My GF Revealed She is Insecure

[jaymbrs]

I want to say in terms of all around attractiveness, my current GF is an 8. She makes over $100k, is well connected, great family values, caring and unselfish, in decent shape and physically attractive. She told me she grew up with her father making her feel like she was less than what she really is and as she got older, she would date guys who would also put her down and continued that trend. She admitted this to me because I got tired of her jealous behavior and always fishing for compliments. She would accuse me of losing interest when it couldn't be further from the truth and it created a huge argument. It's one of the bigger surprises to me to hear that this woman is insecure. All along I thought she was a very confident, strong, successful woman and I have to admit, my attraction for her has declined a bit because of this admission. Anyway just wanted to share with you guys that while we say ALL women are insecure, this is definitely something that helps prove that theory.

 

[Robert28]

The key though is what she told you about her past relationships. Guys that put her down. In other words she goes for guys that she feels like she has to live up to or win over constantly. I bet you a million dollars she has TONS of nice guy friends who compliment her all the time. If you overdo it you’ll become one of them. You have to tread a fine line between what she’s used to dating and being different and intriguing, throwing a compliment here and there but be creative about it not just “wow you look hot!”. Something like “damn I love when you wear those heels, you really do it for me in those” works just as good.

 

[Brooks]

it created a huge argument

Why did you argue?
Did you lose your emotional balance?

Also 100% of women who act super confident and don’t need a man... have father issues and are insecure. And their romantic partner will pay for that, as she won’t give him what he needs emotionally. She’s used to chasing validation.

 

[AJ84]

I want to say in terms of all around attractiveness, my current GF is an 8. She makes over $100k, is well connected, great family values, caring and unselfish, in decent shape and physically attractive. She told me she grew up with her father making her feel like she was less than what she really is and as she got older, she would date guys who would also put her down and continued that trend. She admitted this to me because I got tired of her jealous behavior and always fishing for compliments. She would accuse me of losing interest when it couldn't be further from the truth and it created a huge argument. It's one of the bigger surprises to me to hear that this woman is insecure. All along I thought she was a very confident, strong, successful woman and I have to admit, my attraction for her has declined a bit because of this admission. Anyway just wanted to share with you guys that while we say ALL women are insecure, this is definitely something that helps prove that theory.

You don’t think the history with her father, who put her down, may have something to do with her being insecure, rather than proving a theory that all women are insecure?

 

[jaymbrs]

You don’t think the history with her father, who put her down, may have something to do with her being insecure, rather than proving a theory that all women are insecure?

I didn’t create that theory. You’ve been around here long enough to read that in countless posts.

 

[jaymbrs]

Why did you argue?
Did you lose your emotional balance?

Also 100% of women who act super confident and don’t need a man... have father issues and are insecure. And their romantic partner will pay for that, as she won’t give him what he needs emotionally. She’s used to chasing validation.

Just got tired of having to defend myself because she took something the wrong way and made assumptions. So yea I guess you can say I lost my cool.

 

[AJ84]

I didn’t create that theory. You’ve been around here long enough to read that in countless posts.

Just because it’s in countless posts doesn’t make it true. There are countless online posts from women saying that men are users. Does that mean that all men are in fact users, just because a bunch of women think so?

I’m just pointing out that she’s telling you that her father put her down throughout her life. That in and of itself can lead to insecurity. There are many reasons that lead to someone being insecure, it’s not a condition that all women have, by virtue of being female.

So if you have less attraction for her for 1) having insecurity due to some crap her father did to her and 2) her disclosing that to you, then you may want to reconsider dating someone who has had experiences that lead to them having some traits you don’t like.

But I would think that her telling you this would at least lead to you understanding her annoying behaviour. It doesn’t excuse it, but it helps explain it at least. Or was it better that you didn’t know where she was coming from and just continue to be annoyed by her behaviour without knowing what was behind it and making your own assumptions?

I’m honestly asking.

 

[sazc]

Just because it’s in countless posts doesn’t make it true. There are countless online posts from women saying that men are users. Does that mean that all men are in fact users, just because a bunch of women think so?

I’m just pointing out that she’s telling you that her father put her down throughout her life. That in and of itself can lead to insecurity. There are many reasons that lead to someone being insecure, it’s not a condition that all women have, by virtue of being female.

So if you have less attraction for her for 1) having insecurity due to some crap her father did to her and 2) her disclosing that to you, then you may want to reconsider dating someone who has had experiences that lead to them having some traits you don’t like.

But I would think that her telling you this would at least lead to you understanding her annoying behaviour. It doesn’t excuse it, but it helps explain it at least. Or was it better that you didn’t know where she was coming from and just continue to be annoyed by her behaviour without knowing what was behind it and making your own assumptions?

I’m honestly asking.

the kool aid is potent here

 

[Bible_Belt]

All women have insecurities. Most of them think they're fat and the skinny ones have a complex about their small t!ts. And it is often completely divorced from logic, in that the most beautiful women can be the most insecure. Cosmetics and fashion are such huge businesses because they prey upon female insecurity.

 

[AJ84]

the kool aid is potent here

Lol yeah I’m shaking my head a bit here. Because of course one of the main complaints is that women aren’t who they say they are. So when a woman opens up and says who she is, in this case, there’s less attraction, so if there is a lesson for a naive women to learn here.......

Can’t win for losing.

 

[sazc]

All women have insecurities. Most of them think they're fat and the skinny ones have a complex about their small t!ts. And it is often completely divorced from logic, in that the most beautiful women can be the most insecure. Cosmetics and fashion are such huge businesses because they prey upon female insecurity.

Men are super insecure as well. You guys discuss here how you have competition with chad. If it didnt bug you that you werent good enough, it wouldnt be a constant topic.

Advertisers prey on typical male insecurities. Men think going bald makes them ugly. Big pharma and the fitness industry tell men that they are lesser men if they struggle with certain issues, arent muscular, dont have money etc. It's definitely not a one way street.

Even Brad Pitt must struggle with ideas if whom is a loyal and true friend, motives, etc.

'all people' have insecurity

 

[AJ84]

All women have insecurities. Most of them think they're fat and the skinny ones have a complex about their small t!ts. And it is often completely divorced from logic, in that the most beautiful women can be the most insecure. Cosmetics and fashion are such huge businesses because they prey upon female insecurity.

Most people have insecurities. There’s more than one thread here on how to cope with baldness :/. Come on now Hahahaha.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I didn’t create that theory. You’ve been around here long enough to read that in countless posts.

So thats what It is?

 

[sazc]

Lol yeah I’m shaking my head a bit here. Because of course one of the main complaints is that women aren’t who they say they are. So when a woman opens up and says who she is, in this case, there’s less attraction, so if there is a lesson for a naive women to learn here.......

Can’t win for losing.

she was definitely trying to be vulnerable and connect with him. he's just not in a space where he understands what and why she's doing it

I also agree that he needs to tow a line and understand that, even tho she probably thinks she wants to be treated well, she will friend zone that person fast, because she's used to, craves, the emotional push pull her father created

 

[jaymbrs]

Funny how a thread in a male forum is being overtaken by women defending themselves.

Just because it’s in countless posts doesn’t make it true. There are countless online posts from women saying that men are users. Does that mean that all men are in fact users, just because a bunch of women think so?

I’m just pointing out that she’s telling you that her father put her down throughout her life. That in and of itself can lead to insecurity. There are many reasons that lead to someone being insecure, it’s not a condition that all women have, by virtue of being female.

So if you have less attraction for her for 1) having insecurity due to some crap her father did to her and 2) her disclosing that to you, then you may want to reconsider dating someone who has had experiences that lead to them having some traits you don’t like.

But I would think that her telling you this would at least lead to you understanding her annoying behaviour. It doesn’t excuse it, but it helps explain it at least. Or was it better that you didn’t know where she was coming from and just continue to be annoyed by her behaviour without knowing what was behind it and making your own assumptions?

I’m honestly asking.

Just thought she was different. Would've preferred she wasn't insecure for whatever reason. I'm attracted to strong, confident women because I have a strong personality and can't date a woman with insecurity issues. It's just unattractive.

she was definitely trying to be vulnerable and connect with him. he's just not in a space where he understands what and why she's doing it

I also agree that he needs to tow a line and understand that, even tho she probably thinks she wants to be treated well, she will friend zone that person fast, because she's used to, craves, the emotional push pull her father created

Her telling me this is supposed to bring us closer since admitting something like this is a big deal. I get that. However I can't help that finding this out has put me off.

 

[Alvafe]

You don’t think the history with her father, who put her down, may have something to do with her being insecure, rather than proving a theory that all women are insecure?

oh? and not all woman are insecure? sure there is some men who are, but i'm sure its make a annoying trait for him, no?

Funny how a thread in a male forum is being overtaken by women defending themselves.



Just thought she was different. Would've preferred she wasn't insecure for whatever reason. I'm attracted to strong, confident women because I have a strong personality and can't date a woman with insecurity issues. It's just unattractive.



Her telling me this is supposed to bring us closer since admitting something like this is a big deal. I get that. However I can't help that finding this out has put me off.

then date men? all woman are insecure, and like was said before the hotter and younger she is more insecure she is, also I really don't get the whole strong personality thing, most woman with "strong personality" are just a hag who is unpolite when talking with people.

now the whole bringing you together I wouldn't put much stock on it, woman are very well know to ignore the past and just goes with her current emotinal state, I would consider this whole issue just her being insecure and trying to keep you since she was thinking you would leave her, with make you have the whole power dynamic of the relationship, and even more interesting is, every time a guy get this, he tend to give it back to the woman, trying to confort her and saying its not the case

 

[Epic Days]

This is not uncommon. Especially for mothers to do it as well. Mothers can be pretty hard core on their daughters.
This is pretty easy to massage for a good connection. She wants you to remove her competition anxiety but that is a fatal error.

Just being masculine will keep it in homeostasis.

 

[fastlife]

I’m not one of the doom-and-gloom, just next her bro types. But insecurity is a deal breaker for me—especially if she tries to use it in a manipulative attempt to shape my behavior.

IME the only way these girls are happy—ironically enough—is if you make it clear the relationship stays open on your end and to follow through. But it’s probably too late to set this frame.

There are girls who are high self esteem and who won’t make their feelings your problem. Super rare, but common enough not to deal with this type of stuff. Tread with caution.

 

[jaymbrs]

I’m not one of the doom-and-gloom, just next her bro types. But insecurity is a deal breaker for me—especially if she tries to use it in a manipulative attempt to shape my behavior.

IME the only way these girls are happy—ironically enough—is if you make it clear the relationship stays open on your end and to follow through. But it’s probably too late to set this frame.

There are girls who are high self esteem and who won’t make their feelings your problem. Super rare, but common enough not to deal with this type of stuff. Tread with caution.

For sure. We'll see how long this thing lasts.

 

[AJ84]

Funny how a thread in a male forum is being overtaken by women defending themselves.



Just thought she was different. Would've preferred she wasn't insecure for whatever reason. I'm attracted to strong, confident women because I have a strong personality and can't date a woman with insecurity issues. It's just unattractive.



Her telling me this is supposed to bring us closer since admitting something like this is a big deal. I get that. However I can't help that finding this out has put me off.

Not defending myself, just pointing out that there are other reasons for her insecurity, other then the fact that she’s a female, and that many people, including males, have Insecurities.

She flat out told you that someone in her family put her down. To ignore that and just move to the notion that all females are insecure because this one female told you she is insecure plus gave context that you are ignoring is a little strange to me. You say you like dating confident women yet you say the theory that all women are insecure is true, so one cancels out the other and that’s a bit strange too.

But if this bothers you as you state it does, and I can understand why it would, then move on and date women who have more the traits that you like. Don’t waste your time and affection on someone who annoys you.