Friend-zoned, and nothing changed?

[The LadyKiller]

I've had a bad history when it comes to maintaining civil relationships after breakups, friend-zonings, etc. While I usually try to remain my usual self, the HB almost always changes behavior, distances herself and future interactions feel unnecessarily awkward. It's been a constant and something I've come to dread.

So, when a girl I've gotten to know pretty well over the span of two months told me this week that I was one of her "very close friends and not anything more," upon my asking her out, I was ready for the usual routine mentioned above. Except, that's not what happened. Literally nothing has changed. Same amount of correspondence (initiating from both sides), same jokes, same demeanor. Considering HB probably knew I was into her before I asked her out and there was still a decent amount of kino, I find the lack of any change surprising.

Is she a rare, down-to-earth HB who can handle things maturely, or is this how things are normally supposed to go? Of course I am on the prowl looking for a HB that is interested in dating me, but I was taken aback from the lack of awkwardness from the situation (again, given my past transgressions). I was also pleased that this rejection didn't hit me quite as hard as it probably should have - we were sharing a joke moments after she turned me down, when in past situations I would go numb and get out of dodge. I feel the truth has set me free (knowing the answer instead of wondering "what if"), and that has allowed me to feel peace.

 

[The LadyKiller]

I did not clarify my own actions since this took place. While I will still be friendly and respectful, I'm not going out of my way to talk to or hang out with HB. If we're in the same spot at the same time, then fine. But the time is for me to find a HB who likes me as more than a friend - I am not one to lounge in the friend-zone.

 

[dude99]

I did not clarify my own actions since this took place. While I will still be friendly and respectful, I'm not going out of my way to talk to or hang out with HB. If we're in the same spot at the same time, then fine. But the time is for me to find a HB who likes me as more than a friend - I am not one to lounge in the friend-zone.

It is indeed rare that the girl rejects the idea of dating but states she wants to be friends and in fact does, actually put effort into a friendship. Yes that is rare. Most women will not do this.

Most women cant be honest and use the excuse to just be friends when they have zero interest in you and then their behaviour changes, and because you validated them they treat you differently.

This one sounds increadibly mature and locigal. Which is also rare.

Be friends. But make it clear with your actions that you have moved on with your feelings and will pursue other women. Her chance came. And it is now gone.

Dont let her use you or take advantage of you. Your feelings (except friendship) must stop. 100%

 

[Robert28]

The secret to the friend zone has always been other women. Being seen with other women gives you the greatest chance to get out of it because other women threaten taking away your free attention and validation that you’ve been giving to your “friend”.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The secret to the friend zone has always been other women. Being seen with other women gives you the greatest chance to get out of it because other women threaten taking away your free attention and validation that you’ve been giving to your “friend”.

The Bible

 

[Robert28]

It is indeed rare that the girl rejects the idea of dating but states she wants to be friends and in fact does, actually put effort into a friendship. Yes that is rare. Most women will not do this.

Most women cant be honest and use the excuse to just be friends when they have zero interest in you and then their behaviour changes, and because you validated them they treat you differently.

This one sounds increadibly mature and locigal. Which is also rare.

Be friends. But make it clear with your actions that you have moved on with your feelings and will pursue other women. Her chance came. And it is now gone.

Dont let her use you or take advantage of you. Your feelings (except friendship) must stop. 100%

In my experience they’ll make the effort in the “friendship” until they realize you’re stupid enough to give them the same validation and attention and they will take advantage of your feelings for them. Her effort will slowly decrease until she basically detests you for still hanging around even though she’s the one that proposed the friendship in the first place.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In my experience they’ll make the effort in the “friendship” until they realize you’re stupid enough to give them the same validation and attention and they will take advantage of your feelings for them. Her effort will slowly decrease until she basically detests you for still hanging around even though she’s the one that proposed the friendship in the first place.

Actively date and fvck other chicks in her presence.

 

[Robert28]

Actively date and fvck other chicks in her presence.

I don’t even go to the trouble of making sure she knows. I had several women tell me “we have a sixth sense and can tell when you’ve met someone else”. If she happens to check my Facebook and sees pics of me with someone new then that’s her business.

 

[3agle 3yes]

If you're being put in the freindzone when you don't want to, then it usually means you aren't being sexual enough and just acting like a friend.

How did you "ask her out"?

I'm always just friendly with a girl until I go out with her for the first time, one on one, then I turn from friendly to flirty and sexual. Even the touching is in a sexual context.

What do you do when you're out with this woman? I can almost guarantee you're doing everything in a friendly vibe rather than a sexual one.

So if you behave like this and "ask her out", she isn't going to 'feel' anything more than you just being her friend.

Guys in this forum brand women with many negative tags, but the reality is most of the things they do, positive or negative is unconscious. They don't even realise why they're doing it.

 

[AttackFormation]

Guys in this forum brand women with many negative tags, but the reality is most of the things they do, positive or negative is unconscious. They don't even realise why they're doing it.

Hahaha, makes it sound like a big joke.

 

[Kotaix]

What do you do when you're out with this woman? I can almost guarantee you're doing everything in a friendly vibe rather than a sexual one.

So if you behave like this and "ask her out", she isn't going to 'feel' anything more than you just being her friend.

This is very true. Women, and people in general, will respond to you with the same energy that you display to them. A fake smile gets you a fake response, a genuine smile will create a genuine reaction (note that I didn't say a geniune smile back). It can be as simple as looking at a woman (IN THE EYES) and thinking to her "you're sexy". She likes you enough to keep you around, now you need to create the feelings of attraction in her by acting in a subtly sexual manner. This can be as simple as looking her in the eyes and thinking about how much you like her eyes.

If she's still acting the same way towards you then I'm inclined to think this is a sh!t test. VERY few women will ever tell you things directly, it's always this "why don't you try again in a way that doesn't suck" rebuke that uses none of those words to tell you that.

She could also be a lesbian.

 

[Robert28]

If you're being put in the freindzone when you don't want to, then it usually means you aren't being sexual enough and just acting like a friend.

How did you "ask her out"?

I'm always just friendly with a girl until I go out with her for the first time, one on one, then I turn from friendly to flirty and sexual. Even the touching is in a sexual context.

What do you do when you're out with this woman? I can almost guarantee you're doing everything in a friendly vibe rather than a sexual one.

So if you behave like this and "ask her out", she isn't going to 'feel' anything more than you just being her friend.

Guys in this forum brand women with many negative tags, but the reality is most of the things they do, positive or negative is unconscious. They don't even realise why they're doing it.

This is old thinking and not exactly true anymore. You can be the most sexual acting guy in the world, but if she doesn’t think you’re “cute”, it doesn’t matter wth you do. She’s friend zoning you because she sees a purpose for you to serve her needs outside of a relationship or sex, she has a job for you to do and you’ll find out soon enough what it is. If you’re ugly but cool, she will keep you around. The friend zone has changed, gents. It’s not at all how it used to be, women collect “fans” these days, the more guys in her life the more favors and attention she gets. It’s got nothing to do with being sexual if she isn’t attracted to you. And the whole thing about women walk through life acting and feeling and don’t realize it....bull. Women know exactly what they’re doing and why they’re doing it.

 

[dude99]

In my experience they’ll make the effort in the “friendship” until they realize you’re stupid enough to give them the same validation and attention and they will take advantage of your feelings for them. Her effort will slowly decrease until she basically detests you for still hanging around even though she’s the one that proposed the friendship in the first place.

Agreed. hence why i had mentioned to not let them use you and show by your actions ( no compliments no validation zero attention no paying for dates and such) that you are no longer an option to them and you have moved on.

 

[The LadyKiller]

If she's still acting the same way towards you then I'm inclined to think this is a sh!t test. VERY few women will ever tell you things directly, it's always this "why don't you try again in a way that doesn't suck" rebuke that uses none of those words to tell you that.

As much as I would like this to be true solely from a mental dynamic standpoint, a HB saying we're "close friends and nothing more than that" doesn't scream "sh*t test." She continues to behave exactly the same way - which includes playful flirting - but I am taking her at her word and not biting.

I agree with you and everyone else here that the solution is other women. I am lining up a date for this week, so things may be put to the test very quickly if the date goes through.

Be friends. But make it clear with your actions that you have moved on with your feelings and will pursue other women. Her chance came. And it is now gone.

Dont let her use you or take advantage of you. Your feelings (except friendship) must stop. 100%

Agree 100%. Healthiest mindset for me. I've found that girls who are interested make it easy. Ones that are ambiguous are not worth the games. Friendship yes, dating no.

 

[Trump]

So, when a girl I've gotten to know pretty well over the span of two months told me this week that I was one of her "very close friends and not anything more," upon my asking her out, I was ready for the usual routine mentioned above. Except, that's not what happened. Literally nothing has changed. Same amount of correspondence (initiating from both sides),

You asked her out, she said ‘We are “NOTHING MORE than friends.” Why are you still contacting her?

She’s thinking: “Wow, I just told this guy who is ATTRACTED to me that I will NEVER sleep with him, NEVER get married to him, AND NEVER have his child, and he STILL calls me. Is he GAY or just DUMB?”

Come on bro. Go ask a girl out who actually LIKES you.

 

[Medina]

"Nothing has changed" because she's keeping you as an orbiter

You didn't escalate with her and now that window is closed

I would text - "I'm not interested in being friends"

 

[sexymanman]

I would keep talking to her until you have no time to talk to her anymore. You should be out now looking for girls to bang. So you don't have any time to talk to her.

 

[The LadyKiller]

If you're asking why we're still in contact, it's because we work at the same company. Not the same department thankfully, but as a result we occasionally cross paths. I haven't texted her since I asked her out, and our only brief interactions are during these times.

 

[Glassguy]

Why in the world would you want ANY type of "relationship " after you stop seeing a chick?

Pvssy should be like money in the bank. Once you pull out the interest is all gone.

When she stops meeting your needs (sex....maybe companionship if shes cool).......you move on. Nothing more.

It's not your job to keep a civil relationship. Just move on to the next one. That is your job.

 

[Robert28]

If you're asking why we're still in contact, it's because we work at the same company. Not the same department thankfully, but as a result we occasionally cross paths. I haven't texted her since I asked her out, and our only brief interactions are during these times.

Well in that case you dodged a major bullet by her turning you down. You don’t **** where you eat. I’d delete her number, block it if you want to. If she’s on social media, leave her on there (don’t delete her). You want her to see you posting pics with other girls. Delete and block the number though. You don’t have to avoid her at work but if y’all cross paths and she tries to talk keep it short “sorry I gotta go, I’ll hit you up later” and never do.
Women are never going to learn that guys don’t want to be their friend because there’s enough stupid guys out there that think being friends is good. It’s not, it’s the perfect way to set yourself up to get used. You trust a used car salesman to give you a deal? No? Then don’t trust any women to be your friend.