Wife wants separation

[Blue Dude]

14 years
2 small kids
business togather

Told me yesterday. Not sure how to handle this. I dont want to take advice from people who arent into women psycology or human behavior and I know alot of you guys are into this so you might contribute something meanining full.

Also hi, I havent been here for like 15 years

 

[lamath]

14 years
2 small kids
business togather

Told me yesterday. Not sure how to handle this. I dont want to take advice from people who arent into women psycology or human behavior and I know alot of you guys are into this so you might contribute something meanining full.

Also hi, I havent been here for like 15 years

Imo no miracle way to deal with it.
Id speed things up for her, she wants a seperation id give it to her in a very clear and fast way. I would not even stay for explanation or talk about it.
She will have to face things with no time to adjust, best come back imo.

Stop giving her any attention, dont talk with her more than needed and only if its about the kids and buisness.

 

[RickTheToad]

14 years
2 small kids
business togather

Told me yesterday. Not sure how to handle this. I dont want to take advice from people who arent into women psycology or human behavior and I know alot of you guys are into this so you might contribute something meanining full.

Also hi, I havent been here for like 15 years

A friend of mine had the same experience recently. Here's what I recommend.

1) Speak to a lawyer
2) File for divorce. You can talk about possibly recinding the divorce at a later date. Your call.
3) Do NOT leave the marital home. It can be considered abandonment from a legal perspective.
4) Start working on yourself. Go to the gym. Go find some hobbies to occupy your time. She wanted a separation, congrats, she's got one.
5) Whatever you do, do not chase, beg, plead or bargin. All it will do is push her away more.

More importantly, what do you want to do? Just remember, time and space can turn things around; if that is what you want. It can also make you think clearer on your goals for you and your family's life. As always, head over to DadsDivorce.com for some additional guidance and help.

 

[Blue Dude]

Imo no miracle way to deal with it.
Id speed things up for her, she wants a seperation id give it to her in a very clear and fast way. I would not even stay for explanation or talk about it.
She will have to face things with no time to adjust, best come back imo.

Stop giving her any attention, dont talk with her more than needed and only if its about the kids and buisness.

I dont wanna get defensive. I want to keep the leverage. I feel like she is expecting me to break down or something. I cant do that. Women can sense weakness and probably reason she wasnt to move on. I cant give her more of that.

 

[Blue Dude]

A friend of mine had the same experience recently. Here's what I recommend.

1) Speak to a lawyer
2) File for divorce. You can talk about possibly recinding the divorce at a later date. Your call.
3) Do NOT leave the marital home. It can be considered abandonment from a legal perspective.
4) Start working on yourself. Go to the gym. Go find some hobbies to occupy your time. She wanted a separation, congrats, she's got one.
5) Whatever you do, do not chase, beg, plead or bargin. All it will do is push her away more.

More importantly, what do you want to do? Just remember, time and space can turn things around; if that is what you want. It can also make you think clearer on your goals for you and your family's life. As always, head over to DadsDivorce.com for some additional guidance and help.

I think I will play along. Chest out. Smile. Be the kinda guy she acually wants. Psycologicly. During the break up. Worse case scenario, we have a decent breakup. Best case, she finds me attractive again.

 

[lamath]

I dont wanna get defensive. I want to keep the leverage. I feel like she is expecting me to break down or something. I cant do that. Women can sense weakness and probably reason she wasnt to move on. I cant give her more of that.

Its not defensive its giving her exactly what she asked for.
A divorce mean no more supports and attention from you.

Been thru something similar last year, i did the leaving however.
But from my experience treating her with indifference is the way to go

 

[lamath]

I think I will play along. Chest out. Smile. Be the kinda guy she acually wants. Psycologicly. During the break up. Worse case scenario, we have a decent breakup. Best case, she finds me attractive again.

Not being butthurt is good,but you need to create uncertainty by making her feel that you are gone for good and that you will not give her any attention/support/validation


My ex try to hug me when i left her, i told her it was not appropriate, same with phone call when she needed to talk.
Its not your job anymore.

 

[RickTheToad]

Not being butthurt is good,but you need to create uncertainty by making her feel that you are gone for good and that you will not give her any attention/support/validation


My ex try to hug me when i left her, i told her it was not appropriate, same with phone call when she needed to talk.
Its not your job anymore.

Amen dude. Amen.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Sounds like you are approaching this with a good frame of mind.
The more detached you appear the more she may question her thoughts. This is not to imply that the end result will be as you hope, but it's more probable. The above advice about speaking to a lawyer and working on yourself are spot on.

Because you two are living under the same roof, be sure to clear your browsing history. There will be ups and downs (it's natural). When you feel anxious, remember that maintaining composure will pay off no matter what.

 

[sexymanman]

tell her you want to **** her hard

 

[HenBogan]

As someone has said don't leave the house...

Make yourself scarce but be respectful and responsible, don't lower yourself.. There is some great advice from the other posts..

I remember when my ex wife said she wanted to leave... I moved her out of my main bedroom into her own room.

I treated her fine whilst she was here, which was around 4 months, before she found a place... I helped her move house and then it was over...

Even though we have kids together and I have my children loads... I made the decision to not go back...

I remember she came back after about 2 months of having her own place... She said she'd made a mistake...

But there was no way she was coming back... She'd done so much damage and my feelings had been eroded over the years.

So take your time and you may actually find that what you want from this, could change...

 

[lamath]

As someone has said don't leave the house...

Make yourself scarce but be respectful and responsible, don't lower yourself.. There is some great advice from the other posts..

I remember when my ex wife said she wanted to leave... I moved her out of my main bedroom into her own room.

I treated her fine whilst she was here, which was around 4 months, before she found a place... I helped her move house and then it was over...

Even though we have kids together and I have my children loads... I made the decision to not go back...

I remember she came back after about 2 months of having her own place... She said she'd made a mistake...

But there was no way she was coming back... She'd done so much damage and my feelings had been eroded over the years.

So take your time and you may actually find that what you want from this, could change...

You took it like a man, without being butthurt and in a firm way.

You know why she she wanted back?
Uncertainty that cause anxiety about facing the situation alone without having the time to acclimate herself to her new reality

 

[HenBogan]

You took it like a man, without being butthurt and in a firm way.

You know why she she wanted back?
Uncertainty that cause anxiety about facing the situation alone without having the time to acclimate herself to her new reality

Good point Lamath,

I can look back now, having spent time here, and see that picture.. But back then, the whole time allowed me to decide that I didn't want her back...

I hope OP does use this time to decide what is best for him...

I am fortunate that I see lots of my kids and I have always supported them emotionally and financially...

Now I need to apply this to my current situation ha ha...

 

[lamath]

Good point Lamath,

I can look back now, having spent time here, and see that picture.. But back then, the whole time allowed me to decide that I didn't want her back...

I hope OP does use this time to decide what is best for him...

I am fortunate that I see lots of my kids and I have always supported them emotionally and financially...

Now I need to apply this to my current situation ha ha...

Harder to do when she is the one who dump you, because its a big hit on the ego.


I remeber being dump by a crappy below.my smv gf, it was my hardest break up.

Learned alot since then

 

[RickTheToad]

As someone has said don't leave the house...

Make yourself scarce but be respectful and responsible, don't lower yourself.. There is some great advice from the other posts..

I remember when my ex wife said she wanted to leave... I moved her out of my main bedroom into her own room.

I treated her fine whilst she was here, which was around 4 months, before she found a place... I helped her move house and then it was over...

Even though we have kids together and I have my children loads... I made the decision to not go back...

I remember she came back after about 2 months of having her own place... She said she'd made a mistake...

But there was no way she was coming back... She'd done so much damage and my feelings had been eroded over the years.

So take your time and you may actually find that what you want from this, could change...

Yes, this. I know when a collegue went through this a year or so ago he said he had the same experience, just no kids. However, she moved into a sep. room, but things weren't working. She actually told him we should see separate people while living under the same roof and no sex between each other. Since it was his place before marriage and he listened and not added her to the deed (which she apparently asked to be added after marriage), he pushed for a legal separation and for her to move out. He offered funds to help her and to help her move, she declined. He said she tried first just to move back to her parents for a few months, then said she didn't want a divorce, he just said in front of her and her parents, it's too late. He filed the next day she left the home since she voluntarily left the home a few months prior and they divorced. He was very hurt, still is a bit, but knew it was the right thing to do. Never understood how a lady could even suggest stupid silly things like that above and expect to stay married. They were only married for 2 or 3 years.

 

[RickTheToad]

Pure evil.

Not evil, just regret. Ladies always think there is something better. FOMO. The reality, usually is, the best they could get was either lost in the past or what they currently have.

 

[The Duke]

14 years
2 small kids
business togather

Told me yesterday. Not sure how to handle this. I dont want to take advice from people who arent into women psycology or human behavior and I know alot of you guys are into this so you might contribute something meanining full.

Also hi, I havent been here for like 15 years

Here's what I did and I was quite successful in terminating my marriage.

When she told me she wanted to separate I told her to sleep on the couch. When she wanted me to pay for her own apartment I told her to leave and she should handle that on her own. When she did move out she made several trips to get her clothes and I spoke very little to her. I kept it business.

If she wants to go, let her. Keep it business. Always take the high road and keep your cool. Let her make her own bed and lay in it.

When we divided up assets I told her she was getting less because she fuhked up our marriage and that she needs to pay a penalty.
When she told me she would hire a lawyer I told her my family has more money than she will ever see and will make sure she goes broke if thats the road she wants to go down.

The one who cares the least wins. Take your heart out of the matter. Make it business only. Protect what is yours.

 

[Blue Dude]

An update. First of all, I just wanna say that all your replyies have been helpful and the kind of replies I got here is nothing Ive got other places. This place is as gold as its allways been.

That said, I called her bluff. This came at a terrible time where we both are under alot of stress. We own business and have a small baby. Everything about her asking for divorce seemed kinda off. So I waited two days and did research, looked for clues. But I really though she was serious. Yesterday, I went to my sisters house and when I came back she wanted to talk because Ive been avoiding her for the last 2 days. The thing is, she couldnt even wait for our oldest kid to go to bed. She kinda almost wanted to talk as soon as I came back from my sister. (My sister is divorced) I think at this stage she felt she lost all the leverage as she saw I might acually wanna leave.

We talked it out, we both are kinda in a rut right now. I think she sufferes from pregnancy depression. And I wasnt being really helpful around the house and baby. There are few other things. But all in all, I think her calling for divorce was out of desparation. We talked it out. Things are ok now.

Thanks for replies. I will come again in 15 years.

 

[lamath]

k

An update. First of all, I just wanna say that all your replyies have been helpful and the kind of replies I got here is nothing Ive got other places. This place is as gold as its allways been.

That said, I called her bluff. This came at a terrible time where we both are under alot of stress. We own business and have a small baby. Everything about her asking for divorce seemed kinda off. So I waited two days and did research, looked for clues. But I really though she was serious. Yesterday, I went to my sisters house and when I came back she wanted to talk because Ive been avoiding her for the last 2 days. The thing is, she couldnt even wait for our oldest kid to go to bed. She kinda almost wanted to talk as soon as I came back from my sister. (My sister is divorced) I think at this stage she felt she lost all the leverage as she saw I might acually wanna leave.

We talked it out, we both are kinda in a rut right now. I think she sufferes from pregnancy depression. And I wasnt being really helpful around the house and baby. There are few other things. But all in all, I think her calling for divorce was out of desparation. We talked it out. Things are ok now.

Thanks for replies. I will come again in 15 years.

Well played, however calling for divorce and changing her mind that fast is not a good sign imo

I dont think this is the end of things. I dont think i would let her off the hook that fast either imagine if she knows that she can change your mind that easily.

 

[Julian]

An update. First of all, I just wanna say that all your replyies have been helpful and the kind of replies I got here is nothing Ive got other places. This place is as gold as its allways been.

That said, I called her bluff. This came at a terrible time where we both are under alot of stress. We own business and have a small baby. Everything about her asking for divorce seemed kinda off. So I waited two days and did research, looked for clues. But I really though she was serious. Yesterday, I went to my sisters house and when I came back she wanted to talk because Ive been avoiding her for the last 2 days. The thing is, she couldnt even wait for our oldest kid to go to bed. She kinda almost wanted to talk as soon as I came back from my sister. (My sister is divorced) I think at this stage she felt she lost all the leverage as she saw I might acually wanna leave.

We talked it out, we both are kinda in a rut right now. I think she sufferes from pregnancy depression. And I wasnt being really helpful around the house and baby. There are few other things. But all in all, I think her calling for divorce was out of desparation. We talked it out. Things are ok now.

Thanks for replies. I will come again in 15 years.

The reality is whoever was banging her dumped her and now she wants back. Yikes.