Decided to drop the girl who I went out with

[sangheilios]

I had posted a couple threads about a woman I had met at Lowe's, who stood me up on a planned date but later asked me out on a date, which we had last weekend. I had mentioned on there that she overall acted insecure but that I did enjoy myself and later decided to give it another shot after some encouragement from other posters on here.

Anyway, I tried to set something up over this weekend, it took her a while to respond but after reading what she said I changed my mind. She out right asked me what it was I was looking for, why I liked her besides finding her attractive, etc. I was pretty open and honest, as I just said I was looking to go out with her, have fun and enjoy her company but that I didn't know her well enough to say anything more, as I had only gone out with her once. She came across as really insecure on our first date, which I had mentioned was a turn off then, and this just further bolstered those original feelings I had. I just decided to let this one go, but the fact that she couldn't even allow herself to go out on some fun and casual dates without causing drama like that was just too much for me.

 

[fanatic22]

Makes sense if you’re not feeling it. Next I would try Home Depot

 

[sangheilios]

Makes sense if you’re not feeling it. Next I would try Home Depot

I didn't intentionally go there looking for a date lol

 

[deaderinred]

You're acting like you have any other options. You could've easily ****ed her on date 1 or date 2, or taken her out on date 3 and seal the deal. Seems to me you're purposely trying to find excuses NOT to keep seeing or ****ing her. All women are insecure. You're self sabotaging yourself probably since you have no confidence to keep dating her or sleeping with her.

 

[sangheilios]

You're acting like you have any other options. You could've easily ****ed her on date 1 or date 2, or taken her out on date 3 and seal the deal. Seems to me you're purposely trying to find excuses NOT to keep seeing or ****ing her. All women are insecure. You're self sabotaging yourself probably since you have no confidence to keep dating her or sleeping with her.

Why would I want to keep seeing someone who acts insecure and weird like that? When you are seeing someone it should be fun, not like you have to walk on eggshells all the time like you trying to appease at every turn.

 

[marmel75]

Why would I want to keep seeing someone who acts insecure and weird like that? When you are seeing someone it should be fun, not like you have to walk on eggshells all the time like you trying to appease at every turn.

OP, when was the last girlfriend you had and for how long? How many women have you dated for more than 6 months in your life?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Why would I want to keep seeing someone who acts insecure and weird like that? When you are seeing someone it should be fun, not like you have to walk on eggshells all the time like you trying to appease at every turn.

Everyone is insecure to varying degrees. Society had taught men to hide their emotions, while women are allowed to express them openly. She could be insecure, or it could be that you failed to connect with her on a personal level during your texting and date, so she wonders if you actually like her or just see her as a wet meat-hole. You seem to jump to the conclusion that she's the one with the problem here. Your mindset isn't, "How do I figure this girl out? What could I have done to make her feel insecure, if anything? Are most girls like this, and if so, what do I need to do to get them past this?" Instead your mindset is, "Just another broken b*tch who doesn't deserve me. Now I'm going to use this experience to reinforce my chosen belief that 99% of women suck." Do you see how one of these mindsets serves both you and women at the same time, and the other guarantees frustration, anger, pain, and loneliness?

 

[sangheilios]

Everyone is insecure to varying degrees. Society had taught men to hide their emotions, while women are allowed to express them openly. She could be insecure, or it could be that you failed to connect with her on a personal level during your texting and date, so she wonders if you actually like her or just see her as a wet meat-hole. You seem to jump to the conclusion that she's the one with the problem here. Your mindset isn't, "How do I figure this girl out? What could I have done to make her feel insecure, if anything? Are most girls like this, and if so, what do I need to do to get them past this?" Instead your mindset is, "Just another broken b*tch who doesn't deserve me. Now I'm going to use this experience to reinforce my chosen belief that 99% of women suck." Do you see how one of these mindsets serves both you and women at the same time, and the other guarantees frustration, anger, pain, and loneliness?

Well, this particular woman did in fact cancel our original first date at the very last minute, which I had mentioned on the last thread that you had posted on. On our actual date she was making comments like tons of girls must like me because I'm tall or asking how many relationships I've had out of the blue.

I haven't totally written her off, but when I'm trying to get her to go out again and she responds by asking me what my intentions are and if I actually like her or not....I just don't really see that as a good sign, which I'm sure you actually do agree with. I don't want to have to constantly feel as if every single little detail is so important to the point where it leads to road blocks like this, drama, etc. As I said, I really don't know her all that well and the fact that I had only gone out with her on a date once and she is acting like this I feel is a bit off, though I could be wrong.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Women ARE drama. They are emotional creatures and *you* absolutely must trigger a full range of emotions in them in order for them to feel attraction to you. Having said that, there is a line, but from what you've shared here about her and about yourself, I see nothing wrong with her actions. I think there is an 80% chance you treated her like a guy (which is currently the only way you know how to interact with ppl due to your limited experience with women), didn't push the buttons that show her you are into her (just being nice and polite on a date doesn't come close to pushing those buttons), and because of that, her IL is medium-low and she's very suspicious of you, hence the questions.

This isn't guaranteed.... She could be an insecure nut job, but again, I think in this case, knowing g what I know, I think that's less likely.

Tell me, what do you know about her from your conversations? What did you ask her, what has she told you, and that have you inferred about her? What does she know about you?

 

[sangheilios]

Women ARE drama. They are emotional creatures and *you* absolutely must trigger a full range of emotions in them in order for them to feel attraction to you. Having said that, there is a line, but from what you've shared here about her and about yourself, I see nothing wrong with her actions. I think there is an 80% chance you treated her like a guy (which is currently the only way you know how to interact with ppl due to your limited experience with women), didn't push the buttons that show her you are into her (just being nice and polite on a date doesn't come close to pushing those buttons), and because of that, her IL is medium-low and she's very suspicious of you, hence the questions.

This isn't guaranteed.... She could be an insecure nut job, but again, I think in this case, knowing g what I know, I think that's less likely.

Tell me, what do you know about her from your conversations? What did you ask her, what has she told you, and that have you inferred about her? What does she know about you?

I'm just trying to describe all of this as best I can through writing on here. When I'm going out on a date, with a woman I had only spoken to for a bit prior, and she is asking how many relationships I've had fairly early on.....I just don't see that as a good sign. This isn't a woman I had gone out with several times and she is acting like this. I feel that the first date or two should always just be fun and casual, as when you first start seeing someone you should be enjoying yourself and his or her company instead of putting up blocks for the other person.

However, I do agree with you in that I have limited dating experience and that it is possible that these women feel very suspicious of me, but I can't really say if that is the case since this is just speculation and I don't really get much feedback from them.

The only feedback I had received recently was from the Spanish MILF, which I had posted about on here, who had made a comment about her feeling I didn't want a woman to our mutual acquaintance.

I just know about her degree, what she does, basic stuff about her childhood, etc. I don't really talk too much about myself unless they ask. I try to avoid doing that too much because one most people can't relate to my life experiences, which are very extreme, and two because I used to have a tendency to do it too much. I was like that because most women were super boring to me and had no interests so I just filled in the conversations with things about myself.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Here’s my two cents from the ladies’ locker room: She doesn’t want to be a pump & dump. Again. Let me explain...

She is trying to exert a standard because she finds you attractive (hence the comments about that you must have lots of women after you blah blah blah.) BUT she doesn’t usually exert a standard because it’s not a natural flow from her.

So her behavior isn’t congruent. That’s why she comes across as insecure & weird. It IS weird in that it’s not her natural state of being.

Often women become insecure if they have tried to entice & keep men through sex. Sooner rather than later they learn that sex is a commodity for a desirable man and sex won’t keep a guy interested beyond just hooking up. Then she starts to realize she’s being used, and starts to cling and be needy and so on. Insecure women get that way because they learn looks and sex are not enough if they want a relationship. However if they don’t bring much else to the table they will act insecure because they’ve been pumped & dumped before & now are afraid of that again.

Make sense? There’s tons of You Tube dating channels out there telling women to ask a man’s intentions right away, to ask what he’s looking for.

It’s contrived.

A secure woman who knows she brings something to the table besides her looks and her body won’t act like that. Rather she will go out, enjoy herself and exert a boundary if that is called for (if the man gets more frisky than she is comfortable with for example.)

She will handle herself better because its who she is rather than some script trying to be someone she isn’t.

I never have “the talk” with men. I’m too busy being so cool to hang out with that men end up labeling me their girlfriend without me saying a word. That’s the kind of girl you want.

This chick is putting on an act to some degree or other.

 

[sangheilios]

Advice from the old lady:

Here’s my two cents from the ladies’ locker room: She doesn’t want to be a pump & dump. Again. Let me explain...

She is trying to exert a standard because she finds you attractive (hence the comments about that you must have lots of women after you blah blah blah.) BUT she doesn’t usually exert a standard because it’s not a natural flow from her.

So her behavior isn’t congruent. That’s why she comes across as insecure & weird. It IS weird in that it’s not her natural state of being.

Often women become insecure if they have tried to entice & keep men through sex. Sooner rather than later they learn that sex is a commodity for a desirable man and sex won’t keep a guy interested beyond just hooking up. Then she starts to realize she’s being used, and starts to cling and be needy and so on. Insecure women get that way because they learn looks and sex are not enough if they want a relationship. However if they don’t bring much else to the table they will act insecure because they’ve been pumped & dumped before & now are afraid of that again.

Make sense? There’s tons of You Tube dating channels out there telling women to ask a man’s intentions right away, to ask what he’s looking for.

It’s contrived.

A secure woman who knows she brings something to the table besides her looks and her body won’t act like that. Rather she will go out, enjoy herself and exert a boundary if that is called for (if the man gets more frisky than she is comfortable with for example.)

She will handle herself better because its who she is rather than some script trying to be someone she isn’t.

I never have “the talk” with men. I’m too busy being so cool to hang out with that men end up labeling me their girlfriend without me saying a word. That’s the kind of girl you want.

This chick is putting on an act to some degree or other.

Trust me, I'm aware of a lot of this haha. I really just want to find a woman who I'm attracted to, who is also into me, who is capable of going out and having fun without coming across as weird and insecure and ruining the early stages of a potential relationship. This should be a time of fun and frolic, no drama, etc. but yet she is doing the exact opposite. I didn't try to invite her over straight away or go straight for aggressive fondling and all that, if that were the case then I could understand her behavior.

Where I live the dating culture is heavily filled with infidelity and possesses a high degree of drama in regards to relationships, this is including people in their 20s and into their early 30s. Also, there are a lot of single moms out here and low quality men that really have very poor intentions with women.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

who is capable of going out and having fun without coming across as weird and insecure

Are you certain you are meeting those same standards you are holding women to? Do you think any women might feel you come across as weird?

This should be a time of fun and frolic

Are you providing that kind of fun/frolic experience to her? Is that your vibe in general and when you are with her? Your pictures and dialogue here do not imply that vibe.

I've read many books in my seduction and self-improvement journey. Based on what I know of you, and your response to my last post, there is a book that may benefit you called "Conversation Casanova."

 

[sangheilios]

Are you certain you are meeting those same standards you are holding women to? Do you think any women might feel you come across as weird?



Are you providing that kind of fun/frolic experience to her? Is that your vibe in general and when you are with her? Your pictures and dialogue here do not imply that vibe.

I've read many books in my seduction and self-improvement journey. Based on what I know of you, and your response to my last post, there is a book that may benefit you called "Conversation Casanova."

I'm not the one posing overly serious and insecure questions to the other party, unlike these women who are intentionally making things difficult and spoiling everything.

Of course I am, as I am obviously the one proposing for dates and coming up with potentially enjoyable things for us to do.

Most women are boring AF, have no hobbies or interests outside of social media and when you can combine that with this annoying behavior from them it makes me want to just stay home and read a book.

 

[AJ84]

I'm not the one posing overly serious and insecure questions to the other party, unlike these women who are intentionally making things difficult and spoiling everything.

Of course I am, as I am obviously the one proposing for dates and coming up with potentially enjoyable things for us to do.

Most women are boring AF, have no hobbies or interests outside of social media and when you can combine that with this annoying behavior from them it makes me want to just stay home and read a book.

Many people don’t have hobbies or interests outside of social media. This isn’t limited to gender.

But I agree with you in your feelings about this girl. I too see it as a turn off that she is asking you what your intentions are and why you like her after one date. Like BE said it’s a sign of someone’s actions based on being pumped and dumped before.

Maybe there’s a chance that you came off with a player vibe? From the pics you posted last month you are built and wear tight shirts and a gold chain if I recall. That actually may give off a player vibe.

So if you were dressed like that and even if you weren’t saying or doing anything remotely sexual she may have got it in her head that you’re a player.

But the main thing is she sounds like a headache and her insecurities are not your problem.

 

[sangheilios]

Many people don’t have hobbies or interests outside of social media. This isn’t limited to gender.

But I agree with you in your feelings about this girl. I too see it as a turn off that she is asking you what your intentions are and why you like her after one date. Like BE said it’s a sign of someone’s actions based on being pumped and dumped before.

Maybe there’s a chance that you came off with a player vibe? From the pics you posted last month you are built and wear tight shirts and a gold chain if I recall. That actually may give off a player vibe.

So if you were dressed like that and even if you weren’t saying or doing anything remotely sexual she may have got it in her head that you’re a player.

But the main thing is she sounds like a headache and her insecurities are not your problem.

I'm aware of women not wanting to get pumped and dumped, but that is their own issue that they need to deal with instead of projecting it onto another man, who may or may not even be like that.

I don't wear a gold chain, but I am in shape and wear nice clothes when I go out. I wear jeans, a nice t shirt, etc.

However, as you and I have both stated, her insecurities, and those of other women I may meet in the future, are their problem and not mine. If I choose to continue to spend time with this woman, or those like her, I feel I'd have to be in a constant state of having to be hyper vigilant of what I say and always having to comfort her feelings of insecurity. I'm sure most would agree that is not a fun place to be in lol.

 

[AJ84]

I'm aware of women not wanting to get pumped and dumped, but that is their own issue that they need to deal with instead of projecting it onto another man, who may or may not even be like that.

I don't wear a gold chain, but I am in shape and wear nice clothes when I go out. I wear jeans, a nice t shirt, etc.

However, as you and I have both stated, her insecurities, and those of other women I may meet in the future, are their problem and not mine. If I choose to continue to spend time with this woman, or those like her, I feel I'd have to be in a constant state of having to be hyper vigilant of what I say and always having to comfort her feelings of insecurity. I'm sure most would agree that is not a fun place to be in lol.

Agreed. Other people’s crap ain’t your crap. When men and women approach dating carrying baggage like that it’s on them. Nothing to do with us.

 

[sangheilios]

Agreed. Other people’s crap ain’t your crap. When men and women approach dating carrying baggage like that it’s on them. Nothing to do with us.

Dating in it's early stages should be a time to have fun and enjoy yourself and the company of the other person you are with. This is where you are testing the waters a bit to see if this person has the potential to be relationship material, where you can gauge potential compatibility and all that. If you are going into something like this with a serious mindset early on, then I feel it is safe to say one would be going about that the wrong way and because of this would scare off potentially suitable partners.

As I had mentioned on this thread previously, where I currently live there is a very high degree of infidelity in relationships, tons of fake people and just overall dishonest behavior. There are a lot of single mothers and uneducated people where I live, so I think some of what I am seeing is a result of this. I've actually heard women, both those I had gone out with and just women I knew, openly say that it is hard to find a good man in our area, as a lot of them pump and dump on the regular, lots of cheating, etc. I take a lot of stuff like this with a grain of salt but I do think there is some truth to it, especially since I've heard this from multiple women who do not at all know each other.

Granted, there are also a TON of really weird and psycho women out where I live, the one common denominator is that the ones I am referring to grew up here. I'm starting to feel that the area I am in may not be conducive towards me finding someone suitable for myself, which is something I have heard from many people who know me.

 

[lamath]

Dating in it's early stages should be a time to have fun and enjoy yourself and the company of the other person you are with. This is where you are testing the waters a bit to see if this person has the potential to be relationship material, where you can gauge potential compatibility and all that. If you are going into something like this with a serious mindset early on, then I feel it is safe to say one would be going about that the wrong way and because of this would scare off potentially suitable partners.

As I had mentioned on this thread previously, where I currently live there is a very high degree of infidelity in relationships, tons of fake people and just overall dishonest behavior. There are a lot of single mothers and uneducated people where I live, so I think some of what I am seeing is a result of this. I've actually heard women, both those I had gone out with and just women I knew, openly say that it is hard to find a good man in our area, as a lot of them pump and dump on the regular, lots of cheating, etc. I take a lot of stuff like this with a grain of salt but I do think there is some truth to it, especially since I've heard this from multiple women who do not at all know each other.

Granted, there are also a TON of really weird and psycho women out where I live, the one common denominator is that the ones I am referring to grew up here. I'm starting to feel that the area I am in may not be conducive towards me finding someone suitable for myself, which is something I have heard from many people who know me.

Nothing wrong with having standards you did good there, did not waste any time on a bad match up for you
Quality men are picky
Imo you should start thinking about moving if tou are looking for a faithful ltr Some social enviroment or up bringing are just not good for finding quality women.

 

[marmel75]

I'm not the one posing overly serious and insecure questions to the other party, unlike these women who are intentionally making things difficult and spoiling everything.

Of course I am, as I am obviously the one proposing for dates and coming up with potentially enjoyable things for us to do.

Most women are boring AF, have no hobbies or interests outside of social media and when you can combine that with this annoying behavior from them it makes me want to just stay home and read a book.

Everyone is boring if you dont have the ability to carry on a conversation and bring out excitement in them.