have to start chasing.

I would rather give her 2 options or ask her what her schedule looks like next week and act accordingly.

On topic: great advise above, low interest, sending her "OK" didn't do any harm nor any good. I wouldn't have replied and moved on.

I totally endorse this, this is exactly what I do. That Availability Trap is a b!tch

 

[nicksaiz65]

Never ask when a woman is free. Men are supposed to lead and that's not leading. This is what I would have said:
Me: We should grab a drink this Friday
Her: Sure, sounds like fun
Me: Great. Meet me at Billy Bob's Bar at 8pm Friday

If a girl took 1.5 weeks to text me back, I wouldn't even reply. She has low interest and I find it disrespectful. Do you think she would wait 1.5 weeks to text Brad Pitt back? You know the answer.

Don't call her or text her. Move on and talk to other women.

Yeah def low interest. I agree with you there.

I see you disagree with AMS on this point though lol. He says to always ask for a woman's availability so you don't end up looking too free and needy if/when she counters with another date.

 

[Young OG]

Yeah def low interest. I agree with you there.

I see you disagree with AMS on this point though lol. He says to always ask for a woman's availability so you don't end up looking too free and needy if/when she counters with another date.

I don't disagree but if your high value, have a life, and are dating other women then the night you want to take her out will be the only night that works for you. If you have no options then you can definitely ask what her schedule looks like.