Your opinion on a coworker

[user252009]

Hi guys,

Good to be on board, thanks for having me. I’ve been following some online coaching YouTube channels for some time and have learned quite a lot, but still struggling a bit with women, the question below is for a specific one. This girl is a new coworker of mine, and we see each other daily, and when we don’t, we’ll shoot a few DMs over IG - she found me there and regularly follows my posts and reacts to my stories. We’re in different departments and we don’t report to each other or are each other supervisors, so no problem there, even the work policies are OK with it. There’s been a spark since we’ve met, she also knew when my birthday was (I told her once), so her and another coworker surprised me with some goodies; when her birthday came, I surprised her back with a nice gesture, she said that it totally made her birthday and told everyone about it.

Apart from hanging out after work with other coworkers on two occasions, I asked her out for a drink or something two times, and she couldn’t make it once because she was slammed with work (didn’t offer alternative then), and second time she was sick (for a fact, I saw that the next day), and this time she mentioned that we could get together this week, but she didn’t offer a specific day, so I just told her to let me know if she wants to get together and left it at that. She also mentioned that we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well, so that’s the confusing / weird part. Why would she want to have another female coworker there? Other than that, the signs of attractions are very much there, we broke the touch barrier, she always giggles, etc.

What’s your take on this? My current approach is not to initiate contact, but always reply and act as if nothing changed in person, still being charming and flirty, but not pursuing and definitely not asking her out again until she mentions it first.

 

[AttackFormation]

She wouldn't have suggested bringing a third party to your date if she desired you.

I would suspect she is using you to feel better about herself/boost her selfesteem, and entertain herself. But I would actually encourage you not to take my word for it, keep going at it and see how it turns out. I hope I'm wrong, but out of my experience I would suspect not.

 

[lgbs2004]

I just told her to let me know if she wants to get together and left it at that.

Weak move, you left the ball at her court

 

[user252009]

Weak move, you left the ball at her court

So asking her to get together for the third time wouldn't be weak? I see that option as weaker tbh

 

[teacha]

Weak move, you left the ball at her court

Respectfully disagree.

imo it’s no different from giving a girl your number instead of taking hers. If she reaches out, you know for sure she’s interested.

 

[Alvafe]

Respectfully disagree.

imo it’s no different from giving a girl your number instead of taking hers. If she reaches out, you know for sure she’s interested.

and how many did reach out for you?

try not to deal with woman in your work, thanks for the whole metoo thing I would isolate woman just for kicks

 

[AttackFormation]

So asking her to get together for the third time wouldn't be weak? I see that option as weaker tbh

I don't think you should concern yourself with whether she thinks some detail of your behavior is "weak" or not like that guy wants you to. Just think of how you perceive yourself and what you feel like doing. Don't let yourself get bogged down by these "alpha details", there has to be a limit to it or you'll start to wonder whether the way you get out of bed or cook your food is alpha enough.

 

[Roober]

Don't ask her. Tell her.

"Meet me at XXX at this time."

Anything other than a yes is a no.

If you get maybe or something similar, just tell her "if you can't commit, we can setup some other time"

If she offers and alternative time, place, or date, then do it (if your schedule allows)

 

[nicksaiz65]

Don't ask her. Tell her.

"Meet me at XXX at this time."

Anything other than a yes is a no.

If you get maybe or something similar, just tell her "if you can't commit, we can setup some other time"

If she offers and alternative time, place, or date, then do it (if your schedule allows)

Yeah. You wanna keep it in your frame, right? Instead of saying "how about you get back to me"

 

[teacha]

1. she’s not comfortable being alone with you.
2. she wants to set you up with her coworker.
3. she’s only interested in being friends. Women hate being confrontational, so perhaps this is her way of letting you know that.
4. she’s only using you for validation and ain’t interested in anything more.

etc.

Could it be you misread the signs? Being touchy feely and giggling ain’t definite signs of attraction imo.

anyway, my advice, pull back for now. Don’t talk with her daily. Limit the attention you give her. Continue being charming and flirty with her if she reaches out but focus on other things in your life. And whatever you do, don’t ask her out again or propose to hang out after work with her. She has to come to you from now on.

 

[nicksaiz65]

She wouldn't have suggested bringing a third party to your date if she desired you.

I would suspect she is using you to feel better about herself/boost her selfesteem, and entertain herself. But I would actually encourage you not to take my word for it, keep going at it and see how it turns out. I hope I'm wrong, but out of my experience I would suspect not.

What's your policy for dealing with women who end up bringing a third party to a date? I had a girl try to pull that crap once.

Would you say that if they do something like that, they're definitely not interested?

And would you just roll with it then isolate/escalate with her later? I'm curious how other people handle this.

 

[teacha]

and how many did reach out for you?

try not to deal with woman in your work, thanks for the whole metoo thing I would isolate woman just for kicks

only those that were interested reaches out.

 

[user252009]

What's your policy for dealing with women who end up bringing a third party to a date? I had a girl try to pull that crap once.

Would you say that if they do something like that, they're definitely not interested?

And would you just roll with it then isolate/escalate with her later? I'm curious how other people handle this.

Yeah, I'm curious of that as well, in case she reaches out and suggests getting together but inviting another coworker (that one is married btw).

 

[teacha]

What he means is. Never say the words. "If your free" or better yet " if you want too"
Its weak language to her

im curious, does it matter?

 

[kasper]

Hi guys,

Good to be on board, thanks for having me. I’ve been following some online coaching YouTube channels for some time and have learned quite a lot, but still struggling a bit with women, the question below is for a specific one. This girl is a new coworker of mine, and we see each other daily, and when we don’t, we’ll shoot a few DMs over IG - she found me there and regularly follows my posts and reacts to my stories. We’re in different departments and we don’t report to each other or are each other supervisors, so no problem there, even the work policies are OK with it. There’s been a spark since we’ve met, she also knew when my birthday was (I told her once), so her and another coworker surprised me with some goodies; when her birthday came, I surprised her back with a nice gesture, she said that it totally made her birthday and told everyone about it.

Apart from hanging out after work with other coworkers on two occasions, I asked her out for a drink or something two times, and she couldn’t make it once because she was slammed with work (didn’t offer alternative then), and second time she was sick (for a fact, I saw that the next day), and this time she mentioned that we could get together this week, but she didn’t offer a specific day, so I just told her to let me know if she wants to get together and left it at that. She also mentioned that we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well, so that’s the confusing / weird part. Why would she want to have another female coworker there? Other than that, the signs of attractions are very much there, we broke the touch barrier, she always giggles, etc.

What’s your take on this? My current approach is not to initiate contact, but always reply and act as if nothing changed in person, still being charming and flirty, but not pursuing and definitely not asking her out again until she mentions it first.

I've tried hitting on girls at work, but honestly it's lot more difficult; I think the environment is more restrictive and people are not as open as they'd like to be. And your position/title also has a role to play. I think this girl is not looking for anything romantic atleast by your post. She's probably using you to get validation and feel good about herself. She 'telling everyone' about your surprise on her B'day should've made her feel good and validated.
Next time she proposes someone else to join you both when you guys are out (try this) propose the name of the girl who is hotter than her to join and flirt with the hotter guest while negging or limiting the attention to the host.
This is leading me to an idea that girls might have similar forum like this or they're all wired the same. Because I've had a similar case, she was fine with everything (like flirting, kino, etc.) but whenever I asked her out, she used to give some excuse (generally work) or propose that we invite her best friend with us. In my case, she was a little insecure. How about yours?

 

[AttackFormation]

im curious, does it matter?

1. No.

2. Even if it did, the fact that such a tiny detail was enough to wreck everything means even if he got it "right" according to the internet alphas, the next tiny detail that was "wrong" would also wreck everything. This reveals what is actually going on: the problem was never his behavior being "wrong" but that they are just not on the same wavelength. No amount of posturing can fix that, and it's the wrong approach. It's actually a sign of insecurity to obsess about pleasing other people with everything you do.

 

[user252009]

2. Even if it did, the fact that such a tiny detail was enough to wreck everything means even if he got it "right" according to the internet alphas, the next tiny detail that was "wrong" would also wreck everything. This reveals what is actually going on: the problem was never his behavior being "wrong" but that they are just not on the same wavelength. No amount of posturing can fix that, and it's the wrong approach. It's actually a sign of insecurity to obsess about pleasing other people with everything you do.

So what would be a better approach here? There's no denying there's chemistry there.

 

[lgbs2004]

The problem was never his behavior being "wrong" but that they are just not on the same wavelength.

There's nothing he can do to change the result but if he acted more direct in the first place and told her to meet him at X at this time and so on maybe she would reciprocate or made a counteroffer

 

[derby1]

OP Attackformations advice is excellent...im going to drop you a cold heart truth bomb, which took me ages to accept

these modern women are bat**** insane for validation....you asking her out is 1up in her brain, like mario stomping a mushroom, or sonic collecting a ring, there even excellent at hiding it they may not even add selfies on the internet their that sly

They are so nuts for it, they will come onto you, ask how your child and great grandma is , initiate conversations with you, However do you notice when you try to get her alone she puts up a stumbling block that doesn't make her look bad? but doesnt reject you

when a woman likes you she makes it very easy, very easy indeed for you to seduce her

 

[lgbs2004]

when a woman likes you she makes it very easy, very easy indeed for you to seduce her

But first you need to know how to read the signs and it looks like OP don't