I am new to the Red Pill, and to the forum.
I have read all TRM books. I find them as valuable and full of truth as all of you. I was awakened while married, (this year) and I would like the insight of the community here, if you all would be willing to make suggestions.
I am 39. She is 37. In the last 4 years, my career took a turn for the better, but I was struggling before then, employed, but not what either of us wanted. I am very hwp, I weight train 3-5 days a week. As far as SMV goes, I believe I am a notch or two above my wife. She has simply gained weight since we were married…about 30 pounds. We have no kids. We have been married 10 years.
She defers to almost all of my decisions in all things except money and sex (important areas I know). Long ago we both agreed (maybe an error on my part) that she seemed more skillful in record keeping and organization, so she “keeps the books” but there is a high level of communication about what is going on financially. All financial decisions are cleared through me.
I have always been unhappy with a lack of frequency and intensity in our sex life. She knows this, however, until recently reading TRM books, I have struggled to understand how she could be so into me while dating, but not once I put the ring on it. So now I know, but I am not totally sure what to do to make it better.
To complicate this, I am a Christian. As much as I believe the Red Pill is true, I also believe the tenets of Christianity. Divorcing her and spinning plates, is not what I want to do. Recently, I have begun to withdraw some attention from her, and I am seeing some smaller positive responses in her. Anyone familiar with Christianity would expect that she is Christian as well, and she is. She is not a bad wife, except for the bedroom. Sex is infrequent, starfish stuff, and she resists any attempts at novelty. From time to time she sheepishly concedes to wearing lingerie, but she looks like my dog when I yell at it, so that kills the mood.
Option 1
Divorce her and spin plates
Option 2
Tell her I am not divorcing her, but I am breaking up with her, and if we are to be together romantically, she will have to earn my affection. Then I can set out clear expectations for what will satisfy earning my affection. I think this is bad, because TRM says you cannot tell women stuff, you have to demonstrate.
Option 3 (Best Option I think, but I am not sure on how to accomplish this)
Withdraw affection and attention without overtly saying I am breaking up with her. (I am starting to do this, with some good results). However, I am not sure how to positively assert a sort of “new me” that she is going to believe. I suppose I could simply tell her I want her to do xyz, wear stripper heels, bend over, etc. The question is: if she refuses or complies begrudgingly, what do I do without the option to divorce and spin plates? Simply remove affection and attention? It would seem at this point that had already failed to secure compliance.
Question 1
Should I insist on taking the responsibility of “keeping the books”, so I am in total control of the family finances. My instincts tell me I should, but she does do a good job, she is respectful with it, but I worry that it makes her too much like a man in the responsibility it requires.
Question 2
She was raised in a home that drilled into her that men would “lover her and leave her”, so she was very inexperienced with men prior to me, and one hypothesis I have is that this socialization (or lack of it) by her parents creates in her a conflict where she finds men attractive when the act manly, but she is scared of masculine assertion, dominance, etc., because she has been conditioned to believe it is accompanied by desertion. Do you all have any thoughts on this?
For those who read this (I know it is a long post ) and who offer some suggestions, I would like to say that I really appreciate it.
Mr.225