asking for advice about uninterested wife

[metalwater]

Looks like an interesting forum.

I have a wife of 15 years that has become uninterested in me. She still performs duties but clearly has lost most of the interest. And of course that is not a nice situation.

So many details, and I know it is not fun to read a long rambling post.

I would like to get her back (completely). We have kids also..

Her focus has moved to outside the house, and I have personally viewed body language between her and another married guy. She is living with us, but interest is outside.

If I can use the forum for advice.. first question is how can I determine if the situation is already to far gone to fix ? The next questions will be about how to do it. I have already been reading for weeks.. months.. ideas from internet and everything is so not consistent.. I had one forum ban me as a spammer maybe because i asked a vague question.

thanks

 

[highSpeed]

Let me stop you right there, it depends on what you're hoping to get out of this at this point.

If all you want to do is hang on until the kids are grown up, maybe you do nothing and try to leave the status quo. Of course, you don't let the wife do the married guy, at that point it's a deal breaker

If you want to recover the marriage, I don't know, this seems like throwing good money after bad. For whatever reason, she's probably decided you're a piece of sh*t. It may be unfair, it may not be. But either way, that's the label that has been put on you.

Once she's put that label on you, it's tough to get it off. And I say put on you because if you've got no pre-nup and you want to stay a visible, regular part of your kid's lives, she's kind of got the upper hand on you. If there were no kids, you were married a few years less, ok, take the hit on a few years of alimony and move on with your life. As it stands, you stand to get divorce raped.

Recovering your marriage is probably not all that likely to be honest. If she was really interested in you and/or your marriage, she'd be pursuing you but as you've described, you seem to be more vested and interested in not only the marriage but also in the quality of the marriage. You're already on the losing end of the power struggle. And make no mistake, it's a power struggle. Whoever cares more loses, end of story.

As far as recovering your marriage, you almost have to not care, start building a more exciting life, something she'd want to be a part of. Take charge of the things you can take charge of and lead in those areas. If that doesn't entice her, probably not much else will.

 

[speed dawg]

This is a topic we don't really talk much about, for various reasons. One, many guys here just go ahead and get divorced. Two, it's very very difficult to maneuver this situation because you live in the same house. Very hard to be a challenge do all this game type stuff if she sees you there at your weakest. You can't go hang out with your friends or whatever because you eventually have to come home, and she will be there at home. It's an entirely different scenario.

First things first, work on your appearance. People always say this but honestly it's the foundation. You have to look your best, and easiest way to show you have some life inside of you is to take your appearance seriously, without looking for the affirmation of others.

Going to need more details here. I mean you have a couple different ways to go. If she's become just another flake idiot wife, then start a journal of all her bad behavior and try to divorce and keep your kids in the process. That involves letting her go though, and I'm not sure you're ready for all that. I suspect you want her back. In that case you have to go back to the beginning and figure out the things that attracted her to you in the first place.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Your best shot of rekindling things is as stated above, begin to focus on yourself. Practice meditation, yoga, lift weights, focus on a healthy diet. Even a month of working hard on your body alone will make you more attractive, and it'll help with testosterone and confidence. A muscular body will attract your wife in primal ways, but you need the mental confidence to act like you deserve her love and then some.

Find interesting hobbies for yourself if you spend too much time at the house. Big plus if it's a hobby you can take the kids with you and learn/have fun as a family. If you ever suspect your wife of infidelity never bring this up to her. Never show jealousy or envy. Give her enough rope and see if she hangs herself. By this I mean go about your day and if you ever catch her red handed you've got a good reason to end things and probably keep the kids. Focus on a particular hobby until you're an expert. This hones your disciple, consistency, and patience among other things. Also consider shaking up your wardrobe. Get new shirts, pants, shoes, for YOU, not to impress anyone.

There are two important things to keep in mind with all of this.

1. Consistency. Do not stop working on your body, mind, appearance, friendships, and new hobbies. The game never ends. These are lifestyle changes, not temporary things. So treat them with respect and effort.

2. Being unconditional with your love. You can gain more friends in 2 months by being genuinely interested in people than you could in 2 years trying to get people interested in you. Create a friend group with men and women. Have attractive women in your friend group that you can talk to. This will keep your skills from fading and give your wife a subtle hint of your rising SMV. If you do anything for anyone(including your wife), do it because you genuinely want to. You're not expecting anything back. Ask your wife about her day, surprise her with a date. If you don't have fun or start to feel resentment building then disengage until you feel comfortable being unconditional again. Set boundaries with her if she's disrespectful but remember that you can't force her or argue her into doing anything.

When you are completely unconditional and centered there will be nothing she can say or do that will upset you or get under your skin. You will be happy by your own doing and even whether she leaves you won't be affected. She may not leave but instead just be shiitty and not put forth any effort. this is basically the ultimate test of your strength. She may want it to end but want you to do it. Believe it or not doing so will be more attractive then trying to hang on.

When you feel strong and consistent you can make the decision whether it makes any sense to stay with such a person, it's a two way street after all. Kids need to see parents that love each other, it's how they model their idea of love. Find a partner that will help you be a good role model.

 

[Spaz]

As far as recovering your marriage, you almost have to not care, start building a more exciting life, something she'd want to be a part of. Take charge of the things you can take charge of and lead in those areas. If that doesn't entice her, probably not much else will.

Well said highSpeed.

The more I read ur posts the more I'm impressed.

 

[highSpeed]

Well said highSpeed.

The more I read ur posts the more I'm impressed.

Working on it my friend, mindsets are tough to change, even tougher to actually do.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Looks like an interesting forum.

I have a wife of 15 years that has become uninterested in me. She still performs duties but clearly has lost most of the interest. And of course that is not a nice situation.

So many details, and I know it is not fun to read a long rambling post.

I would like to get her back (completely). We have kids also..

Her focus has moved to outside the house, and I have personally viewed body language between her and another married guy. She is living with us, but interest is outside.

If I can use the forum for advice.. first question is how can I determine if the situation is already to far gone to fix ? The next questions will be about how to do it. I have already been reading for weeks.. months.. ideas from internet and everything is so not consistent.. I had one forum ban me as a spammer maybe because i asked a vague question.

thanks

Who makes more money?

-Augustus-

 

[dustmuffin]

Go over to the married red pill Reddit. Lots of guys in the same place as you.

 

[metalwater]

First, thank you for the well written and quality ideas. Most of it is following with somethings I know. I can give a few more details and see if any other ideas. It might be that any of you will just still have the same. The advice is sound I think. I'll add a like to all of them.

There was a question of money. I have been the money maker however she did earn also. And then together we earned even more. We have different pools of money. I currently have her to control the day to day budjet without much oversight. I control the net worth and access to it. Money can be one of the reasons things are not worse already. We have enough.

Can never be sure but I don't think she is physical outside the house yet. But can never be sure., women can be very smart. I do know that an emotional attachment will for sure end up going that way.

I do want the quality relationship. Very very much.

Have started running some, have been looking into self improvement from a youtube provider. I could tell what one, but not sure if the forum is ok with that. It seems like good stuff. topics like, self confidence, humor, masculine/femine sex, etc.... I try some of the stuff. The self confidence is very difficult as my mood changes. Maybe some can recomend how I can train myself on this. I mean, tactically how do I do it. I can stand in front of a mirror and say something like "I am great.." It actually can feel better for a few minutes but then how to make it stick.

Definitely have gotten hit with the jealousy feelings, and reacted.... Trying to get a handle on that. Maybe someone can suggest ideas.

We are still in the same room at night, everything is still there except the deep "i love you". It is the interest that is missing.
--

Lots of fights, walking on egg shells, insults, threats...... everything that a woman would do to a weak guy. Probably my problem is that I have not been willing to walk away and it showes. As I write that I would almost go to tears.

Anyway, thanks again for the ideas.

 

[highSpeed]

First, thank you for the well written and quality ideas. Most of it is following with somethings I know. I can give a few more details and see if any other ideas. It might be that any of you will just still have the same. The advice is sound I think. I'll add a like to all of them.

There was a question of money. I have been the money maker however she did earn also. And then together we earned even more. We have different pools of money. I currently have her to control the day to day budjet without much oversight. I control the net worth and access to it. Money can be one of the reasons things are not worse already. We have enough.

Can never be sure but I don't think she is physical outside the house yet. But can never be sure., women can be very smart. I do know that an emotional attachment will for sure end up going that way.

I do want the quality relationship. Very very much.

Have started running some, have been looking into self improvement from a youtube provider. I could tell what one, but not sure if the forum is ok with that. It seems like good stuff. topics like, self confidence, humor, masculine/femine sex, etc.... I try some of the stuff. The self confidence is very difficult as my mood changes. Maybe some can recomend how I can train myself on this. I mean, tactically how do I do it. I can stand in front of a mirror and say something like "I am great.." It actually can feel better for a few minutes but then how to make it stick.

Definitely have gotten hit with the jealousy feelings, and reacted.... Trying to get a handle on that. Maybe someone can suggest ideas.

We are still in the same room at night, everything is still there except the deep "i love you". It is the interest that is missing.
--

Lots of fights, walking on egg shells, insults, threats...... everything that a woman would do to a weak guy. Probably my problem is that I have not been willing to walk away and it showes. As I write that I would almost go to tears.

Anyway, thanks again for the ideas.

You have some real issues here:
1. As you stated before as well, you care more, period. That's a bad spot to be in. People, especially women, know they can take advantage if they know you care more about the relationship than they do.
2. If she's emotionally connected to this married guy, either they're going to f*ck or have already f*cked. Not too many guys can or should be able to take the bombshell of they wife sleeping with some other guy and stay.
3. She's controlling the budget without much oversight. That's a big mistake, don't do that.
4. Assume if she controls the budgeting, she also controls the kids. Again, big mistake. I'd say don't do that but this one is probably tough to pull back once you've ceded control.
5. She's threatening, insulting, probably bullying you and most likely gaslighting the living sh*t out of you. Walk away, don't argue. The threats start, walk away.

If I had to give you a read on your landscape based on what you've supplied, a full 180 is required but extremely difficult to pull off, perhaps even impossible. She doesn't respect you, probably doesn't care much for you at this point and you've lost a good bit of control. Again, tough to pull all that back. Be prepared to put your foot down, but also be prepared for the big blowup, walk out fight because she's not going to give back control easily or willingly. Before you do that, do what you can to protect your finances, prepare yourself as much as you can. And for God's sake, take your balls out of her purse, get little metalwater some action on the side and get your confidence back. Life's too short to be on her leash. F*ckin h*ll, you could get hit by a car tomorrow, so live a little bit today.

 

[Kotaix]

Read the book No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. He has helped some men recover relationships that seemed doomed, he quotes a few scenarios like yours. His basic shtick is that men get into this mentality of trying to appease their wives and everyone else, and the fix is to go out and do things on your own with other guys. It's likely she's tired of you not standing up for yourself when you should.

The self confidence is very difficult as my mood changes. Maybe some can recomend how I can train myself on this. I mean, tactically how do I do it. I can stand in front of a mirror and say something like "I am great.." It actually can feel better for a few minutes but then how to make it stick.

Develop your personal strength, stick with it, get strong and be proud for for yourself that you did it for you. You seriously need to focus on yourself and not your wife or your relationship, she will appreciate you doing this.

You also need to accept that there is no easy way to make it 'stick' and chances are it never will, you're human and you will feel both great and ****ty at times. The best you can do is practice meditation and learn that what defines you is not in your past, but who you are at this very moment. The past and the future literally do not exist, there is only the now. Learn to accept that feelings are temporary, and however ****ty things get, it too will pass.

Like the fart that cramps your gut. It hurts. But after it's out, it's funny (provided you didn't **** your pants).

 

[metalwater]

Go over to the married red pill Reddit. Lots of guys in the same place as you.

Lost of intresting stuff, looking at it to figure out how to do it. thanks.

 

[Epic Days]

Getting a wife back fully is an interesting situation.
I’ve tried it. I did get the connotation when you used the word FULLY.

This is the thing about desire, it can’t be bargained with or for.

There’s a post on this that I should have posted already but am still working the wording out.

Here is the hurdle that is tough to get over the top of. She is designed to reduce the masculinity of the man she partners up with. It holds him in place long enough to bounce, if that’s what she wants to do or an offer she can’t refuse comes to light. Or just hold him in place till death does he part once her market value is flattened out.

Understanding solipsism is important here as she feels nothing for any damage she does in pursuit of her imperative. Her pursuit of chemicals, her endocrine system releases chemicals that very few can reign in. She wants to return to those chemicals that she felt when she was a teenager or in her early 20’s

What she doesn’t know yet is that she is destroying her life. But the state will ensure that your money takes care of her.

You must rise back above her. Your value must rise above the propensities of a little slvt. She is a near mindless creature, especially at this point.

To tell you the truth, I don’t know how this can be fixed. It may not be possible because she has reduced you as a man and it worked.
But don’t lament, 99% of the men here would fall into the same trap. No matter how tough they sound. And some are full of crap.

Your path must be up and out of your hell. And yes, you are in hell. Make no mistake about it. Some men have killed themselves over their wife going back to slvt land with zero remorse.

Until you realize she is a marginal creature at best. You will stay in hell. There is a cure that I am reactant to say here. There is a thing called competition anxiety but it is past this point so I will say it plainly. Go fvck the hell out of a dozen women right now.

Do everything that @highSpeed says and don’t say a word. Just do it.

Don’t discuss the whole situation with anyone outside this forum. Her girlfriends know and will sleep with you if any of them have been close to you.

 

[Epic Days]

Here is something that you can do to sleep with this guy’s wife and have the best sex ever. If she’s attractive enough to slam of course.
I can show you how to do this. Solipsism and female chemicals are almost too easy to take advantage of in the right situations.

 

[metalwater]

To tell you the truth, I don’t know how this can be fixed. It may not be possible because she has reduced you as a man and it worked.
But don’t lament, 99% of the men here would fall into the same trap. No matter how tough they sound. And some are full of crap.

Your path must be up and out of your hell. And yes, you are in hell. Make no mistake about it. Some men have killed themselves over their wife going back to slvt land with zero remorse.

Until you realize she is a marginal creature at best. You will stay in hell. There is a cure that I am reactant to say here. There is a thing called competition anxiety but it is past this point so I will say it plainly.

Thanks for the feedback.
I hate the truth. It just sucks.

I have no one else around me. It is why online forum. We moved to her original country with idea it would be good for a number of reasons. So far it sucks... I can have many women around me at any moment, because of the money difference. It just isn't what I wanted, I so wanted the fairy tail.... with her and I being a together team. I just doesn't exist I guess. I will work through the red pill thing on redit as another suggested. Already torented the books, and will get the weight eqipment for lifting in the next days. Getting out of the house is difficult as I work at home. Do you agree that the red pill format/formula is the good one?

I got some humor about the wife girl friends..
Most of her girlfriends are not great looking, they are middle age family women, waiting for there men to come home from working away.

 

[Epic Days]

Thanks for the feedback.
I hate the truth. It just sucks.

I have no one else around me. It is why online forum. We moved to her original country with idea it would be good for a number of reasons. So far it sucks... I can have many women around me at any moment, because of the money difference. It just isn't what I wanted, I so wanted the fairy tail.... with her and I being a together team. I just doesn't exist I guess. I will work through the red pill thing on redit as another suggested. Already torented the books, and will get the weight eqipment for lifting in the next days. Getting out of the house is difficult as I work at home. Do you agree that the red pill format/formula is the good one?

I got some humor about the wife girl friends..
Most of her girlfriends are not great looking, they are middle age family women, waiting for there men to come home from working away.

You must retire yourself to your natural state.

 

[metalwater]

Go over to the married red pill Reddit. Lots of guys in the same place as you.

This is/was likely the best advice I have ever received in entire life. Thank you very much.

I have read all of the prereq already. And had already been on a partly self imposed MAP plan, although had never known about this material. Everything is so complete, it is like someone had put me under a microscope and then wrote it all down. I never understood what rage was until now...

I can see the hope for myself.

 

[metalwater]

Here is something that you can do to sleep with this guy’s wife and have the best sex ever. If she’s attractive enough to slam of course.
I can show you how to do this. Solipsism and female chemicals are almost too easy to take advantage of in the right situations.

Hmm... not going there yet. But I don't have a crystal ball to know what comes next.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hmm... not going there yet. But I don't have a crystal ball to know what comes next.

I think you should and guy deserves it. Also you have been framed as a non sexual guy by your wife. The world can see it. The only way around it is sex.

 

[metalwater]

While reading for red pill, I learned the word ****block. How do I do it? I know it depends, but what has worked for others? If wife would do it, I would not have the issue to start with. Do I confront the guy.. He knows already... and cowers away when I approach. My problem is no proof...and doing something dramatic and being wrong is not good, but geez after reading MMSLP I am definitely angry. If nothing physical has occurred I would like to block it, but how? Because if it has and does not get physical it will be easier to deal with. Wife is still really defensive of him.