Wife doing 180 to save marriage

[StayOrGo?]

I’ve been dating/married to my wife for 20 years. I got red pill awoke about 6 months ago and had a ton of anger and resentment. I used the last six months to get in shape, learn about game and prepare for the SMP. Yesterday, I confronted my wife about our sexless, affectionless relationship and she is doing a 180 to fix things. Now I’m torn. Do I try and fix things? My SMV is high and I can def get a younger, hotter girl now. But I do love (yes I’m still a blue pill beta loser) my wife and our family. Thoughts?

 

[Julian]

Never stop dating your wife is the key. Sounds like you cant place all the blame on her. If shes putting in effort then you should appreciate and reciprocate. If she hasnt been crazy or abusive or anything like that then dont throw it away cuz the pua incels tell u its red pill to dump her.

Plus remember
“its cheaper to keep ‘er”

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Are you guys having sex?

 

[StillSearching]

Keep up Red Pill behavior. You made a commitment, so if she's doing a 180 I'd stay and keep improving yourself. She drops off or stops sex....boom, be out! Don't listen to her words, watch her actions.
If you can't understand why someone is doing something, look at the consequences of their actions, whatever they might be, and then infer the motivations from their consequences.

 

[sosousage]

Never stop dating your wife is the key. Sounds like you cant place all the blame on her. If shes putting in effort then you should appreciate and reciprocate. If she hasnt been crazy or abusive or anything like that then dont throw it away cuz the pua incels tell u its red pill to dump her.

Plus remember
“its cheaper to keep ‘er”

its over because OP needed to argue with her about having no sex

 

[StayOrGo?]

Are you guys having sex?

None for 6 months. Last night, after the confrontation, she cuddled with me on the couch as we watched a movie. First physical contact in ages.

 

[sosousage]

None for 6 months. Last night, after the confrontation, she cuddled with me on the couch as we watched a movie. First physical contact in ages.

so she felt no need to touch u for 6 months and u still think u have a chance to save it?

 

[Barrister]

I’ve been dating/married to my wife for 20 years. I got red pill awoke about 6 months ago and had a ton of anger and resentment. I used the last six months to get in shape, learn about game and prepare for the SMP. Yesterday, I confronted my wife about our sexless, affectionless relationship and she is doing a 180 to fix things. Now I’m torn. Do I try and fix things? My SMV is high and I can def get a younger, hotter girl now. But I do love (yes I’m still a blue pill beta loser) my wife and our family. Thoughts?

Depends on what you want. In my experience from my failed marriage, this exact conversation occurred where she was given an ultimatum and it resulted in about 2-3 weeks of her "doing a 180" until it went back to the way it was before. I think this is nothing more than a temporary fix. Now I think you can certainly continue to do this exact thing multiple times and each time it will improve things for a bit but they will eventually go back to her being cold and distant. I guess you have to ask yourself is it worth going through a constant cycle.

If it was me, I would give her one chance. See how long the "180" lasts. As soon as it drops back off though I think you know the writing is on the wall.

 

[StayOrGo?]

so she felt no need to touch u for 6 months and u still think u have a chance to save it?

Depends on what you want. In my experience from my failed marriage, this exact conversation occurred where she was given an ultimatum and it resulted in about 2-3 weeks of her "doing a 180" until it went back to the way it was before. I think this is nothing more than a temporary fix. Now I think you can certainly continue to do this exact thing multiple times and each time it will improve things for a bit but they will eventually go back to her being cold and distant. I guess you have to ask yourself is it worth going through a constant cycle.

If it was me, I would give her one chance. See how long the "180" lasts. As soon as it drops back off though I think you know the writing is on the wall.

That’s great advice. Maybe I’m too excited about 1 night of attention. Its just been a long time. I will give her this opportunity and then cut my loses.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

None for 6 months. Last night, after the confrontation, she cuddled with me on the couch as we watched a movie. First physical contact in ages.

She needs to be putting out. That cuddle is a crumb please dont long for it. Some social things with ladies can help. You need to be focus on you.

 

[Julian]

damn maybe u guys are right. im just trying to believe in love and that things can be worked through fuuuaurrrrrrk almost got cucked there for a sec.

 

[StayOrGo?]

so she felt no need to touch u for 6 months and u still think u have a chance to save it?

I’m embarrassed to say it, but yes I think she wants to save it. I’m probably just channeling my inner blue pill and am in denial. But again, my smv is way higher than hers at this point so its not like she could find another me. Chad Thundercock doesnt want my 40 year old wife.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

That’s great advice. Maybe I’m too excited about 1 night of attention. Its just been a long time. I will give her this opportunity and then cut my loses.

Im sure by now you learned you cannot verbally negotiate these things. Its about her feelings.

Imagine her mindset, how she must look at you and how she got to this point.

Has she had fear of loss yet?

Has she experience competition from another woman?

You cant talk with your words. Only your actions and the attention you give.

I wouldn't support a sexless position.

Do you keep going to a job that refuse to pay you?

Keep working and bytching about it and they still wont pay? What can you do?

Shes punking you out man...

 

[highSpeed]

None for 6 months. Last night, after the confrontation, she cuddled with me on the couch as we watched a movie. First physical contact in ages.

Wow, it's like I'm looking into a mirror. She's not going to change my friend. If you have kids, consider a mistress, not fair for you to have to give up most of your contact with your kids because she "decided" she didn't want to participate in your marriage any longer.

It's not you my friend. You can work you a$$ off literally, to stay connected with your "wife" but it matters little because as a married guy with a family, you've got more skin in the game. It's tough to have someone keep behaving the proper way when they are incentivized to behave badly. Default, she gets kids in divorce. I mean, she'd have to literally be attempting to chop off the kid's heads before they'd even consider removing her from their lives. You on the other hand, you sneeze the wrong way and you're gone. So on comes the wealth redistribution from you to her, alimony, child support, she keeps the house, the list goes on and on.

Better that you keep some on the side than to continue to have to hound your "wife" about staying engaged as an actual wife. If she went 6 months without any physical contact, you really think you confronting her was an epiphany to her? Did she forget to have physical contact with you in those 6 months? Was she so distracted that she didn't have any physical desire and didn't think you wanted any either?

The cognitive dissonance that one has to engage in to ascribe their "confrontation" with their "wife" as a springboard to a better life makes me sad for you. I know, you want to keep your family intact, I get it, I'm struggling with the same issues myself. The reality is, carve out some enjoyment and happiness for yourself, stop trying to force someone into something they don't want to do. If she wanted you dude, she'd be moving heaven and earth to get to you, not you having to confront her. A mistress makes you both happy. She can continue on, lapping up your resources without having to do much and you can be banging some hotter chick and getting your rocks off. Everyone wins.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Wow, it's like I'm looking into a mirror. She's not going to change my friend. If you have kids, consider a mistress, not fair for you to have to give up most of your contact with your kids because she "decided" she didn't want to participate in your marriage any longer.

It's not you my friend. You can work you a$$ off literally, to stay connected with your "wife" but it matters little because as a married guy with a family, you've got more skin in the game. It's tough to have someone keep behaving the proper way when they are incentivized to behave badly. Default, she gets kids in divorce. I mean, she'd have to literally be attempting to chop off the kid's heads before they'd even consider removing her from their lives. You on the other hand, you sneeze the wrong way and you're gone. So on comes the wealth redistribution from you to her, alimony, child support, she keeps the house, the list goes on and on.

Better that you keep some on the side than to continue to have to hound your "wife" about staying engaged as an actual wife. If she went 6 months without any physical contact, you really think you confronting her was an epiphany to her? Did she forget to have physical contact with you in those 6 months? Was she so distracted that she didn't have any physical desire and didn't think you wanted any either?

The cognitive dissonance that one has to engage in to ascribe their "confrontation" with their "wife" as a springboard to a better life makes me sad for you. I know, you want to keep your family intact, I get it, I'm struggling with the same issues myself. The reality is, carve out some enjoyment and happiness for yourself, stop trying to force someone into something they don't want to do. If she wanted you dude, she'd be moving heaven and earth to get to you, not you having to confront her. A mistress makes you both happy. She can continue on, lapping up your resources without having to do much and you can be banging some hotter chick and getting your rocks off. Everyone wins.

2nded for misstress. So long as it doesnt incur extra divorce penalties in your state. Have a true mistress ( not a hooker ) and spend some of the nights over there with zero explanations.

 

[StayOrGo?]

Im sure by now you learned you cannot verbally negotiate these things. Its about her feelings.

Imagine her mindset, how she must look at you and how she got to this point.

Has she had fear of loss yet?

Has she experience competition from another woman?

You cant talk with your words. Only your actions and the attention you give.

I wouldn't support a sexless position.

Do you keep going to a job that refuse to pay you?

Keep working and bytching about it and they still wont pay? What can you do?

Shes punking you out man...

She is always fearful of me leaving her. But obviously not enough for her to want sex or feel the need to give me sex. Maybe I am getting punked...

 

[highSpeed]

so she felt no need to touch u for 6 months and u still think u have a chance to save it?

**EDIT**
You thinking you "won" because she cuddled with you on the couch after you confronted her is sad. If you confronted her about it and all you got was a cuddle, you're still not getting it. If you confronted her and she proceeded to give you the best sex you've both ever had together, maybe it's a small victory. Maybe if she went down on your d*ck like she was auditioning, maybe you're onto something. A cuddle? She might as well have said f*ck you!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I’m embarrassed to say it, but yes I think she wants to save it. I’m probably just channeling my inner blue pill and am in denial. But again, my smv is way higher than hers at this point so its not like she could find another me. Chad Thundercock doesnt want my 40 year old wife.

Since its already done some extremely AGGRESSIVE ACTIONS cant hurt things any worse. We need to write a bible on this position.

So i cant turn my key to the off position and remove it. Its stuck... One common remedy includes pulling gear shifter to rear most position and slamming it forward.

What agressive actions can you tske to burst her bubble a bit and shift her mindstate?

What about lizard brain?

Fight or flight?

Attention and feedback loops?

Competition anxiety?

 

[StayOrGo?]

Wow, it's like I'm looking into a mirror. She's not going to change my friend. If you have kids, consider a mistress, not fair for you to have to give up most of your contact with your kids because she "decided" she didn't want to participate in your marriage any longer.

It's not you my friend. You can work you a$$ off literally, to stay connected with your "wife" but it matters little because as a married guy with a family, you've got more skin in the game. It's tough to have someone keep behaving the proper way when they are incentivized to behave badly. Default, she gets kids in divorce. I mean, she'd have to literally be attempting to chop off the kid's heads before they'd even consider removing her from their lives. You on the other hand, you sneeze the wrong way and you're gone. So on comes the wealth redistribution from you to her, alimony, child support, she keeps the house, the list goes on and on.

Better that you keep some on the side than to continue to have to hound your "wife" about staying engaged as an actual wife. If she went 6 months without any physical contact, you really think you confronting her was an epiphany to her? Did she forget to have physical contact with you in those 6 months? Was she so distracted that she didn't have any physical desire and didn't think you wanted any either?

The cognitive dissonance that one has to engage in to ascribe their "confrontation" with their "wife" as a springboard to a better life makes me sad for you. I know, you want to keep your family intact, I get it, I'm struggling with the same issues myself. The reality is, carve out some enjoyment and happiness for yourself, stop trying to force someone into something they don't want to do. If she wanted you dude, she'd be moving heaven and earth to get to you, not you having to confront her. A mistress makes you both happy. She can continue on, lapping up your resources without having to do much and you can be banging some hotter chick and getting your rocks off. Everyone wins.

****. All true. Thank you for pointing it out. I guess I’ll tell myself whatever it takes to keep the blue pill dream alive. But why keep a mistress? Why not leave, get divorce raped once and move on and rebuild?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She is always fearful of me leaving her. But obviously not enough for her to want sex or feel the need to give me sex. Maybe I am getting punked...

All she has to do is open her fvcking legs. As long as she doesnt detest you her body will start to lubricate once you start moving inside her.

Shes likely taken a position of "theres nothing he can do about it" like so many others. They can do it but choose not to.

It puts her in a toxic controller power position.