Why did she ghost?

[GoodOne123]

I met a girl about a month ago at a nightclub. We made out on the dancefloor for ages. I went and got some food with her after the club closed. She said how she loves how mature I am and enjoys talking to me too. Couldn't get her back to my place since her friend was sick and she needed to take care of her. Anyways I got her number.

She is 20 and I am 25. She gave the impression to be more mature and care to find someone to have an LTR with. She was also my type in terms of looks.

We went on a first date at a bar 3 days after. She said how she rarely has such good conversation, and she had an amazing time. She said I passed her tests, that she prefers me over the other guys she typically meets, and she would like me to text her again. I didnt bother trying to get her back to my place since she had to leave the date to go to a birthday party.

Around another 3 days after we go for a second date at another bar. She mentioned how she is travelling early the following morning. I took this as a high sign of interest since she has bothered to show up the night before going on holiday.

The second date goes well. She mentions how glad she is that she got to see me another time just before going on holiday. She promised me to buy me a gift when she returns. She also said she had an amazing time with me.

I told her to text me when she got back. I Also texted her a week into her holiday asking how she was. I have heard no response and confident that she has now ghosted me.

What gives? We had a great time and seemed to be going so well? I can't get over how interested she showed herself to be, and now she ghosted?

I know she's young and might not know what she wants, but I hate to lose a girl like her. She seemed really sweet and considerate on the dates too.

 

[B0redandl0nely]

I wouldn't have told her to text you when she gets back. Puts her in control. Plus you were incongruent when you texted her while she was still on holiday cause you told her to text you when she gets back which I wouldn't have said in the first place

 

[deaderinred]

She found someone else with who was able to give her the ****. Wasnt you, you just went and had a conversation twice. Be more assertive next time.

 

[sangheilios]

Could be a million different reasons that have nothing to do with you. You met a girl at a club and got her number, which really doesn't mean that much in that environment. However, you actually went out on not just one but two dates with her, which means she obviously liked you to some degree. I've gotten a lot of numbers from women at clubs and bars and only a minority of them ever lead to any form of a date.

This whole thing about having a woman over at your place when you first meet them is kind of ridiculous, as a lot of women would be put off by it if they aren't looking to just have sex. The fact that you said you liked her and felt a connection shows you weren't just looking to bang her and actually might have seen her as potential relationship material. If that is the case, and perhaps she felt the same way, pushing for sex very early on is not how you go about doing that.

 

[Kotaix]

Stop texting her and arrange to meet her face to face, by "accident". Her face when she sees you should tell you what you need to know.

 

[Fan]

Yeah the fact that she found all kinds of excuses to leave the date and throwing in obstacles for you were not signs of high interest.

I guess to truly gauge her interest level was for you to escalate and press for it.

Also you should not allow a woman to expressly say that you were subject of her test.. that immediately put her on the pedestal. She should be the one qualifying herself to you, not the other way around...at least you shouldn't admit it in front of her, its displaying low value.

 

[Mazer]

Around another 3 days after we go for a second date at another bar. She mentioned how she is travelling early the following morning. I took this as a high

Never a good sign when a woman mentions she has to be up early, 90% of the time she’s telling you that you won’t be having sex with her tonight.

 

[B0redandl0nely]

How long was her holiday?

 

[GoodOne123]

I wouldn't have told her to text you when she gets back. Puts her in control. Plus you were incongruent when you texted her while she was still on holiday cause you told her to text you when she gets back which I wouldn't have said in the first place

I thought I'd tell her that since I didn't know exactly when she would come back. So essier to just tell her to let me know when she does.

I also texted her when she was on holiday since she was gone for a long 3 weeks. I didn't want to have no contact till she come back since that would break the momentum I just made with her.

I still see your point though

 

[GoodOne123]

How long was her holiday?

Around 3 weeks, that's why I texted her to see how she was doing so we should have some conversation till she comes back.

 

[GoodOne123]

She found someone else with who was able to give her the ****. Wasnt you, you just went and had a conversation twice. Be more assertive next time.

The thing is she gave off the impression she wanted much more than that, and that she was interested in me on a personal level.

I was assertive to get a kiss from her. But I didn't push for sex because on both dates she said she had something to do right after.

 

[GoodOne123]

Could be a million different reasons that have nothing to do with you. You met a girl at a club and got her number, which really doesn't mean that much in that environment. However, you actually went out on not just one but two dates with her, which means she obviously liked you to some degree. I've gotten a lot of numbers from women at clubs and bars and only a minority of them ever lead to any form of a date.

This whole thing about having a woman over at your place when you first meet them is kind of ridiculous, as a lot of women would be put off by it if they aren't looking to just have sex. The fact that you said you liked her and felt a connection shows you weren't just looking to bang her and actually might have seen her as potential relationship material. If that is the case, and perhaps she felt the same way, pushing for sex very early on is not how you go about doing that.

Yes I agree. I did think more of her than just a fling. And the only reason I did so was because she gave off the impression she wanted something more than sex too. She also showed she cared about who I was on a personal level, and how much she enjoys talking to me.

I did kiss her on the dates, but I didn't bother pushing for sex because she had something to do after the dates anyway. Also like you said, it would put her off if I did that because I shows I don't care about an LTR and just care about sex

 

[GoodOne123]

I embedded bold to your text to indicate the areas you need to improve.

Elevating game requires experience, and to acquire experience, you have to allow yourself to fail. Repeatedly.

Believe me or not: What you posted is exactly what you should be doing: making mistakes and learning from them.

A single failure can teach you more than the whole of the DJ Bible (Pook's words). You might think I'm bullshiatting you, but this situation, with this girl, gave you some great EXPERIENCE from which you can improve.

I mean this respectfully: you failed a LOT on this one. See below.

I get your points. I just feel pissed off that I even made any mistakes. I also find it hard to believe that the typical guy she meets will do much better than me. She said herself she doesn't even like the guys she typically meets and prefers me over them.

So I shouldn't make our with a girl on dancefloor for ages, just ask them to come back to my place after a while?

If a girl says she has something to do after my date, I should just reschedule to have the whole night with her to myself? Ideally I want that, the problem was that this girl is a college student, and seemed to have all types of parties and events in her diary all the time.

Also I now know not to believe a word a woman says lol. It's crazy how I can't trust anything they say, even when they say like like me so much.

With today's dating climate, I'm seriously thinking about giving up on any hopes of an LTR.

 

[sangheilios]

Yes I agree. I did think more of her than just a fling. And the only reason I did so was because she gave off the impression she wanted something more than sex too. She also showed she cared about who I was on a personal level, and how much she enjoys talking to me.

I did kiss her on the dates, but I didn't bother pushing for sex because she had something to do after the dates anyway. Also like you said, it would put her off if I did that because I shows I don't care about an LTR and just care about sex

I'm no expert, but something as simple as "would you like to come over to watch a movie at my place?" gets the point across without being too pushy.

 

[GoodOne123]

Stop texting her and arrange to meet her face to face, by "accident". Her face when she sees you should tell you what you need to know.

To be honest man I just want to forget about her. She kind of let me down, besides it seems like it's over anyways

 

[GoodOne123]

Yeah the fact that she found all kinds of excuses to leave the date and throwing in obstacles for you were not signs of high interest.

I guess to truly gauge her interest level was for you to escalate and press for it.

Also you should not allow a woman to expressly say that you were subject of her test.. that immediately put her on the pedestal. She should be the one qualifying herself to you, not the other way around...at least you shouldn't admit it in front of her, its displaying low value.

The thing is she's a college student, and always going to all types of events and parties. I thought that she genuinely had stuff going on afterwards, especially since she was so enthusiastic I'm the dates.

Should I show I'm offended if a girl says I'm subject to her tests? How do I go about it?

 

[GoodOne123]

Never a good sign when a woman mentions she has to be up early, 90% of the time she’s telling you that you won’t be having sex with her tonight.

In previous replies I I also mentioned, she's on for those party college girls, going out to events and parties a lot. I just thought it to be genuine that she may have lots of stuff going on.

 

[greatsnake]

Next her— there could be a gazillion reason why a woman leaves, but fact is that she’s gone. On to the next chick!

 

[GoodOne123]

Girls that young are notoriously flakey. Just don’t be needy and have fun in your life and she will come back or not. But girls have an intuitive sense when a guy needs them to come back or not

That's right. Meybe I expected too much from a girl that is so young.

 

[GoodOne123]

Next her— there could be a gazillion reason why a woman leaves, but fact is that she’s gone. On to the next chick!

I discussed with my friends and they were baffled too by why she ghosted. Like you said it could be many reasons.

Anyways I'm going to move on