TheAndroid
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2019
- Messages
- 11
- Reaction score
- 6
- Age
- 41
How can I stop focusing on my insecurities?
It’s the fact that I haven’t had much sex or dating in my life. I obsess over it. I feel like I’ve missed out. Especially in my 30’s. People keep saying that meeting people gets easier. That’s been a lie at every stage of life.Expand on ur insecurities.
Is it about ur looks?
The way you walk?
The way you eat?
When shaking hands?
You must be an intellectual then.It’s the fact that I haven’t had much sex or dating in my life. I obsess over it. I feel like I’ve missed out. Especially in my 30’s. People keep saying that meeting people gets easier. That’s been a lie at every stage of life.
Yes generally pretty awkward when it comes to talking with people.You must be an intellectual then.
Do you find it awkward to talk in social settings or you feel that you're generally ignored ?
If you want to talk, talk to your friends. If you want a girl to like you, listen to her, ask questions, and act like you are on the edge of your seat.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Ok, then how do you expect your results to change if you aren't working towards changing this? What have you done to become better at this?Yes generally pretty awkward when it comes to talking with people.
I’ve talked to more people, took an acting class and am doing neuroplasticity exercise with a therapist.Ok, then how do you expect your results to change if you aren't working towards changing this? What have you done to become better at this?
Why do you think you need to be social to get girls? There's is something called high watted charisma and low watted charisma. Low watted charisma is like James bond. He doesn't say much but he creates sexual tension with women. Being charismatic doesn't mean the biggest social butterfly in the room.
Your personality doesn't become more social over time just because you are practicing being social. If you take 6 month break you will go back to being an introvert again. Like a rubber band that stretched unnaturally that went back to it's original shape. At most you would be desensitized to social pressure but the desire to be social would not be there. You would still be incongruent around women because now you are compensating by trying to act unnaturally social. How you feel and how you express yourself doesn't match. This is what alot or puas look like. They look like Frankenstein's attempt to become Chad. A conglomeration of a bunch of qualities they think women are attracted to.
If you practice escalating on women with your built in introverted personality, that's the one area where desensitization can benefit you.
When I first started learning game I didn't change my personality. I hated talking to women. I spent 10 years in loud night clubs just to avoid conversation. My only game was physical escalation. I was like a mute. Sexual tension was the only thing that got me out of bed. I had no interest conversing with dumb chicks in the clubs. I'd rather just interact with their animal side. And calibration was pretty easy. I noticed the more I lifted weights, the more chicks were receptive.
By the time I made it to social circles and social environments in broad day light I was like Bane. Darkness was my ally. I was born in it. Molded by it. I didn't see women in the light until I was already in my late twenties. And by then everything was obvious. Women live in underlying sexual tension. It's just that normal guys can't pick it up. And because I was used to escalating from 0 to 100 in 60 seconds, I had no problems seeing signs and windows from women. If anything they were more obvious in broad day light. It wasn't muted by loud music and distractions. Just the quiet anticipation of two people attracted to one another.
The game is mostly underlying and non verbal anyway. Work on your physical confidence by lifting weights. Work on sexual eye contact, closing the distance, and holding that tension with women. It's like 90% of all sexual/romantic interactions.
However I will add that in 2019, the number of women looking at me for validation has increased exponentially. Back in high school the only females that looked at me were the ones that felt that tension. Nowadays women look at me because they feel that I am a source of validation. I actually actively ignore these women only to get negged left and right. The game has changed the last 10-15 years in that a lot of women are empty vessels starving for validation nowadays. And they get angry when you don't play along.
Don't overthink it. Talking to people is a skill. All you need to do is practice.Yes generally pretty awkward when it comes to talking with people.
@stormrider gave good advice that's only applicable to a socially quiet man but who is inherently born with a dominant personality, the doer aka James Bond, such a man is able to produce what he mentioned in his post.@stormrider is right. Don't try to be something you are not. If you are trying to be outgoing and this just isn't you, then at best you'll come off as creepy, and you won't be having any fun. Just try to be the best version of yourself that you can be. It certainly is easier to meet women if you are social and extroverted, but meeting women alone does not mean you will be successful, I know a few outgoing and social guys that have little success with women because they don't know how to close.
@Spaz also has good advice, talk to someone with your personality that does well and they would be the best to assist. Me: I'm an outgoing extrovert... any advice I would give you wouldn't help you much.
But if you want to be more outgoing, just do it. Find some events you are interested in and just start striking up conversations with people. Don't put any pressure on yourself, so at first just talk to people, forget tying to pickup chicks... in fact so that you take all pressure, just say to yourself that no matter what happens I'm not going to try anything accept just start a conversation going for a few minutes. Just get some practice. Join a Toastmaster's club and start practicing on giving public presentations, if you can take to a room full of people, then you can talk to one.
When you're an introvert such as myself, it does get harder when you get older. Meaning if you've waited until your 30s to tackle your social problems, it's going to be more difficult to improve. Most people probably do this in their teens or grade school years, and I didn't really get rolling on it until my 20s. Those years have the benefit of more youthful energy, plus people of that age congregate into groups more naturally and enthusiastically.It’s the fact that I haven’t had much sex or dating in my life. I obsess over it. I feel like I’ve missed out. Especially in my 30’s. People keep saying that meeting people gets easier. That’s been a lie at every stage of life.
You don't need to be an intellectual to learn how to talk to people.only an intellectual can properly explain to another.
You did miss out. 30s is the best time to have lots of sex with a lot of hot girls.It’s the fact that I haven’t had much sex or dating in my life. I obsess over it. I feel like I’ve missed out. Especially in my 30’s. People keep saying that meeting people gets easier. That’s been a lie at every stage of life.