How can she and I start over?

[jnMissouri]

Oh then you’re good to go. No sense posting. There’s no problem and there never was.

Just not your theory if understood it correctly, although it was hard to understand the way it was worded. Were you saying that it DOESN'T have to be an in or out, single or in a relationship, one or the other thing? It sounded like you were saying something else.

Like I said, the problem is (I'm a bit closer to the situation so I think I understand it better) that I want that stability that I have with my gf at home but I want to have that unstable excitement on the side, to fall in love and break up, to experience the ups and downs that I no longer get to experience in my long term relationship. Although I don't just want that instability on the side by itself. I want the stability of the girl at home as well. But the thing is I can't have both because I'm not in an open relationship and she already suspects there's someone else...She accuses me all the time but can't prove it.

I don't have any family really so I need that family type relationship at home. But when I have it I also want to go adventure. It's not even about sex anymore although I still enjoy it, it has lost it's excitement to some extent, it's more about adventure, the challenge of getting the girl, the story that unfolds, exactly what I went through the past year with this side gf. The falling in love, the uncertainty, the highs and lows, the arguments and breakups then getting back together, the chase, the emotions I feel when we break up, wondering if we will end up back together working things out, etc. It's the gambit of emotions that I want to feel. The stuff that keeps me up at night. The stuff that makes me think about what to do with x, y or z situation.

I can tell you that as soon as I break up with her and just stay single, it will be fun for a while but within a year I will crave that companionship, that partnership that a relationship brings. Were it not for the fact that I have no family really I might not need that but because I don't have one I do need that.

I'll give you the example of another plate on the other side of the state that met up with me for a week last week. She came here, I got a hotel. We had a lot of sex, hung out, etc. But it's already starting to lose it's allure because she is stable. I like that to some extent but I want a girl that has a little bit of an edge, is a little bit up and down, etc. The other girl was good at that, and I don't know if she was purposely gaming me or what but I think she might have been. The first few months we dated she was always available, pursued me, but there was still some tension. Then when she knew she had me she introduced instability into the relationship. And she even told me she knows that men want what they can't have and that this was the reason I wanted her. I had her but there was always the threat of losing her which kept me chasing her, the ups and downs. I got to experience ALL of the emotions.

 

[jnMissouri]

Actually it's funny I thought I'd have to start another thread about how to figure out what I really want but responding to your post made me realize what I really want. Now I just have to figure out how I can have that. Maybe an open relationship. The other plate on the other side of the state said she'd be open to it later on...hmmmm....

 

[Epic Days]

Actually it's funny I thought I'd have to start another thread about how to figure out what I really want but responding to your post made me realize what I really want. Now I just have to figure out how I can have that. Maybe an open relationship. The other plate on the other side of the state said she'd be open to it later on...hmmmm....

This would then remove you from the paradox of the two paradigms conflicting with each other.
It’s either one or the other.

 

[jnMissouri]

This would then remove you from the paradox of the two paradigms conflicting with each other.
It’s either one or the other.

You're really saying pick one or the other? But that's the thing, I can't. I have the desire for both and need both to feel fulfilled.

 

[AJ84]

It’s not easy to maintain a gf’s loyalty and emotional investment if she knows you are cheating. Just a matter of time before she does the same thing and leaves you when she finds someone else ( which it seems is what you are doing now, looking for someone to branch swing to and replace the live in gf but you want more than one woman anyway).


Your gf is already suspecting something so that stability that you like in her is going to erode as she becomes more suspicious and upset. Then you will have two unravelled chicks, not the stable/messed up balance you are seeking.

If you want the stability of this gf plus the excitement of a messed up chick, perhaps just put it out there with the live in gf and suggest an open relationship?

I mean, at this point your live in gf is probably planning her exist anyway if she knows you’re cheating (if she’s smart, no offence) but nothing to lose in suggesting an open relationship. Who knows? Women don’t like being lied to and betrayed but some are open to an open arrangement that goes both ways so she can mess around too. Women can also get bored with the same d**k.

The worst thing she can say is no, but you’re going to do what you want anyway and she probably knows that right. At that point it’s on her what she decides to do. Like I said the cats already out of the bag so may as well own it and see what can be salvaged.

 

[Epic Days]

You're really saying pick one or the other? But that's the thing, I can't. I have the desire for both and need both to feel fulfilled.

No. I said pick one paradigm or the other. Go for the LTR or the wifey thing and live in the Imperative.
Or spin plates in the other paradigm.
I couldn’t care any less about the feelings of the women in this.

 

[Epic Days]

It’s not easy to maintain a gf’s loyalty and emotional investment if she knows you are cheating.

NEVER, EVER concern yourself about going for or maintaining a woman’s loyalty. That’s a one way ticket to hell on earth.

Notice how AJ84 worded this. She is completely coming from the imperative. In the imperative, men are wanting a “girlfriend”. She’s not wrong, IF you are a cuck. Which most men are.

This whole post is coming from the boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife paradigm.

She didn’t shrug and say...”what? All this over a woman? Where did your balls go? Go nail her friends!”

Everything she said, was designed to further the feminine imperative.

Decide which paradigm you are in and then work towards it or abandon it.

 

[jnMissouri]

NEVER, EVER concern yourself about going for or maintaining a woman’s loyalty. That’s a one way ticket to hell on earth.

Notice how AJ84 worded this. She is completely coming from the imperative. In the imperative, men are wanting a “girlfriend”. She’s not wrong, IF you are a cuck. Which most men are.

This whole post is coming from the boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife paradigm.

She didn’t shrug and say...”what? All this over a woman? Where did your balls go? Go nail her friends!”

Everything she said, was designed to further the feminine imperative.

Decide which paradigm you are in and then work towards it or abandon it.

Interesting perspective. According to Sam Spade alpha males cheat regardless.

 

[Epic Days]

Interesting perspective. According to Sam Spade alpha males cheat regardless.

In the feminine imperatives male cheater is grounds for castration and subjugation. A woman right on this forum said 99.9% of women cheat.

Notice how all the reasons used by a woman to cheat are accepted socially?

“He should have taken better care of her.”
“He stopped swooning her.”
“All he wants is sex.”
“I got bored and he should have kept the relationship alive. It’s his own fault.”


You can fill a library. Lol. I like the one about how he wants sex all the time and she fixes the problem by having sex with someone else. Hahahaha

The world is completely different from what men are taught. It’s laughable.

 

[jnMissouri]

In the feminine imperatives male cheater is grounds for castration and subjugation. A woman right on this forum said 99.9% of women cheat.

Notice how all the reasons used by a woman to cheat are accepted socially?

“He should have taken better care of her.”
“He stopped swooning her.”
“All he wants is sex.”
“I got bored and he should have kept the relationship alive. It’s his own fault.”


You can fill a library. Lol. I like the one about how he wants sex all the time and she fixes the problem by having sex with someone else. Hahahaha

The world is completely different from what men are taught. It’s laughable.

I get your point and yes women have some weird logic when it comes to cheating "it's your fault, you didn't treat me right" blah blah blah. When I cheat I don't make excuses for it. I just cheat because I want to **** other women because I like to.

Oh, and just because one woman on this forum said 99.9% of women cheat doesn't mean it's a statistical fact, that's one persons opinion based on what exactly? Studies show a surprisingly high number of women cheat, nearly half of them depending on the study. I believe it. Attractive women are always able to passively shop by being hit on by other men through not fault of their own, it's not like they are out there hitting on guys.

Whereas with us males we actively have to initiate the cheating when we do it. We are not passively shopping. We are actively seeking it. Even if she doesn't want to cheat, the guy who has juuuust the right chemistry with her can make her do something she otherwise wouldn't have thought about or didn't for years because the temptation is there.

A very attractive man who has hot women THROWING themselves at him all the time for casual sex is going to take it in most cases. I've had friends who were like, lying/cheating is bad do the right thing, but if I offer them some from the situation as a test they all of a sudden drop their morals. Most guys presented with a smoking hot woman ready to have wild NSA sex are going to cheat on their gf or wife and deal with the guilt, if any, later. We are biologically programmed to. I know I did my first time I cheated. I felt a little guilty, but I kept going back and banging this girl at her parents house and eventually I realized if I felt that guilty I wouldn't keep going back. Then I kept doing it with other women. Eventually the guilt mosssstly stopped. The more I did it the more comfortable I became with it. Heck I did this in multiple relationships. Eventually I got bored in each one and wanted to have fun again while keeping the stability of the companion relationship. I think it sucks, I've been cheated on and I've cheated...it sucks to be cheated on...that said humans will be humans and I doubt monogamy is normal for most species. I hated being cheated on but I cheat. The adage of keeping her barefoot and pregnant while you yourself go out and impregnate other women...and it's almost like it's my way of protecting myself from being cheated on because I'm cheating too so it's not like I wasn't getting mine too...It's almost like I'm going to pretend that you're going to be faithful just don't let me find out about it and I'll do the same. Ignorance is bliss kind of thing...

 

[Epic Days]

I’m going with her estimate. There is no statistic anywhere that’s reliable for that.
The lowest estimate that I have personally gotten from a woman was 90%. I’ve asked that question many times.

That’s the only part of this thread really worth discussing for me. Nothing else in it helps men wake up.

 

[jnMissouri]

I’m going with her estimate. There is no statistic anywhere that’s reliable for that.
The lowest estimate that I have personally gotten from a woman was 90%. I’ve asked that question many times.

That’s the only part of this thread really worth discussing for me. Nothing else in it helps men wake up.

So you're literally taking some random anonymous persons 99.9% of women cheat claim based on nothing but her mouth as fact over multi year, nearly a decade in some cases, of scientifically conducted studies. Got it...makes sense. Never mind...

 

[Jager]

So you're literally taking some random anonymous persons 99.9% of women cheat claim based on nothing but her mouth as fact over multi year, nearly a decade in some cases, of scientifically conducted studies. Got it...makes sense. Never mind...

You mean the scientists you are just as stuck in the matrix, just as plugged into it, as 99% of the rest of the male population in our civilization? They’d be just as likely to make evidence suit the conclusion they want to see as a blue pill guy defending his illusion and refusing to look at actual evidence and observable events.

You’re better off trusting your own observation and the experience of individuals whose judgement you trust. Trust the data and studies that match your observations, instead of accepting everything blindly. That’s what got you in the matrix to begin with. Accepting things blindly.

 

[Epic Days]

So you're literally taking some random anonymous persons 99.9% of women cheat claim based on nothing but her mouth as fact over multi year, nearly a decade in some cases, of scientifically conducted studies. Got it...makes sense. Never mind...

I take her word over yours when it comes to women knowing and understanding other women. It’s not women who are clueless. It’s men. Some things are just too much to accept.
We’re those scientific tests done with a polygraph? By all means please direct me to these studies.

Here’s what’s really fantastic. The Kinsey report in the early 50’s clearly laid all this biology out. Women are tenacious breeders and they breed with whomever flips the switch.
It’s kinda rough thinking your mom was a tramp, huh?

 

[jnMissouri]

You mean the scientists you are just as stuck in the matrix, just as plugged into it, as 99% of the rest of the male population in our civilization? They’d be just as likely to make evidence suit the conclusion they want to see as a blue pill guy defending his illusion and refusing to look at actual evidence and observable events.

You’re better off trusting your own observation and the experience of individuals whose judgement you trust. Trust the data and studies that match your observations, instead of accepting everything blindly. That’s what got you in the matrix to begin with. Accepting things blindly.

Right, studies conducted by PhD's with statistical principles to prevent coverage error and other bias are wrong but one random woman on the internet who said 99% based on nothing is right. You showed me. Giant roll eyes emoji here....welcome to the ignore list.