So I was a rebound

[lamath]

I don’t get how society dumps on men for catching feelings quick. Now if a dude catches the feels with EVERY girl then yeah that’s a problem he needs to work on. But some girls you just instantly fall for and you can’t explain why. Women get a free pass because they can’t control their feelings and attraction isn’t a choice, shouldn’t men get that same benefit of the doubt? I’ve dated some women for a year that I never fell hard for as I did a woman I’d been on 3 dates with. You have to MANAGE your feelings and not show your hand but you can’t stop yourself from falling for someone too quick unless your a sociopath. You can have all the experience with women in the world but one certain woman can come along and trigger something inside of you as a man and you’re thinking stuff you’ve never thought before. The sad thing is usually the women I’ve fell the hardest for it never turned into anything meaningful but the ones I was ho-hum about turned into relationships.

Imo it can be controled but its not an easy thing.

We usualy get onitis because our imagination creates a idealize image of someone that does not refelct the reality.
J8st meed to.control that aspect imo

 

[lamath]

And she will get into a bad relationship that’ll mirror her past relationships when she passed over potential opportunity for a healthy relationship. Seen this hundreds of times with women. They can learn from their past but they refuse too because they have all these excuses and don’t want to correct their mistakes and accept they had a hand in their bad decisions of who they dated.

Yes, self centered.
Its never them always others, but after the same thing happens too many time the common denominator is yourself not others

 

[.Paradox.]

Thanks for all the responses.

She's a cosmetologist at a hair salon, 25, one of those girls with a lot of instagram followers (in her case ~15k), and hot as hell. Super blonde, blue eyes, 5'2, used to be a gymnast and is fit as fvck. I personally thought we had a lot in common outside of the physical as well, which is why her rejection seemed so bizarre to me. I mean, the dates/going out and conversations we had were fun. It's not like we just awkwardly sat across from each other at the dinner table saying nothing, then went home and fvcked. It was a good time.

While I consider myself a very attractive guy, she's one of those girls that is so hot and sought after by every dude that you're surprised when you actually "get" her. Thing is, I'm not a newbie to this dating game. While I DID like her (yes, I agree, I got feelings too fast), I also think I liked the idea of finally dating a girl who I thought was very physically attractive and who I would be proud to show off. Like I said, I'm extremely picky when it comes to dating, so finding a girl who checks my "date-worthy" boxes (the physical attractiveness ones primarily) is like... Very, very few and far between. Even with this girl I had my doubts at first with her being 5'2. I'm 6'2 so it's short for me (starting to see what I mean by "picky" yet?). Getting laid isn't a problem, but I'm at a point in my life where I'd rather jack off than fvck if the girl doesn't meet my "standards." Wow, now I sound like a real d!ck. Maybe I deserve this.

Oh, and she's on her period this week lmao.

I don’t get how society dumps on men for catching feelings quick. Now if a dude catches the feels with EVERY girl then yeah that’s a problem he needs to work on. But some girls you just instantly fall for and you can’t explain why. Women get a free pass because they can’t control their feelings and attraction isn’t a choice, shouldn’t men get that same benefit of the doubt? I’ve dated some women for a year that I never fell hard for as I did a woman I’d been on 3 dates with. You have to MANAGE your feelings and not show your hand but you can’t stop yourself from falling for someone too quick unless your a sociopath. You can have all the experience with women in the world but one certain woman can come along and trigger something inside of you as a man and you’re thinking stuff you’ve never thought before. The sad thing is usually the women I’ve fell the hardest for it never turned into anything meaningful but the ones I was ho-hum about turned into relationships.

Like I said in my OP, in 8-9 years I've only had legit feelings for one other girl, and those only developed because we dated for months. I think the repetition of seeing her over and over for months got me addicted to her. So this is the second time in all those years where I've actually been like, "damn, I'm catching legit feelings."

 

[HankHill]

The sad thing is usually the women I’ve fell the hardest for it never turned into anything meaningful but the ones I was ho-hum about turned into relationships.

This is key. Your aloofness and IDGAF attitude is attractive to women (and us men too when women do it believe it or not). The opposite is also true. This has to do with the universe looking for equilibrium, you pull, she'll push, you push, she'll pull.

 

[Korrupt]

This is key. Your aloofness and IDGAF attitude is attractive to women (and us men too when women do it believe it or not). The opposite is also true. This has to do with the universe looking for equilibrium, you pull, she'll push, you push, she'll pull.

I 100% agree with you. This is unfortunately how dating is like most of the time. BUT, this behavior is so unhealthy for both parties... I mean, do you really think a relationship where you have to constantly be "pushing and pulling" and playing whatever other retarded games is healthy? You've been around longer than me and have more experience, but IMO you should be able to be open and honest with your partner and say whatever you want to them without worrying "omg will me texting her that I miss her turn her off?" I get this forum, and I get why playing games is what most of the guys here advocate because it works for getting laid, but at the same time you should be able to say and do what you want without worry (within reason of course) when it comes to finding someone you want to be in a serious relationship with.

Like if telling someone you're thinking about them and want to cuddle/kiss them or whatever turns them off, then fvck that person. That's such bullsh!t.

 

[DelayedGratification]

I don’t get how society dumps on men for catching feelings quick. Now if a dude catches the feels with EVERY girl then yeah that’s a problem he needs to work on. But some girls you just instantly fall for and you can’t explain why. Women get a free pass because they can’t control their feelings and attraction isn’t a choice, shouldn’t men get that same benefit of the doubt? I’ve dated some women for a year that I never fell hard for as I did a woman I’d been on 3 dates with. You have to MANAGE your feelings and not show your hand but you can’t stop yourself from falling for someone too quick unless your a sociopath.

This.

My current GF wasn't exactly a catching-feelings thing, but I immediately could feel the compatibility we had when we met. She's also attractive, so the combination was a bit like a schoolboy crush. But per the above, I knew that it was just a crush and managed those feelings accordingly. So yeah, it's ok to experience instant attraction that is more than superficial, but you have to manage your feelings to give yourself the time and space to reality-check how deep the attraction really is.

 

[DelayedGratification]

I 100% agree with you. This is unfortunately how dating is like most of the time. BUT, this behavior is so unhealthy for both parties... I mean, do you really think a relationship where you have to constantly be "pushing and pulling" and playing whatever other retarded games is healthy? You've been around longer than me and have more experience, but IMO you should be able to be open and honest with your partner and say whatever you want to them without worrying "omg will me texting her that I miss her turn her off?" I get this forum, and I get why playing games is what most of the guys here advocate because it works for getting laid, but at the same time you should be able to say and do what you want without worry (within reason of course) when it comes to finding someone you want to be in a serious relationship with.

Like if telling someone you're thinking about them and want to cuddle/kiss them or whatever turns them off, then fvck that person. That's such bullsh!t.

It's a balance. What's working for me right now is my GF's inherent relationships skills (and the process of my learning and growing from it). That involves being good with needs and boundaries, and associated communication skills. I have definitely dialed back immensely on the direct flattery, which is best in smaller doses because your partner then takes the compliment more to heart. Too much and it's a turn-off, and I agree that works both ways.

I find that ****y/funny has its place in a relationship. My GF responds with more playfulness when I/we go into that mode rather than than a sweet/romantic mode. It can be easier in a relationship as well, as you have a much better idea what is going to get a positive reaction based on your history.

All of the above is a rockier road when you're first starting out, for sure.

 

[HankHill]

I 100% agree with you. This is unfortunately how dating is like most of the time. BUT, this behavior is so unhealthy for both parties... I mean, do you really think a relationship where you have to constantly be "pushing and pulling" and playing whatever other retarded games is healthy? You've been around longer than me and have more experience, but IMO you should be able to be open and honest with your partner and say whatever you want to them without worrying "omg will me texting her that I miss her turn her off?" I get this forum, and I get why playing games is what most of the guys here advocate because it works for getting laid, but at the same time you should be able to say and do what you want without worry (within reason of course) when it comes to finding someone you want to be in a serious relationship with.

Like if telling someone you're thinking about them and want to cuddle/kiss them or whatever turns them off, then fvck that person. That's such bullsh!t.

It seems like a game but it's not. Attraction is based on desire. Desire is something that you can't negotiate by words or txts etc. However, you can become desirable by your actions and moreso by your inactions when you're not with her. Guys always trip up when there's space and distance, they want to do *something*. Why? because they're coming from a place of neediness and scarcity. We want to immediately know we're still on her mind and that we have a connection with her - you're looking to be validated by the woman. The woman (and us, who're removed from the situation) can clearly see the intent behind the txts. That subconsciously speaks to them 'this guy doesn't have options if other women don't desire him I don't want him either'. The opposite impact of you not reaching out is 'there's something about him, I don't know what it is...I want to know more about him, I bet he's banging other chicks, I want him, I don't want to lose him'.

This is not a game, just laws of attraction.

As to your other question about it being unhealthy...this is mostly necessary in the beginning when she isn't your girl. Once she's your girl you can show her how much she means to you but even then don't become a doormat. A girl should always be chasing for your validation/approval etc. She has to view you as her rock in her life that's filled with emotion based drama. For that to happen YOU have to believe you have a higher SMV than her. It's pretty easy to see this when you really date someone well below your league...you have the natural IDGAF attitude and she's all over you.

 

[Poonani Maker]

knew a woman like this (never banged), recently told me she had sepsis (most likely from STD) in which she almost died. She wanted to Get with me after her hospital and recovery. I was like wut the FVCK and of course sympathized with her but said I can no longer be around her no more, um I value my life, it's sad

 

[.Paradox.]

Wanna know what's funny? While seeing this girl I actually felt guilty when I'd talk to other women. Like I really thought she had caught legit feelings for me based on her behavior. One day she's telling me how she's glad we met, how I turn her on, how much she likes me, calling me daddy. Three days later... "I'm not sure I want to see you again."

 

[Robert28]

Wanna know what's funny? While seeing this girl I actually felt guilty when I'd talk to other women. Like I really thought she had caught legit feelings for me based on her behavior. One day she's telling me how she's glad we met, how I turn her on, how much she likes me, calling me daddy. Three days later... "I'm not sure I want to see you again."

You know how they say you did something wrong 2 weeks ago and by the time she’s ending it with you she checked out weeks ago? Not always true. I can’t count how many times things were going well just a week before they flipped out over something trivial that shouldn’t have made them flip out and then started a fight in which we didn’t talk ever again. I’ve been on vacations with women before and not a sign of anything wrong, 4 days later we fight and she breaks up with you like you’re yesterdays trash.

 

[.Paradox.]

You know how they say you did something wrong 2 weeks ago and by the time she’s ending it with you she checked out weeks ago? Not always true. I can’t count how many times things were going well just a week before they flipped out over something trivial that shouldn’t have made them flip out and then started a fight in which we didn’t talk ever again. I’ve been on vacations with women before and not a sign of anything wrong, 4 days later we fight and she breaks up with you like you’re yesterdays trash.

Couldn't help it... Went back over our texts. I need to get this sh!t out of my system... Our texts were disgustingly sexual all the way up till this week. It's fvckin ridiculous that she'd use the "I don't want you to use me for sex" line after how crazy sexual she was. No fvcking clue what happened on that third date that turned her off. On the date she did tell me she was feeling nervous or uneasy or something, then later in bed she was saying she didn't want to have sex because she was about to have her period. We still did. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed for it like I did and instead should've just been like "okay whatever" and pulled back. But still, her wanting to completely break it off came out of nowhere. Like she just woke up one morning and suddenly didn't like me anymore at all. It's totally illogical.

 

[Focal core]

@Robert28 @lamath youre on the right track, keep it up, you guys understands what truly happened in this scenario, I congratulate you guys for being smarter in emotional intelligence, your guys will thrive dating girls, dodging bullets, having worthy girls by your side, that's so rare nowdays with stupid ass gamers mentality, I reject a lot of girls even they throw themselves infront of me due to their lacks of emotional connection, chasing high in the initial interest was a red flags for me.. Excellent works towards your own wellbeing.

 

[Focal core]

Couldn't help it... Went back over our texts. I need to get this sh!t out of my system... Our texts were disgustingly sexual all the way up till this week. It's fvckin ridiculous that she'd use the "I don't want you to use me for sex" line after how crazy sexual she was. No fvcking clue what happened on that third date that turned her off. On the date she did tell me she was feeling nervous or uneasy or something, then later in bed she was saying she didn't want to have sex because she was about to have her period. We still did. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed for it like I did and instead should've just been like "okay whatever" and pulled back. But still, her wanting to completely break it off came out of nowhere. Like she just woke up one morning and suddenly didn't like me anymore at all. It's totally illogical.

A women that truly wants you won't call you daddy, theres a lacks of showing her true feelings for you in her words, a girls that's really into you would wants to take care of you physically and emotionally. You dodge a bullets mate.

 

[Korrupt]

Couldn't help it... Went back over our texts. I need to get this sh!t out of my system... Our texts were disgustingly sexual all the way up till this week. It's fvckin ridiculous that she'd use the "I don't want you to use me for sex" line after how crazy sexual she was. No fvcking clue what happened on that third date that turned her off. On the date she did tell me she was feeling nervous or uneasy or something, then later in bed she was saying she didn't want to have sex because she was about to have her period. We still did. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed for it like I did and instead should've just been like "okay whatever" and pulled back. But still, her wanting to completely break it off came out of nowhere. Like she just woke up one morning and suddenly didn't like me anymore at all. It's totally illogical.

My advice at this point would be to add her on social media, like Instagram and Snapchat, but never hit her up. I say this, because then you can post pictures of you having fun, being carefree, and looking good, and she'll continuously be reminded of you and think of the fun you had together. After more failed attempts to fill her "ex void" she might eventually see you and think "well I had fun with that guy--i miss him" and reach out. If not, I'd recommend waiting at least a month (once your feelings are in check and she's had time to miss you), then reach out to her and see if she's receptive.

 

[.Paradox.]

I don’t get how society dumps on men for catching feelings quick. Now if a dude catches the feels with EVERY girl then yeah that’s a problem he needs to work on. But some girls you just instantly fall for and you can’t explain why. Women get a free pass because they can’t control their feelings and attraction isn’t a choice, shouldn’t men get that same benefit of the doubt? I’ve dated some women for a year that I never fell hard for as I did a woman I’d been on 3 dates with. You have to MANAGE your feelings and not show your hand but you can’t stop yourself from falling for someone too quick unless your a sociopath. You can have all the experience with women in the world but one certain woman can come along and trigger something inside of you as a man and you’re thinking stuff you’ve never thought before. The sad thing is usually the women I’ve fell the hardest for it never turned into anything meaningful but the ones I was ho-hum about turned into relationships.

Knowing this forum I'm gonna get sh!t for this and called a pvssy and a b!tch, but whatever... God I just feel... BAD. This is ridiculous. Literally from the time we first met to our last date was a measly 8 days... 8 DAYS, and we were only talking, in total, for like 2 weeks. Yet I'm feeling so sh!tty you'd think we were dating for months. I don't know how or why I caught feelings so strongly so fast. This never happens with me--the only other time I can remember feeling this bad is 8 years ago when I had to breakup with a girl I was dating for 6 months.

I had actually gone on two dates with another girl (who's currently on vacation) right before I met the one in the OP and didn't even catch a whiff of feelings. And talking to other girls on dating apps right now is just making me feel worse. I actually feel just as bad or worse than when she "dumped" me Friday. Holy sh!t what is wrong with me... I'm not new to all this. I've been rejected hundreds if not thousands of times, I've dated/fvcked a LOT of girls, and I have literally never got attached this strongly in such a short period of time.

I'm actually starting to think that I've been mildly depressed for a while now, and being used and sh!t on by someone I legitimately liked has compounded it. Either that or I'm not used to meeting women who I actually like.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Knowing this forum I'm gonna get sh!t for this and called a pvssy and a b!tch, but whatever... God I just feel... BAD. This is ridiculous. Literally from the time we first met to our last date was a measly 8 days... 8 DAYS, and we were only talking, in total, for like 2 weeks. Yet I'm feeling so sh!tty you'd think we were dating for months. I don't know how or why I caught feelings so strongly so fast. This never happens with me--the only other time I can remember feeling this bad is 8 years ago when I had to breakup with a girl I was dating for 6 months.

I had actually gone on two dates with another girl (who's currently on vacation) right before I met the one in the OP and didn't even catch a whiff of feelings. And talking to other girls on dating apps right now is just making me feel worse. I actually feel just as bad or worse than when she "dumped" me Friday. Holy sh!t what is wrong with me... I'm not new to all this. I've been rejected hundreds if not thousands of times, I've dated/fvcked a LOT of girls, and I have literally never got attached this strongly in such a short period of time.

I'm actually starting to think that I've been mildly depressed for a while now, and being used and sh!t on by someone I legitimately liked has compounded it. Either that or I'm not used to meeting women who I actually like.

The important part is they LIKE YOU. And care.

 

[Korrupt]

Knowing this forum I'm gonna get sh!t for this and called a pvssy and a b!tch, but whatever... God I just feel... BAD. This is ridiculous. Literally from the time we first met to our last date was a measly 8 days... 8 DAYS, and we were only talking, in total, for like 2 weeks. Yet I'm feeling so sh!tty you'd think we were dating for months. I don't know how or why I caught feelings so strongly so fast. This never happens with me--the only other time I can remember feeling this bad is 8 years ago when I had to breakup with a girl I was dating for 6 months.

I had actually gone on two dates with another girl (who's currently on vacation) right before I met the one in the OP and didn't even catch a whiff of feelings. And talking to other girls on dating apps right now is just making me feel worse. I actually feel just as bad or worse than when she "dumped" me Friday. Holy sh!t what is wrong with me... I'm not new to all this. I've been rejected hundreds if not thousands of times, I've dated/fvcked a LOT of girls, and I have literally never got attached this strongly in such a short period of time.

I'm actually starting to think that I've been mildly depressed for a while now, and being used and sh!t on by someone I legitimately liked has compounded it. Either that or I'm not used to meeting women who I actually like.

Alright dawg, you need to get this outta your system, so lemme ask you a question. What’d you all do on your dates? Other than what you mentioned.

 

[Robert28]

Knowing this forum I'm gonna get sh!t for this and called a pvssy and a b!tch, but whatever... God I just feel... BAD. This is ridiculous. Literally from the time we first met to our last date was a measly 8 days... 8 DAYS, and we were only talking, in total, for like 2 weeks. Yet I'm feeling so sh!tty you'd think we were dating for months. I don't know how or why I caught feelings so strongly so fast. This never happens with me--the only other time I can remember feeling this bad is 8 years ago when I had to breakup with a girl I was dating for 6 months.

I had actually gone on two dates with another girl (who's currently on vacation) right before I met the one in the OP and didn't even catch a whiff of feelings. And talking to other girls on dating apps right now is just making me feel worse. I actually feel just as bad or worse than when she "dumped" me Friday. Holy sh!t what is wrong with me... I'm not new to all this. I've been rejected hundreds if not thousands of times, I've dated/fvcked a LOT of girls, and I have literally never got attached this strongly in such a short period of time.

I'm actually starting to think that I've been mildly depressed for a while now, and being used and sh!t on by someone I legitimately liked has compounded it. Either that or I'm not used to meeting women who I actually like.

Nothing worse than the freeze out. I’ve been there brother. We’d just come back from a trip to the mountains, that was the last time I saw her ever. The freeze out began right after that and luckily I knew what was going on and didn’t make a fool out of myself. Looking back now, we’d hungout 2 days before our trip and ran some errands and I saw some red flags that her mind was elsewhere but nothing to be alarmed about. The confusing thing is the weekend before we’d had a blast together, HOWEVER, her ex did text her while we were hanging out saying he was moving back in several months and wanted to give her her stuff back. The signs didn’t show at all that weekend it happened but I’m guessing that was the writig on the wall but I don’t know if they got back together or not. Like I said, we never officially broke up we just froze each other out. I tried to set up some dates after our trip but she never would give me a concrete answer when before she was a plan maker all the way. Now she couldn’t set a date to save her life all of a sudden, NOT the girl I knew for 6 months at all.

That girl ripped my heart out and doesn’t even know it. It was a hard kick to the gut cause I really clicked with her and the fun was always there and then bam, it was over out if nowhere and I didn’t see it coming and I still have no answers to this day. Will she ever come back? I hope not. I played it to where she could if she wanted to since I mirrored her freeze out and did the same to her by not contacting her anymore and we just left it at that.

 

[.Paradox.]

Nothing worse than the freeze out. I’ve been there brother. We’d just come back from a trip to the mountains, that was the last time I saw her ever. The freeze out began right after that and luckily I knew what was going on and didn’t make a fool out of myself. Looking back now, we’d hungout 2 days before our trip and ran some errands and I saw some red flags that her mind was elsewhere but nothing to be alarmed about. The confusing thing is the weekend before we’d had a blast together, HOWEVER, her ex did text her while we were hanging out saying he was moving back in several months and wanted to give her her stuff back. The signs didn’t show at all that weekend it happened but I’m guessing that was the writig on the wall but I don’t know if they got back together or not. Like I said, we never officially broke up we just froze each other out. I tried to set up some dates after our trip but she never would give me a concrete answer when before she was a plan maker all the way. Now she couldn’t set a date to save her life all of a sudden, NOT the girl I knew for 6 months at all.

That girl ripped my heart out and doesn’t even know it. It was a hard kick to the gut cause I really clicked with her and the fun was always there and then bam, it was over out if nowhere and I didn’t see it coming and I still have no answers to this day. Will she ever come back? I hope not. I played it to where she could if she wanted to since I mirrored her freeze out and did the same to her by not contacting her anymore and we just left it at that.

Jesus. That's seriously some BS. And the worst part is there's almost never any real closure. People just have a change of heart out of nowhere and it's over even quicker than it began. I really do wish that I could flip a switch a totally turn off my emotions, or sex drive, or both. It just seems like all this dating and relationship BS is more trouble than it's worth.