Hello everyone,
there's this girl I'm heading into something serios with (ya ya, I know). In a nutshell, we (both in our early thirties) are dating for approx. 1,5 years and became exclusively by mid of the last year. Planning to move together in the near future, she agreed to move into my place, giving up her job, apartment and home town. She invests time, money and effort in our relationship, really cares about me and recently said 'ILY' in a 'special' moment for the first time (I didn't say it to her before). Sex was insane at the beginning and is still very good, but not constantly at high frequency. Needless to say that I like her very much. However, I used to be very hesitant to commit into a LTR with her, since she every now and then drops comments during discussions which I -- at best -- would describe as 'yellow flags'.
For instance:
Discussing diet, she mentioned that one male friend of hers who is severly obese and hasn't had sex for years. She joked how she said to him that she would offer a pity f*ck if he just wasn't fat.
Or, discussing our relationship, she said that she would see over it if I cheated her in a 'one thing led to the other' scenario, which made me a little suspicious wether or not she was preparing a confession of her own cheating or at least testing my reaction.
I could give more examples, but you get the idea. It's basically cheating related stuff that grinds my gears. I have to admit that we have a rather sarcastic tone and almost constantly make jokes of each other, which we both are fine with. But some comments are just across the border. This doesn't happen every day, but often enough to bring up a rather beta mindset in myself which just annoys me. I mostly deal with those kind of bullsh*t talk by agreeing to and amplifying her comments, making them sound ridiculuos, or just ignore them. I thought about bringing up my discomfort by just replying to her -- the next time she drops a sh*tty comment -- in a quiet manner that I feel those kinds of comments are toxic (ever wanted to use that term!) for our relationship and if this is intended.
Shared thoughts are appreciated.
there's this girl I'm heading into something serios with (ya ya, I know). In a nutshell, we (both in our early thirties) are dating for approx. 1,5 years and became exclusively by mid of the last year. Planning to move together in the near future, she agreed to move into my place, giving up her job, apartment and home town. She invests time, money and effort in our relationship, really cares about me and recently said 'ILY' in a 'special' moment for the first time (I didn't say it to her before). Sex was insane at the beginning and is still very good, but not constantly at high frequency. Needless to say that I like her very much. However, I used to be very hesitant to commit into a LTR with her, since she every now and then drops comments during discussions which I -- at best -- would describe as 'yellow flags'.
For instance:
Discussing diet, she mentioned that one male friend of hers who is severly obese and hasn't had sex for years. She joked how she said to him that she would offer a pity f*ck if he just wasn't fat.
Or, discussing our relationship, she said that she would see over it if I cheated her in a 'one thing led to the other' scenario, which made me a little suspicious wether or not she was preparing a confession of her own cheating or at least testing my reaction.
I could give more examples, but you get the idea. It's basically cheating related stuff that grinds my gears. I have to admit that we have a rather sarcastic tone and almost constantly make jokes of each other, which we both are fine with. But some comments are just across the border. This doesn't happen every day, but often enough to bring up a rather beta mindset in myself which just annoys me. I mostly deal with those kind of bullsh*t talk by agreeing to and amplifying her comments, making them sound ridiculuos, or just ignore them. I thought about bringing up my discomfort by just replying to her -- the next time she drops a sh*tty comment -- in a quiet manner that I feel those kinds of comments are toxic (ever wanted to use that term!) for our relationship and if this is intended.
Shared thoughts are appreciated.
