Good dates but contact decreasing

[Robert28]

A little bump on this in case someone wants to give their two cents:

After a couple of no’s when I asked her out, I went NC for a couple of weeks (she intimidated a few times in between for small talk and added me on social too). I couldn’t help it and went for the beta move to text her if something happened and made her go cold or what, she said that she’s sorry and just been busy with this and that etc. She suggested we do something on Sunday.

My question is how do I play this and act on a date that’s happening after a month of not seeing each other? I don’t recall this happening before and I expect the same vibe wont be there after all this time - do I play it cool and re-approach gradually or go big and just invite her over before/during the date?

Obviously if she cancels for any reason I get the message and I’m deleting the number and ceasing all contact.

I learned my lesson messing with girls I didn’t see but once a month or once every few weeks. It’s not worth the effort because their interest is so low.

 

[Dash Riprock]

OP,

I can't do anything but speculate, but if she's gone cold after you've had sex with her a few times, maybe you need to work on your f*uck game. Seriously. Might be tough to hear/read but could be the truth.

Some of your posts lead me to think you may also be "too nice" which most all women are just not attracted to. Telling a girl how much you like her early on is NEVER a good idea and a BAD mistake. I know it sounds counter productive, but just accept it as Boys and Girls 101. Women want (even subconsciously) a man who is a challenge and by placating to her, you're not a challenge to her at all. The man who can walk at any time, and has options, is actually very attractive to a woman at the primordial level. Chasing, acting needy, asking what's wrong, and too much checking in only works on Disney and in RomComs.

If it were me, and it probably was many years ago, knowing what I know now, I would:

- Back off 100% and go total NC. She wants you to lead, as some have posted, and you have tried, but she said she's busy, the entire week. Bad sign. A woman who is into a man will move heaven and earth to see him. Ask some of the female posters on SS.
- Work some of my other plates
- Start over. Here is a principle that isn't talked about enough on SS: It's always easier to start over with someone new than to try and undo beta behavior and a bad situation (loss of power balance or "hand") with a current woman.

Good luck.

~Dash

 

[Trump]

I met this girl online roughly 1.5 months ago and we've been on a few dates since then, average 1/week. All dates have gone great, we have good chemistry, keep contact through texting etc. and we had sex on the 4th date when she invited me over to a house party at hers where I met her friends and spent the night.

So my questions are: 1. does it seem like there is a specific reason for the less contact or am I reading too much into this? and 2. do I proceed by being the one to initiate, suggest dates etc. as long as I see interest or do I wait longer for her to make a move (e.g. up to a week or even more)? There's a fine line between needy and indifferent and I don't wanna be perceived as any of the two.

P.S. It's no secret that I like her and I see potential for something more, hence I might be overthinking this.

How are you guys James Bond before the sex, but after the sex you turn so needy?

Just do everything you did before having sex the first time. Don't change your behavior because she is giving you sex. It's doesn't matter if you see potential for something more, SHE has to see it. SHE has to be concerned you are not having sex with another girl. SHE has to be concerned you are not having sex with a Movie Star.

It's like the roles are reversed.

 

[MrEkko]

OP,

I can't do anything but speculate, but if she's gone cold after you've had sex with her a few times, maybe you need to work on your f*uck game. Seriously. Might be tough to hear/read but could be the truth.

Some of your posts lead me to think you may also be "too nice" which most all women are just not attracted to. Telling a girl how much you like her early on is NEVER a good idea and a BAD mistake. I know it sounds counter productive, but just accept it as Boys and Girls 101. Women want (even subconsciously) a man who is a challenge and by placating to her, you're not a challenge to her at all. The man who can walk at any time, and has options, is actually very attractive to a woman at the primordial level. Chasing, acting needy, asking what's wrong, and too much checking in only works on Disney and in RomComs.

If it were me, and it probably was many years ago, knowing what I know now, I would:

- Back off 100% and go total NC. She wants you to lead, as some have posted, and you have tried, but she said she's busy, the entire week. Bad sign. A woman who is into a man will move heaven and earth to see him. Ask some of the female posters on SS.
- Work some of my other plates
- Start over. Here is a principle that isn't talked about enough on SS: It's always easier to start over with someone new than to try and undo beta behavior and a bad situation (loss of power balance or "hand") with a current woman.

Good luck.

~Dash

I’m by no means a pornstar in bed - I’ve had plates that I’ve made *** from the first time and are blowing my phone afterwards and others that I’ve definitely not rocked their world. Majority are keen to return though.

My other plates don’t need a lot of work atm - they’re the ones to usually reach out or are a few texts away from a hook up anyway. I really don’t know how I found myself attached to this one, it’s this ironic scenario where the one who likes you is not the one you like and it really sucks.

 

[MrEkko]

How are you guys James Bond before the sex, but after the sex you turn so needy?

Just do everything you did before having sex the first time. Don't change your behavior because she is giving you sex. It's doesn't matter if you see potential for something more, SHE has to see it. SHE has to be concerned you are not having sex with another girl. SHE has to be concerned you are not having sex with a Movie Star.

It's like the roles are reversed.

You’re right, maybe I gave off a needy vibe after some time, although I was never one to over text or ask her out all the time at all.

Come to think of it, I was much cooler towards her before we slept together and didn’t care much. Whereas now, I think of her even if I’m with another girl.

 

[SoSuave666]

She's not busy with work, she's busy trying to find a man. For whatever reason, you are not that man. She went out with you and had secks with you, then dropped you.

The reason is not important, to her at least.

 

[Kotaix]

Solution: find another girl to date at the same time as you date her. she's probably ****ing a few more guys besides you. act (as in do something) like you don't care and you won't care. hit her up for booty, she'll like that.

 

[Spaz]

OP should learn to text less. That neediness is so overpowering and it's repellent to not only women but men too.

That poor girl must be cringing and ultimately took pity on you to give you one last date since u r such a nice guy.

This will be the last date.

Sort of a confirmation for her to follow through and finally let you off slowly...as painlessly as she can.

 

[MrEkko]

OP should learn to text less. That neediness is so overpowering and it's repellent to not only women but men too.

That poor girl must be cringing and ultimately took pity on you to give you one last date since u r such a nice guy.

This will be the last date.

Sort of a confirmation for her to follow through and finally let you off slowly...as painlessly as she can.

Unfortunately that’s what I think it’s gonna happen too. The main reason for my bump post was to get suggestions on how to turn this around now (if possible) and save the situation on this date (if she doesn’t flake).

In my defence, the texting was not so heavy and was mostly initiated by her anyway. I’m not one to text 24/7, I was merely keeping the contact vibe going.

 

[Spaz]

Unfortunately that’s what I think it’s gonna happen too. The main reason for my bump post was to get suggestions on how to turn this around now (if possible) and save the situation on this date (if she doesn’t flake).

In my defence, the texting was not so heavy and was mostly initiated by her anyway. I’m not one to text 24/7, I was merely keeping the contact vibe going.

If I detected or got the vibe that a woman is headed towards this then I'd flake on the date.

Change the narrative in my favor by creating value.

I'd tell her that some important work has come up and it's imperative that I attend to it as I'm one of the few core personnel.

I'd apologise and propose same time same day next week at a different venue - offering her something exciting - mysterious, like going for some go cart racing or to a fun fair.

Change narratives to win by creating value to you and creating emotions in her.

That's how'd I do it and when she's all excited, I'd fvck her and then dumped her noob a$$ the next morning.

But that's me, I'm sure you'll be all lovey dovey the next few weeks.

 

[Glassguy]

If I detected or got the vibe that a woman is headed towards this then I'd flake on the date.

Change the narrative in my favor by creating value.

I'd tell her that some important work has come up and it's imperative that I attend to it as I'm one of the few core personnel.

I'd apologise and propose same time same day next week at a different venue - offering her something exciting - mysterious, like going for some go cart racing or to a fun fair.

Change narratives to win by creating value to you and creating emotions in her.

That's how'd I do it and when she's all excited, I'd fvck her and then dumped her noob a$$ the next morning.

But that's me, I'm sure you'll be all lovey dovey the next few weeks.

Yes Yes Yes Spaz!

Although personally, I would NOT give her a reason.

"Hey something came up. Cant make it this evening.". Thats it. I will base my next move on her response to that.

If she seemed a bit let down about me canceling, I would come back with "I am doing something fun next Tuesday. I dont want to give you all the details but I think you would like it. Lets do next Tuesday at 7. Send me your address and I will pick you up".

Its either a yes or no at that point.

Guys you have to be honest with yourself. If a woman starts showing signs of low interest you are going one of two ways: you will either chase in hypermode or you will start losing interest as well because you know its more work than its worth.

If you have other OPTIONS you will definitely think a woman like this is more work that she is worth. This is why you should in fact flake on a chick if she starts showing weak interest. They dont deserve a reason why as its YOUR time and YOUR decision.

You will go into hyper chase mode and make her cringe as she starts showing signs of low interest. That is a result of you having no other viable OPTIONS.

I have no problems pulling back. Many of you dudes need to learn that art of it and not be so thirsty.

Having an abundance mindset doesnt always mean you have 4 chicks ready to come over. It also means that if things dont go smoothly with this one, you realize there are more right around the next corner so its all good.