Hey folks!
I’ve been read-only here on and off for a couple of years and finally decided to make a registration.
This place does indeed provide very precious information as long as one knows how to read and absorb it properly.
I wanted to talk about/share a couple of things, ask a few questions, better yet share what thoughts & conclusions I’ve come up with and of course get some constructive feedback from the squad here.
Hopefully, it doesn`t get an awfully long and boring post. Feel free to ask me anything in case you believe I might have missed to share. (Also, accept my apologies in advance in case you fail to grasp anything you read, as I’m not a native English speaker and haven`t been actively writing for quite some time)
Let’s start with the main thing. I got dumped at the beginning of this month. Let me clarify – I also got dumped thru a Viber message by another chick in January as well. The difference between the two situations: in the former I didn`t really care for more than the rest of the day cuz I knew I wouldn`t fall for the girl anyway (maybe she sensed it as well) despite the fact I had prepaid by the time a 4-day SPA vacation for the end of March (around her birthday and yes, would’ve split the money). Now, the second one did indeed hurt quite a bit. The reason is simple and obvious. I had invested too much. As a matter of fact that was maybe the first time in perhaps 5-6 years that I happened to fall for one particular gal so deeply. I had already begun to think I’ve somehow become emotionally neutered or something.
Anyways, a few things about the girl: she is a co-worker, 19 ½ years of age. I’m 34. She came last autumn and I didn`t really notice her until right before the Christmas holidays when we have a tradition of this Secret Santa thing (anyone involved basically pulls a name of another guy or girl from the pile and goes to buy a small present (a book, a bottle of liqueur, some souvenir, etc). I happened to pull her name and from that moment on we slowly began talking and warming up to each other. Everyone around (me too) would notice by then that she seemed extremely closed off, introverted and would barely attempt to socialize with other colleagues. Whenever someone would walk up to her and engage her in some small talk, she’d normally talk back but would never be the active side. Fast forward - by the beginning of February we would progressively keep falling for each other and I could tell she was investing just as much as me in the interaction(s), sometimes even more. We started sharing some intimate things about our lives, families and so on and so forth. Our connection was getting stronger by the day.
Let me mention the downside of the “relationship”. We couldn`t have sex. Both of us wanted it, but the situation was out of our control. She has a curfew and not only is she not social and outgoing but her Mom controls her a lot and would’ve never allowed her to have a sleepover or go out until late at night. Yes, the girl told me that during her only previous relationship with some high school sweetheart, she would have a few sleepovers at his place but her Mom would call her a bunch of times during the evening to check on her and besides, I think she knew the boy and his parents so maybe was a bit easier on her sleepovers. Not once I’d try to talk her into standing up against her Mom and fight for her freedom as she is not minor any longer and is now earning her own paycheck but didn`t indeed have much success as she was seemingly not yet quite comfortable with standing her ground in front of her Mom and was definitely not willing to move out just yet.
Well, with the above being said and the fact we work together, that pretty much left us with very scarce alone time. We would usually sneak out of the office on breaks (thru separate exits as she is my subordinate and neither of us wanted anyone else to suspect anything) and meet up at some bench a few hundred feet away from our office building…and only hug and make out and talk sweet stuff to each other. Normally, I’d cut off such kind of relations right off the bat and just walk away but now it just felt different and I was like…full of life. Maybe it was her innocence and helplessness that attracted me to her so much (at that time I’d never heard of the term “captain-save-a hoe” yet) or maybe that I was able to literally beat to the punch a few other guys at the office who were trying to approach her, or maybe the mere fact that I was able to hook up with a girl much younger than me was simply caressing my ego. Or maybe a combination of all those. Now, I was never hoping or making plans that I’d be able to make this a LTR or have her have my children; I just wanted to live it out, for the time it was meant to last. But inevitably, due to feelings and emotions I started to act like a solid beta. Like I’d always be available for her to chat until 4 am, I’d always be like an emotional tampon if she was feeling low. I’d always be the one trying to teach her things about life, give her advice, tell her wise things etc. I knew it was beta and would eventually eat my head off, I just didn`t care. And she would definitely look up to me, constantly saying she admires my attitude, my sense of humor, how beautifully I’ve aged (indeed many people that see me for the first time would give me 5-7 years less than my actual age) and stuff like that. (Yeah, right, what a cheap trap to fall into, ha).
Additionally, it deserves mentioning that she comes from a kind of dysfunctional family and had a very poor relationship with her Dad. Like he was some jackoff who would constantly diss her and tell off both her older brother and her especially and openly say in her face she was not worth it. Moreover, she was frequently bullied (physically and emotionally) both at school and in her family, by other relatives. When she turned 14, her folks finally divorced and her Mom took her and her brother and moved to the other granny’s apartment. 5 years they have been living in a really small place with virtually no personal space for anyone. She would sleep with her Mother in one of the bedrooms and her bro would sleep with the nagging granny in the other one. As I had indeed let my guard down by that time and kind of didn’t read the signs carefully, I just underestimated the situation and was caught by surprise. Apparently, those past events had definitely taken their toll on her.
I’ve been read-only here on and off for a couple of years and finally decided to make a registration.
This place does indeed provide very precious information as long as one knows how to read and absorb it properly.
I wanted to talk about/share a couple of things, ask a few questions, better yet share what thoughts & conclusions I’ve come up with and of course get some constructive feedback from the squad here.
Hopefully, it doesn`t get an awfully long and boring post. Feel free to ask me anything in case you believe I might have missed to share. (Also, accept my apologies in advance in case you fail to grasp anything you read, as I’m not a native English speaker and haven`t been actively writing for quite some time)
Let’s start with the main thing. I got dumped at the beginning of this month. Let me clarify – I also got dumped thru a Viber message by another chick in January as well. The difference between the two situations: in the former I didn`t really care for more than the rest of the day cuz I knew I wouldn`t fall for the girl anyway (maybe she sensed it as well) despite the fact I had prepaid by the time a 4-day SPA vacation for the end of March (around her birthday and yes, would’ve split the money). Now, the second one did indeed hurt quite a bit. The reason is simple and obvious. I had invested too much. As a matter of fact that was maybe the first time in perhaps 5-6 years that I happened to fall for one particular gal so deeply. I had already begun to think I’ve somehow become emotionally neutered or something.
Anyways, a few things about the girl: she is a co-worker, 19 ½ years of age. I’m 34. She came last autumn and I didn`t really notice her until right before the Christmas holidays when we have a tradition of this Secret Santa thing (anyone involved basically pulls a name of another guy or girl from the pile and goes to buy a small present (a book, a bottle of liqueur, some souvenir, etc). I happened to pull her name and from that moment on we slowly began talking and warming up to each other. Everyone around (me too) would notice by then that she seemed extremely closed off, introverted and would barely attempt to socialize with other colleagues. Whenever someone would walk up to her and engage her in some small talk, she’d normally talk back but would never be the active side. Fast forward - by the beginning of February we would progressively keep falling for each other and I could tell she was investing just as much as me in the interaction(s), sometimes even more. We started sharing some intimate things about our lives, families and so on and so forth. Our connection was getting stronger by the day.
Let me mention the downside of the “relationship”. We couldn`t have sex. Both of us wanted it, but the situation was out of our control. She has a curfew and not only is she not social and outgoing but her Mom controls her a lot and would’ve never allowed her to have a sleepover or go out until late at night. Yes, the girl told me that during her only previous relationship with some high school sweetheart, she would have a few sleepovers at his place but her Mom would call her a bunch of times during the evening to check on her and besides, I think she knew the boy and his parents so maybe was a bit easier on her sleepovers. Not once I’d try to talk her into standing up against her Mom and fight for her freedom as she is not minor any longer and is now earning her own paycheck but didn`t indeed have much success as she was seemingly not yet quite comfortable with standing her ground in front of her Mom and was definitely not willing to move out just yet.
Well, with the above being said and the fact we work together, that pretty much left us with very scarce alone time. We would usually sneak out of the office on breaks (thru separate exits as she is my subordinate and neither of us wanted anyone else to suspect anything) and meet up at some bench a few hundred feet away from our office building…and only hug and make out and talk sweet stuff to each other. Normally, I’d cut off such kind of relations right off the bat and just walk away but now it just felt different and I was like…full of life. Maybe it was her innocence and helplessness that attracted me to her so much (at that time I’d never heard of the term “captain-save-a hoe” yet) or maybe that I was able to literally beat to the punch a few other guys at the office who were trying to approach her, or maybe the mere fact that I was able to hook up with a girl much younger than me was simply caressing my ego. Or maybe a combination of all those. Now, I was never hoping or making plans that I’d be able to make this a LTR or have her have my children; I just wanted to live it out, for the time it was meant to last. But inevitably, due to feelings and emotions I started to act like a solid beta. Like I’d always be available for her to chat until 4 am, I’d always be like an emotional tampon if she was feeling low. I’d always be the one trying to teach her things about life, give her advice, tell her wise things etc. I knew it was beta and would eventually eat my head off, I just didn`t care. And she would definitely look up to me, constantly saying she admires my attitude, my sense of humor, how beautifully I’ve aged (indeed many people that see me for the first time would give me 5-7 years less than my actual age) and stuff like that. (Yeah, right, what a cheap trap to fall into, ha).
Additionally, it deserves mentioning that she comes from a kind of dysfunctional family and had a very poor relationship with her Dad. Like he was some jackoff who would constantly diss her and tell off both her older brother and her especially and openly say in her face she was not worth it. Moreover, she was frequently bullied (physically and emotionally) both at school and in her family, by other relatives. When she turned 14, her folks finally divorced and her Mom took her and her brother and moved to the other granny’s apartment. 5 years they have been living in a really small place with virtually no personal space for anyone. She would sleep with her Mother in one of the bedrooms and her bro would sleep with the nagging granny in the other one. As I had indeed let my guard down by that time and kind of didn’t read the signs carefully, I just underestimated the situation and was caught by surprise. Apparently, those past events had definitely taken their toll on her.
