The lonely life of the player

[zekko]

Maybe so. But then divorce court file tombs are filled with meaningful relationships...

Like I said, I have LTR exes who "mean" less than women I had very short flings with.

Certainly not all "exes" are worthy of a LTR. A lot of guys choose the wrong women, for a variety of reasons. If I get a certain amount of mileage out of a LTR (say, like 10 years), I'll consider it successful.

Anyway, if the short term flings are so great, why is this thread called "The lonely life of the player"?

 

[Mike32ct]

As discussed here years ago, being attractive to women AND being popular with guy friends may not necessarily overlap.

Sure, there is an envy component where certain other guys become haters. Fair enough.

But envy stuff aside, the player vibe, which might be sarcastic, DGAF, even condescending (or ****y/arrogant) at times, might work great with women, but it can be offensive or annoying to other guys who would otherwise be your friend/acquaintance.

Granted, some guys can pull off both and be the type of person that both men and women like. But certain player or bad boy type guys can't.

I say this not to insult anyone. Just an interesting observation for discussion purposes.

 

[Spaz]

As discussed here years ago, being attractive to women AND being popular with guy friends may not necessarily overlap.

Sure, there is an envy component where certain other guys become haters. Fair enough.

But envy stuff aside, the player vibe, which might be sarcastic, DGAF, even condescending (or ****y/arrogant) at times, might work great with women, but it can be offensive or annoying to other guys who would otherwise be your friend/acquaintance.

Granted, some guys can pull off both and be the type of person that both men and women like. But certain player or bad boy type guys can't.

I say this not to insult anyone. Just an interesting observation for discussion purposes.

There's basically 2 types of men who are good with seducing women.

The most common type out there are those men who molds themselves to meet women needs, they normally troll nightspots or parties. You call them here PUA.

Then you have those who mold both men and women to them. These are the leaders and basically never left alone but seeks alone time when he can have it for it is precious to him.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

after the prison of school, social life under duress, the world of game is the great equalizer..

doesnt mater where you stand, money, looks, accomplishments dont mean chit.

you can be broke, homeless, no friends and still pull azz/meet amazing chicks and make succesful guys look stupid.

 

[Trump]

The man I have been dating has the same perspective as the OP. The player’s life can be lonely, empty & meaningless. But for men who haven’t reached player status it’s romanticized and sought after to such a degree that men who haven’t been there won’t believe you.

I don’t think player life is romanticized. I just think men don’t want to sleep with ONE woman for the rest of the lives.

Today my BF was telling me about his best friend. The best friend is tall, great looking, successful and a good man. He’s in his early 50s and has no issue attracting women. He’s so over endless rotations of plates. He has no companionship, nobody who knows his “story” as Paul Zanka would put it, no wife, no kids, etc. His friends have families and meaningful relationships in their lives and his friends don’t have meaningful time to spend with him because they have more fulfilled lives with their family.

But a wife and kids doesn’t mean a man is “fulfilled.” Heck, if you show a little weakness to your wife, she’ll destroy you, she’ll take you to court, she’ll make your life hell, she’ll take half your money and you’ll pay her monthly to sleep with another guy. Your kids could grow up to be criminal, drug addicts, or (dare I say it) gay.

I’d love to have a daughter, but a wife? No thanks. Can’t be legally obligated to a women when they have destroyed their sexuality by porn and hypergamy is rewarded and encouraged.

 

[BeExcellent]

It’s funny. I think it comes down to a man’s priorities. Just tonight I was chatting with a good friend of mine. He’s got a history as a “player” 25+ years long since his divorce. He’s had more women than he can count and used to have a girl in every port.

He was into the challenge of the conquest. The chasing. And he’d get bored once he caught the woman in question & move on to the next one. He loved the challenge...until one day he didn’t and things simply felt empty.

At that point he was over chasing skirts. Period. About that time I happened to introduce him to a great gal from his same hometown who was moving to his area. They hit it off and are traveling the world together right now & having a ball. He ditched all his girls in the various cities for my friend BUT he had decided to hang it up before he met her.

Tomorrow night I’m meeting them for supper. He will swear blind that it’s not anything to do with a specific woman...but rather his choice to hang it up (he stopped drinking altogether too recently). He’s 65 years old, still spry and still has women approach him constantly. He’s just over the revolving door and is enjoying having a great partner where they can enjoy life together and take care of one another.

So it’s just a perspective from a little further down the road guys. Chasing skirts ain’t the end game. This is what many of my player friends tell me. Some are PUA types, some are leaders of men, including this guy.

Food for thought.

 

[user43770]

I noticed you used the word "meaning" and its accompanying adjectives six times in this post.

There is nothing inherently meaningful about a marriage or LTR, nor is there anything inherently meaningless about short term flings, casual sex, or serial dating. I've had flings and ONS that meant more to me than some LTRs, at least in different ways. You get what you give - usually.

I think you can derive "meaning" from either, though I think happiness is what we really should be extracting from our choices and pursuits.

And what you're describing about your friend feeling as though he "missed the boat," that's the human condition. The road less traveled. Had he gotten married at 25 and stayed faithful, he'd probably be wondering about all the women he missed out on in the prime of his adulthood. FOMO is what advertisers use to separate us from our money. It's powerful but futile; we have to live with the choices we make.

To quote Rollo, "I’ve never had meaningless sex; I meant to bang every woman I’ve ever banged."

The broader point is that whether they're looking for flings or marriage, putting the cart before the horse is a fool's errand, to mix a couple of cliches. If your friend, and BF's friend, really had such a miserable time slaying chicks all those years, perhaps there was something missing from within, rather than from the women and relationships they were pursuing.

She had to squeeze in the "old and alone" too. Chicks are always throwing that line at me.

 

[user43770]

This talk about settling down for "meaning" made me think of this guy.

Leonard Olsen, 70, was arrested after an off-duty Hillsborough County sheriff's deputy alerted the Florida State Highway Patrol to the antics of a driver traveling at speeds greater than 100 mph, then dropping down to around 40 mph before standing through the sunroof of his vehicle going down Interstate 4.
When troopers pulled Olsen over, he initially denied knowing anything about the deputy's allegations, WTSP-TV reported. But eventually, he admitted that he thought hitting cruise control and standing outside the sunroof "would be a nice way to praise God for a minute."
KCBD-TV reported Olsen told the patrol officers he would like to turn himself in, saying his "wife treats me like a servant and she's the mistress and I'm tired of this s**t. ... Lock me up, I'd rather go to jail than go back home," according to the police report.

 

[zekko]

I don’t think player life is romanticized. I just think men don’t want to sleep with ONE woman for the rest of the lives.

I've never had the slightest interest in being a "player". I just want to feel on any given day that I am a generally attractive man to women as a whole, and to be able to attract the women that I like.

 

[Spaz]

She had to squeeze in the "old and alone" too. Chicks are always throwing that line at me.

Hahaha

It's a good tactic to get men to toe the line, I wonder how many here are that gullible.

 

[user43770]

Hahaha

It's a good tactic to get men to toe the line, I wonder how many here are that gullible.

I think it's also a genuine fear for most women, so they're projecting.

 

[Spaz]

I think it's also a genuine fear for most women, so they're projecting.

Of course it is, more so if they don't have any sons

 

[Trump]

When people say LTRs are more meaningful, I think that just means that you get to know the person more completely, on a deeper level. It's like the difference between a best friend that you've known for years, and a guy you spontaneously go to a baseball game with, because he's got an extra ticket.

In terms of value, what could a 44 year old woman you’ve been married to for years offer you, that a 27 old girl you just met, cannot?

The only value I can see is image. People get uncomfortable when they see too much of an age difference.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

The man I have been dating has the same perspective as the OP. The player’s life can be lonely, empty & meaningless. But for men who haven’t reached player status it’s romanticized and sought after to such a degree that men who haven’t been there won’t believe you.

They can’t. They don’t realize how other people will use the player for their own aims, they don’t know that pursuit of sexual pleasure for pleasure’s sake deprives you of meaningful connection with another human being, and they are short sighted.

I’ve known many players over the years personally as friends. I married one & I’m seeing one now almost 2 years in.

Today my BF was telling me about his best friend. The best friend is tall, great looking, successful and a good man. He’s in his early 50s and has no issue attracting women. He’s so over endless rotations of plates. He has no companionship, nobody who knows his “story” as Paul Zanka would put it, no wife, no kids, etc. His friends have families and meaningful relationships in their lives and his friends don’t have meaningful time to spend with him because they have more fulfilled lives with their family.

He is disillusioned. A man I know is in the exact same boat. He’s a retired professional athlete, successful, handsome & great looking...mid 50s as well, and also a lifelong bachelor. Exact same feeling about his life. Like he’s missed the boat chasing pleasure and missed out on meaning. It’s sad. That time is gone for good. But 20 years ago neither one of these men would have thought this is how they would feel in their 50s.

My guy is seeing that same writing on the wall. He worries about growing old alone. Even though women flock to him. He has few real friends. My ex husband struggles with it too. Same thing. Loneliness and few friends & waning desire to endlessly chase women.

Maybe it’s that men hit the wall roughly 10 years later than women...but age comes for us all eventually.

I like what Jordan Peterson has to say on the subject. Seek meaning instead of pleasure...but pleasure is a most seductive pursuit, so it’s tough when the disillusionment sets in.

For me, the meaning comes from having children. I think it would feel pretty empty to not have any kids at this age.

Getting out of my marriage was horrendous. But I can never say that I wish I had never met her when I think about my daughters. The love and feeling I have for them is unlike any other.

-Augustus-

 

[Julian]

Id rather have a deep lifelong connection with 1 person forever then with multiple sloots. modern tech lifestyle has created alot of loneliness in the world, not just with being a player which actually sort of compounds it. the player is basically the male version of the slut. seeking fulfillment in a lustful act in order to replace inner trauma or feel connected somehow. we live in sodom an gomorrah age now and sex has become a replacement for love. hyper sexualized world. divorce easy. abortion easy. porn easy. incels and soyboys everywhere. society degraded. most females are just hoes. most guys beta. marriage a special covenant with God has been cheapened to taxed government paperwork. Most of us just POME...product of my environment. like chappelle said maybe the environments a little sick, society is sick...its true.

 

[JohnChops]

The man I have been dating has the same perspective as the OP. The player’s life can be lonely, empty & meaningless. But for men who haven’t reached player status it’s romanticized and sought after to such a degree that men who haven’t been there won’t believe you.

They can’t. They don’t realize how other people will use the player for their own aims, they don’t know that pursuit of sexual pleasure for pleasure’s sake deprives you of meaningful connection with another human being, and they are short sighted.

I’ve known many players over the years personally as friends. I married one & I’m seeing one now almost 2 years in.

Today my BF was telling me about his best friend. The best friend is tall, great looking, successful and a good man. He’s in his early 50s and has no issue attracting women. He’s so over endless rotations of plates. He has no companionship, nobody who knows his “story” as Paul Zanka would put it, no wife, no kids, etc. His friends have families and meaningful relationships in their lives and his friends don’t have meaningful time to spend with him because they have more fulfilled lives with their family.

He is disillusioned. A man I know is in the exact same boat. He’s a retired professional athlete, successful, handsome & great looking...mid 50s as well, and also a lifelong bachelor. Exact same feeling about his life. Like he’s missed the boat chasing pleasure and missed out on meaning. It’s sad. That time is gone for good. But 20 years ago neither one of these men would have thought this is how they would feel in their 50s.

My guy is seeing that same writing on the wall. He worries about growing old alone. Even though women flock to him. He has few real friends. My ex husband struggles with it too. Same thing. Loneliness and few friends & waning desire to endlessly chase women.

Maybe it’s that men hit the wall roughly 10 years later than women...but age comes for us all eventually.

I like what Jordan Peterson has to say on the subject. Seek meaning instead of pleasure...but pleasure is a most seductive pursuit, so it’s tough when the disillusionment sets in.

I see this happen to a lot of guys as well, sh1t im only 26 too. Most of my friends who I used to game with on the weekends ALL got married. It's like once 24-25 set in, they realized "Oh wow, I really need to have a kid and get married or ill die alone." I think it's been accelerated a bit, the "die alone" concept, because social medial romanticizes getting married "young" and chastises the player life.

I'm half and half. I know I don't want to get married, nor do I care about dying alone. I think that's utter bullsh1t. I had to do a geriatrics rotation in med school, and the guy who I had to check up on was a 73 year old bachelor, very rich, and never married. The guy could NOT be happier. He said the one thing you have to do is make sure to always have purpose in life. He still worked a bit, always made time for friends, and never felt lonely. He was very real too. He said it was foolish to get married. Kids and a wife will drain you of your soul and money , as he said. I believe him. I don't even know half my friends anymore because they are legit stitched at the hip to their wives, for no good reason. Hell, one girl almost broke up a friendship him and my buddy have had for 10+ years and she has only been around a few months.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hahaha

It's a good tactic to get men to toe the line, I wonder how many here are that gullible.

Fine as fvck and fvcking constantly.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I see this happen to a lot of guys as well, sh1t im only 26 too. Most of my friends who I used to game with on the weekends ALL got married. It's like once 24-25 set in, they realized "Oh wow, I really need to have a kid and get married or ill die alone." I think it's been accelerated a bit, the "die alone" concept, because social medial romanticizes getting married "young" and chastises the player life.

I'm half and half. I know I don't want to get married, nor do I care about dying alone. I think that's utter bullsh1t. I had to do a geriatrics rotation in med school, and the guy who I had to check up on was a 73 year old bachelor, very rich, and never married. The guy could NOT be happier. He said the one thing you have to do is make sure to always have purpose in life. He still worked a bit, always made time for friends, and never felt lonely. He was very real too. He said it was foolish to get married. Kids and a wife will drain you of your soul and money , as he said. I believe him. I don't even know half my friends anymore because they are legit stitched at the hip to their wives, for no good reason. Hell, one girl almost broke up a friendship him and my buddy have had for 10+ years and she has only been around a few months.

Women can fall in love with you when you lose blue pill programs. And they will fight for you.

 

[eli77]

The man I have been dating has the same perspective as the OP. The player’s life can be lonely, empty & meaningless. But for men who haven’t reached player status it’s romanticized and sought after to such a degree that men who haven’t been there won’t believe you.

They can’t. They don’t realize how other people will use the player for their own aims, they don’t know that pursuit of sexual pleasure for pleasure’s sake deprives you of meaningful connection with another human being, and they are short sighted.

I’ve known many players over the years personally as friends. I married one & I’m seeing one now almost 2 years in.

Today my BF was telling me about his best friend. The best friend is tall, great looking, successful and a good man. He’s in his early 50s and has no issue attracting women. He’s so over endless rotations of plates. He has no companionship, nobody who knows his “story” as Paul Zanka would put it, no wife, no kids, etc. His friends have families and meaningful relationships in their lives and his friends don’t have meaningful time to spend with him because they have more fulfilled lives with their family.

He is disillusioned. A man I know is in the exact same boat. He’s a retired professional athlete, successful, handsome & great looking...mid 50s as well, and also a lifelong bachelor. Exact same feeling about his life. Like he’s missed the boat chasing pleasure and missed out on meaning. It’s sad. That time is gone for good. But 20 years ago neither one of these men would have thought this is how they would feel in their 50s.

My guy is seeing that same writing on the wall. He worries about growing old alone. Even though women flock to him. He has few real friends. My ex husband struggles with it too. Same thing. Loneliness and few friends & waning desire to endlessly chase women.

Maybe it’s that men hit the wall roughly 10 years later than women...but age comes for us all eventually.

I like what Jordan Peterson has to say on the subject. Seek meaning instead of pleasure...but pleasure is a most seductive pursuit, so it’s tough when the disillusionment sets in.

well said

 

[Epicwinguy]

Do you not need many friends to hook up with young women?