Any advice for a painfully average guy?

[TheBalalaikaMan]

Hey guys. It's me. The Balalaika Man. I'm new here and stuff.

I'll try to avoid using the word 'I' too much, without writing out my whole life story too. But there are a few things about me that need to be said.

Well first off, turned 18 about six months back. Studying mechanical engineering, but I hate it. So I slack off and play/write music most of the time. I'm here because most of my friends are totally inept with girls (even more so than myself, somehow), and since I'm not that much better off (I did have a few girls thanks to alcohol, weed, dumb luck or a combination of the three, only three of them were really girlfriends), I thought I might benefit from talking to guys who know their ****.

I dunno if I'm good looking or not. Above average, maybe? Not much though. Maybe not at all. Hairline recession is a *****, even if it ain't really too visible yet and Czech guys like me lose hair early anyway. I don't really care about my looks much anymore. Got my routine, do my hair every morning, groom a bit, and then it's up to the wind which way it blows (literally). I'll admit that I think I have a pretty good style. That leather jacket cost a good bit. But I don't really dress to impress. Hey, greasers are still cool in my book, don't care what everyone else thinks.

But I've gotta admit, guys, I just don't approach. I never have. Am I scared? Yeah. But more apathetic than anything. I just sorta know that the odds are low, so I just kinda... Don't. And though I'd like to tell you all how happy I am single - well, I am. An okay job, music, Friday nights out (not tonight), but I'm still alone and I do feel like coupling up, or at least blowing off some steam, taking someone home from time to time.

I feel like I need to start again. You know, re-learn. But properly this time. Trouble is, I'm so damn unmotivated to start, 'cause hell, I don't use dating apps anymore (the girls there are a bit provincial, I guess you could say), I've fallen out of 'practice' and given up for the time being. I wanna meet girls who are worth it. But first, I gotta be worth it for them too. So, can anybody help me out for free? Please? I'd really appreciate it.

P.S.: Anyone from Czechia here? Goddamn, I haven't seen a Central European on the web for ages now.

 

[lamath]

Hey nice intro

Patience man, you are only 18. With age and a little work thing usually get better.
Best recommendation atm is to join a gym and start working out, it will do wonders to your confidence and to your look

 

[TheBalalaikaMan]

Hey nice intro

Patience man, you are only 18. With age and a little work thing usually get better.
Best recommendation atm is to join a gym and start working out, it will do wonders to your confidence and to your look

Hey, thanks!

Yeah, that sounds about right. A good friend of mine (he's also a musician, but a lot more fit) told me he'd get us both a perm for the summer and he'd teach me the ropes. I'm skinny as hell. Surprised I got any girls at all, like ever.

And thanks. I do hope it does. In about a year or two, I won't have any hair left. I mean, I will, but it's better to be bald than balding, y'know, so I'll shave it off. You think that'll hinder me a lot, or is that manageable? Been stressing over that a lot.

 

[lamath]

Dont worry about something you cant change like losing your hair, it will just kill your confidence.


Gym Gym Gym for now

 

[TheBalalaikaMan]

Dont worry about something you cant change like losing your hair, it will just kill your confidence.


Gym Gym Gym for now

Will do, mister! Ain't no point worrying about a done deal, you're right.

 

[zekko]

Let me hear your balalaikas ringing out.

 

[GrowingPains]

Hey bro,

I'd recommend trying the DJ Boot Camp. After trying it, I realize that it's not really about mastering pickup or becoming a ladies man instantly. It's about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. And realizing what it takes to become a confident man. Those are some of the things gained from going through it.

As for mechanical engineering, I'm a PhD student in ME, so hmu if you wanna talk about it. I used to think it was dumb. I used to just want to play soccer instead. Happy to discuss.

Regarding being 'worth it for them too', what do you feel is inadequate about yourself?

 

[Kotaix]

You need to start doing things that YOU want to do. Engage in activities that challenge you and stick with them until you get really good at them. You want to feel the dopamine hit that comes from mastering something. This will reward the kind of discipline and persistence you need in life and it's what you need to internalize.

Also, get new friends that aren't losers.

 

[Smok1nAce]

I'm in my last year in engineering at let me tell you, get your priorities straight.

Number one stay in school and keep your grades up.
Second get an internship if possible and get done with school as quickly as possible to start making some real money.
Third stay healthy, don't get fat, out of shape, ect.
Fourth relax and do things you enjoy.
Fifth have fun with friends, maybe chill with some girls.

As long as you not hiding away and avoiding people you will naturally come into yourself. If you losing you hair and have a hang up because of that i cant help you. You may be far from this but I know plenty of nerdy guys who graduated school, started making money and got involved in the right circles during this process and are dating some decent women now. During this "process" as long as you stay positive and be social with people when the opportunity arises your will be fine. Don't get caught up in tying to memorize "lines" or what to say next, be your own man. Must guys around your age who "chase women" end up misserable in there late 20s beacuse they did nothing to build them selves.

If you really want to set yourself up further be conscious of what you watch. Lots of the stuff in movies, music and tv are make you feel like insecure.

 

[RangerMIke]

18 for men is a tough time. For chicks it's prime-time, for us... well most women are not going to naturally be interested in you. It's not your fault, it's just the way chicks are. This is the best time in your life to develop good life habits. Exercise, dieting, self-improvement.

18 is also a good to to learn skills with women.... but don't take anything serious, never go into interactions with chicks with the expectation that anything is going to happen one way or another... just try things and see what works... what doesn't and learn from experience. The difference between men that are good at things and those that are not is practice.

As far as having a hard time approaching... it's just fear of rejection. The best way to get over that is to let go of expectations and just do it. See a chick you like, and just approach her and see what happens. If you get rejected, GREAT... now you can flush her and move onto the next one. If something happens, GREAT... see how far you can go. I have been approaching chicks for over 30 years.... there is no way in the world I could remember how many... but even with all that experience I get rejected A LOT more than I have success.

You're in college... so you have built in rapport, it's pretty easy really, because you have that in common. So here is what you do:

As soon as you see a chick you are interested in, DO NOT HESITATE, just walk up and introduce yourself then comment on WHY you noticed her... it could be something she is doing, something she is wearing, but whatever it is before you go up and talk to her, think to yourself "Why am I interested in this chick?" Now if she has a nice pair of t!ts, and that is what got your attention.... don't fvcking say that, but make a comment about how you like what she is wearing. Chicks aren't stupid... if she has nice t!ts, she knows it.... and she is pretty sure that is why you are approaching her, but if you come out and say that you are just highlighting that you have ZERO social skills and no class.

Ask her name and really that's all you have to do. REMEMBER her name and move on, tell her you have to run to class. Then before you go.... tell her your name again, then challenge her to remember it because you will test her next time you see her.

A few days later... when you see her again, Tell her hello BY HER NAME and if she doesn't remember your name tease her about that and tell her she needs to improve her memory skills and ask her out for coffee or drinks and that you will tell her the secrets of memory. If she does remember your name, then tell her that since she remembered your name she deserves a reward and ask her out. Either way you ask her out.... Then you see if she says yes, gives you her number... and finally actually keeps the date. Because until she agrees to meet you on a date, she really doesn't matter. If she won't go out with you don't get all butt hurt and defensive just tell her to have a nice day and then forget about her.... move onto the next one.

When you've been doing this for awhile and get some practice you can move onto more advanced subtle stuff... but don't try any of that until you are comfortable with approaching chicks... but I will tell you a good one is to act surprised if she says no. Why? Because you are not USED to women telling you 'no'... again don't get upset about it, just be a little surprised... then smile and wish her a good day, then move on. You might run into her again, and if she has changed her mind she will approach you. Then try to ask her out one more time.. and see what happens.

I did this all the time though college and it worked fairly well for me. But for someone with problems approaching women, it's a good way to break yourself in, because when you first meet her you do not have the pressure of trying to make ANYTHING happen. You have no intention of trying to get her number or a date, all you are doing is reading her body language to see if she has any interest and getting her name... that's it. At the time I didn't know why this worked.... I was only copying what my Grandfather did when he met women, but later I learned that the reason this works so well is because you are not behaving like 9 out of 10 guys that approach her, you are different... and you stand out, which makes you interesting.

Try it then let me know who it goes... good luck. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Dating and chicks should be fun, not work... do not let it become work.

 

[jaymbrs]

I must be in the minority because 18 was one of the best years of my life when I was getting chicks left and right. I was able to get into the clubs and swing away at all the plethora of hot chicks there. Plus I started working as a server which boosted my social skills and got me laid with a bunch of waitresses. It was the perfect storm. I wish I could go back. Now I'm 32, really don't like clubs and work as an underwriter meeting no hot women at work. One of the things that has remained constant though is I'm very physically fit, And trust me, I've had multiple women admit they're attracted to my body throughout those 14 years. So hit the gym, get a part time job at a popular social joint and hit up some local dance clubs.

 

[GrowingPains]

This has been the single most challenging thing for me. I think of you are able to do this, even when you have been approaching for a while.. then things start happening. When you go in with expectation you will let yourself down a lot. Act weird. Say dumb things. Overanalyze.

Letting go and being carefree is a skill in and of its own. And it's attractive. Interactions are much more enjoyable with people who seem this way.

but don't take anything serious, never go into interactions with chicks with the expectation that anything is going to happen one way or another... just try things and see what works...

 

[GrowingPains]

My granddad likes to say:

I went out looking for friends and I made none. I went out as a friend and I made many.

Relevant in the context of 'being in the moment'.

 

[Trump]

Hey guys. It's me. The Balalaika Man. I'm new here and stuff.

I'll try to avoid using the word 'I' too much, without writing out my whole life story too. But there are a few things about me that need to be said.

Well first off, turned 18 about six months back. Studying mechanical engineering, but I hate it. So I slack off and play/write music most of the time. I'm here because most of my friends are totally inept with girls (even more so than myself, somehow), and since I'm not that much better off (I did have a few girls thanks to alcohol, weed, dumb luck or a combination of the three, only three of them were really girlfriends), I thought I might benefit from talking to guys who know their ****.

I dunno if I'm good looking or not. Above average, maybe? Not much though. Maybe not at all. Hairline recession is a *****, even if it ain't really too visible yet and Czech guys like me lose hair early anyway. I don't really care about my looks much anymore. Got my routine, do my hair every morning, groom a bit, and then it's up to the wind which way it blows (literally). I'll admit that I think I have a pretty good style. That leather jacket cost a good bit. But I don't really dress to impress. Hey, greasers are still cool in my book, don't care what everyone else thinks.

But I've gotta admit, guys, I just don't approach. I never have. Am I scared? Yeah. But more apathetic than anything. I just sorta know that the odds are low, so I just kinda... Don't. And though I'd like to tell you all how happy I am single - well, I am. An okay job, music, Friday nights out (not tonight), but I'm still alone and I do feel like coupling up, or at least blowing off some steam, taking someone home from time to time.

I feel like I need to start again. You know, re-learn. But properly this time. Trouble is, I'm so damn unmotivated to start, 'cause hell, I don't use dating apps anymore (the girls there are a bit provincial, I guess you could say), I've fallen out of 'practice' and given up for the time being. I wanna meet girls who are worth it. But first, I gotta be worth it for them too. So, can anybody help me out for free? Please? I'd really appreciate it.

P.S.: Anyone from Czechia here? Goddamn, I haven't seen a Central European on the web for ages now.

You came to right place bro.

The top men in here will show how easy it is to sleep with top movie stars and tv stars. All you have to do is workout, dress well, take no crap, and act like a man, and the 18 year actresses will be begging to put their tongue down your throat.

It’s so easy bro.

 

[TheBalalaikaMan]

@Trump Haha, I can smell irony like a burning stove! Unless it's just the Czechness in my soul telling me so.

Anyway, I read all the responses and I'm thrilled at the advice I've been given. I know most of the things you've all told me, but it's different reading it in response to someone else and in response to me specifically. The main problem I seem to have right now, at this moment, is that I am actually pulling away from people in general.

I admit, I'm a little bitter and 'disillusioned,' and sometimes it's tempting to just throw down everything and say '**** it, I'm done,' but that wouldn't be very productive. So I'll do my best to follow your advice. I'll get out more, just to have fun. I'm planning to take a few friends to an open mic night. Maybe we can play some. Always wanted to do that.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that 18 is still really damn young. And yeah, I know a couple of guys who have it absolutely made and they pretty much throw themselves at him, and while I envy him ever so slightly, I don't really think that specific vibe is reachable for me at the moment.
I'm enlisting in the army for two years next year anyway, so there's no point chasing anything serious anyway. I guess I just want to get better with girls in general, because engineering is a sausage fest and so is the army, so I have to work that little bit harder for results than people from other backgrounds. And I think all of this advice will help immensely!

As such, I'll continue developing my skills, as I have been (especially music) lately. And I guess I shouldn't drop out of school either, so... I'll give it more.

 

[Spaz]

I'm a PhD student in ME, so hmu if you wanna talk about it.

A masters would have suffice for a normal job, you planning on teaching?

 

[Spaz]

How is it that some men say that being 18 is hard when it's actually the easiest time to get laid?

All the girls are going wild at that age and you don't even need much of a game or any game other then social proof.

Just don't be needy, desperate and a total nerd around girls....and you might ask how might one attain that?

Have the mindset that no girl wants to fvck you.

Then mingle around with girls...lots of girls.

Who here wants to bet that OP will get laid?

@Trump you interested in a side wager with Spaz?

 

[backseatjuan]

Hit the gym. Your friend is athlean x on youtube and alpha male strategies also on youtube. Exercise are most effective when you pay attention how you do them. If you can get personal trainer for cheap do it.

 

[Smok1nAce]

I must be in the minority because 18 was one of the best years of my life when I was getting chicks left and right. I was able to get into the clubs and swing away at all the plethora of hot chicks there. Plus I started working as a server which boosted my social skills and got me laid with a bunch of waitresses. It was the perfect storm. I wish I could go back. Now I'm 32, really don't like clubs and work as an underwriter meeting no hot women at work. One of the things that has remained constant though is I'm very physically fit, And trust me, I've had multiple women admit they're attracted to my body throughout those 14 years. So hit the gym, get a part time job at a popular social joint and hit up some local dance clubs.

same here i was 6ft 130 pounds soaking wet, a complete idot, but i couldnt get the girls off me. Then i hit about 22 with no college degree and no steady job and i completely disappeared to women. If i could go back i would have stayed in school and finished it at an earlier age not chase women.

 

[GrowingPains]

A masters would have suffice for a normal job, you planning on teaching?

Not interested in having a 'normal' job, I want to do research. Haven't decided whether it'll be academic or in industry. Never had the intent of teaching. But it's becoming increasingly interesting.