The texting advice on this site is wrong

[Robert28]

I’ve had TWO damn plates drop me in the last month because they claim I don’t text enough or don’t text first. I know this site preaches 80/20 but that doesn’t work in the real world gentleman. That **** will get you dumped on your ass eventually, women will only try so long. Now, in the very beginning like on your first 3 meetups or dates I would say 80/20 is fine BUT I would honestly recommend 60/40 because women love to fvcking text and that gauges their interest you have in them. Texting only for dates will get you moved to the back because someone else is texting more and giving her attention and she’s gonna pick him over you. You HAVE to text them and not just when you want to set up dates, you have to talk but not all day everyday but I would say exchange 5-10 texts a day after 3 meetups. After that you better bump it up to 50/50 or you’ll find your ass alone.
I’ve had two women drop me because they said they’re tired of me never texting first or rarely texting first, it makes them feel like they’re putting in all the effort and that I don’t care. They will not tolerate days going by and not hearing from you, that’s old thinking. You better work on your text game cause it’s going to save you, you have to learn how to build rapport with them and KEEP IT GOING because they will lose interest fast.

 

[lamath]

Low interest excuse

Was thinking the same.
Women in general are not that direct about thier reason for dumping

 

[redskinsfan92]

I’ve had TWO damn plates drop me in the last month because they claim I don’t text enough or don’t text first. I know this site preaches 80/20 but that doesn’t work in the real world gentleman. That **** will get you dumped on your ass eventually, women will only try so long. Now, in the very beginning like on your first 3 meetups or dates I would say 80/20 is fine BUT I would honestly recommend 60/40 because women love to fvcking text and that gauges their interest you have in them. Texting only for dates will get you moved to the back because someone else is texting more and giving her attention and she’s gonna pick him over you. You HAVE to text them and not just when you want to set up dates, you have to talk but not all day everyday but I would say exchange 5-10 texts a day after 3 meetups. After that you better bump it up to 50/50 or you’ll find your ass alone.
I’ve had two women drop me because they said they’re tired of me never texting first or rarely texting first, it makes them feel like they’re putting in all the effort and that I don’t care. They will not tolerate days going by and not hearing from you, that’s old thinking. You better work on your text game cause it’s going to save you, you have to learn how to build rapport with them and KEEP IT GOING because they will lose interest fast.

How long did you have these plates?
Do you honestly believe the bs reason they gave you?

 

[guru1000]

They weren't that interested in you Robert, and used that as a convenient excuse.

A girl will never drop you for not texting her first. As you move forward in the relation, she may express her concern that you don't text, but not immediately drop you for it without attempting to work it out. Details are missing here though so I'll assume you had no discussion, and they disqualified themselves from you due to their lower IL. Thank them.

In the event, they brought this up to you repeatedly and you undermined them with total disregard, this is different.

 

[Robert28]

They weren't that interested in you Robert, and used that as a convenient excuse.

A girl will never drop you for not texting her first. As you move forward in the relation, she may express her concern that you don't text, but not immediately drop you for it without attempting to work it out. Details are missing here though so I'll assume you had no discussion, and they disqualified themselves from you due to their lower IL. Thank them.

In the event, they brought this up to you repeatedly and you undermined them with total disregard, this is different.

No that’s exactly what happend. They did casually mention a couple times “I wait to see if you text me first” sometimes when we’d be hanging out and looking back I thought I did, in fact I know I did but I was using the 80/20 rule and I shouldn’t have. One of the girls had known me 7 months and the other 5 months. I even was talking to an ex girlfriend of mine I dated for a year back in 2017 and she said “you are the most fun guy I’ve ever been with, you and I had an awesome relationship but your problem is you come off as you don’t care because I got tired of going days without hearing from you or the fact that I always had to text you first. It was like you were emotionally unavailable and when I weighed everything out I had to let you go because as awesome as you were, I needed more of an effort in small ways from you like texting. Some girl is going to be lucky as **** to land you but you do need to work on the texting thing.”.

 

[lamath]

No that’s exactly what happend. They did casually mention a couple times “I wait to see if you text me first” sometimes when we’d be hanging out and looking back I thought I did, in fact I know I did but I was using the 80/20 rule and I shouldn’t have. One of the girls had known me 7 months and the other 5 months. I even was talking to an ex girlfriend of mine I dated for a year back in 2017 and she said “you are the most fun guy I’ve ever been with, you and I had an awesome relationship but your problem is you come off as you don’t care because I got tired of going days without hearing from you or the fact that I always had to text you first. It was like you were emotionally unavailable and when I weighed everything out I had to let you go because as awesome as you were, I needed more of an effort in small ways from you like texting. Some girl is going to be lucky as **** to land you but you do need to work on the texting thing.”.

Sorry this happened , but dont follow rules blindlessly.

Need to think and adjust, i think its 2/3.

 

[guru1000]

No that’s exactly what happend. They did casually mention “I wait to see if you text me first” sometimes when we’d be hanging out and looking back I thought I did, in fact I know I did but I was using the 80/20 rule and I shouldn’t have. One of the girls had known me 7 months and the other 5 months. I even was talking to an ex girlfriend of mine I dated for a year back in 2017 and she said “you are the most fun guy I’ve ever been with, you and I had an awesome relationship but your problem is you come off as you don’t care because I got tired of going days without hearing from you or the fact that I always had to text you first. It was like you were emotionally unavailable and when I weighed everything out I had to let you go because as awesome as you were, I needed more of an effort in small ways from you like texting. Some girl is going to be lucky as **** to land you but you do need to work on the texting thing.”.

Robert what works in the beginning to attract them does not work exactly in the same way once you cross into threshold of relationship.

Two different dynamics.

One requires space and uncertainty, the other nourishment and uncertainty.

Most girls want to feel desired (as opposed to needed) in a LTR type of relation. It’s most primal of her intimacy desires.

 

[Robert28]

Robert what works in the beginning to attract them does not work exactly in the same way once you cross into threshold of relationship.

Two different dynamics.

One requires space and uncertainty, the other nourishment and uncertainty.

Most girls want to feel desired (as opposed to needed) in a LTR type of relation. It’s most primal of her intimacy desires.

But it seems now it’s more stated than ever. The transition phase was much smoother than it is now. It honestly has taken some getting used to.

 

[Julian]

It depends on the connection with the girl tbh. I dont go by any rules to this. If we are vibing and we are equally reciprocating to keep our daily convo going then its all good...think in terms of a really good online friend youve had that u constantly chatted with, without thought as to double txting, and waiting for response and waiting to respond and all those stupid ego games. Thats when u got a keeper.

Edit- these needs to be a girl who you are in a committed long term relationship with where maybe you live together etc. do not do the above with the hoes

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

This one is nuanced. I think if Robert is coming across as too aloof (that’s how I read the feedback he’s gotten from his experience) then he needs to make more effort to give a higher comfort level to his rotation.

I only rarely text first. Ever. Upon just meeting a man I never text first. I figure he got my contact info...he can contact me. If a man has interest in me I expect him to act like a man and show some interest/initiative, and as the relationship develops I expect him to initiate most of the time on an ongoing basis.

That’s an old fashioned stance. It comes out of “Ladies do NOT chase gentlemen” that was drilled into my psyche as a teen & young woman. Additionally I don’t know what a man might be doing, who else he might be seeing etc. I don’t care to interrupt him in a meeting or on a date and I’d rather not interject myself into his life when it might annoy him.

If he reaches out then I know several things...

1. He thought of me and took the initiative to send a message (to which I will respond warmly in a timely fashion if I like him or we are dating).

2. It’s a good time as he took a moment out of his day to contact me.

Now. In my recent relationship my BF occasionally mentioned that he wanted me to reach out more via text & telephone. Dating 2 years I’d say all contact was started 85% of the time by him and 15% by me. He would complain once in a while but then he would gush to people how he loved that I didn’t suffocate him or cling and that I wouldn’t put up with his crap...(I did to a degree but that’s another matter), lol.

He got bored with women who blew up his phone & social media all the time...and he always kept contact (still does in fact...)

So my point is that this is a nuanced thing, which is why it gets debated all the time around here.

What works for guru might or might not work for Robert. And so on. I will tell you that if a man doesn’t make an effort to reach out I’m going to assume he’s not into me before I’ll start chasing. I DON’T chase. If the guy is a sought after man I will reach out to him on occasion to reflect his level of engagement.

High quality people are going to expect reciprocal treatment. So that I get.

Consider your own personality and variables on this. It isn’t one size fits all.

 

[teacha]

Robert28, that ‘rule’ is meant for newbies and newbies alone. It is supposed to be used as a set of training wheels until they are ready to soar on their own.

it’s your own fault for thinking one size fits all. You are to judge on a case by case basis. Personally, I don’t follow any sort of ‘rules’ as I find them too limiting.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Undersexed guy: Hey baby, let's party!

Girl: Um, No.

Undersexed guy: Hey, Internet, how do you talk to girls?

Internet: Use kino!

Undersexed guy: Huh?

Internet: Kino, touch her.

Undersexed guy: OK, got it!

(later that evening)

Undersexed guy: Hey baby (touching her), wanna party?

Girl: Fvck away from me!

Undersexed guy: Damn, the Internet is WRONG about girls!

 

[AttackFormation]

Undersexed guy: Hey baby, let's party!

Girl: Um, No.

Undersexed guy: Hey, Internet, how do you talk to girls?

Internet: Use kino!

Undersexed guy: Huh?

Internet: Kino, touch her.

Undersexed guy: OK, got it!

(later that evening)

Undersexed guy: Hey baby (touching her), wanna party?

Girl: Fvck away from me!

Undersexed guy: Damn, the Internet is WRONG about girls!

Hahaha, yeah. Some guys are just hopeless and I think that's the case here. That's the vibe I get from reading all of Robert's posts/complaints.

 

[lamath]

Imo you just need to be able to understand and predict the effect the txt and frequency of it have on your target. Then adjust accordingly.

We shouls always have in mind a basic
understanding of how attraction is created and how it can be destroy.

Uncertainty and less txting can be great, but need to calibrate.

The 2:3 ratio is recommended for ppl having a harder time understanding how the txt can be perceived and how to create attraction.

 

[lamath]

Dude understood. However our degree of business doesn't effect "objective game theory" that's what we discuss here and i think thats what's attacked.
Now relative game theory is your own and your individual degree of business will effect your text frequency. I get that. Calibrate as said above. But to discard one for the other is not seeing the whole landscape.

Guys with great game and are natural and can't define it as such or like the trench guys, have to figure it out and theory helps see the whole picture. Or as Rollo stated. See the forest for the trees.

Imo that 2:3 rule can be very misleading, its probably the best strategy at the begening bit not farther down the road..


Also ppl should be aware that 2:3 rule is also a way to see her IL.
If 2/3 is very hard to get it probably mean dont waste your time.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

These are actually true outcomes. Besides the parts in parenthesis.

There are some over talkers and over texters who are successful. They get her mind steer and influence her thoughts and focus.

 

[lamath]

I respect the different views. But me? Even in an LTR i am distant to a degree.
To much of your attention in any context even in your professional life people will lose interest. Its just human nature.
Space in any context is good in this game. Especially LTRs.

Space and beeing the one that is willing to walk out are the best tool you have.

Imo onece the frame that you can walk out at any time as been establishif and that she is the one that need you the most, space is not as important.

But i will admit that S&D is one of the best way to let her know that you can walk out at any time.

 

[Serenity]

I have always laughed about guys on this forum treating texting like some math puzzle, with little sense besides that. I have always operated on simpler rules.

• Don't text only out of fear you'll lose her.
• Don't randomly avoid texting because you believe it will increase your chances.
• If you do have a break in between, have good reason such as actually being very busy.
• Don't keep a conversation longer than what seems natural, don't artificially extend it.
• Don't cut a conversation short when there's naturally a reason for a few more messages.
• Don't listen to guys on the internet, use trial and error to figure out what works best for you in your area.

See, no math involved, just common sense.

 

[Glassguy]

#1- OP said these chicks were PLATES. So if they were looking for more than just hanging out, occasional drinks, dinner, etc., there is a shelf life there. Apparently that level of interest expired and they moved on. So be it. Go find more.

If a rotation was EASY and the chicks just all went along with being plates, EVERYONE would have a solid rotation. Well.....most everyone.

#2- Find women for your rotation that dont need coddled through texting 24/7. A woman that has goals, a career, passions, hobbies, strong social groups and has a purpose will in fact NOT need as much texting communication.

If you are trying to spin chicks that are low self esteem, constantly need you to validate them, have tons of down time, are unhappy people and expect YOU to bring their happiness everyday wrapped up in a bow.......then you are not going to spin these types of women in a rotation. Trailer trash, part time workers, women with very few friends, etc make HORRIBLE plates. They also make HORRIBLE GF's for you relationship chasers who cant fathom seeing 3-5 women at a time.

They dont work in relationships and they dont work in rotations. Find the women with a purpose and women that have value. Those women are totally fine seeing you once a week. But the key is, you have to have value as well in order to be on their playing field or higher and make it worth their time to pursue you or at least pursue as much as you pursue them (back to self improvement).

Start with the wrong tool and the job becomes much more difficult that starting with the right tool for the job.

I have limited time to devote to women in my rotation. If they require more time than I can give them, they can go on down the road and find a dude that will text them 100 times a day for all I care. That is not me and I will not change.

Happy hunting.

 

[teacha]

I respect the different views. But me? Even in an LTR i am distant to a degree.
To much of your attention in any context even in your professional life people will lose interest. Its just human nature.
Space in any context is good in this game. Especially LTRs.

How do you deal with low interest chicks in the beginning? Do you just stay in one gear? I find that I have to be a bit proactive in the beginning stages until she’s bitten the bait so to speak then I slowly pull back. Being distant from the get go rarely gets me anywhere with them.