Time for a break

[BJP1991]

Well, I got ghosted on another second date opportunity (2 times in one month). I think I am going to take a short term break from attempting to date (2-3 weeks only). Sure, if an opportunity arises, I will take it up, but I won't be seeking out new date opportunities in this time.


I already deleted all my dating app profiles (hinge/bumble/tinder). I think I put too much effort into using those apps anyways and it never led to many great chances for me. Those girls all have thousands of options and gives them any tiny reason to drop a guy for "almost" zero excuse. Tiny **** - texting too late after a date, whatever nonsense hypergamous bs otherwise.

I also started reading The Rational Male and plan to re-read Corey Wayne's book as well. There is a third book, a self-improvement book recommended by Joe Rogan I am going to checkout on audiobook. At that point, I plan to return to trying to find and set dates with a better frame and state of mind. Lately I feel I got burned out from OLD.

 

[derby1]

all the hassle women are giving you, yet sub consciously they are taking up to much of your well being / preservation

you should be taking a break to put them about 14th on your to do list, not to come back in 3 weeks and expect different results

 

[BJP1991]

all the hassle women are giving you, yet sub consciously they are taking up to much of your well being / preservation

you should be taking a break to put them about 14th on your to do list, not to come back in 3 weeks and expect different results

Exactly what I’m getting at. I’ve put too much value (mistakenly) on dates and where they go. I need to break from that mindset and get into a healthy male-frame like I was

 

[Serenity]

May I suggest completely unplugging? You'll probably be working your mind just as much reading those books, which are about what you're taking a break from. You'll get back at it just as drained as you are now.

I had been reading a ton of stuff in my pursuit of cracking the code to women while also going out to see women of course. It had varying degrees of success, but looking back at it I felt drained by it all. The books had tons of great information, sure, but I reached the limit for how much the knowledge improved my life. Reading more was just repetition really, another author with the same ideas formulated in a different way. The core concepts don't change, if you have already read a few books about this you'll have diminishing returns from reading more.

I took breaks from actively finding women, but in my downtime I didn't really stop working on it in my mind. One day I was so tired of it that I figured I'd do an experiment, to just completely unplug from everything about it. Stayed away from the forums, the books and everything else related to getting women or self-improvement in general. Even severely limited my screen time. Just me and wherever my imagination takes me. At first my mind sought the noise that is self-improvement, but I did not give in to the temptation. I allowed myself to reflect on it all for however long I wanted, but not go look anything up or seek input and so I meditated. Without all the distractions it took me just a couple of days to confidently reach my conclusions and clear my mind. I felt lighter and my energy came back, more energy than I had experienced in a long time. I went out and started taking action, knowing from my meditation what actions would make me feel good. It's felt fvcking awesome to witness how the mind finds its way out of the fog that occurs when we take in too much information.

I hadn't given up in a way I would resist women, but I did give up the aimless chase to find happiness in someone else. I no longer needed it because I could generate my own. That's when the irony of life struck, now I was all of a sudden a chick magnet, when it was no longer a priority of any sort.

No self-help book in the world could make me just slam the brakes on my life, make me carefully reflect on my options and pick the path I desired. I had to get burnt out with what seemed like no other viable choice.

Go fully into it, don't half-a$$ it by filling your head with more unnecessary information, you already know the essentials, what you need is already in there. Let your mind process the backlog undisturbed, then you'll have your breakthroughs.

 

[Young OG]

Well, I got ghosted on another second date opportunity (2 times in one month). I think I am going to take a short term break from attempting to date (2-3 weeks only). Sure, if an opportunity arises, I will take it up, but I won't be seeking out new date opportunities in this time.


I already deleted all my dating app profiles (hinge/bumble/tinder). I think I put too much effort into using those apps anyways and it never led to many great chances for me. Those girls all have thousands of options and gives them any tiny reason to drop a guy for "almost" zero excuse. Tiny **** - texting too late after a date, whatever nonsense hypergamous bs otherwise.

I also started reading The Rational Male and plan to re-read Corey Wayne's book as well. There is a third book, a self-improvement book recommended by Joe Rogan I am going to checkout on audiobook. At that point, I plan to return to trying to find and set dates with a better frame and state of mind. Lately I feel I got burned out from OLD.

I wouldnt take a break. Just keep moving, keep dating, and keep trying different things. The more dates you go on, eventually one of them won't ghost you. Taking a break will only set you back in your journey. Try out Facebook Dating. I've had good luck with it so far. I would also hit some bars/clubs and do some night game.

 

[DariusTheBartender]

All good to take a break, but you mentioned reading the bibles of the manosphere, is that really a break? What are you going to do outside the dating world? Good luck either way with your journey. We are always here for you when you get back.

 

[derby1]

yo

The more dates you go on, eventually one of them won't ghost you

your status determines whether she ghosts, (unless she hates men)

its nauseating to actually watch, they all know how to be a Virtuous woman , and behave approp if she believes your a 9 and shes a 7

trouble is technology has given the lowest hanging fruit access to an abundance of great but 6/10 males

 

[Serenity]

I wouldnt take a break. Just keep moving, keep dating, and keep trying different things. The more dates you go on, eventually one of them won't ghost you. Taking a break will only set you back in your journey. Try out Facebook Dating. I've had good luck with it so far. I would also hit some bars/clubs and do some night game.

I disagree with this. Taking a step back has been the catalyst of every major breakthrough I've had. I can't explain exactly how it works, but my mind kinda process things in the background and when I go back at it again I perform better than ever.

It doesn't set you back although I can see how you'd logically think it does. It brings you several steps forward with a fraction of the effort.

 

[Black Widow Void]

May I suggest completely unplugging? .......

I edited your response above to save space, but it was great sound advice.

I keep reading more on this forum about meditation. In the past, I'd sort of roll my eyes at this topic. However, judging by the caliber of some men here that advocate this practice, I'm ready to keep more of an open mind.

Any videos or pages that you'd recommend on the subject?

 

[marmel75]

Well, I got ghosted on another second date opportunity (2 times in one month). I think I am going to take a short term break from attempting to date (2-3 weeks only). Sure, if an opportunity arises, I will take it up, but I won't be seeking out new date opportunities in this time.


I already deleted all my dating app profiles (hinge/bumble/tinder). I think I put too much effort into using those apps anyways and it never led to many great chances for me. Those girls all have thousands of options and gives them any tiny reason to drop a guy for "almost" zero excuse. Tiny **** - texting too late after a date, whatever nonsense hypergamous bs otherwise.

I also started reading The Rational Male and plan to re-read Corey Wayne's book as well. There is a third book, a self-improvement book recommended by Joe Rogan I am going to checkout on audiobook. At that point, I plan to return to trying to find and set dates with a better frame and state of mind. Lately I feel I got burned out from OLD.

I've had pretty good successes on OLD including several 6+ month relationships, up to 2 years....its all in the perceived value you provide to them.

 

[Young OG]

I disagree with this. Taking a step back has been the catalyst of every major breakthrough I've had. I can't explain exactly how it works, but my mind kinda process things in the background and when I go back at it again I perform better than ever.

It doesn't set you back although I can see how you'd logically think it does. It brings you several steps forward with a fraction of the effort.

I guess we will have to agree that we disagree then. Whenever I take a break from game, it does not benefit me. I lose my momentum, especially if I'm gaming hard and putting in lots of work.

If a pro basketball player is getting frustrated or isn't playing as good as usual, does he just take a break in the middle of the season? No, he doesn't. He keeps at it, keeps practicing, and keeps trying new things.

 

[Serenity]

Any videos or pages that you'd recommend on the subject?

Yes. Set a timer on your phone for 30 minutes, sit down, close your eyes, focus on your breath, let the mind go where it does and keep that up until the timer rings.

Meditation is about simplification, if you read tons of books and watch a billion videos about the subject you're missing the point. It's simple, there's not much to it beyond the basic instructions I wrote above.

 

[BJP1991]

If a pro basketball player is getting frustrated or isn't playing as good as usual, does he just take a break in the middle of the season? No, he doesn't. He keeps at it, keeps practicing, and keeps trying new things.

A pro basketball player has the “purpose” in life of playing professional ball. In this case, that would be analogous to having WOMEN be my purpose. F that, dude!

I see what you’re getting at, however. I’m still taking a short breather from actively trying to meet women and get dates. I think it will be beneficial, as others have alluded to.

 

[GrowingPains]

Yes. Set a timer on your phone for 30 minutes, sit down, close your eyes, focus on your breath, let the mind go where it does and keep that up until the timer rings.

Meditation is about simplification, if you read tons of books and watch a billion videos about the subject you're missing the point. It's simple, there's not much to it beyond the basic instructions I wrote above.

I find that when you remove the noise and listen to your thoughts, you learn so much about yourself.

Your fears, weaknesses, doubts, and so much more comes out when it's just you listening to you.

In that respect, meditation is extremely good for figuring out what the fvck is wrong with your life. Like if something serious keeps surfacing while you're trying to focus on your breath, then that's something you need to address. Good for thinking through what you need to fix and how to fix it.

 

[Serenity]

I find that when you remove the noise and listen to your thoughts, you learn so much about yourself.

Your fears, weaknesses, doubts, and so much more comes out when it's just you listening to you.

In that respect, meditation is extremely good for figuring out what the fvck is wrong with your life. Like if something serious keeps surfacing while you're trying to focus on your breath, then that's something you need to address. Good for thinking through what you need to fix and how to fix it.

Exactly! To be honest I don't meditate much anymore, but my mind is calm 90% of the time in almost any situation anyways.

I did it every day a few years back, around the time I started fixing myself and came to this forum. My mind was a mess and there were several very serious issues I had been suppressing for a few years. I couldn't deal with it in a constructive way when I was constantly stressed out, so I meditated to reach a calmer and more rational state of mind before addressing my problems.

With the issues out of the way I took my practice a step further, I'd prep my mind before going out to meet women. The goal was to clear all mental noise, to essentially empty my mind of thoughts to bring my awareness into my body and immediate surroundings. That worked beyond my wildest expectations. No trace of anxiety, no thinking about what to say, what to do, what could go wrong or any such thinking at all. I would just flow effortlessly through it all, it was the first time it was genuinely fun and enjoyable to talk to women. Women started being seriously attracted to me when I was in this state, they make it abundantly clear they like me. From there it became a self reinforcing loop, it became progressively easier to calm my mind for every time due to my success, which lead to continuing success.

It's a win-win situation. You feel better than ever AND women are attracted like moths to a flame.

 

[BJP1991]

Exactly! To be honest I don't meditate much anymore, but my mind is calm 90% of the time in almost any situation anyways.

I did it every day a few years back, around the time I started fixing myself and came to this forum. My mind was a mess and there were several very serious issues I had been suppressing for a few years. I couldn't deal with it in a constructive way when I was constantly stressed out, so I meditated to reach a calmer and more rational state of mind before addressing my problems.

With the issues out of the way I took my practice a step further, I'd prep my mind before going out to meet women. The goal was to clear all mental noise, to essentially empty my mind of thoughts to bring my awareness into my body and immediate surroundings. That worked beyond my wildest expectations. No trace of anxiety, no thinking about what to say, what to do, what could go wrong or any such thinking at all. I would just flow effortlessly through it all, it was the first time it was genuinely fun and enjoyable to talk to women. Women started being seriously attracted to me when I was in this state, they make it abundantly clear they like me. From there it became a self reinforcing loop, it became progressively easier to calm my mind for every time due to my success, which lead to continuing success.

It's a win-win situation. You feel better than ever AND women are attracted like moths to a flame.

To this point, I’ve started meditating as well. 20 minutes every morning so far, for the last 5 days. Interesting, so you’re suggesting meditating before going out and about (to meet women), but how about meditating before a first date, for example? I’m going to try it sometime

 

[Serenity]

To this point, I’ve started meditating as well. 20 minutes every morning so far, for the last 5 days. Interesting, so you’re suggesting meditating before going out and about (to meet women), but how about meditating before a first date, for example? I’m going to try it sometime

If you know that you're going to do something that requires you being present for good results and you also know that your mind is full of distracting thoughts, then it's a pretty good idea to clear your mind first if you have time for it.

When interacting socially with other people it's advantageous to be fully present in the moment, to really catch onto the flow of it. Be it talking to your friends, going out to get women, on a date (first or not), on a job interview or any other situation you'll be talking to other people.

I have learned to direct my attention effectively, that's literally what you do in meditation. When I'm alone I may direct my attention towards thoughts, analyze experiences, make plans and all that stuff. When I'm with other people I direct my attention outwards, any thoughts can wait until I'm alone, I'll let them pass through without focusing on it.

Even though it's nice and comfortable with an empty mind there are things that require thinking, but there is a time and place for that and it's not in the company of other people.