How to show interest without losing upper hand?

[LuckyStrike88]

Iv'e been hitting a roadblock with a few girls lately that i think has to do with my inner game.

Basically i tease them and take the upper hand. They get attracted to me and show interest. But then i don't know how to follow up, it seems that i can't find the line between demonstrating high value and asserting myself intimately and flirting. And they back out because i don't take action.

I'm not sure why, maybe it's fear of losing the upper hand or fear of how she will respond. I can't seem to figure it out and it prevents me from getting consistent results.

Someone set me straight, any advice would be much appreciated :flowers:

 

[Zarky]

The only advice I can give you is that, you're right, it's a difficult line to walk. For every man. Always. And it changes for each woman. Just keep plugging away and try some things that seem like they won't work. You've already identified the problem.

"Burn" a few, as they say. That is, try some things that you believe will cause you to fail. You might find that they bring you success, and then you can recalibrate.

 

[Meisterman]

It's a fine line my friend. I think the best advice I have to give is be scarce, don't see her too often, don't text her too often, but when you DO see her. Escalate and fu*k her. Don't count the time. Make the time count.

 

[mikey2012]

Be indifferent. Thats how you gain the upper hand. Once you care its over.

 

[BraddH]

You are already losing upper hand while caring about it.

 

[Trunks]

By not going over the top and not caring whether you lose the upper hand.

 

[handle]

You don't mention anywhere if you've hung out with them one on one or kissed them. If you haven't, then that's how you demonstrate interest. You ask them out. You kiss them.

If you're talking about a girl you've seen a few times and you want to show them you really like them, that's a different thing. I just say it straight up. I say "hey, I enjoy being around you." I say it directly, I don't spend time elaborating, I don't turn it into some sappy speech. I just say it, she reacts to it, and we carry on.

In my opinion this works very well because...
1) It's true
2) It's direct
3) Not many guys are willing to do this. They either try to play it cool forever or they act really wussy. The girl will appreciate it.


Many posts on sosuave are about coming up with witty "alpha" ways of doing things. Which is fine, but you know what's actually "alpha?" Being straight-up. Girls see through all that over-rehearsed bull****. And nobody likes a person who's always 'on.' Nobody wants to date a one-dimensional stage persona 24/7.

 

[Stugots26]

Once a girl's interested, she'll text you. When she does, you say you'd love to see her and ask when she's free, then make definite plans for a definite date. Then you don't initiate between that time and the time of the date. She can initiate all she want, it doesn't matter as long as she's initiating.

The reason why things are going sideways is that there's probably too much conversation and not enough action on your part. Your goal is simple - creating a fun filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen.

 

[Bingo-Player]

This is actually a interesting topic because its a little bit of a paradox

You want to show interest in her because you dont want her to stray but the more interest you show the more interest she will loose in you

So my advice is administer your interest in her wisely until she is hooked on you over contacting her is lethal , talking about your feelings towards her is lethal

Until shes head over heels for you , you must maintain an air of mystery around the relationship to keep her wondering what your real feelings for her are

Im actually in this exact situation with one of my plates right now , shes interested in me and i want to show her i am interested in her aswell but this is where it gets tricky


The most important thing is to just hold your frame

 

[Uncharted]

You have to get them out on dates. Otherwise it's just flirting for flirting sake. Once you are alone, don't act aloof and not interested. Just have a fun time - and make sure you escalate. If she's out on a date then the thought has passed through her head that she might want to sleep with you at some point.

Don't be afraid to show interest - but I never do verbally - just touch, kiss, bang. I will give some compliments if I like how she's looking or what she's wearing, but I'll never say anything like "I really like you".

 

[Atom Smasher]

It's all about momentum when it comes to women. You need to formulate a plan with intent and stop playing it so much by ear.

Also, consider not sending flowers to men on the message boards.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

How do you get the upper hand back? Just by being aloof? How would a female get the upper hand back?

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Jealousy, get fit, look sexy, mild flirting mixed with indifference.
Here's the big one. Find out what his bedroom fantasies are. I don't care what it is. Every dude has one.
When you find out. DO IT. And turn the volume up to 10 like a rock star. He won't forget you.

Thanks. this person does the love bombing then pulling away system and it makes me crazy. i always react emotionally and then look foolish, get stressed and give him the upper hand.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Jealousy, get fit, look sexy, mild flirting mixed with indifference.
Here's the big one. Find out what his bedroom fantasies are. I don't care what it is. Every dude has one.
When you find out. DO IT. And turn the volume up to 10 like a rock star. He won't forget you.

thanks! i don’t like doing the push/pull thing but for this specific l guy it just is. we have an “exciting “ ahem relationship. i found a way to get my hand back! just go about my business and stop focusing on the hurt and anything negative i feel he’s causing me and have fun, be fun and stay positive. It worked! I wasn’t acting i just had to let go of these negative feelings i was having towards him and stop nagging and being a downer. lol. i am on top again! thanks

 

[sazc]

Thanks. this person does the love bombing then pulling away system and it makes me crazy. i always react emotionally and then look foolish, get stressed and give him the upper hand.

why are you even giving this man the time of day? he's not really into you if he's playing these games, he's just toying with you. someone who really cares isnt going to purposefully want to get you emotional by pulling away - unless he does it as a way to test your interest level, but that means he's the insecure one. A secure man doesnt have to play these games, he understands you are either interested or not and wont waste his time push/pull just to find out.

 

[sazc]

I never try to maintain the upper hand. I'd rather show interest and be rejected than mitigate the sting and fear of rejection.

100% or nothing. There's no in-between for me.

No safety net.

This is really what it's about IMO.
If she wants to pass you up because you actually show interest in her it's really her loss.

 

[guru1000]

This is really what it's about IMO.
If she wants to pass you up because you actually show interest in her it's really her loss.

This is correct. Unfortunately Nature has a different agenda.

People--not just women--appreciate what they need to work to earn. And what comes easy, is rarely (or shall we say not easily) appreciated. I never said it was equitable nor fair. However, to ignore what Nature has intended is not wise too.

As to showing interest: I show interest sparingly. After all, her beauty simply opens the door, BUT does not garner my interest. My interest needs to be earned ... slowly. I keep a bit of reservation--especially in the beginning--to permit time to run its course to understand her essence behind the veil she projects to the world. And the greater she demonstrates integrity over time, the greater my interest in her rises and is shown commensurately. So here, I respect Nature, I respect myself, and she respects the relation Because she had to earn it.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

he and i have the same interest level, hes a bit more into me than i am and sees more of a future where i am just having fun and learning. it isn’t the kind of relationship i would want as a “serious” one. i have the guy my age for that. so my question was really how to match his game. i see this guy as a plate, very exciting sex and trips is all

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

I never try to maintain the upper hand. I'd rather show interest and be rejected than mitigate the sting and fear of rejection.

100% or nothing. There's no in-between for me.

No safety net.

i agree if this was a serious relationship for me. but hes just fun and he and i both know the deal. i am learning with this relationship and analyzing it. My other two guys are very different animals.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Just wanna make sure I understand:

You're a woman spinning male plates??

Yes, i think so. But i have been told it’s different somehow so i say “seeing.”