An Introduction and a Request for Insight

[Spaz]

Please, let him do it. Take your bullsh*t put downs and shove it up your punk a$$. You're a self aggrandizing tool. And when your childish, dumba$$ advice lands him in jail, you pay for his bail and legal team

Relax and be calm.

There's no need to be excited.

You're never done it so it's incomprehensible to you. I understand. Don't worry.

The advice was never meant for you.

Now hush.

 

[AJ84]

I am new to the Red Pill, and to the forum.

I have read all TRM books. I find them as valuable and full of truth as all of you. I was awakened while married, (this year) and I would like the insight of the community here, if you all would be willing to make suggestions.



I am 39. She is 37. In the last 4 years, my career took a turn for the better, but I was struggling before then, employed, but not what either of us wanted. I am very hwp, I weight train 3-5 days a week. As far as SMV goes, I believe I am a notch or two above my wife. She has simply gained weight since we were married…about 30 pounds. We have no kids. We have been married 10 years.

She defers to almost all of my decisions in all things except money and sex (important areas I know). Long ago we both agreed (maybe an error on my part) that she seemed more skillful in record keeping and organization, so she “keeps the books” but there is a high level of communication about what is going on financially. All financial decisions are cleared through me.



I have always been unhappy with a lack of frequency and intensity in our sex life. She knows this, however, until recently reading TRM books, I have struggled to understand how she could be so into me while dating, but not once I put the ring on it. So now I know, but I am not totally sure what to do to make it better.



To complicate this, I am a Christian. As much as I believe the Red Pill is true, I also believe the tenets of Christianity. Divorcing her and spinning plates, is not what I want to do. Recently, I have begun to withdraw some attention from her, and I am seeing some smaller positive responses in her. Anyone familiar with Christianity would expect that she is Christian as well, and she is. She is not a bad wife, except for the bedroom. Sex is infrequent, starfish stuff, and she resists any attempts at novelty. From time to time she sheepishly concedes to wearing lingerie, but she looks like my dog when I yell at it, so that kills the mood.



Option 1

Divorce her and spin plates

Option 2

Tell her I am not divorcing her, but I am breaking up with her, and if we are to be together romantically, she will have to earn my affection. Then I can set out clear expectations for what will satisfy earning my affection. I think this is bad, because TRM says you cannot tell women stuff, you have to demonstrate.

Option 3 (Best Option I think, but I am not sure on how to accomplish this)

Withdraw affection and attention without overtly saying I am breaking up with her. (I am starting to do this, with some good results). However, I am not sure how to positively assert a sort of “new me” that she is going to believe. I suppose I could simply tell her I want her to do xyz, wear stripper heels, bend over, etc. The question is: if she refuses or complies begrudgingly, what do I do without the option to divorce and spin plates? Simply remove affection and attention? It would seem at this point that had already failed to secure compliance.



Question 1

Should I insist on taking the responsibility of “keeping the books”, so I am in total control of the family finances. My instincts tell me I should, but she does do a good job, she is respectful with it, but I worry that it makes her too much like a man in the responsibility it requires.

Question 2

She was raised in a home that drilled into her that men would “lover her and leave her”, so she was very inexperienced with men prior to me, and one hypothesis I have is that this socialization (or lack of it) by her parents creates in her a conflict where she finds men attractive when the act manly, but she is scared of masculine assertion, dominance, etc., because she has been conditioned to believe it is accompanied by desertion. Do you all have any thoughts on this?

For those who read this (I know it is a long post ) and who offer some suggestions, I would like to say that I really appreciate it.

Mr.225

You have a hypothesis around her behaviour but have you talked to her about it?

Does she refuse to communicate about it?

What was the quality of sex like before you got married? Did she initiate? So she do more than lay like a starfish? Or did the change happen after you got married?

 

[AJ84]

F*ckin hell man, I hope you're not serious? How far do you think you're going to get with that advice before you end up in the paper for domestic abuse? 30-40 years ago? Yea sure, you could probably still get away with that kind of sh*t. Now, you're a heartbeat away from a metoo moment. Seriously, please, whoever you are OP, don't listen to that, unless you are the one who wants spanked in jail.

gotta agree here. Unless he knows for sure that her reaction wouldn’t be to freak and call the police, then not worth chancing. The police won’t give a crap about his SS reasoning behind his actions and neither will a judge, or his employer, church family etc, the actual world his lives in that is not contained in this forum.

 

[Epic Days]

This is a typical, common situation. I recommend none of the above except the spankings but most likely you're too deep in the game to start that now. If you started off with it, then yes it works. Just an opinion from experience.
Not intending to burst your hope that something exists to re-ignite her desire for you. Go back and read Tomassi's section on genuine desire and then compare it to the experiences of other men. There are millions of men to choose from for this. The story is the same. Only the names have changed.

Here is the way this tool is used. Keep in mind that it is not done necessarily on purpose. Some women? Sure. As a rule, she genuinely doesn't feel desire. She can get horny of course and want sex occasionally. Approximately once to twice a month on average until later on when it quits entirely.
When the sex becomes scarce in a relationship it evokes a condition where you go into problem solving mode. A woman will handle her problems by getting a chemical fix from a man that has the masculine, sexual persona. She will jump from sexual chemical spike to spike in her body.
That lack of normal intimacy as well as sex becomes horrible and quite stressful for a man. It can be debilitating. Nearly all men step up their working and production in an attempt to obtain approval and ultimately a renewed sense of desire from her. These men (nearly all) become driven to succeed at whatever they are doing...for intimacy. This traps you even deeper into the program. All that work to regain that desire will trap you. You set up neural pathways in a reward/punishment circuit. You are in the feminine paradigm. She has secured her survival from you. It doesn't matter if she is an executive and even makes more than you. Her proclivity to secure a provider is biological.

Present day women are extremely jealous of the natural abilities of men. We produce naturally. Its our nature. We will create new ways of doing things. We are the procurers of survival and production. They are not necessarily jealous of MEN but they are envious to an obsessive degree of our natural inclination to roll up our sleeves and kick butt. It is easy for us because we are operating with our biology. We don't even think about it. This is an alien concept to the thought processes of women. They don't want to get a shovel and dig ditches, the want the job where they can tell the men where to dig those ditches. They want equality through the executive positions without all the work and creativity it takes to get to the executive position. When men show them up they get insecure and will disrupt the whole organization. They don't want to dig ditches first to show their worth. There's a good reason for this...they can't compete with men in the sphere of the natural inclination to produce. Notice how the media shames men and highly successful companies for the lack of women in executive positions?

How does this tie in to your situation? This is up to you. Just take another look at it with new eyes. The goal I want for you is that you get moved from the resources column in a woman's note book to the sex column. However I will not lie to you brother. Once in the resources column in a single particular woman's notebook, it is nearly impossible to be moved over to the sexually valuable column. Those are two different types of men. You are already labelled a resources man.
I hate giving bad news to someone who is probably a damn fine man. But most women will never acknowledge it in a sincere manner unless it benefits them personally. Women admire and respect a competent man but they sleep with piles of $hit. IF they are lucky, they will run into a very masculine man. In my opinion most don't deserve a high quality masculine producer. Become that man. Rule your dynasty again. The one that was your birthright.

A man who "makes love" to his women will loose them. The man who is capable of ravenously fukking her and fukking her into her place will win the day. This is why I have always felt, inside, that women are a subset of homo sapiens. She will never be your equal. We were meant to compliment each other. Both in their role. This is where she can truly be happy.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Your wife married you because you are safe. She’s not a party girl and so forth but she was programmed from her youth with very destructive paradigms. These remain there sabotaging your sex life.

Can you get divorced and get laid etc.? Yes. But that gives you a whole other set of problems you do not have now & probably do not want. Read the forum for endless examples.

I’m going to recommend a book. It is called:

Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, PhD

His work focuses on couples like you guys. It’s a 10 or 15 dollar investment. Read it before you make drastic changes at home. I read it while married (my ex husband could never be bothered), and I refer to it often.

Your wife has deep psychological issues that are affecting her sexuality. She gains weight to discourage your sexual advances for example. Obviously that’s no good for you.

Might you need to divorce and move on? You might. But why not get some additional education and make an attempt to solve the problem?

Also. Communication is a good thing. I for one greatly appreciate and respect a man who has the guts to sit me down and lay the issue on the table. From there a meaningful conversation can start. You guys need to have a meaningful conversation. No question about that. People who lay their cards on the table ought to do so without apology. This is a vulnerable position on the one hand, but it can be vulnerability from a position of strength, which is actually very attractive in an intimate relationship.

I’d tell her look there’s option 1, option 2, option 3...or we get into a therapist who will help our marriage get through this issue or we risk the marriage dissolution.

There is no reason for you to be begging for mercy sex for the rest of your life. Tell her that straight up.

Read the book. It will be just as eye opening as TRM but on a different axis that is important to you based on what you have shared.

 

[BeExcellent]

Also, paging @Atom Smasher to this thread. His insight might prove particularly helpful in your case.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

You should do the book yourself imo

The sex thing id go with creating some competition anxiety. Nothing overt just subtle change in behavior.
Go to the gym more, go out with friends more often etc etc

+1

Dread game is OG. Not in the mood means next.

@Op, rollos RM is great but, he's married. He's playing house and monopolise the following. He married epiphany phase. He knows SMV and yet still follows the beaten path. For all we know, his wife could hold him st gun point to produce more RM or divorce rape.

I agree with 100% of rollo but, does he practice game? He trashes pua and rsd but again he's not competing in the social media tinder cesspool cuck fest. Guys like Steve thr Dean checked out before MySpace. RooshV is at least still doing game granted much less. Rollo is about as charming as RooshV. Minus actual doing game.

Read Op but think for oneself. If wife is not putting out other girls will.

 

[highSpeed]

Relax and be calm.

There's no need to be excited.

You're never done it so it's incomprehensible to you. I understand. Don't worry.

The advice was never meant for you.

Now hush.

fakest a$$ tough guy I've ever seen. Dude, you don't need to try so hard. If you say sh*t that actually makes sense, people will listen to you. Seriously, calm down on the dumb advice, there might be someone stupider than you to actually listen. Now put your manpon on and chill until your female hormones reduce enough so you can actually make sense. Take the mydol, quiet up and let the adults talk.

 

[Epic Days]

fakest a$$ tough guy I've ever seen. Dude, you don't need to try so hard. If you say sh*t that actually makes sense, people will listen to you. Seriously, calm down on the dumb advice, there might be someone stupider than you to actually listen. Now put your manpon on and chill until your female hormones reduce enough so you can actually make sense. Take the mydol, quiet up and let the adults talk.

Actually spankings are incredibly powerful and will evoke a spontaneous reaction. Very powerful.
Obviously if you didn’t start off with a healthy dynamic you can’t just jump into it.

When she starts nagging and complaining you just turn to her and say with an amused smile...”Are you trying to get a spanking?” Ignore what she says and do whatever you were doing. Let it ride.

From that point on, continue bringing it up. When she finally reaches a frisky mood, say...”Oh no. You have a spanking coming.”
BOOM! Give her a spanking. It immediately flips the dynamic. You might be surprised by the quality of the sex after. Being masculine is a mindset. It is a different world. The world that women ache and long for.

We tell guys to be assertive, lead, be bold and straight forward. But oh no...we can’t spank bratty little $hits. I can’t believe that you don’t know this stuff.

I haven’t been here long but your response seems more personal than objective. I could be wrong.

 

[highSpeed]

Actually spankings are incredibly powerful and will evoke a spontaneous reaction. Very powerful.
Obviously if you didn’t start off with a healthy dynamic you can’t just jump into it.

When she starts nagging and complaining you just turn to her and say with an amused smile...”Are you trying to get a spanking?” Ignore what she says and do whatever you were doing. Let it ride.

From that point on, continue bringing it up. When she finally reaches a frisky mood, say...”Oh no. You have a spanking coming.”
BOOM! Give her a spanking. It immediately flips the dynamic. You might be surprised by the quality of the sex after. Being masculine is a mindset. It is a different world. The world that women ache and long for.

We tell guys to be assertive, lead, be bold and straight forward. But oh no...we can’t spank bratty little $hits. I can’t believe that you don’t know this stuff.

I haven’t been here long but your response seems more personal than objective. I could be wrong.

Hey, we all have an opinion and I start pretty much every discussion with the statement, I reserve the right to be wrong. I have my experiences, you have yours. You're led to the answers based on your experiences and so have I.

In this situation, which is why I think she wouldn't take spanking correctly, he's likely to be hit with a domestic. You hit the nail on the head, you can't just jump into it. If he's this far down the road, spanking is a long way off, if ever achievable. You go from her having most of the control to trying to spank her in one step, that's likely not going to work out well for you.

@Spaz was mentioning doing just that. That seems like a bad one step attempt to me. Hey, it might work. Give it a try OP, let's see how it works out.

 

[Spaz]

Hey, we all have an opinion and I start pretty much every discussion with the statement, I reserve the right to be wrong. I have my experiences, you have yours. You're led to the answers based on your experiences and so have I.

In this situation, which is why I think she wouldn't take spanking correctly, he's likely to be hit with a domestic. You hit the nail on the head, you can't just jump into it. If he's this far down the road, spanking is a long way off, if ever achievable. You go from her having most of the control to trying to spank her in one step, that's likely not going to work out well for you.

@Spaz was mentioning doing just that. That seems like a bad one step attempt to me. Hey, it might work. Give it a try OP, let's see how it works out.

I am always correct.

Spank her good OP and hold frame.

Make sure she cries and pleads with you.

Then have the best sex you ever had with her after she promises to be a good little wife.

 

[Desdinova]

What's the problem with these type of women?

These are the good one's.

All she needs is some good spanking.

Anytime you're displeased with her, turn her over your lap and spank her good until she cries.

Then give a good loving soothing rub at that sore azz after she says she'll be a good girl.

Then smash her good and she'll be cumming like she's never had it before.

Now you're got a proper wife who will yearns to be spanked from time to time.

Pastor Desdinova enters to deliver his sermon

See, this is the kind of 5hit that is promoted by The Bible, so it's not out of line. Women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands, so it's your job to fvck her any way you see fit. Let's read from the bible...
================================
Genesis 3:16

16 To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

1 Peters 3:5-6

5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Ephesians 5:22-23

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
=================================

So now I'm going to propose this to you.... Why not work at fixing your sexual relationship with your wife? If you have the desire to make sex with her better, then you'll have to put some effort into it. If you're satisfied fvcking your hand, then just keep things the way they are.

 

[highSpeed]

I am always correct.

Spank her good OP and hold frame.

Make sure she cries and pleads with you.

Then have the best sex you ever had with her after she promises to be a good little wife.

You know, somehow I'd be surprised if you ever had a different response than you are always right. Shows a true fool, someone who is never open to learning something which may change their point of view or position. The OP pulls that sh*t with his wife as things currently stand, he'll be posting an update from jail. You can't go from 0 to 60 in less than a second, it has to be done in steps.

 

[Spaz]

You know, somehow I'd be surprised if you ever had a different response than you are always right. Shows a true fool, someone who is never open to learning something which may change their point of view or position. The OP pulls that sh*t with his wife as things currently stand, he'll be posting an update from jail. You can't go from 0 to 60 in less than a second, it has to be done in steps.

I'm not only always correct but I'm 101% right.

You don't seem to understand.

Since Spaz is in a good mood today, I'll spell it out for you.

OP has displayed dominant traits while his wife is submissive.

This is extremely important in a marriage.

His only problem is sex.

However none of this has ever existed in your marriage hence that supplicating frame in yours.

The dynamics is different.

The personality is different.

The masculinity level is vastly different.

OP is dominant and has displayed it as such hence the submissive wife.

You are extremely passive hence the aggressive wife....and I'm sure even your daughters disrespect you.

And how I know u r extremely passive?

Because you easily gave away ur frame by allowing me to push ur buttons.

Your wife and even ur daughters will cry bloody murder at the slightest hint of you doing as I suggested - I'm 101% certain you'll be behind bars if you tried what I suggested.

Whilst for OP he'll prosper by doing it.

That's the difference.

I know it sucks.

But it's not my fault nor OP's that you are what you are.

 

[highSpeed]

I'm not only always correct but I'm 101% right.

You don't seem to understand.

Since Spaz is in a good mood today, I'll spell it out for you.

OP has displayed dominant traits while his wife is submissive.

This is extremely important in a marriage.

His only problem is sex.

However none of this has ever existed in your marriage hence that supplicating frame in yours.

The dynamics is different.

The personality is different.

The masculinity level is vastly different.

OP is dominant and has displayed it as such hence the submissive wife.

You are extremely passive hence the aggressive wife....and I'm sure even your daughters disrespect you.

And how I know u r extremely passive?

Because you easily gave away ur frame by allowing me to push ur buttons.

Your wife and even ur daughters will cry bloody murder at the slightest hint of you doing as I suggested - I'm 101% certain you'll be behind bars if you tried what I suggested.

Whilst for OP he'll prosper by doing it.

That's the difference.

I know it sucks.

But it's not my fault nor OP's that you are what you are.

Lol, you get stupider and stupider by the moment. The only thing masculine about you is your keyboard.

Your crackerjack psychology degree and childish observations masquerading as some type of "advice" is nothing short of hilariously idiotic. You have no frame, you don't control people online, only a half wit like yourself would say you have "frame" in an online discussion.

You pretend you have some sort of sage wisdom, some type of meaningful advice to give here because your own life is lacking in so many ways. Your garbage advice shows many thinly veiled passive aggressive jabs at people, showing how angry, depressed and miserable you are in real life cupcake.

I'll reiterate, OP, take this clowns advice and report back from jail how it's going.

Please, stop embarrassing yourself, your stupid is showing.

 

[ubercat]

"I am always correct".... geeze the Uber mensch graces us with his presence not even guru1000 makes that claim. Anyone more confident than g1000 is probably certifiable.

On a more useful note some of the married guys here also recommend the Athol Kay books.

 

[Spaz]

Both of you are made from the same mold.

That's why it's so easy.

I'm sure more of ur ilk will turn up aghast at my suggestion and get all emotional.

 

[ubercat]

Haha pretty weak bait. Let me guess I m classified as passive on your self created personality index which you never presented any evidence to back up apart from your god like opinion. believe me if we were standing in the same room you wouldn't be so free with your insults.

 

[Spaz]

Haha pretty weak bait. Let me guess I m classified as passive on your self created personality index which you never presented any evidence to back up apart from your god like opinion. believe me if we were standing in the same room you wouldn't be so free with your insults.

Weak bait?

believe me if we were standing in the same room you wouldn't be so free with your insults.

That's why you needed to post this.....uber, when will you learn?

Let me guess I m classified as passive on your self created personality index which you never presented any evidence to back up apart from your god like opinion.

You can cry blood, roll on the floor and bawled like a baby, you can even howl at the moon with ur tail tuck between ur legs....you can't change my mind of what u truly are - an emotional passive man.

But u r welcome to fool others if that makes you feel good.

 

[AJ84]

Pastor Desdinova enters to deliver his sermon

See, this is the kind of 5hit that is promoted by The Bible, so it's not out of line. Women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands, so it's your job to fvck her any way you see fit. Let's read from the bible...
================================
Genesis 3:16

16 To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

1 Peters 3:5-6

5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Ephesians 5:22-23

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
=================================

So now I'm going to propose this to you.... Why not work at fixing your sexual relationship with your wife? If you have the desire to make sex with her better, then you'll have to put some effort into it. If you're satisfied fvcking your hand, then just keep things the way they are.

• “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25.

There’s also the 10 commandments and how many people are following that religiously?

I have a feeling OP was having issues with his wife prior to marriage, but married her anyway.

Not the first person to make a bad decision like that, but not sure how he can turn this around without some effort and patience on his end, and a timeline for when to cut his losses if his efforts and patience really don’t make a difference. He should not feel stuck in an unhappy marriage for too long.