Strong mutual attraction with a coworker who's engaged

[Black Magic]

I'm sure many of you will tell me to run, not walk away from this situation, but perhaps I need a reminder.

A very cute girl at work with a complimentary personality to mine shows very clear signs of interest. Extended eye contact, asking me to open a difficult jar of...whatever it was, walking near me when she could've walked around, and just an overall instant magnetism between us. I work in a highly feminized company and know what The Red Pill would have to say about this, and to top it off she's ENGAGED!

I tried to ignore her recently and while walking up the stairs the other day she comes walking down. I put my head down and avoid eye contact and of course she has to say "Hi!" as we pass. To top it off I had the most vivid erotic dream I think I've ever had about her last night.

Is her hypergamy that strong? I mean, it's not like she's with a bad looking guy or who seems unsuccessful - the polar opposite from the looks of it. Maybe she's bored or with a White Knight? I dunno, not my concern.

What can I do to prevent myself from falling down a rabbit hole with this one? I mean, she's like that puzzle piece that just fits on a visceral level, ya know?

 

[wifehunter]

Plenty of other poorly behaving women, out there.

This is a good opportunity to practice your exit skills.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm sure many of you will tell me to run, not walk away from this situation, but perhaps I need a reminder.

A very cute girl at work with a complimentary personality to mine shows very clear signs of interest. Extended eye contact, asking me to open a difficult jar of...whatever it was, walking near me when she could've walked around, and just an overall instant magnetism between us. I work in a highly feminized company and know what The Red Pill would have to say about this, and to top it off she's ENGAGED!

I tried to ignore her recently and while walking up the stairs the other day she comes walking down. I put my head down and avoid eye contact and of course she has to say "Hi!" as we pass. To top it off I had the most vivid erotic dream I think I've ever had about her last night.

Is her hypergamy that strong? I mean, it's not like she's with a bad looking guy or who seems unsuccessful - the polar opposite from the looks of it. Maybe she's bored or with a White Knight? I dunno, not my concern.

What can I do to prevent myself from falling down a rabbit hole with this one? I mean, she's like that puzzle piece that just fits on a visceral level, ya know?

Women are doing this all over the country. Living a life of adventure. Work is a dating pool. BF,Fiancee, Husbands doesn't matter. They are doing things to talk about with their girls.

 

[Black Magic]

This is a good opportunity to practice your exit skills.

Can you elaborate on "exit skills?"

They are doing things to talk about with their girls.

So what like, "Guess who I ****ed at work and guess who will never find out about it?"

This is why I don't believe in monogamy.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Can you elaborate on "exit skills?"



So what like, "Guess who I ****ed at work and guess who will never find out about it?"

This is why I don't believe in monogamy.

Yea. That guy she told her girls about. Then it will get old and she will be annoyed by him.

 

[wifehunter]

Can you elaborate on "exit skills?"

Seriously?

 

[sangheilios]

Just because a woman is flirting with you like that, especially whilst in a relationship, does not mean she is necessarily going to be going beyond that. It's normal for people to be attracted to others when they may have a significant other. She probably finds you attractive and genuinely enjoys your presence, finds attention from you flattering and all that. Based on what you have written, I don't really see any of her behavior as all that bad, though she definitely is a bit of a flirt, and I'm not completely sure why you are writing about this on here. Inappropriate flirting would included things like suggestively touching you, trying to spend time with you outside a given work environment, etc....which is not something that I had read on here.

 

[Black Magic]

Seriously?

Yeah, I really don't know what you mean by that. Exit the company? Exit the flirtation? Exit the building as if it were on fire?

Just because a woman is flirting with you like that, especially whilst in a relationship, does not mean she is necessarily going to be going beyond that. It's normal for people to be attracted to others when they may have a significant other. She probably finds you attractive and genuinely enjoys your presence, finds attention from you flattering and all that. Based on what you have written, I don't really see any of her behavior as all that bad, though she definitely is a bit of a flirt, and I'm not completely sure why you are writing about this on here. Inappropriate flirting would included things like suggestively touching you, trying to spend time with you outside a given work environment, etc....which is not something that I had read on here.

You make a lot of good points here, and perhaps it's me who's blowing it out of proportion. What I wanna do is ignore her and not have it hanging over my head all the time. What I really wanna do however is steal her from her man and do crazy things with her. That's just me being honest.

But in all seriousness, I keep my composure and remain professional. Too much at stake to do anything else. To answer your question why I'm writing about it here is to get feedback and perspective.

 

[Spaz]

Just because a woman is flirting with you like that, especially whilst in a relationship, does not mean she is necessarily going to be going beyond that. It's normal for people to be attracted to others when they may have a significant other. She probably finds you attractive and genuinely enjoys your presence, finds attention from you flattering and all that. Based on what you have written, I don't really see any of her behavior as all that bad, though she definitely is a bit of a flirt, and I'm not completely sure why you are writing about this on here. Inappropriate flirting would included things like suggestively touching you, trying to spend time with you outside a given work environment, etc....which is not something that I had read on here.

This is the most likely scenario.

But if OP wants to take it further.....

 

[sangheilios]

Yeah, I really don't know what you mean by that. Exit the company? Exit the flirtation? Exit the building as if it were on fire?



You make a lot of good points here, and perhaps it's me who's blowing it out of proportion. What I wanna do is ignore her and not have it hanging over my head all the time. What I really wanna do however is steal her from her man and do crazy things with her. That's just me being honest.

But in all seriousness, I keep my composure and remain professional. Too much at stake to do anything else. To answer your question why I'm writing about it here is to get feedback and perspective.

I know you are already aware of this, but it's really not in your best interest to even dwell too much on these feelings, as it isn't healthy. I could be wrong, but are you in a place in your life where you don't really have a whole lot of prospects and she is really the only attention you are getting from women? There isn't anything wrong with that, as it happens to everyone, but if that is the case this should tell you that you need to start laying the ground work for being able to meet women. Knowing that this woman is already engaged and yet having these types of thoughts and feelings about her is not healthy at all, I say this in order to help you and not bring you down.

This was from quite a while ago, but I was in a place in my life where I had been socially isolated for a very long time, there were some personally issues going on that caused this. Anyway, by chance there was a young girl who I was in regular proximity to on a weekly basis and quickly developed a bit of an unhealthy obsession/fixation on her despite the fact that she had a long distance boyfriend. She flirted with me, I flirted back, she encouraged me to provide her with attention and she was overall a nice girl, very cute and all that. However, as soon as I made any move on her that all stopped, as before she probably saw it as harmless flirting, and I had a difficult time dealing with that source of female attention being turned off. The flirtation that I received from her felt good and the fantasy of being with her felt even better, but at the end of the day that's all it was......just a fantasy that I had built up within myself. Now, I didn't start to resorting to hurting myself or had fallen into a massive depression, I had just set myself up for a strong sense of disappointment.

Again, I say all of this in order to help you and not to bring you down out of sadism. I honestly think you have a decent enough of a grasp on what is actually going on and I don't really think you should worry all that much about it.

 

[Kotaix]

I'm in a similar situation. I have a coworker with strawberry blonde hair and is super cute who has been into me since the very first day I met her. She thrives on male attention but has a strict policy of not dating coworkers (who knows how strict it is tho). She'll flirt with me if I ignore her and flakes like a pro when I don't. I'm guilty of obsessing over her in my blue pill years/have had oneitis for her; but I've learned to not pay much attention to her because she's just looking for validation. This is what you need to do. Yes her hypergamy is that strong.

The ego boost is hard to fight, but don't get involved with a coworker. I've already learned my lesson on that one, you don't need to learn it at a blue pill company.

 

[backseatjuan]

Sounds like a chick who been searching and searching and even kept searching and good deal. I’ll be honest I did not read a single line of your thread. She is for fcking only, because she’s a ho.

 

[Igetit!]

I'm sure many of you will tell me to run, not walk away from this situation, but perhaps I need a reminder

Run,not walk away from this situation.

Just a reminder.

 

[Black Magic]

she is really the only attention you are getting from women

Everything you said @sangheilios is spot on but I'll address this first. She's not the only attention I'm getting but there are a few factors at play here.

1) I've been voluntarily celibate for almost a year as I've been working a relationship addiction recovery program. You mentioned fantasy and that's something I struggle with big time. I'm sure being an only child had something to do with it as I've known many other only children, particularly in single parent households that have very active imaginations. I also grew up, as John Bradshaw would put it, "shame-based," and have struggled with self valuation all my life.

2) I'm what Pia Melody would call a Love Avoidant, and have an almost fetish with taken women. It's more than a competition or conquering thing; I think it's about knowing I don't have to shoulder all the emotional responsibility or feel the burden of a real relationship, and when I'm done with it I can just return her like a rental car.

Without getting all Kumbaya about it, it helps to discuss it and know I'm not the only one dealing with this.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

What can I do to prevent myself from falling down a rabbit hole with this one?

Realize that this is NORMAL female behavior. It has nothing to do with your self delusion that it's based on an actual desire, conscious or unconscious, to do anything BEYOND flirting.

If you actually made a move she'd likely act and genuinely feel horrified.

Women flirt with men because they LIKE THE ATTENTION. Not because they crave ****.

She's probably flirting with you BECAUSE she's engaged. She's looking forward to her princess for day day. When tens of thousands will be spent with HER at the center of attention.

She's in a generally good mood and being EXTRA flirtatious because of it.

Believe it or not, this has NOTHING to do with you or any red pill goofy nonsense.

Just enjoy the HARMLESS flirtation.

Part of being a MAN is enjoying sexual tension that exists beneath the surface and KEEPING it beneath the surface where it belongs.

That shyte is can do WONDERS for your self esteem and self confidence.

Don't FVCK it up by misinterpreting it.

 

[Glassguy]

Lets back up and punt for a second:

First understand that if you are doing it correctly with a woman, she will be PURSUING your compliments and validation. The reason this happens is because you do not give either of them out freely. So they are RARE and MEANINGFUL. She sticks around because you are a hard to catch guy with options.

Now put that same woman in the work place around men. She will do things to get their EASY and CHEAP validation because she isnt getting it from her BF, Husband, Etc. Its the validation she seeks and there is always some schmuck that is willing to give it to her. She has no plans to screw those people, only milk them for the free validation.

But deep down she wants YOURS because it holds value.

These women are more often than not only pulling you into their orbit in attempt to get free validation for their own self esteem to compensate for the lack thereof from the guy that she isnt going to leave and pounds her into submission every night.

Once you try to pursue something with a woman like this, she will start creating excuses, say you took her "friendliness" the wrong way, etc.

Go find someone that is available.

 

[Epic Days]

You want to fuk her and you know it. Nothing to be ashamed about.

 

[sangheilios]

Everything you said @sangheilios is spot on but I'll address this first. She's not the only attention I'm getting but there are a few factors at play here.

1) I've been voluntarily celibate for almost a year as I've been working a relationship addiction recovery program. You mentioned fantasy and that's something I struggle with big time. I'm sure being an only child had something to do with it as I've known many other only children, particularly in single parent households that have very active imaginations. I also grew up, as John Bradshaw would put it, "shame-based," and have struggled with self valuation all my life.

2) I'm what Pia Melody would call a Love Avoidant, and have an almost fetish with taken women. It's more than a competition or conquering thing; I think it's about knowing I don't have to shoulder all the emotional responsibility or feel the burden of a real relationship, and when I'm done with it I can just return her like a rental car.

Without getting all Kumbaya about it, it helps to discuss it and know I'm not the only one dealing with this.

Being aware of all of this and accepting if for what it is will allow you to make some improvements. Most people choose to do nothing about their behavior or internal thoughts and feelings, which results in making the same mistakes over and over.

Here is some dose of reality, which I'm sure you again are well aware of. Attractive and high quality women are often taken, this is just a simple fact that we can't avoid here. It is normal to be attracted to them, want them for yourself, etc. Also, a lack of abundance with quality women does not exactly help this either, and let's be honest it really is tough to find a cute girl that you actually vibe with that is also into you.

Nothing is going to come from this, just enjoy the free flirtation you are getting from her, use it as a confidence booster and use this energy you are directing towards her and your thoughts about this situation onto other women who are available.

 

[Black Magic]

All solid advice guys, much appreciated. Glad I shared about this.

 

[Black Magic]

Once you try to pursue something with a woman like this, she will start creating excuses, say you took her "friendliness" the wrong way, etc.

Oh yeah, 100%.

She sticks around because you are a hard to catch guy with options.

I play that card at work for sure, so this post is kind of about me maintaining my power instead of giving it to this chick to drop on the ground and step on, or worse.