When was the last time that you

[17 shots]

Trying to call that low value suggests you have little social acuity into how the world really works.

Don't take a jab at me at the end, over a difference of opinion. I never once questioned anything about you personally while making my argument, but now I will... Trying to say that ISN'T low value suggest that maybe you're one of the low value women we're talking about lol

 

[Mazer]

She will be going on dates with various men. The way a woman spins a rotation is different, as I noted. Men seek sex, women seek attention. If you keep that in mind then it makes perfect sense.

High self esteem women do not need to have sex with various people, its a foregone conclusion that they could.

I know I could if I wanted to for example, but I don't need to do that. Choosing the right guy as a lover is much more important. Now, I realize that even if I choose a man as a lover there is likely to be a period of time where he may not yet be exclusively my lover. But I expect that in time he will choose me and therefore his other options will fall away or he risks losing me.

The landscape is a little different IMO in the post family/childbearing years because the family unit is less important and what is important is compatibility and sexual connection and friendship/lover type relationships. Mutual exclusivity is still best for the purpose of building trust and intimacy and many people do seek a great life partner.

Few people are the total package as a great life partner and so those who are have choices. Its not just about a pretty face and a hot body. High value men who are accustomed to beautiful women know this. They are going to date beautiful women by default. They are going to have a robust sex life by default. So then if the baseline is beauty/sex then what actually selects a woman as best suited for a man are going to be things beyond beauty and sex, for beauty and sex are givens to men in this realm.

I have said that I typically date the player archetype. Here's the thing. They usually fall for me. Why? I am more than a pretty face and a hot body. Furthermore I am patient because I deeply understand the mentality that "player" men adopt and why and I also know that in time they are not satisfied just slaying the next lay ad nauseum. It becomes meaningless to many and these guys realize they want something more. A woman with something on the ball. Wit. Intelligence. A woman who holds him to some kind of account and won't tolerate bad behavior. A woman who is engaging outside the bedroom who is cool/fun to hang out with. Someone sweet and feminine but with an inner strength. Someone he's proud to be seen with in public. All those things become important on the back end of a high notch count but at the same time they get harder to find in the aggregate. I just had this exact conversation with my ex a couple of days ago. He's getting laid right left and center. Gorgeous women. They cling, they act gaga or crazy, they want to control him, they are not intelligent (his words, not mine.) He's had a date almost every day since we broke up (that is his own pathos to a large measure) and he's not into these women. They don't offer the whole package and he's gotten spoiled over the past 2 years. It's JUST sex and he wants MORE than just sex. So he's a bit disillusioned.

I told him he needs to hold out for better quality women and quit pursuing just based on looks/physique. That's a very hard habit for him to break because his own validation comes from his ability to get laid at will. Again, his own pathos at play.

What Glassguy is emphasizing is that as a man you select better and higher quality women for your rotation. Yes there will be women who are also seeing other men in the mix. That is a level playing field. As time passes either you will have plates fall off (if you are not willing to meet her needs this will be inevitable) and as Glass notes you replace those with someone else. Eventually you'll run into a woman who is a compelling enough individual that perhaps you drop plates at some point. So too will she.

Embrace the process and create of yourself a man who women find desirable (not for the sake of women, for the sake of YOU - women are a natural after effect). That is the foundation that makes the rest possible.

Care to share the details of the break up? What do you hope to achieve by keeping him in your orbit?

 

[Focal core]

Your assertion is ridiculous. A woman must spend time with a man in order to get to know him & get to know whether or not there is potential to progress.

It is not “low value” at all for a woman to get acquainted with various men when she is free to do so. Lunch with one man on Tuesday, dinner with another on Friday & golf or a party with another on Saturday (for example) is simply taking time to get to know these people & allow things to develop or not.

Getting to know a man requires time. I am efficient with my time as it the most valuable thing I (or anyone) has.

Sometimes you end up with a friend or business relationship out of these interactions, sometimes you find it would be great to set a friend up with someone and sometimes you find someone who you enjoy & want to allow further into your life.

It’s an efficient use of social time.

Trying to call that low value suggests you have little social acuity into how the world really works.

I agree on the part of to get to know period of time, but not constantly getting to 'know' men they have already known or slept with.. We men knew this, and that will seperate the ho and true women apart.

 

[Focal core]

I can see you point and i think that my disagreement is towards the definition of high value women.

That definition is different coming from a women than what it is coming from a man.

Probably why there is so many very successful career women wondering why they cant find a good.man

Id rather date a women that only date one man at a time.
Maybe its just me i dont do the plate spining and i expect the same from the women im seeing

That's right, I recently reject girl who hit me hard on that constantly hangout / keep her orbiter around long enought before she get the regrettable dumping, no sane women who value herself would done that.

 

[Focal core]

And there's a girl who's carries her puppies pretty face boy flirt with me infront of him, that girl doesn't even realized that she's triangulating that poor boy with me.. I can see that guy face so very upset with me, but I hasn't done anything, it's just that I'm quite popular of where I am. But as her puppies he tried his very best to win back her attention..
As you can see how far this 'get to know' phase is going on, until he's discarded like a trash.

 

[BeExcellent]

I can see you point and i think that my disagreement is towards the definition of high value women.

That definition is different coming from a women than what it is coming from a man.

Probably why there is so many very successful career women wondering why they cant find a good.man

Id rather date a women that only date one man at a time.
Maybe its just me i dont do the plate spining and i expect the same from the women im seeing

I understand what you are saying. However that is expectation for exclusivity from the woman right out of the gate.

It’s an unreasonable expectation. Especially for the highest caliber women. The 8s and 9s and 10s who have other appealing characteristics. These women have great choices. The whole purpose of dating is to select someone worth spending time with. If one is selecting there is a group they are making a selection from.

You make an erroneous assumption about me by the way. I know many men do not care how much money a woman makes and some don’t care about a “career woman”. I’m appealing aside from that and in fact because I work remotely can more easily prioritize a man if a relationship warrants.

However many high caliber men do appreciate the skill set an accomplished woman can contribute to his life...things like financial discipline, organizational skills, social acumen, entertaining with panache, intelligent conversation, wearing clothes that are stylish but not inappropriate, informed opinions on matters of the day in current events or having sufficient education to obtain a knowledge base such that she reflects well on him and adds to his life.

Don't take a jab at me at the end, over a difference of opinion. I never once questioned anything about you personally while making my argument, but now I will... Trying to say that ISN'T low value suggest that maybe you're one of the low value women we're talking about lol

I assure you I am considered a high value woman. In a market chock full of beautiful women who are fit. It's important that men here understand the perspective of an actual high value woman so they can see how the market actually operates. That is my perspective and if it adds value for someone, that's why I share as I do.

Care to share the details of the break up? What do you hope to achieve by keeping him in your orbit?

He is a BPD/narcisisst (he knows and I've openly addressed this with him on numerous occassions) and part of the narcissistic dynamic is that the relationship is never over in the mind of the narcissist. So if I go radio silent or block him he finds ways to reach out through friends or he shows up places he knows I am likely to be etc. My mother was a malignant covert narcissist with an alpha authoritarian father his parents were the same ilk, so we relate to one another on those touchstones and I understand what I am dealing with in him. The first night I met him I said to him "It takes one to know one". Very true. I am not BPD but I certainly have narcissism in my personality profile. We "got" each other aside from many shared interests and the ridiculous chemistry that improved over time.

So it is worthwhile remaining on friendly terms because we know the same people, we move in the same circles and we were seen as a visible couple out and about while we were dating. People (many of his oldest friends in fact) used to say to me all the time that they'd never seen him consistently out with one woman, and that they'd never seen him happier than with me. We developed a very close friendship that we both miss. Even now whenever one or the other of us shows up somewhere alone or with someone else, we inevitably get asked "where is (name)?" which has been rather awkward for both of us from time to time but we are both positive about the other person and we simply say nice things but that we are no longer together. We've been to an event for example and run across each other where he's flirting and getting numbers and I'm being asked for my number as well. No big deal. No jealousy. Our mutual friends see that we are fine in proximity to one another so nobody feels as though they need to take sides. It's all good.

He told me a few days ago that he still wants to try. Of course he also knows that I've met someone else who I find intriguing who is just as handsome, just as tall, there is scintillating attraction and frankly has his life better put together than my ex BF. I think he (BF) is a little stunned (or his ego bruised) that I met someone so quickly but (and this is a tribute to the salient advice often given here...) I had already largely checked out emotionally due to the crazy making behavior that would pop up at any given moment...and the lies I kept finding and finding. I think his major concern is that the new man is a legitimate threat to him keeping me on as an option, for this is a narcissist after all, much as I love him.

He's not a good one to have as an enemy and I like him fine but don't feel any need to go running after him. He reaches out to me. I mostly am non-responsive or get back to him in my own time frame. I have already told him that if things progress with the new man that obviously a friendship of any sort is OUT of the question as I do not think that is respectful of a new relationship. He says he understands but obviously it will be my job to cut that off and manage it when the time comes.

And he may fade off now that I've confirmed that in fact I do have interest in someone else. That would be ideal but I realize fully that he will ping back like a homing beacon from time to time in any case. That is what these folks do.

 

[lamath]

I understand what you are saying. However that is expectation for exclusivity from the woman right out of the gate.

It’s an unreasonable expectation. Especially for the highest caliber women. The 8s and 9s and 10s who have other appealing characteristics. These women have great choices. The whole purpose of dating is to select someone worth spending time with. If one is selecting there is a group they are making a selection from.

You make an erroneous assumption about me by the way. I know many men do not care how much money a woman makes and some don’t care about a “career woman”. I’m appealing aside from that and in fact because I work remotely can more easily prioritize a man if a relationship

Be sure this is not about you but just my general opinion on this topic.
And i agree other attribute are very important but we see so many entitled women that think otherwise because of the disney/media influence.
Still a women that play the field is far less attractive when considering ltr status.
Ask any self respecting man

 

[BeExcellent]

Be sure this is not about you but just my general opinion on this topic.
And i agree other attribute are very important but we see so many entitled women that think otherwise because of the disney/media influence.
Still a women that play the field is far less attractive when considering ltr status.
Ask any self respecting man

Understood. There are many many opportunistic people out there, both women (and trust me) men as well. Character is a rare thing to find. So is personal integrity. My point is simply that the best women are going to be so bombarded with attention from great guys that expecting she is going to date totally one at a time from a first meet up forward is not realistic. A great gal will show favor to the man she most fancies right away (this is high interest) and will drop other options off rapidly if things progress...but understand a little secret from the ladies locker room...

Nobody is nicer/more charming etc. than a man who is trying to fvck you for the first time. Well informed and well advised women understand this and are cautious about getting involved physically. Well. Relationship oriented women. Plenty of women are not relationship oriented in that sense in this day and age. Those women are not great LTR prospects. No argument there. Its just not always easy to determine right out of the gate although there will be markers if you know what to look for.

So a woman cannot know entirely a man's motivations until she grants him sexual access...and she is well advised to hold off as long as reasonably possible to allow him to see her as something beyond a sexual conquest (because many or even most of the pump and dump guys out there will move on rather than be patient. I'd rather date several men at once (one or two dates) and cut them loose quickly rather than waste time in a linear sense. It is more efficient from a time standpoint. It also allows a woman to remain open to a man she really likes and the options help her not be too clingy right out of the gate, just as a man having several women keeps him more objective and less likely to develop oneitis.

 

[17 shots]

I assure you I am considered a high value woman. In a market chock full of beautiful women who are fit. It's important that men here understand the perspective of an actual high value woman so they can see how the market actually operates. That is my perspective and if it adds value for someone, that's why I share as I do.

Whether you're high value or not is subjective. Aren't you like 60? Sorry, but to me that's not high value. You're just an old woman who can't keep a man, get over yourself

 

[ubercat]

Ok for the re-cap we know that if women have sex with too many men they lose their ability to bond.
So we re discussing woman then dating a number of men but not sleeping with them


In this situation I think the value judgements are just that judgements

And it's well-known hear that men often suffer premature attachment more than woman.

So plating is your best friend here.

such a woman is unlikely to make you a priority and likely to reschedule and often flake.

So naturally she falls down the order of your rotation as girls with higher interest level raise themselves up.

Channeling the spirit of pook and anti dump. In early dating men always spin plates and protect your heart

 

[BeExcellent]

Whether you're high value or not is subjective. Aren't you like 60? Sorry, but to me that's not high value. You're just an old woman who can't keep a man, get over yourself

High value is both objective and subjective. Physical attractiveness is more subjective.

I’m 50 as noted in my profile. I have no trouble keeping a man and no shortage of interest. There are men who have met me in person in their 30s who want to date me. That’s too young for me in my book as I’ve never been a “cougar”. The recent ex was 2 years younger and that’s younger than I typically date. The new guy I like is 58 but looks 45. He used to model. I start many of my posts off with “advice from the old lady” as a tongue in cheek way of letting people know I’m older.

At any rate take or leave the comments I make. Nobody’s opinion here affects my reality which is as stated. I’m giving a perspective based in my own experience.

Naturally men in their 20s and 30s are typically looking for someone much younger than I. Guys in their 40s & 50s it depends. I’ve always had more attention than I can Field when I’m available. That allows me to be selective. It is what it is.

 

[Dr.Suave]

When they dont pass boner test

 

[AttackFormation]

Serial dating/ sport dating is a sign of a very picky woman that struggles to see the core value and humanity of the men she is dating, which is a red flag in and of itself. not to mention that these types of women speak in a very unattractive unromantic manner, there's nothing romantic about picking men off of an assembly line, value has completely displaced interpersonal connection.

Hahaha the way you describe this is both clinical and like a dramatized tragedy. "Struggles to see the core value and humanity of the men she is dating" xD I love this stuff. But it's only too real too.

 

[AttackFormation]

The way they talk is like a gender inverted version of the worst, most autistic sosuave thread except just spewed out in public like it's totally normal. It's like have you no shame? And they view it as maturity with age! Lol. More common with older single women than younger, as @stormrider says romance is not for older women.

Got any examples?

 

[AttackFormation]

They criticize every guy for every little thing basically. One of them went on 5 dates in a week lol.

Can you help my mind process and understand something? I see this woman indicating she's 'looking for a relationship', and saying she's "not here for random sex, not interested in anyone that immediately hits on me" but I know on another site she posts dozens of near-naked thirst trap pictures from multiple angles and has been online for a long time. What's going on? Is she mentally ill? very low self esteem? zero introspection? is it actually some weird filter? torn between an addiction to validation and a search for a relationship? Something else?

 

[AttackFormation]

Most women are either insecure or entitled

90% of women you will run into in your lifetimes will either be insecure or have massive egos. Here is the difference between the two: Insecure chick: Flirt with other guys to create status for themselves because they don't feel secure enough to talk to you directly. This is the M.O. of an...

www.sosuave.net

The entitled woman. They can have varying disorders for sure, but if you have any self respect at all you should never get close enough to find out which one lol. Honestly they act flat out psychotic though.

The kind of damage a woman like this one has to have is intriguing to me, but I sure would not want to get close to find out what exactly it is.. I just like to discuss it so I can avoid these kinds of women in the future. To on one site be posing like a stripper or sex worker, and on the other site say she is uninterested in men who hit on her or want to have sex with her and she is ostensibly searching for a relationship for months and years and still doesn't have one with the 100s/1000s of men in her life.

The thing that caught my attention specifically is, she doesn't have the usual signs. You would have no idea of the incongruency unless you saw her pictures on the second website. She has nothing that'd make it obvious she is damaged in some way like filters, snapchat emojis, "dumb/crazy" pictures and profile text, or vanity poses. This is the kind of woman who could catfish guys like us by appearing different, if it weren't for assuming all women are like that and experience.

Entitlement may well be part of it, but it hit me that you can sum whatever it is up as: her ability to pair bond is hollowed out. That's really it.

 

[soulforge]

Turned down/rejected/discarded a chick?

It seems there is a lot of talk about guys chasing and pursuing women on here. On the flip side, we should have high standards and we should be making them validate themselves and not vise versa.

Even though I am a rotation guy, I still have the same standards for plates that I spin as I would someone I would be in a relationship with, if I wanted a relationship.

I find myself denying women, not "pursuing" to show my own worth. If I am on the fence about a chick entering my rotation and she does something that I dont like, I simply tell her that I'm not sure that we are a good match because I am looking for something slightly different on an attraction/personality/feminine scale.

This drives them nuts. Most of them come back harder than before. But I discard or turn down women. If they are not better than what I am spinning in numerous ways, why would I waste my time?

Think about that. Instead of you validating yourself, you actually discard a chick that is interested in you. Do you realize what that does? It makes you value yourself more, have higher standards, and if that chick you discarded was really interested and you discarded her based on her doing something that you were not ok with, she will quickly adjust her behavior and shoot another shot with you.

Too many "did I mess this up with her?", "Is she interested in me?", "what can I do to sleep with her?" threads. That is the opposite of abundance. Fvvvvvccckkkkk that.
She got mad because you didnt text back in 10 minutes? Tell her she is slightly different than what you are looking for because you are a busy man.

She got mad because you did so and so? Ok.....bye bye. I literally dont have time to argue about it. Cya

You should be asking yourself "Does this chick fit the bill as to what I am looking for with my intent?" and move on from there.

I am not gloating, just keeping it real. If you are the prize, why do you continue to reach for scraps out of the dumpster from some of these chicks? Until you "get" what I am saying, you'll continue to struggle.

Happy hunting.

Good post Glassguy.. I am setting this standard more and more for myself recently.

I also like the fact that you set expectations and standards for plates not simply with a relationship girl.

In the past 3 months i have discarded 3 chicks due to having something I didn't like about them.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I understand what you are saying. However that is expectation for exclusivity from the woman right out of the gate.

It’s an unreasonable expectation. Especially for the highest caliber women. The 8s and 9s and 10s who have other appealing characteristics. These women have great choices. The whole purpose of dating is to select someone worth spending time with. If one is selecting there is a group they are making a selection from.

You make an erroneous assumption about me by the way. I know many men do not care how much money a woman makes and some don’t care about a “career woman”. I’m appealing aside from that and in fact because I work remotely can more easily prioritize a man if a relationship warrants.

However many high caliber men do appreciate the skill set an accomplished woman can contribute to his life...things like financial discipline, organizational skills, social acumen, entertaining with panache, intelligent conversation, wearing clothes that are stylish but not inappropriate, informed opinions on matters of the day in current events or having sufficient education to obtain a knowledge base such that she reflects well on him and adds to his life.



I assure you I am considered a high value woman. In a market chock full of beautiful women who are fit. It's important that men here understand the perspective of an actual high value woman so they can see how the market actually operates. That is my perspective and if it adds value for someone, that's why I share as I do.



He is a BPD/narcisisst (he knows and I've openly addressed this with him on numerous occassions) and part of the narcissistic dynamic is that the relationship is never over in the mind of the narcissist. So if I go radio silent or block him he finds ways to reach out through friends or he shows up places he knows I am likely to be etc. My mother was a malignant covert narcissist with an alpha authoritarian father his parents were the same ilk, so we relate to one another on those touchstones and I understand what I am dealing with in him. The first night I met him I said to him "It takes one to know one". Very true. I am not BPD but I certainly have narcissism in my personality profile. We "got" each other aside from many shared interests and the ridiculous chemistry that improved over time.

So it is worthwhile remaining on friendly terms because we know the same people, we move in the same circles and we were seen as a visible couple out and about while we were dating. People (many of his oldest friends in fact) used to say to me all the time that they'd never seen him consistently out with one woman, and that they'd never seen him happier than with me. We developed a very close friendship that we both miss. Even now whenever one or the other of us shows up somewhere alone or with someone else, we inevitably get asked "where is (name)?" which has been rather awkward for both of us from time to time but we are both positive about the other person and we simply say nice things but that we are no longer together. We've been to an event for example and run across each other where he's flirting and getting numbers and I'm being asked for my number as well. No big deal. No jealousy. Our mutual friends see that we are fine in proximity to one another so nobody feels as though they need to take sides. It's all good.

He told me a few days ago that he still wants to try. Of course he also knows that I've met someone else who I find intriguing who is just as handsome, just as tall, there is scintillating attraction and frankly has his life better put together than my ex BF. I think he (BF) is a little stunned (or his ego bruised) that I met someone so quickly but (and this is a tribute to the salient advice often given here...) I had already largely checked out emotionally due to the crazy making behavior that would pop up at any given moment...and the lies I kept finding and finding. I think his major concern is that the new man is a legitimate threat to him keeping me on as an option, for this is a narcissist after all, much as I love him.

He's not a good one to have as an enemy and I like him fine but don't feel any need to go running after him. He reaches out to me. I mostly am non-responsive or get back to him in my own time frame. I have already told him that if things progress with the new man that obviously a friendship of any sort is OUT of the question as I do not think that is respectful of a new relationship. He says he understands but obviously it will be my job to cut that off and manage it when the time comes.

And he may fade off now that I've confirmed that in fact I do have interest in someone else. That would be ideal but I realize fully that he will ping back like a homing beacon from time to time in any case. That is what these folks do.

its your right to go completely no contact, no explanation. Cold.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Can you help my mind process and understand something? I see this woman indicating she's 'looking for a relationship', and saying she's "not here for random sex, not interested in anyone that immediately hits on me" but I know on another site she posts dozens of near-naked thirst trap pictures from multiple angles and has been online for a long time. What's going on? Is she mentally ill? very low self esteem? zero introspection? is it actually some weird filter? torn between an addiction to validation and a search for a relationship? Something else?

the torn between

 

[Georgepithyou]

I've rejected girls on online dating sites and instagram, but the last time was a year ago.
34 year old Serbian woman, wanted to cheat on her husband.

Thanfully i found my currwnt girlfriend shortly after