Help

[Brooks]

Hello everyone.

I’ve been a long time lurker here and have read the DJ bible a couple times so I’m quite familiar with it all. Still working on implementing it and having it be second nature. Found this site about 5 months ago.

I currently have a situation which is leaving me in a state of anxiety and not knowing where it’s all headed. The post may be long.

My current girlfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. We got in a fight last weekend and she ended up leaving my house. Whenever we fight she has a tendency to want to just walk out or away and in turn this ramps up my anxiety because it feels like abondonment. Instead of letting her just go this time I chased her down the street and we talked outside for about an hour (I know, weak). I soon walked away, but then she called me five minutes later asking me to come back out. I did. And we talked again for about an hour.
Eventually she left because she said she wasn’t coming back inside my house and needed to go home as she was super stressed and annoyed.

We had a couple phone calls on Sunday and Monday, didn’t talk Tuesday, met up on Wednesday. I apologized immensely and stated I was sorry taking full responsibility for many things throughout the relationship and that night. My weak behaviours have accumulated.

When we met up on Wednesday she was not receptive to touch when I initially saw her. We walked to Central Park and she said she was pretty much done. I told her I wasn’t, as I had told her that over the phone too, that I’m willing to get my stuff together so this doesn’t happen again because I feel terrible about it all. I asked her if she was 100% done and she couldn’t say yes. She would just collapse on to her knees. Seemingly it was as though she wanted me to end it so she wouldn’t have to. After 4 hours of sitting on a bench talking about everything under our sun and no breakup happening we decided to get up and walk. About 45 minutes of us sitting she became receptive to my touches again.

We walked to a restaurant, had food, and enjoyed a meal together like normal. Afterwards we walked around the city and on a street corner we kissed for about 7 full seconds. About 30 minutes later I turned her towards me again and we kissed again for about 10 seconds.
We talked on our walk and enjoyed our time together. Never talking about ending things but rather moving forward in some senses.
At the end of the night we both caught our buses, but she coldly walked away by just saying bye.

I figured that her doing that was a test of sorts to see if I was changing. Because before I would be like ‘you’re just going to leave being that cold?’ And we would probably get in to some emotional talk which has happened many many times.

All day Thursday I decided to not message her at all. At the end of the night (10pm) she called me asking how I felt about our talk the day before; I told her I felt calm because I said everything I could and let her know where I firmly stand.
I asked her how she felt and she said she feels numb to everything and doesn’t know if she will be able to come back from this. I reassure her and say we can get through this and I understand if she’s distant and shut down because of what I did and how I acted. (Which is totally fair; I went major beta in attractive; unwound). I tell her I want our summer together and the things we have talked about and planned. (It seems she’s just focusing on the negatives since the weekend and feels hopeless and shutdown).
I tell her I want to see her this weekend. That we can spend the day together; she sounded surprised and said “you actually want to see each other?” And I say “I always want to see your face”.
The conversation came to a close shortly after and she sounded interested in hanging out this weekend.

So as with what I’ve read here it’s all about actions over words.
Her words are very bleak and don’t Instill much hope. But her receptiveness to my kisses, touch and her calling last night are indicators of something else going on.

Because if she wanted to actually break it off, she would have done so on Wednesday. And she wouldn’t have called me last night. And she waited until late at night almost as to see if I was going to reach out to her...
Is she saying such hopeless things to get me to rectify my wrong doings and drag me over the coals a bit and show her how sorry I truly am?

I’m confused, to say the least.

I’ve been giving a lot of space. And will continue to do this. I will probably message or call her this afternoon to see if we are in fact going to hangout tomorrow.

Any help is appreciated. Thank you




TLDR; girlfriend and I had a fight. I acted weak. She doesn’t know if she wants to continue dating, I certainly do. Took responsibility for what I did. Her words are bleak, her actions are still being receptive to touch and kiss, possible dates and she called me last night. I’m confused.

 

[Spaz]

She wanted to break up with you but decided to drag it out because you were so pathetic.

But she will in the end.

Even ur mother would secretly support her.

Even I do.

No women or girl should be out and about with a man who displays such utter weakness.

This girl no longer admires nor respect you after that display of weakness, every cell in her body will scream to run away and that's the right play for her.

The next time another girl does this - walk away, throw a tantrum, or some drama shiet, remain quiet, calm, collected and wait for her to calm down then admonished her for causing a scene that woke the neighbours up.

Then continue reading that book or working on the laptop when she was throwing a fit.

Don't worry, they all will be good little girls afterwards, they always do in the end, frustrated maybe but respects you more and admires you for having a backbone.

 

[Brooks]

She wanted to break up with you but decided to drag it out because you were so pathetic.

But she will in the end.

Even ur mother would secretly support her.

Even I do.

No women or girl should be out and about with a man who displays such utter weakness.

This girl no longer admires nor respect you after that display of weakness, every cell in her body will scream to run away and that's the right play for her.

The next time another girl does this - walk away, throw a tantrum, or some drama shiet, remain quiet, calm, collected and wait for her to calm down then admonished her for causing a scene that woke the neighbours up.

Then continue reading that book or working on the laptop when she was throwing a fit.

Don't worry, they all will be good little girls afterwards, they always do in the end, frustrated maybe but respects you more and admires you for having a backbone.

Thanks for the response. Harsh but true.

I see that’s how I should conduct myself in the future. However, what would be the proper solution now. Because we have not broken up yet. So that means there’s still time.

 

[Brooks]

Wait for her to break up with you because she will trust me. When she calls to break up tell her it’s cool and if she wants to work things out to let you know. You must show her you don’t mind and you’re cool with her decision (abundance mindset). I can then promise you she will come back but you have to go NC. Do not agree to being friends. Then only pick up or reply to her messages once she BEGS you back. Don’t reply to anything else or any indirects. I’d say give it max. 2 weeks and she’ll run back. It’s an act of strength and you must remain calm and strong minded. DO NOT APOLOGISE. She must EARN you back once she’s dumped you.

I will keep this knowledge.

I called her about an hour ago and we have plans for tomorrow now for a bit (but no sleep over or coming back to my place I don’t think). She answered fairly quickly and even while she was with a family member so I think this is a good sign. Because if she was done or wanting to eject she would have denied, right?

 

[Epic Days]

Walking away during a fuss is a major manipulation tool. You even chased her outside.
When women walk away from a fuss it drives men crazy.
Let her go and do nothing. But I know you can’t do that. So run it into the ground real good with you chasing her and then when you’re canned anyway, let’s talk.

 

[Epic Days]

I will keep this knowledge.

I called her about an hour ago and we have plans for tomorrow now for a bit (but no sleep over or coming back to my place I don’t think). She answered fairly quickly and even while she was with a family member so I think this is a good sign. Because if she was done or wanting to eject she would have denied, right?

Oh my.

 

[Spaz]

Thanks for the response. Harsh but true.

I see that’s how I should conduct myself in the future. However, what would be the proper solution now. Because we have not broken up yet. So that means there’s still time.

For all intent and purposes she has broken up with you.

If I were you, I would break up with her by sending just a text message and then dismiss her from my mind.

Most women would be taken by surprised, after being disrespected and being reduced to grovelling you suddenly have the backbone to be manly, regaining ur dignity.

That might temporarily make her admire you and think you're a high value male but sooner or later she'll leave again because you'll revert again and again.

You are the problem, ur lack of knowledge and lack of practical skills has led you to the man u r now.

I rather work on this then get some female to infuse me with a sense of purpose because women can only thrive with a man who knows exactly what he wants, needs, desires.

 

[Mazer]

You are about to learn a hard lesson. See you back here in a week when she dumps you for good. I’m sure she has a new guy already lined up. Just waiting to see if she has a strong hold on him before jumping ship. The good news is you have come to the right place.

 

[Brooks]

Oh my.

Why ‘oh my’?

 

[Epic Days]

Why ‘oh my’?

You are going to get hit by a wrecking ball. You are trying to ward it off with hope.

 

[Brooks]

For all intent and purposes she has broken up with you.

If I were you, I would break up with her by sending just a text message and then dismiss her from my mind.

Most women would be taken by surprised, after being disrespected and being reduced to grovelling you suddenly have the backbone to be manly, regaining ur dignity.

That might temporarily make her admire you and think you're a high value male but sooner or later she'll leave again because you'll revert again and again.

You are the problem, ur lack of knowledge and lack of practical skills has led you to the man u r now.

I rather work on this then get some female to infuse me with a sense of purpose because women can only thrive with a man who knows exactly what he wants, needs, desires.

I’ve made mistakes throughout sure. However we have many good aspects in our relationship. I’m the first person she’s been able to see a true furture with.

She was thinking of breaking up but now it seems as though she’s going to give me another shot. There has been damage for sure. Yes some respect was lost. I lost some for myself.
I mean we are spending time tomorrow together.

Her actions are still receptive and positive. She’s just now just going to be very sensitive to everything and I’m sure she’s going to test me heavily.

 

[Brooks]

You are going to get hit by a wrecking ball. You are trying to ward it off with hope.

You think she’s going to dump me tomorrow or something?

 

[Spaz]

I’ve made mistakes throughout sure. However we have many good aspects in our relationship. I’m the first person she’s been able to see a true furture with.

She was thinking of breaking up but now it seems as though she’s going to give me another shot. There has been damage for sure. Yes some respect was lost. I lost some for myself.
I mean we are spending time tomorrow together.

Her actions are still receptive and positive. She’s just now just going to be very sensitive to everything and I’m sure she’s going to test me heavily.

You'd make a good practise to fine tune her manipulation skills.

But then after a while she'll get bored, you're too easy, she'll gravitate to someone like me who's more of a challenge, a greater catch for her.

I'll await your return here all broken up.

 

[Brooks]

You'd make a good practise to fine tune her manipulation skills.

But then after a while she'll get bored, you're too easy, she'll gravitate to someone like me who's more of a challenge, a greater catch for her.

I'll await your return here all broken up.

I don’t get why you’re pushing my face in the sand. I came here for perspective and help and you’re just telling me she’d be better with you?

I already know I’ve made mistakes, but people can correct their course. It’s not over yet

 

[Spaz]

I don’t get why you’re pushing my face in the sand. I came here for perspective and help and you’re just telling me she’d be better with you?

I already know I’ve made mistakes, but people can correct their course. It’s not over yet

I am helping you but you can't see that.

And I will help you once you got ur ass handed to you later down the road.

You need to be broken in order to be rebuilt.

I tried to break you but it's not working, but ur girl will, she will break you.

 

[Brooks]

I am helping you but you can't see that.

And I will help you once you got ur ass handed to you later down the road.

You need to be broken in order to be rebuilt.

I tried to break you but it's not working, but ur girl will, she will break you.

Yea I’ve already been broken by the events that’s happened on the weekend. You don’t know how much guilt I have and how sadly I look at myself for the fight and that I ran after her.

I’m trying to look at what the current situation is and be able to give it properly. I appreciate you helping me, but maybe if I can understand what is currently happening that would allow me to be able to adjust to that.

So like I said, She called me at night on Thursday to talk further. We chatted for 45 mins.

She was responsive to some messages on random image on Instagram earlier today.

Today she answered my call earlier and we made a plan for tomorrow. She even changed an appointment from 2pm to earlier so we could get out of the city.

She seems upset and cautious. Maybe as though she’s very on edge. But these don’t seem like actions of someone who wants to actually break up. Because when given the chances she hasn’t pulled the trigger.

I highly doubt she has anyone lined up either. She definetly is not the type to do that.

 

[Serenity]

@Brooks What are your fights about?

 

[Epic Days]

You think she’s going to dump me tomorrow or something?

Nope. She’s going to dump you when you think things are fine.
She will be enjoying other diks while she does it.
You really are too early here. You need a good thrashing to whip those briefs and ideas out of you.

We are acting in your best interest. You’re on a highway to hell.

You know so little about women that in her eyes, you’re a big baby boy.

 

[Spaz]

Yea I’ve already been broken by the events that’s happened on the weekend. You don’t know how much guilt I have and how sadly I look at myself for the fight and that I ran after her.

I’m trying to look at what the current situation is and be able to give it properly. I appreciate you helping me, but maybe if I can understand what is currently happening that would allow me to be able to adjust to that.

So like I said, She called me at night on Thursday to talk further. We chatted for 45 mins.

She was responsive to some messages on random image on Instagram earlier today.

Today she answered my call earlier and we made a plan for tomorrow. She even changed an appointment from 2pm to earlier so we could get out of the city.

She seems upset and cautious. Maybe as though she’s very on edge. But these don’t seem like actions of someone who wants to actually break up. Because when given the chances she hasn’t pulled the trigger.

I highly doubt she has anyone lined up either. She definetly is not the type to do that.

You need to realise that we are not here to mommy you.

We are here to help men be the best possible version of himself by understanding how things work in the real world that actually doesn't exist through the lens of lover boys such as you.

Go read up the threads of @daproest1

He's ur twin.

You're going down the road he's gone through and now he's slowly unplugging from the feminine matrix but he's doing it after being slapped around the forum.

A man like that will have my respect even when he's at the lowest ebbs possible simply because he is trying.

 

[Fan]

Dude stop chatting with her. Rule number one, you cannot negotiate desire. She cant be talked into falling for you again. Don't believe in those communication is the key bull****. It's only achieving the exact opposite - showing your neediness, availability and vulnerability. It's killing all the little attraction that has left (probably none by this point).

You are in the terminal stage 4 man. She's just dragging you along now until a better prospect comes along. I don't even read that you two are still sleeping with each other by this point. From the omega weaknesses during this week you showed, her hypergamous alarm bell has rang through the roof. You cannot recover from this except to learn from this. Your best hope (to retain dignity and attraction of her in the future) is to 1) break-up with her yourself and 2) just ghost her and don't talk to her.

Dude you got a lot of work to do.