A Way Forward

[HenBogan]

Hey Guys,

Absolutely new to this place and there is so much great information, thanks to everyone who posts...

I have just got the doc love system and before I commit I wanted to know what other options there are available?

A little bit about me...

I am over 40 and I have absolutely no problem getting gals and, should I wish to, transitioning into relationships, I am confident, well dressed and I have a good job etc...

Problem is, which seems almost common place, I get the girl she starts to say I am the man of her dreams etc but then I get too attached, too close?

I write poetry and all that kinda stuff for them..

So I can see where I am going wrong I would appreciate your thoughts on a system or plan to put into place... Something I want to change within myself..

Cheers

 

[HenBogan]

Hey Guys,



Problem is, which seems almost common place, I get the girl she starts to say I am the man of her dreams etc but then I get too attached, too close? Yep. You become feminine. All the culture and movies tell this is what women want. Straight women don't want to date another woman. You get need, write poetry and chase. And they feel revulsion.

I write poetry and all that kinda stuff for them.. Don't. I have done the same, and for the most part it is a mistake.

So I can see where I am going wrong I would appreciate your thoughts on a system or plan to put into place... Something I want to change within myself..

Learn to be independent
when you DO start dating a girl, internally guard against chasing and being needy.
for God's sake, STAY OFF THE PHONE. Phones are for setting dates. endlessly texting and talking on the phone tells her all she needs to know, removes the mystery, and doesn't allow her to miss you. The more time you spend texting and talking, the less reason she will have to see you in person.

Thanks Mauser,

Everything you have written is spot on... Especially the last paragraph.

I can write war and peace messages... They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks... Well I am going to change...

Would you recommend a book or plan?

One to really study...

Cheers

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard.

I've also done my share of attraction killing.
You're on the right track. Most people do not want to (or aren't capable of) accepting their own liabilities in these situations.
Having to filter, condense withhold etc... conversation may feel unnatural, but in reality, doing so will seem more 'natural' to the recipient.
Just like you, I've also been fortunate in grabbing their initial attraction, to only kill it with over-kill. It's those dam(n) dopamine spikes that'll do it every time.

Think back on those "I now see and if I'd only done this" moments. Write them down. Seriously. Write them down. Then beside each one, write how you wished you'd handled it. The next time you are interacting with someone of interest and feel any urge (which might feel 'natural' but has proven to be counterproductive) read that piece of paper. And read the "how you wished you'd handled it."

Basically, the above is like the sober person talking the 'intoxicated' (dopamine spiked) person out of making a mistake that they'll soon regret.

 

[HenBogan]

Welcome aboard.

I've also done my share of attraction killing.
You're on the right track. Most people do not want to (or aren't capable of) accepting their own liabilities in these situations.
Having to filter, condense withhold etc... conversation may feel unnatural, but in reality, doing so will seem more 'natural' to the recipient.
Just like you, I've also been fortunate in grabbing their initial attraction, to only kill it with over-kill. It's those dam(n) dopamine spikes that'll do it every time.

Think back on those "I now see and if I'd only done this" moments. Write them down. Seriously. Write them down. Then beside each one, write how you wished you'd handled it. The next time you are interacting with someone of interest and feel any urge (which might feel 'natural' but has proven to be counterproductive) read that piece of paper. And read the "how you wished you'd handled it."

Basically, the above is like the sober person talking the 'intoxicated' (dopamine spiked) person out of making a mistake that they'll soon regret.

Thanks for your thoughts

I will write things down...

I have started

Read "the Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
Read Atomic Attraction by Psychologist Chris Canwell - This book is readily available, reasonably priced and focuses on ATTRACTON not relationships. It is all based on scientific research and is a goldmine

So thanks for the advice on The Rational Male Mauser – Dam that book cuts through you like a knife. It is brutal but I like the directness.

I have the audiobook; I am 4 hours in…

I can identify with so many things, it goes against a lot of my beliefs, but I am open and I am listening… I am already spinning plates, but that is something that I always have done.
Without digressing into the nuances of the book.

Is it possible to part Alpha yourself? Pick the bits that you want? I like writing poetry!!! Ha ha
I am happy with how I look, I cycle and play golf, I always dress well, I have a good job, I own a new car and my own home.

I am going to digest the book but I want to tweak and add rather than rebuild my personality… Within the confines of a relationship, I need to maintain the initial me and not allow myself to change… I am confident and funny, but that changes….

He who cares less has the power I guess??

 

[purple haze]

Read "the Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
Read Atomic Attraction by Psychologist Chris Canwell - This book is readily available, reasonably priced and focuses on ATTRACTON not relationships. It is all based on scientific research and is a goldmine

Canwell states that whenever a girl asks for an exclusive relationship, you should be emotionally unavailable and say, "I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now." Do you agree with this?

 

[Spaz]

Just redivert ur excess feelings into something else.

If you focus it to just one person, a woman, she's going to be overwhelmed.

Take up playing a guitar or flute.

 

[metalwater]

The doc love stuff is pretty good and funny. I had it years ago and then unfortunately forgot ALL of it... and got myself into the very common beta bull.


For me the following books are helpful. They are target different points of our issues with girls. They are worth at least a brush through. I don't think that the doc love stuff covers these. When I read it, it really seemed like new info to me.

-The Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay

-Practical Female Psychology – For the Practical Man by Joseph W. South

One of the guys in this forum wrote the following idea (or something like that, maybe one of the others can link to it):
“If we love our girl more then they love us, they will become masculine”.

Now there are hundreds of ways to take action on that idea. There are lots of good ideas.. I like that idea of the captain and first officer frame. Meaning you are the captain and she is the first officer. She is always replaceable... you might never want to replace her.. but at the root/root/root of the thing is that she is a member of your crew and serves at your discretion/choice.

We have to have enough things going on that if the girl goes away because she wants to or because we want her to, that we will continue on in our life without much delay.

If the first officer is a good one and is dedicated/effective/loyal who would ever replace them, and we would do everything to protect them. If they mutiny, hang em and move on. The key is they have to know that is the situation. For them to know it... it really has to be true.

If you like to poetry, write it for yourself or make a blog about it.. sell it.. show it off if it is good. Let the girl see it as you show it to others.. don't write it to her if it would give the signal that you have higher interest in her than she does you. If you write it for others perhaps in a blog then she can admire you for your skill in it but not look for any power.

Good Luck

 

[HenBogan]

The doc love stuff is pretty good and funny. I had it years ago and then unfortunately forgot ALL of it... and got myself into the very common beta bull.


For me the following books are helpful. They are target different points of our issues with girls. They are worth at least a brush through. I don't think that the doc love stuff covers these. When I read it, it really seemed like new info to me.

-The Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay

-Practical Female Psychology – For the Practical Man by Joseph W. South

One of the guys in this forum wrote the following idea (or something like that, maybe one of the others can link to it):
“If we love our girl more then they love us, they will become masculine”.

Now there are hundreds of ways to take action on that idea. There are lots of good ideas.. I like that idea of the captain and first officer frame. Meaning you are the captain and she is the first officer. She is always replaceable... you might never want to replace her.. but at the root/root/root of the thing is that she is a member of your crew and serves at your discretion/choice.

We have to have enough things going on that if the girl goes away because she wants to or because we want her to, that we will continue on in our life without much delay.

If the first officer is a good one and is dedicated/effective/loyal who would ever replace them, and we would do everything to protect them. If they mutiny, hang em and move on. The key is they have to know that is the situation. For them to know it... it really has to be true.

If you like to poetry, write it for yourself or make a blog about it.. sell it.. show it off if it is good. Let the girl see it as you show it to others.. don't write it to her if it would give the signal that you have higher interest in her than she does you. If you write it for others perhaps in a blog then she can admire you for your skill in it but not look for any power.

Good Luck

Thanks Metalwater,

An insightful and helpful post.

I do like that analogy of the Captain and first mate; I think thats a good one to take forward.

I'll pick up those books too...

It's interesting re the poetry as she was the object of them and that ties into the ethos of “If we love our girl more then they love us, they will become masculine”.

Again thanks for your thoughts.

 

[sexymanman]

stop thinking about the future when your with a woman and this problem will be solved.

 

[Epic Days]

Who taught you that women want poetry and other things that she construes as supplication?

 

[HenBogan]

Who taught you that women want poetry and other things that she construes as supplication?

No one, it's something that I enjoy doing mainly for myself, sometimes I may write about a girl...

 

[Epic Days]

No one, it's something that I enjoy doing mainly for myself, sometimes I may write about a girl...

Think about this for a while. I write fiction and other things. That has nothing to do with how women really are.

 

[Epic Days]

Here’s the think about writing and creativity. Who you are and what you think will come out in it. It works like a reinforcement. The more you write poetry about love and eternal bliss, the more it is reinforced in your mind.

This will definitely prevent you from advancing as a man. A man who understands life and living. But for me just to say stop writing about that stuff is not my place. You will have to come to terms on your own. At some point in progression you will stop doing it because it’s not real and just an illusion.

We all think or thought those things were just who we are. Understanding the world and one’s own mind bears out the truth. You are not those things. Unless of course you are dead and then your poetry could be sellable. Dead poets.

 

[HenBogan]

Here’s the think about writing and creativity. Who you are and what you think will come out in it. It works like a reinforcement. The more you write poetry about love and eternal bliss, the more it is reinforced in your mind.

This will definitely prevent you from advancing as a man. A man who understands life and living. But for me just to say stop writing about that stuff is not my place. You will have to come to terms on your own. At some point in progression you will stop doing it because it’s not real and just an illusion.

We all think or thought those things were just who we are. Understanding the world and one’s own mind bears out the truth. You are not those things. Unless of course you are dead and then your poetry could be sellable. Dead poets.

Interesting thoughts....

I think therefore I am? A projection of our thoughts... My father always said, change your mind, change your world...

As an aside, I am just listening to the concept of smiling.... I had read, smiling and laughing was a good thing on a date but this atomic attraction says broody is more attractive...

 

[HenBogan]

Read "the Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
Read Atomic Attraction by Psychologist Chris Canwell - This book is readily available, reasonably priced and focuses on ATTRACTON not relationships. It is all based on scientific research and is a goldmine

Mauser96,

This book is unfolding my life and hopefully helping me build a new one...

Thank you.