Wife wants separation

[Desdinova]

We talked it out, we both are kinda in a rut right now. I think she sufferes from pregnancy depression. And I wasnt being really helpful around the house and baby. There are few other things. But all in all, I think her calling for divorce was out of desparation. We talked it out. Things are ok now.

Keep that 5hit in the back of your mind. If she asked for it once, she could most certainly ask for it again.

If I were you, I would do one of the following:

1) Work at rebuilding your relationship. Take her out on fun dates, treat her like you just met her. If she responds positively, you'll probably be okay. If she puts you off, she has lost all interest you and you should proceed with the following.

2) Start getting things under way to end the marriage. Sell your business, come up with an exit plan, think about the things you want to come out with. Get your ducks in a row and then separate from her.

 

[Residentx]

My advice. Stop what your doing and sit down with her and talk with her before you do anything.

Women and men want different things in a marriage.

I will add this:

1. Running a business together is hard on a marriage.
2. Are you taking a vacations together (1 or 2 weeks together to bond)?
3. Has she found someone else?
4. Try to find out why she's unhappy.
5. Are you finding time to spend with her without the kids?

 

[Residentx]

Are you fat? Broke? Needy? What made you think she broke it off with you?

You have to older than 25 to post in this forum, you genius...

 

[AttackFormation]

Step 1, ABOVE ALL ELSE, quietly consult an attorney for advice IMMEDIATELY

Here's what I did and I was quite successful in terminating my marriage.

When she told me she wanted to separate I told her to sleep on the couch. When she wanted me to pay for her own apartment I told her to leave and she should handle that on her own. When she did move out she made several trips to get her clothes and I spoke very little to her. I kept it business.

If she wants to go, let her. Keep it business. Always take the high road and keep your cool. Let her make her own bed and lay in it.

When we divided up assets I told her she was getting less because she fuhked up our marriage and that she needs to pay a penalty.
When she told me she would hire a lawyer I told her my family has more money than she will ever see and will make sure she goes broke if thats the road she wants to go down.

The one who cares the least wins. Take your heart out of the matter. Make it business only. Protect what is yours.

Amazing to me how two people go from getting together out of warm "love" to a remorseless, cold blooded reptilian antagonism. When I read what Mauser says the mental image I get is literally of a soldier rushing down with his rifle and helmet tucked tight into a foxhole as artillery flies overhead, it's like Mauser describes getting your equipment and ducking down for the last stand. Howiestern describes it in a way that makes me think of two reptiles sticking their tongues out to sniff the air as they maneuver for the upper hand to assassinate each other. And these are people who shared a bed together for years... just wow.

Makes you wonder if it was the feelings that changed, or if the "affection" was just a PR stunt all along and beyond the surface was little to none of the real reasons for the relationship.

 

[Epic Days]

This

Amazing to me how two people go from getting together out of warm "love" to a remorseless, cold blooded reptilian antagonism.

And this

Makes you wonder if it was the feelings that changed, or if the "affection" was just a PR stunt all along and beyond the surface was little to none of the real reasons for the relationship..

There is some good stuff in this for all. Even in the early1990s, Sheryl Hite of the “Hite Report”, proved and reported that over 70% of married women cheated at least once. She felt that this is extremely conservative.

The drop from happily “in-love” to reptilian antagonism is a normal progression. Especially if the man is trying to hold it together. Marriages that survive do so with the deep undertone of resentment.

If you live with the woman in a monogamous relationship, it will bring it in when her desire falls out the bottom. In many cases she will still love you deeply. Love has nothing to do with it.

Did she feel genuine desire and love at the beginning? Of course. The desire is gone but the love can still be there. Unless of course the man is trying to make her feel desire again or guilting her into staying. This is actually impossible for the most part.

Many are expert cheaters and will never get caught. Men are just too plain stupid and generally get caught.
The really smart ones have no desire to leave the husband. She will only supplement her sexual fixes to stay mentally healthy and prevent the marriage from going to full blown antagonism. She really is thinking about her marriage. This flies in the face of the societal love affair with monogamy.

But consider this...her entire existence is about her chemical drives and the roller coaster excitements.

Here is the disconnect. Though some men figure this out very early, the vast majority of men live in the fake reality of the feminine world.
Little do they know that the foundation of everything they hold dear, is a construct.

The world you live in is a lie.

 

[lamath]

My personal opinion:

An accomplished man endures a lot of failure and pain, and knows how to overcome, because his accomplishments and ability to overcome always involve, to a certain extent, others' help and knowledge, and THAT (i.e. HELP and KNOWLEDGE) is what you can (and in my opinion SHOULD) bring to the table right now.

When a man is down, don't kick him.

Well said failure and pain are the best teacher.

When there is a need to explain or validate who we are, we are going it wrong

 

[Residentx]

I’ve accomplished more in my 23 years of life and done stuff with girls and life in general than you ever will. Age doesn’t mean sh1t. I’ve met 17 year olds with more life wisdom than a 34 year old ounce like 95% of males in this world. Betting your one of them.

You haven't accomplished $hit...and you definitely haven't learned to read.

 

[Residentx]

I’ve accomplished more in my 23 years of life and done stuff with girls and life in general than you ever will. Age doesn’t mean sh1t. I’ve met 17 year olds with more life wisdom than a 34 year old ounce like 95% of males in this world. Betting your one of them.

Let me ask you this question, Brixlingo. Why do you think they put an age limit for this section of the forum? Because at your age you're like half a man. Your mind is classified as "developing" All you squirt is bravado and chase young women, lol. STFU...

 

[fastlife]

An update. First of all, I just wanna say that all your replyies have been helpful and the kind of replies I got here is nothing Ive got other places. This place is as gold as its allways been.

That said, I called her bluff. This came at a terrible time where we both are under alot of stress. We own business and have a small baby. Everything about her asking for divorce seemed kinda off. So I waited two days and did research, looked for clues. But I really though she was serious. Yesterday, I went to my sisters house and when I came back she wanted to talk because Ive been avoiding her for the last 2 days. The thing is, she couldnt even wait for our oldest kid to go to bed. She kinda almost wanted to talk as soon as I came back from my sister. (My sister is divorced) I think at this stage she felt she lost all the leverage as she saw I might acually wanna leave.

We talked it out, we both are kinda in a rut right now. I think she sufferes from pregnancy depression. And I wasnt being really helpful around the house and baby. There are few other things. But all in all, I think her calling for divorce was out of desparation. We talked it out. Things are ok now.

Thanks for replies. I will come again in 15 years.

Google "chore play." This could've just been an epic level sh1t test, which means you failed a lot of them to get to this point, and also means you can't just fall into her frame. If this was a power play to get you to work harder around the house, then that's a fvcked up way to do it.

Here's my take. She fvcked up. HARD. She introduced the nuclear option. You can't just 'discuss it' and go back to normal. I would continue to be distant, start being more independent, and self-improve like a motherfvcker.

Seems to me there are 4 priorities here, and I'll order them for you:

• #1: You: If you get weak, the house of cards comes down. Are you who you want to be?
• #2: Your Kids: Are you being the kind of man your kids can look up to? Are you modeling the kind of relationship you'd want them to emulate.
• #3: Your Business: Owning a business together means she has a sh1t load of financial leverage. Is there anyway you can start duplicating it? Take over ownership? Bring in a couple additional partners? Maybe she needs a 'break,' and you can transfer her share to a trusted friend.
• #4: Your Relationship: If you're taking care of the above, then you can worry about this relationship. Is she earning her place in your world? What's she bringing to the table? How hard would it be you to replace her?

God speed, brotha. But you can't wait til things fall apart to start fixing them.

 

[lamath]

Google "chore play." This could've just been an epic level sh1t test, which means you failed a lot of them to get to this point, and also means you can't just fall into her frame. If this was a power play to get you to work harder around the house, then that's a fvcked up way to do it.

Here's my take. She fvcked up. HARD. She introduced the nuclear option. You can't just 'discuss it' and go back to normal. I would continue to be distant, start being more independent, and self-improve like a motherfvcker.

Seems to me there are 4 priorities here, and I'll order them for you:

• #1: You: If you get weak, the house of cards comes down. Are you who you want to be?
• #2: Your Kids: Are you being the kind of man your kids can look up to? Are you modeling the kind of relationship you'd want them to emulate.
• #3: Your Business: Owning a business together means she has a sh1t load of financial leverage. Is there anyway you can start duplicating it? Take over ownership? Bring in a couple additional partners? Maybe she needs a 'break,' and you can transfer her share to a trusted friend.
• #4: Your Relationship: If you're taking care of the above, then you can worry about this relationship. Is she earning her place in your world? What's she bringing to the table? How hard would it be you to replace her?

God speed, brotha. But you can't wait til things fall apart to start fixing them.

Well said
Its not you who **** up OP its HER

Giving her concession is rewarding bad behavior, dont.

 

[AttackFormation]

Something I'll never get used to, that female solipsism Rollo talks about.

What do you mean in this context?

When a woman generally takes the next step, to Divorce, you are INDEED in a war. Make no mistake. She has completely shut herself off, and now it is about punishing you and coming out the best she can financially. You will not believe how cold and ruthless a woman can become in a divorce. A friend of mine hung himself over this.

My sister is a family law attorney. Despite identifying as a feminist (at least she did at that point, dunno about now), she actually said by herself that it was the women who were the most vicious in antagonizing the other including the use of the children. She seemed wearied by going into it, but briefly described how the women will attempt to demonize the man by accusing them of violence, molestation, neglect, evil and whatever else and trying to brainwash the children. It sounded similar to the way guys will describe a cluster B devaluation stage on this forum, an all-out offensive to destroy the other person.

What do you mean by "punishing you" exactly? what is she punishing you for? I can imagine, but I would rather hear your definition of it in your own words.

 

[Trump]

I dont want to take advice from people who arent into women psycology or human behavior

I don’t want to give advice to people who are married with kids but can’t spell Psychology

 

[lamath]

I don’t want to give advice to people who are married with kids but can’t spell Psychology

Nice contribution

Come on ......

 

[Trump]

Nice contribution

Come on ......

Can’t ask for advice and then insult the people you are seeking advice from.

 

[RickTheToad]

6) tell your wife that you'll give her the divorce, the house, the kids, and the family business, without a fight, IF she will consent to 6 months of marriage counseling, prior to moving forward, because you feel like you owe it to the kids to give it a shot. If it doesn't work out, at least you can say you tried.

Do NOT even offer this w/o consulting an attorney first. This could be consider an applied agreement or contract between to parties (a marriage is a legal and binding contract between three entities. Both spouses and the State). Again, do NOT consider this AT ALL w/o seeking advice from counsel first. @ShePays was drunk or high when he wrote this.

 

[evan12]

He was very hurt, still is a bit, but knew it was the right thing to do. Never understood how a lady could even suggest stupid silly things like that above and expect to stay married. They were only married for 2 or 3 years.

Men in the west have been weaken and and their hand is twisted by unfair laws, women see all that and think they can get away with anything. Some men are ready to get their arm broken other to be locked down by their women and state, but they are few.

 

[evan12]

Fair enough, but anything not in writing, under emotional duress, and anything regarding real estate(in the US), is un-enforceable. It's an empty promise, to gain cooperation, and to buy time. But, of course, if he'd followed my advice, he would have spoken to his attorney FIRST, as you correctly instruct.

When it comes to women laws get twisted, any verbal promise can be considered a verbal agreement, judge will be looking for any slim thread to make the woman get the most, I wouldnt give any promose or even talk too much with the women until divorce finalized. divorce court is not a fair court, it is like everyone against the man , and this is the problem in current legal system that no body want to review and correct.

 

[RickTheToad]

Fair enough, but anything not in writing, under emotional duress, and anything regarding real estate(in the US), is un-enforceable. It's an empty promise, to gain cooperation, and to buy time. But, of course, if he'd followed my advice, he would have spoken to his attorney FIRST, as you correctly instruct.

[disclaimer: I'm neither an attorney nor a drunk]

Family law and civil law are completely different. If a spouse offers something, even not in writting, the court will consider this an actual offer. A dude in NY had a pre-nup and told his wife, verbally, not in writting, he'd rip it up after they had kids. They were divorced later and she stated this to the court. The court gave her 10 MILLION DOLLARS. Don't fvck around with the Nazi's in family court. I assume the dude admitted it, or she recorded it, but nonetheless, don't say anything w/o legal advice. Preferrably in writting.

Source: https://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/03/long-island-woman-wins-groundbreaking-prenup-battle/

 

[RickTheToad]

The only way for a man to WIN in family court is either not to play, or if his wife is already in prison when he files...

Ways around that license. co-habitation agreement, private marriage, staying engaged, but not signing a contract, domestic partnership, etc. Depends on what two people want. If dudes want a family, they need to eventually compromise. I am not saying a marriage license, but there may be something in the middle where they can be content as well as their partner. If not, they have to go their separate ways. If she (or he) cannot see what the party who has the larger assets has at risk, a breakdown of a marriage sanctioned by the State would be toture.

 

[RickTheToad]

I see zero distinction between cohabitation and marriage, and the only purpose for marriage is to father children in a stable family home. If two people don't intend to make a family, they should maintain their separate residences. The piece of paper is only a formal complication. The cohabitation makes the marriage. When more people realize that, maybe fewer will do it.

That little piece of paper can be a big mistake if the marriage goes south. I see no reason for it any longer. It causes way too many problems, and causes way too many deaths. It's evil.