When is it okay to spy?

[In2theGame]

The fact is people lie and this is why in my opinion, relationships should be 100% open with nothing to hide. As blunt and straight forward truth about everything. Sure developing some love is important in any serious relationship you're a part of however THE most important aspect of a LTR or marriage is respect and truth. without those two, you'll have problems somewhere down the line.

When you feel something is off in an LTR, emotional waves begin to stir up within because you feel something is wrong but you don't have the information or concrete evidence to backup your suspicions and yet your partner plays innocent to your face but you continue to wonder what's really going on. Looking into her/his phone/email/texts is honestly the only way you will ever TRULY know what's going on with him/her behind your back. Most people will say, "But in2thegame, thats an invasion of privacy and it's wrong!" Ok sure.... however it's also wrong for that person to lie to me continuously in a relationship or marriage and waste years of my life. Again, I'm not saying go into your GF or Wife's phone and see what's in there BUT no one can deny that the information in there could possibly save you from wasted years and change the course of your life.

IMO it's one of those shaming tactics that liars will put up to throw you off. "Why do you need to look at my phone?" "Why arent you respecting my privacy?" "Why dont you trust me? instead of looking into my phone?" If you asked your Girlfriend/Wife or Boyfriend/Husband to hand you their phone and password... Many would be sweating bullets because it contains potential information in there that can disrupt or completely destroy the relationship/engagement/marriage.

Say you dont really have a gut feeling but decided to look into things anyway without her knowing and you see the following:

GF/Wife: LOL I know it was crazy, I cant believe that
GF/Wife Friend: Haha Yeah... Did it bother you that he grabbed your ass?
GF/Wife: Not really, i was just shocked by it LOL felt kinda nice but..shhh lol
GF/Wife Friend: Yea definitely shhh, Anyway what's that nail place you go to?
GF/Wife: Oh i'll send you the address in a min. Boyfriend/Husband is calling.


How would you feel if you found that in your partners phone but wouldnt have known if you didnt snoop through? (applied to Boyfriend/Husbands too)

The example i gave is similar to one of my best friends situation in the past. It's happened to me too in my past and many many other guys i know. The only way they found out is unfortunately... snooping.

 

[lgbs2004]

GF/Wife: LOL I know it was crazy, I cant believe that
GF/Wife Friend: Haha Yeah... Did it bother you that he grabbed your ass?
GF/Wife: Not really, i was just shocked by it LOL felt kinda nice but..shhh lol
GF/Wife Friend: Yea definitely shhh, Anyway what's that nail place you go to?
GF/Wife: Oh i'll send you the address in a min. Boyfriend/Husband is calling.

Just reading it make me wanna puke

 

[Who Dares Win]

If your gut is making you uncomfortable its for a reason, unlike our brain our gut doesnt try to be nice and pretend that sh1t doesnt stink.

Generally an interested woman who is into a man wouldnt do anything to annoy him, confuse him, stress him or even piss him off.

When such things happen (manipulation included) you gut starts to make you feel uncomfortable which can mean many things, she is either planning to leave you, she is not interested but using you or your time or like this case she is cheating.

Personally I have so few expecations from women that I wouldnt even bother to find out, if being cheated allows me free time and her away from me half of the day its a good trade to me but again I like a soft form of mgtow made of dates and fvck but no commitment.

 

[In2theGame]

Just reading it make me wanna puke

This is why I said in my original post, The real Red pill information is in the partners phones/texts.

Funny you mentioned Puke... One of my friends in NJ, when he found out, he actually puked lol!

 

[AttackFormation]

The fact is people lie and this is why in my opinion, relationships should be 100% open with nothing to hide. As blunt and straight forward truth about everything. Sure developing some love is important in any serious relationship you're a part of however THE most important aspect of a LTR or marriage is respect and truth. without those two, you'll have problems somewhere down the line.

When you feel something is off in an LTR, emotional waves begin to stir up within because you feel something is wrong but you don't have the information or concrete evidence to backup your suspicions and yet your partner plays innocent to your face but you continue to wonder what's really going on. Looking into her/his phone/email/texts is honestly the only way you will ever TRULY know what's going on with him/her behind your back. Most people will say, "But in2thegame, thats an invasion of privacy and it's wrong!" Ok sure.... however it's also wrong for that person to lie to me continuously in a relationship or marriage and waste years of my life. Again, I'm not saying go into your GF or Wife's phone and see what's in there BUT no one can deny that the information in there could possibly save you from wasted years and change the course of your life.

IMO it's one of those shaming tactics that liars will put up to throw you off. "Why do you need to look at my phone?" "Why arent you respecting my privacy?" "Why dont you trust me? instead of looking into my phone?" If you asked your Girlfriend/Wife or Boyfriend/Husband to hand you their phone and password... Many would be sweating bullets because it contains potential information in there that can disrupt or completely destroy the relationship/engagement/marriage.

Say you dont really have a gut feeling but decided to look into things anyway without her knowing and you see the following:

GF/Wife: LOL I know it was crazy, I cant believe that
GF/Wife Friend: Haha Yeah... Did it bother you that he grabbed your ass?
GF/Wife: Not really, i was just shocked by it LOL felt kinda nice but..shhh lol
GF/Wife Friend: Yea definitely shhh, Anyway what's that nail place you go to?
GF/Wife: Oh i'll send you the address in a min. Boyfriend/Husband is calling.


How would you feel if you found that in your partners phone but wouldnt have know if you didnt snoop through? (applied to Boyfriend/Husbands too)

The example i gave is similar to one of my best friends situation in the past. It's happened to me too in my past and many many other guys i know. The only way they found out is unfortunately... snooping.

But what if you don't find anything, and your paranoia makes you believe it's because she already anticipated you looking and cleaned it out or never put it there? If it was as simple as being guaranteed to reach a conclusion if only you just looked, it would be much less controversial. How can you manage that risk of paranoia even if you do look but find nothing?

 

[In2theGame]

But what if you don't find anything, and your paranoia makes you believe it's because she already anticipated you looking and cleaned it out or never put it there? If it was as simple as being guaranteed to reach a conclusion if only you just looked, it would be much less controversial. How can you manage that paranoia?

It's a black hole if you keep digging through things constantly. I wouldn't say look into their information just for the hell of it. IF things start becoming suspicious or things just feel off, that's when you may want to check things out. Does he/she suddenly taking their phone with them everywhere? never leaving it around you anymore? Putting extra security on phone access? Little things you may pick up on that they think you don't notice. Overall, why fvck around behind your partners back? and why not just separate and be free to do what you want? One of the biggest problems today is that everyone wants their cake and eat it too. It's fine if you're upfront about it but everyone wants to do things in secret hence lying, cheating and manipulation.

 

[AttackFormation]

It's a black hole if you keep digging through things constantly. I wouldn't say look into their information just for the hell of it. IF things start becoming suspicious or things just feel off, that's when you may want to check things out. Does he/she suddenly taking their phone with them everywhere? never leaving it around you anymore? Putting extra security on phone access? Little things you may pick up on that they think you don't notice. Overall, why fvck around behind your partners back? and why not just separate and be free to do what you want? One of the biggest problems today is that everyone wants their cake and eat it too. It's fine if you're upfront about it but everyone wants to do things in secret hence lying, cheating and manipulation.

Right, so you'd only do it if you sense that behavior change and gut feeling you mentioned the other day.

Personally I believe cheating while keeping up an intentional and premeditated fake front for their partner, is one of the best examples of how much we are amoral animals more so than "rational humans". By that I mean, I don't understand why one would bother being in a relationship if they want to cheat anyway rather than just being open, and the explanation for it is that it's an amoral animal instinct programmed in our species... some people have just evolved to cheat.

 

[In2theGame]

By that I mean, I don't understand why one would bother being in a relationship if they want to cheat anyway rather than just being open

Yes, This is it right here. Having their cake and eat it too.

 

[AttackFormation]

Yes, This is it right here. Having their cake and eat it too.

The good news is that though you cannot fully know or control reality, you can take your philosophy into your own hands and accept that you can't. The relationship may rot away (like complacency), be destroyed (like debilitating illness), or be a fraud (revelation of cheating). But because you have a philosophy of acceptance in general, and acceptance of possible change in the particular case of relationships, change into a new reality should neither negate the enjoyment of the previous reality nor affect you as much as otherwise. This leads to a greater wellbeing through lower neuroticism, both in the present and future.