Why do I find it so hard to be myself with attrative women?

[ABC123]

Why do I find it so hard to be myself with attractive women? On the other hand, I find it really easy to be myself with unattractive women (they respond quite well to my personality). I smile quite a lot, and always a positive attitude, naturally. But when I interact with attractive women, I become the complete opposite person. Very dull, plain face, plain conversational replies, not much excitement. I must admit, I do say a lot of sarcastic things, like a lot. I guess I'm afraid that attractive women won't catch on to my sarcastic being and might think I'm a weird guy. I'm a native Spanish speaker and I tend to think in Spanish, meaning my brain accommodates to Spanish jokes and inside jokes that won't always translate well to English ( I was born in Mexico but came to the US at a very young age, so my English is not that bad). What I'm trying to ask here is, how do I cope with my fear of thinking my replies are a bit weird?

Also, I just finished high school, what are good common places to practice my game on women? I live about an hour and a half from the nearest "party place" (clubs, bars, beaches, etc) and obviously can't go there every day on my leisure time.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

honestly it's about exposure. go to nicer clubs and fancier places where you're always talking to very attractive women and it'll clear up pretty quick. they're no different than other women, except maybe a bit more boring and dumb since they've had most things given to them or done for them. as far as places to hit on women, literally anywhere. go hang out at coffee shops with your laptop and work. go take some yoga classes, dance classes, or go to a golf range. go bouldering, hiking, biking, etc. there's a ton of coed activities where you'll have chances.

one of the best things that'll help clear up anxiety is to always talk to beautiful women. you don't have to have a goal in mind, just say a few lines and maybe crack a joke to pass the time if you're in an elevator together. or if you're passing one in a store ask her how she is or ask her where the kitchen section is. just get exposure and it'll be a lot easier. you'll realize that they're just normal peeing pooping people like everyone else. and sadly most of the time they're less interesting than a 7 or an 8 that's had to work for her success.

i think the best women are the ones that grew up ugly but grew into beauties. they were picked on when they were little so they learned to be smart and tough and nice to get what they want. now they're all grown up and still nice and sweet. there's also hotties that have been hot forever and are awesome and sweet, but i've only met a few(but i don't get out much right now).

 

[zekko]

Why do I find it so hard to be myself with attractive women?

Because attractive women get your hormones in an uproar, which distracts you from you day to day activities.
I used to have this problem myself. Best way to handle it is to interact with more attractive women. Increasing your exposure will decrease your anxiety. Attractive women are often more pleasant to talk with anyway, because they are used to having positive experiences with males (the guys tend to like them).

 

[ABC123]

Because attractive women get your hormones in an uproar, which distracts you from you day to day activities.
I used to have this problem myself. Best way to handle it is to interact with more attractive women. Increasing your exposure will decrease your anxiety. Attractive women are often more pleasant to talk with anyway, because they are used to having positive experiences with males (the guys tend to like them).

What should I chat them up about? In school, I talked to girls about school stuff. but now that I'm out of school, I don't know what to chat up women about. I read the so-suave guide book and It said to have a 30/60 talk/listen ratio, to mainly be interested in whatever she has to say and to make "me too" statements, making her more attracted to me because she'll think "we're alike". But I also saw a PUA video and it said to talk about things I'm interested in and somehow the woman I'm talking to will also be interested because of my enthusiasm when speaking about whatever I'm interested in. And to be honest, thinking about it, I don't necessarily think that the stuff I'm interested in are that exciting, certainly not to women.

 

[ABC123]

honestly it's about exposure. go to nicer clubs and fancier places where you're always talking to very attractive women and it'll clear up pretty quick. they're no different than other women, except maybe a bit more boring and dumb since they've had most things given to them or done for them. as far as places to hit on women, literally anywhere. go hang out at coffee shops with your laptop and work. go take some yoga classes, dance classes, or go to a golf range. go bouldering, hiking, biking, etc. there's a ton of coed activities where you'll have chances.

one of the best things that'll help clear up anxiety is to always talk to beautiful women. you don't have to have a goal in mind, just say a few lines and maybe crack a joke to pass the time if you're in an elevator together. or if you're passing one in a store ask her how she is or ask her where the kitchen section is. just get exposure and it'll be a lot easier. you'll realize that they're just normal peeing pooping people like everyone else. and sadly most of the time they're less interesting than a 7 or an 8 that's had to work for her success.

i think the best women are the ones that grew up ugly but grew into beauties. they were picked on when they were little so they learned to be smart and tough and nice to get what they want. now they're all grown up and still nice and sweet. there's also hotties that have been hot forever and are awesome and sweet, but I've only met a few(but i don't get out much right now).

Would you say being my full self is a good thing? The majority of the time I speak without thinking about what I'm about to say. Like sometimes I ask weird ****ing questions. This one time, a somewhat attractive girl was looking at me in class, I approached her with a smile while keeping eye contact, chatted her up and within 5 seconds of the convo, I reached for her hand slowly (she complied and gave me her hand). I touched her palm and complimented her on how smooth her hand was and then I said this "My dad is opening a strip club downtown if you're interested". She laughed and then the bell rung, so I left.

I'm just afraid if I make these kinds of unfiltered statements/questions to women that I have never meant it will lead to bad results or even worse, a bad habit.

*the strip club thing wasn't true btw

 

[Mike32ct]

Because attractive women get your hormones in an uproar, which distracts you from you day to day activities.
I used to have this problem myself. Best way to handle it is to interact with more attractive women. Increasing your exposure will decrease your anxiety. Attractive women are often more pleasant to talk with anyway, because they are used to having positive experiences with males (the guys tend to like them).

Absolutely. I would also add that truly attractive women have nothing to prove.

An average or ugly chick might be cold to a guy as a power trip i.e. to show that she is “above” the guy in the pecking order. But many hot chicks are less into this nonsense.

Your cousin that makes $10k more than you per year might be a condescending prick to you. But some CEO that you know (who earns millions more than you) will probably be polite to you. He’s way above petty pissing matches.

 

[Mike32ct]

As far as practicing talking to hot chicks, I recommend bartender chicks. Be a regular at a nice bar or club/lounge. Get there early before it gets too busy and always tip well. They like “regulars” because it’s easy tip money, and these are customers they are comfortable with (and don’t cause trouble/drama).

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Would you say being my full self is a good thing? The majority of the time I speak without thinking about what I'm about to say. Like sometimes I ask weird ****ing questions. This one time, a somewhat attractive girl was looking at me in class, I approached her with a smile while keeping eye contact, chatted her up and within 5 seconds of the convo, I reached for her hand slowly (she complied and gave me her hand). I touched her palm and complimented her on how smooth her hand was and then I said this "My dad is opening a strip club downtown if you're interested". She laughed and then the bell rung, so I left.

I'm just afraid if I make these kinds of unfiltered statements/questions to women that I have never meant it will lead to bad results or even worse, a bad habit.

*the strip club thing wasn't true btw

93% of communication is non verbal. Meaning if you have confidence and a seductive attitude you can say pretty much anything you want. I've had situations where I kept saying super dumb stuff to a girl and she still came home with me that night. Rollo describes it in his book. You can keep saying 'let me pee in your butt' as an opener and if you say it with swagger and an idgaf confidence you're bound to get a giggly girl that jokes around with you and is an easy lay.

 

[ABC123]

93% of communication is non verbal. Meaning if you have confidence and a seductive attitude you can say pretty much anything you want. I've had situations where I kept saying super dumb stuff to a girl and she still came home with me that night. Rollo describes it in his book. You can keep saying 'let me pee in your butt' as an opener and if you say it with swagger and an idgaf confidence you're bound to get a giggly girl that jokes around with you and is an easy lay.

As far as practicing talking to hot chicks, I recommend bartender chicks. Be a regular at a nice bar or club/lounge. Get there early before it gets too busy and always tip well. They like “regulars” because it’s easy tip money, and these are customers they are comfortable with (and don’t cause trouble/drama).

So it's more important on how you project yourself and how you say things? Got you

 

[zekko]

What should I chat them up about?

What do you talk about with girls you're not attracted to? The point is that you want to be your usual relaxed, witty self around them without feeling extra pressure because they're pretty. If you don't know what to talk to any girl about (even if she's unattractive), then you need to build up your social skills.

One tip is that people like to talk about themselves. Like if she's a bartender, you can ask if they've been busy today. Anything you can observe about her that you can talk about is a help. You could say you like her earrings, for example. Women like when guys notice the small details.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I'd never hit on a bartender lol what a waste of time

 

[maverickbh]

It's inner game. You have to believe deep down that you are worthy of being with a hot chick, that you are a catch. If when you meet a hot chick you think of what she's gonna think of you, you'll turn on approval-seeking mode. You'll try to impress. In other words, you deviate from being you to try to be something to that hot girl. There's a huge difference between trying to be funny and naturally being funny. You can only do you when you truly don't try to get approval or impress. I'd say work on inner game (confidence, affirming self-beliefs) and invest in having options. If you know you got 4 other plates ready to go any time, you won't care about what any hot chick would think of you. You'll just do you. Indifference is actually one of the most attractive traits in a high-value guy.

 

[ABC123]

It's inner game. You have to believe deep down that you are worthy of being with a hot chick, that you are a catch. If when you meet a hot chick you think of what she's gonna think of you, you'll turn on approval-seeking mode. You'll try to impress. In other words, you deviate from being you to try to be something to that hot girl. There's a huge difference between trying to be funny and naturally being funny. You can only do you when you truly don't try to get approval or impress. I'd say work on inner game (confidence, affirming self-beliefs) and invest in having options. If you know you got 4 other plates ready to go any time, you won't care about what any hot chick would think of you. You'll just do you. Indifference is actually one of the most attractive traits in a high-value guy.

This makes a lot of sense. Thank you for the insight.

 

[zekko]

I'd never hit on a bartender lol what a waste of time

I completely agree. However, for this thread we were discussing talking to bartenders as practice, or "desensitivity training" for being around attractive women.