The Best Strategy to Talk to Women and Quickly Create Connections with Them

[Keenan]

We feel we both know and trust people (and actually do) when they know what’s going on in our lives and we know what’s going on in theirs.

That’s the criteria for creating a bond or connection, in both matters of romance as well as in friendship.

As a man, it’s your job to make this a living reality in your conversations with women (and everyone else for that matter; friends, family, co-workers, etc.).

You must take the initiative and lead!

So how do you do this?

By structuring your conversations in such a way that you voluntarily reveal information about yourself to them, and balance that equally by guiding and encouraging them to reveal information about themselves.

You do this by either introducing cues into the interaction yourself, or by eliciting them from the women by asking them questions and listening to their responses, then following up.

But what is a cue?

And how do you use them to accomplish this aim?

A cue is simply a mention of something, usually about herself and her life that can be expanded into a larger topic of conversation, or thread.

You bring cues out by either asking the women a question, and listening to their answer carefully with the intention of picking up on a cue they drop into the conversation – or by talking about something about yourself and then turning the conversation onto them by asking them a relevant and related question that pertains to what you introduced into the conversation.

Genuine conversations aren’t interviews where a question is asked, an answer is given, and then another often unrelated question is asked. No, it’s a mutual exchange where personal information is shared on relevant topics in a manner that flows.

So how do you do this, exactly?

“How’s it going?”

Or: “How’s your day (or evening or shift) going?”

This is your basic go-to question to begin an interaction, especially when you’re first learning.

The purpose is to open the lines of communication and get that information flowing one way or the other; either receiving or giving.

One of two things is going to happen...

Either she’ll start telling you about how it’s going – or she’ll simply say “Good” and then ask you the same question in return, because she’s not yet comfortable and open enough to share herself with you.

Each scenario calls for a different approach.

If she starts telling you about her day, listen! What you want to listen for are those cues. As she talks, she will start making mentions of things that happened to her.

Those are the things you want to turn into the central topics of the conversation.

And if she simply says “Good” and then asks you how you’re doing, talk about yourself! Tell her what you’ve been up to. Reveal information about yourself that preferably paints you in a positive or neutral light. But keep it short and to the point. This will build the trust she needs to start talking about herself and revealing information about herself.

After talking for a short period, turn the conversation back onto her by asking her about her own experience with whatever you introduced into the conversation.

Some “experts” preach that we should listen 80% of the time and speak 20% of the time.

Wrong!

This is called having no personality and no charisma.

You should aim for 50/50.

After all, how can she get to know you and what you’re all about if you keep your mouth shut?

“But you have to build the mystery!” comes the chorus amateurs.

Rubbish!

Give her the opportunity to learn what you’re all about and talk about yourself with enthusiasm.

A hint here is that you must have goals in life that you are pursuing. Those are the things you want to talk about and reveal to her, because those are the things that occupy your time. Men who have goals and are passionate about them are interesting to listen to.

But never hog the spotlight for long. A rule of thumb, at least in the beginning of an interaction or relationship, is to keep your speaking turn under 20 seconds, before turning the focus back onto her.

But this doesn’t mean you let her keep it for long, before turning it back onto yourself again by using some cue she introduced to transition the conversation back onto yourself.

You want to continually be rinsing and repeating in this manner.

If she takes the spotlight at the beginning of the conversation, let her have it for awhile. Then transition it back onto yourself using something she said. Keep doing this. Or if she wasn’t open in the beginning, put the spotlight on yourself and then try placing it on her again after a little while to see if she’s now open. Then keep repeating.

You want to lead the conversation in such a way that you both get to share yourselves and get to know each other to the same degree.

This is the basics of how connections are formed.

This is the basics of how great conversations are manufactured.

And this is basics of how you become an interesting, attractive and charismatic personality.

 

[Ricky]

Nice post. I agree a good way to get a conversation going is to reveal things about yourself first. I would also add that being a good story teller can really rope in womens attention. I describe people from my neighborhood or my past that ive worked with and tell funny or interesting stories about them over time. Ive found that even though the women dont know the people i am mentioning, its interesting to them over time as i tell more stories involving the same people.

In essence i am writing a novel for them conversationally over time

 

[Spaz]

If I were to do any of the suggested techniques, I'd seriously would not get invited out consistently by women.

Enjoy the delusions gentlemen.

 

[Ricky]

There is something to be said for matching others energy state too than raising it. If the woman is quiet and subdued and you come in too hyped up it may not work out as well. Matching and pacing help

 

[Keenan]

@markfromeurope

Your're right. "How's it going?" isn't a great opener for strangers. I did state is was intended for guys just learning to develop their conversation skills. But it does work great for people we already know or for people who are paid to talk to us, like waitresses and cashiers. But what's the point of an opener other than to simply get the conversation started? In many cases, it serves its purpose.

@Spaz

Actually, not only would you get women calling you and inviting you to hangout, you'd also win their admiration and respect. So keep doing what you're doing now and get those invites. But to me that's of no real value unless I'm also winning their love and respect in the process, like my approach produces. Of course, like @Ricky alluded to, energy plays a factor. I speak with conviction, resonance and enthusiasm, so I wouldn't rule that out either as a contributor to my results.

But like @markfromeurope asked: Please, do tell us your approach to starting and leading conversations. There's no other way to truly analyze our differences and have a serious debate about what produces more desirable results, assuming you're up for the challenge.

 

[Spaz]

Aside of "How is it going" (which is terrible opener really) I'd say is rather spot on and that it depends on the type of man you are and your style of the game.

So what's your approach to initial conversation Spaz?

Truth is I have no opening.

Never had and never will.

Because its the women's job to create openings.

 

[Spaz]

@markfromeurope

Your're right. "How's it going?" isn't a great opener for strangers. I did state is was intended for guys just learning to develop their conversation skills. But it does work great for people we already know or for people who are paid to talk to us, like waitresses and cashiers. But what's the point of an opener other than to simply get the conversation started? In many cases, it serves its purpose.

@Spaz

Actually, not only would you get women calling you and inviting you to hangout, you'd also win their admiration and respect. So keep doing what you're doing now and get those invites. But to me that's of no real value unless I'm also winning their love and respect in the process, like my approach produces. Of course, like @Ricky alluded to, energy plays a factor. I speak with conviction, resonance and enthusiasm, so I wouldn't rule that out either as a contributor to my results.

But like @markfromeurope asked: Please, do tell us your approach to starting and leading conversations. There's no other way to truly analyze our differences and have a serious debate about what produces more desirable results, assuming you're up for the challenge.

As I've said, enjoy ur delusions.

 

[Keenan]

As I've said, enjoy ur delusions.

Did you chime into this thread in an attempt to discredit my strategy because it ridicules your own approach at making conversation, and you felt offended by that?

So let me get this straight; you’re saying you never start conversations with women. They’re the ones who always approach you, start and lead the conversations, and then ask you to hangout, all the while you just stand passively by. I find that hard to believe – unless you look like Brad Pitt did in his youth, are super ripped, display opulence, or are famous. But if none of these things, I call BS.

 

[ubercat]

Pretty likely spaz is a local living some fahlangi James bond fantasy. I wouldn't bother asking him for tips. They won't translate well to Western society.

Personally I go with Espi s approach. Keep them talking.

 

[Spaz]

Gents, just let all ur insecurities create more game ideology whilst guys like me don't give a fvck one way or the other.

I'll still continue with fvcking girls and I will still continue getting invited out.

I know it's irritating but it ain't my fault that all of you insist on being bottom feeders.

 

[Spaz]

Hey mate, why so defensive? I was just asking question.

It wasn't aimed at you but I'll reply to ur question later on buddy.

 

[BURT MCQUEEN]

Aside of "How is it going" (which is terrible opener really) I'd say is rather spot on and that it depends on the type of man you are and your style of the game.

So what's your approach to initial conversation Spaz?

I wanna try to get some good idea from this post, OP wrote something good with some flaws but good

Yesterday i was leaving the university, while walking a girl was walking from the opposite direction and she was eye banging me and i could feel the vibe. She was wearing full denim, the first thing the came out in my mind was to approach her was something like "hi where did you get that jacket?". But she was with an old lady so I did nothing, next time a see her I'll approach her

Another similar thing happened during class, i girl got a couple of headphones that i was interested in so I asked "did you get those on amazon?"

her:"sure sure i got from amazon"
me:"how's the bass?"
her:"wonderfull really good"

and so on

One good topic to to use when approaching is to ask something about what they're wearing or doing

 

[Spaz]

I wasn't really asking about 'opener' (I have none myself) rather interested in how you go through first conversation with a woman and how you proceed further depending on how you gauge her interest level.

I think 50/50 talk is really good, alas I tend to lead when it comes to topics.

If I really like the woman I try to kiss her during first hour of meeting (if I established rapport earlier by text game and some mild sexting - no d.ick photos etc. rather phucking with her imagination).

If I have no rapport established/I don't know her I don't try to kiss her on the first date and wait for it to second date, but my SMV is around 7.5-8/10 overall so I do need to lead 90% of interaction really at least for the first several dates if I aim at 7's and 8's (looks) women.

If your SMV is higher than that (iirc you are some kind of executive officer so it's likely) then women will make it easier for you - I'm interested in parts where and when it's easier.

Also interested in your targets really - do you go off on psychological and material advantage (nothing wrong with that if that's your MO) and you date 2 points below your SMV for well polished c.ock everyday or do you game them on your own SMV level?

It's kinda late here, 3 am, just got back from entertaining some outstation clients, instead of telling you, I'll show you how without doing much women will contact me - to prove my contention that it's a women's job to spin things up, you can take it from there.

1st example I accidentally called this girl I, its just a tone or 2 then I managed to cancel it but here she is.....asking...digging...information.



The 2nd example was this girl whom I fvcked like 3 or 4 weeks ago....(you guys might not understand some of the sentences as it's not English but it's enough for you to get the gist of it).



My point is, there's no need for techniques as women by default will chase men even when you do absolutely nothing.

 

[xplt]

It's kinda late here, 3 am, just got back from entertaining some outstation clients, instead of telling you, I'll show you how without doing much women will contact me - to prove my contention that it's a women's job to spin things up, you can take it from there.

1st example I accidentally called this girl I, its just a tone or 2 then I managed to cancel it but here she is.....asking...digging...information.

View attachment 3091

The 2nd example was this girl whom I fvcked like 3 or 4 weeks ago....(you guys might not understand some of the sentences as it's not English but it's enough for you to get the gist of it).

View attachment 3092

My point is, there's no need for techniques as women by default will chase men even when you do absolutely nothing.

The thing this works for you is because your approach, or your not approaching is different from the pushing that other guys do.
There’s a different side to this situation, too. From my perspective, the most satisfying relationships for me were with women who came after me.
Relationships with women who made me work for them went often sour.

 

[Spaz]

The thing this works for you is because your approach, or your not approaching is different from the pushing that other guys do.
There’s a different side to this situation, too. From my perspective, the most satisfying relationships for me were with women who came after me.
Relationships with women who made me work for them went often sour.

Good, at least u r not a bottom feeder.

That's because you are in your proper masculine frame as validator and she is in her proper feminine frame as seducer.

You're telling me as men, we have to become great in life, advance civilization, AND seduce women too? Nah, that's not how it works. Women have to do their part. They have to submit/surrender to your dominance and seduce you with their feminine charms. They were born with it. PUA's try to learn it. But all PUA's do is backwards engineer female game.

If she isn't seducing you, all that means is you didn't polarize her with your masculine presence. But some other guy will. All your chasing/pursuing is for nothing.

Correct Stormy.

 

[Keenan]

I NEVER keep track of who's doing the talking. And I really don't care about the spotlight.

When they're into me, they will talk, and I won't interrupt. I will let them talk as long as they want.

The ones who are really into me will invariably say, "Geez I'm completely talking too much! Tell me about you!"

You want them to GIVE you the spotlight, and even then, in my opinion, you should be brief and hand the spotlight back to them, by volleying a question or just ending the dialogue with a declarative statement. Let there be dead air. Invite awkward pauses in the conversation. See if she makes an effort to revive the conversation. Whether she resumes talking about herself or asks you another question doesn't matter. Either is good.

I used to use the same approach to my conversations as you outlined above, but then it evolved into what I briefly laid out in the OP. In doing so, my results improved drastically. Before I was merely liked. Afterwards I became truly loved by the majority but despised by the envious minority.

There's no doubt your approach and my starting point gets results when it comes to women; numbers and dates, etc. But now I win admiration and respect in addition, whereas before people were neither here nor there.

But I'd like to hear your opinion: What criticism do you have on my current approach? Or why wouldn't you see yourself adapting it?

 

[Keenan]

I don't expect people to respect, admire, or approve of me.
I do not muscle for the spotlight.
I do not aim for 50/50.

Try as hard as I like: I do NOT know how the majority or minority truly perceives me, nor should it even MATTER.

However: my opinion is, I have one mouth and 2 ears for a reason. So I try to listen 80% and speak 20%. I wholeheartedly endorse that because I have a very big mouth, and when I speak my mind, it often does NOT yield the results I'm looking for. So the less I speak, and the more I listen...the better I am for it.

You made a lot of assumptions about me and my motives based on evidence I never gave you. But perhaps you realized that and that’s why you spent an hour editing your reply until you finally decided to just delete most of it.

The desire to be a great personality and win love does not necessarily mean a need for approval and validation is present.

Most men want to be great and beloved, and that’s commendable.

I want to see men transform their personalities into powerhouses that wield far-reaching influence regardless of their position in society or the scope of their material possessions, and I’ve discovered many of the principles whereby that may be attained, and I continue learning almost every day.

Currently, I am very, very poor, and owe a small handful of people money.

But my friends Bob and Rob, who are among the wealthiest in my city, want to see me do well financially.

It’s been said it’s much, much harder to get a rich man’s time than his money.

Yet these high status men always make time for me whenever I want to drop by their offices for a chat.

Why?

Because I have deliberately and consciously developed a charismatic personality. The result of this is that the conversations I engineer carry value to them, thus, making our friendships important to them.

If you think there’s no value to what I have to offer just because it runs contrary to your current approach to people, interactions and relationships, perhaps an opportunity is passing you by.

After all, how can we recognize what we don’t know when we don’t know it, and how can we identity those who do know when we don’t even have the awareness to recognize them?

 

[Keenan]

You're 100% spot on: I have made a lot of assumptions about you, and I spent a lot of time editing and re-editing my response (which I thoroughly enjoyed doing, by the way. No shame or complaints: I often put a lot of time and effort into editing responses).

If it helps (and again this is just my opinion):

Judgments are ALWAYS about the person doing the judging. They NEVER reflect the person being judged.

So in the grand scheme of things, opinions really don't matter...unless you want them to.

So maybe the bigger point here is, Why does my opinion matter so much to you? What do you have to prove? I'm just some guy spouting off on the Internet.

If you don't agree or like my opinion that's OK with me. There is an ignore button.

You’re inviting me to ignore you?

You’re encouraging me to question the value of your opinions?

I would banish such faithless nonsense!

But to address your claim:

I disagree that all judgments are merely opinions and never reflect the person being judged. To make that claim asserts that character and morality do not exist, or else that everyone is ignorant of them.

This is not so.

Some people are knowledgeable on matters of character and morality, others aren’t. And their opinions of others simply reflect the degree of their understanding of human nature, or their lack of it.

But this is a tangent.

In your deleted post, you gave me your reasoning for why you stick with the 80/20 ratio in conversations.

I would like to share with you a little about why I don’t listen 80% of the time. In fact, sometimes, I speak 80% of the time (once a relationship is already established).

I am the focus of my life

I am the main character in the movie of my life. But by listening 80% of the time, I found myself becoming an extra in other peoples’ lives. I became a mere sounding board for them to exercise their selfishness and vanity.

By listening to whatever someone wanted to talk about, they became the focus – not me, and they knew it and took advantage of my lack of backbone and leadership.

Keeping my reality positive

I am the master of my ongoing experience. I dictate what’s allowed to enter it and what’s prohibited, though this does not mean I use force or “muscle” as you put it to make these circumstances a reality in my life.

Most peoples’ minds are filled with fear and ignorance, thus, that is what comes out if left to their own devices in conversation. I want none of that in my reality, unless it is my aim to understand their causes and effects.

I give my attention and listen only when I am sincerely interested

I don’t care about how many children someone I don’t know has. I don’t care that some celebrity did this or that. This information is irrelevant to me. I could spend the same time talking about something they want to talk about that is also of interest and value to me.

I’ve devised ways to tactfully get off and stay of useless topics and lead the conversation onto subjects that are mutually beneficial.

I am a beacon of light in the world

The minds of most people are filled with negativity and apathy. Most people have “given up” (at least after the novelty of youth has worn off) and are holding on for dear life, wishing the nightmare would end.

People come to me in low spirits and leave reinvigorated with hope and faith for the future. Enthusiasm is infectious.

I lead an adventurous life

The majority of people are bored out of their minds. After all, why is Netflix so extremely wealthy and successful?

Because I have a mission in life and because I also have minor goals, I am always up to something. We admire people not only for their achievements; we admire them for trying, for making the pursuit. Most people are too timid to do even that. With pursuit comes stories. And regardless of failure or success, they capture attention and interest.

As in the old days, people are still eager for news. They want to know the current developments in any plot. I give it to them and they listen attentively.

Just a few reasons

These are just the first few reasons that popped into my head. There are more, but you probably get the point.

The OP is the starting point for any man who wants to make these things a living reality in his life.

 

[Keenan]

Perhaps I came off a little vain in previous posts, which turned some of you off and I apologize for that. But I do speak the truth.

 

[Keenan]

Anyone want to continue to discuss this topic further? Or has anyone applied what the OP laid out? If so, I'd love to hear about your results.