One thing I discovered while dating women in their 30s and 40s... they ALL have exes.... and ALL these men were 'horrible' to them. Every single one... every story I hear from women I date is some ex-relationship horror story. The latest was one I went out with on a date told me that she had taken a sabbatical for a month and traveled to Europe, where she visited a bunch of cities with her 'girlfriends' while her live in boyfriend stayed home and, well... you know.... had to work to pay the bills... apparently he supposedly cheated on her when she was gone... so she dumped him.
I told her, I would not have 'cheated' on her.... I would have just dumped her and kicked her out of the house if she came to me and said she was disappearing for a month so she could go ride the c0ck carousel in Europe. She was shocked when I said this. But then said she was right to get rid of him because he was as weak @ss b!tch for letting her dance off a cliff. Of course now she doesn't like me... but at least she respects me.
One thing you have to understand about your relationship chick... if that is what you want, is that your job as a man is to let her be an emotional creature... UNTIL she is about to do something really fvcking stupid.... then you put your foot down and be willing to walk away. Now she might just dump you... but that's okay because if she dumps you for standing your ground, you were on your way out anyway. Bad news does not get better with time. But this is what life is when you are in a relationship.... it's a lot of work. It's like constantly trying to save a drowning victim... you just have make sure she doesn't drag you under the water with her. Because if you get sucked under water she will blame you... and in a way it really is your fault..... It's her fault too, but she will NEVER blame herself.
I would love to meet a chick that would say, "My ex was a really great guy... and I just fvcked it all up." But that has NEVER happened. Sure dudes cheat on women... but it really isn't as frequent as chicks say, but when it does happen it's almost ALWAYS because the chick getting cheated on morphed into a fat nagging shrew... who became that way because her dude would not put her in her place.
I believe, and you've said before, you can't control a woman. If she wants to cheat she will cheat. But this leads me to a bunch of roughly formulated, brainstormed questions in this scenario:
1. How do you know if she is actually looking to cheat here (whether consciously or subconsciously on her part)? Is it that it would never occur to her to do a thing like that trip otherwise? Or is it the disrespect itself, and if so, how do you know she is being intentionally disrespectful or does it not matter?
2. Would you handle her trip by telling her it's disrespectful and stay with her if she doesn't do it, or would you leave her whether she does it or not? And in relation to #1, if you tell her it's disrespectful and she doesn't do it, won't she just now cheat at home if that's what she wanted meaning you still can't stay with her?
My final point where these questions lead is this: it just seems untenable to stay with her if she disrespects you, but at the same time you don't necessarily want to dump a woman who had no conscious or subconscious intention of cheating or disrespecting you. How can you tell the difference between these? Would you say this is the point where each man has to decide for himself, or is there something you've seen to be true and would recommend?
I've never been in a relationship so never had to face these thoughts and choices.
This was a really good post, and focuses on a point I've been thinking a lot about, and reading a lot about lately.
Specifically:
And:
It still BLOWS my mind every time I hear examples of women admitting they want a man to save them from themselves, and more importantly, that it's our DUTY as men to do this. The amount and ferocity of brainwashing that we have received in our lifetime, that vilifies and demonizes any man who doesn't let (or even encourage) a woman do whatever she pleases whenever she pleases is so strong that I STILL struggle with accepting it. Add the fact that so many women want it, but would outwardly reject you and lash out at you for doing it, yet blame you for not doing it (like this woman did,) and it just results in a horrible lose-lose situation for men.
Even David Deida, a man who cherishes and appreciates all aspects of women, says that "women need to be told no," and, "what she wants is not what she asks."
I would like a thread to be started on this kind of topic. I would do it myself but as I haven't been in a relationship, I can't.