In threads like this one the advice can get confusing and just add to the issues at hand.
Obviously you dropped the ball on yourself along the way. You see and acknowledge that. You are hitting the gym and working on yourself in that respect. Good. Keep doing that. You can only control you in the relationship at the end of the day. You can insist on certain things you require to have your house run smoothly and have your family’s needs met. You can’t control her or how she feels but in improving yourself you can reignite the relationship.
That is not feminine imperative or any other dogma some of the posters in this thread pedal. Women are not automatons who are slaves to biology just as men are not. We are all human beings with complex emotions and motivations. We do things based on character. Some people have greater character than others. There are dispicable men out there just as there are shady women.
This idea that men are inherently noble and women inherently opportunistic belies a bias that ought to color how you read any information given from an individual who holds such a narrow mindset. Such a perspective cannot assist you for it is a perspective that fails to see each of you as an imperfect individual human being. You must take a broader look at your situation.
You must also realize that only you know all the details. Therefore you cannot expect posters here to be suitably informed on the nuances and intimate details of your state of affairs.
To do so would subscribe to group think. And group think does not help you on an individual level. Can the posters here give you some pointers? Of course. But only you can decipher what is useful and applicable and how best to apply it in your actual life.
There are plenty of faithful women in marriages out there. Contrary to popular belief around here there are happily married couples out there and there is value in marriage if that is something important to you. Hell. There are members of this community who are happily married, actively seeking marriage or a serious LTR, and those who are engaged or considering marriage for their own INDIVIDUAL lives.
Relationships occur between two individuals. The dynamic is unique to the people in the relationship. While trends and generalizations may apply...they may not.
Be very careful how you allow group think to color your perception of your individual situation. You seem reasonable and intelligent and you seem to exhibit an awareness that the bias here may not serve you.
1. Did she cheat? You have to figure that out. Then you have to decide how to respond.
2. Are your sexual needs being met? Is she doing so out of desire or obligation? You have to figure that out and what to do about it.
3. Are there financial and or social ramifications to consider? Only you can determine this and what to do.
4. How best to address your childrens’ needs? Again only you can determine.
5. Has there been a general breakdown (or non-existence) of healthy & honest communication between you? You have to solve that.
Are you seeing a trend here? YOU are the master of your own life. You do not need a committee. You need decisions. And you need to gather whatever information is required at your individual life level to make well thought decisions.
Sometimes crises in relationships forge the relationship and make it strengthen and grow. Tough, but possibly worth it. Other times crises break things apart. That is for you to sort out.
There is much invested in your situation and much at stake. Seek wisdom. Seek it not just here (there is wisdom here if you pay attention), but seek it from people local to you who can understand what went wrong, why, and how to repair it or release it.
Leading is lonely. Committees are comraderies but are generally lousy at reaching succinct decisions.
Best to you and yours as you traverse the crucible you find your family in.
Agree, and yes I understand different viewpoints on things. And some of the why of those. Regardless of what ends up with me and this topic. I have greatly expanded my ideas of things from this forum and its recommendation about red pill and the various comments that are given. This is an interesting and valuable resource.
I remember once upon a time that something happened to me that was so very unfair.. and I took action against those that I perceived in error of me. I damaged there futures badly... Not long after I found that my situation was really different than I thought and I had been granted something that was far above what I had been expecting. The damage I did to those others was wrong and not fixable. They had been Innocent, but the situation at the time really looked a certain way.
I will find the truth. I might ask more stupid questions as this entire category is not a strength I have.
The txt books of the red pill disagree with you, but I have read many txt books that are wrong. For sure this is a lot of truth in all of it, and that is why i give much considerations.
You sound cool, so good luck w/ any of your own challenges.
