Attractiveness at age 52

[Afternoon In Paris]

I'm brand new here and this is my first post.

I've been divorced for 17 months and doing online dating for 16 of those. The first year was a real trainwreck, a learning experience after 20 years of marriage. I was basically in a firmly entrenched Beta mindset for that first year. I am very fit, healthy, slender, tall, and I believe reasonably attractive for a 52 year old male. I didn't have trouble getting dates, but most ended up with "not feeling the connection". I did have a two month relationship last fall with a remarkably beautiful woman, who liked me, and we had sex four times -- before she finally had to dump me because of my Beta-niceness. I also would attribute some post-divorce, reentry drama to all of this too.

Then I stumbled upon the Red Pill stuff, and at first I was very angered, then skeptical, and I then began investigating. Ever since I've been devouring the literature and also learning about game (why didn't I know all this 30 years ago??!!) Around the beginning of the year I also made a determined effort to start dressing up, and that has made a huge impact on my own perceived value and overall confidence. I've gotten back into my love for solo jazz guitar and should be able to start playing patios this summer (hoping the ladies will like that). I'm just overall liking my life a lot better lately. With my new devotion to myself and my own self-improvement I have made huge strides in the last 5 months, and I feel the old Beta tendencies slipping away.

I feel my main obstacle at my age is my financial situation. Basically my ex got the house and I got to keep my retirement, which will be nice when I get my hands on it in 15 years. But for now I basically live paycheck to paycheck with the child support I pay. I get by, and I can afford to go out on dates, but I am definitely not rich. I rent a one bedroom apartment (which I love and don't miss having to take care of a house), but I feel very self-conscious about this financial aspect when it comes to women, especially women my age who are also in post-divorce situations.

So the question I have is -- it seems like most of everything I read is geared more towards younger guys in their 20s and 30s. It seems like at those ages one doesn't necessarily have to be rich if one has game and looks (or maybe just game)? But at age 52, will game and looks do anything for me, or is money the main deal? I guess I kind of know the answer-- YES, money is a much BIGGER DEAL at my age, but just wondering if anyone out there is, or has been in a similar situation and can provide some feedback. Do I need to step up my looks? Or my game? Yes, better job of course!

I should add that the biggest revelation I have had in the past few months is accepting Plate Theory, and I no longer feel like I have to be shooting for LTR or "the one". I took a little break from online dating for a few months and just joined Match about a month ago, and I currently have 4 gals I'm chatting with, one I've dated 3 times. We'll see how that goes, but I already can say I feel 100% better by not feeling like one is a special "snowflake". Believing I have options makes such a huge difference.

Anyway, I appreciate any thoughts. Sorry if my question isn't very clear here. Just looking for any encouragement or advice for my situation, I guess.

Thanks

 

[Serenity]

You could go looking in the Mature man subforum. It's 25 and up to post there, maybe still a bit low for you but you won't have "kids" giving you advice. There's several men around your age on this forum, I'm sure they can give you advice appropriate to your age segment.

I'm just 27, don't think I can relate that much to your worries but good luck on your journey anyways!

 

[Spaz]

This is an interesting topic.

Age and money.

If I was in ur shoes, I'll work my a$$ off with a small business, it's too late for a normal career.

Work the streets, really observe what's around you - see the potentials, it's all there, take it all in and process the information.

Forget dating and women for now.

Work on yourself. Get yourself set up good and then once you're in a position to date, you'll be your own man with confidence + pride.

 

[Trump]

I am very fit, healthy, slender, tall, and I believe reasonably attractive for a 52 year old male. I didn't have trouble getting dates, but most ended up with "not feeling the connection". I did have a two month relationship last fall with a remarkably beautiful woman, who liked me, and we had sex four times -- before she finally had to dump me because of my Beta-niceness. I also would attribute some post-divorce, reentry drama to all of this too.

I feel my main obstacle at my age is my financial situation. Basically my ex got the house and I got to keep my retirement, which will be nice when I get my hands on it in 15 years. But for now I basically live paycheck to paycheck with the child support I pay. I get by, and I can afford to go out on dates, but I am definitely not rich. I rent a one bedroom apartment (which I love and don't miss having to take care of a house), but I feel very self-conscious about this financial aspect when it comes to women, especially women my age who are also in post-divorce situations.

So the question I have is -- it seems like most of everything I read is geared more towards younger guys in their 20s and 30s. It seems like at those ages one doesn't necessarily have to be rich if one has game and looks (or maybe just game)? But at age 52, will game and looks do anything for me, or is money the main deal?

This makes no sense.

You got those dates and that beautiful women slept with you and they didn’t care about money, so why are you caring about it? It’s like you are looking for a problem that doesn’t exist.

Trust me, money doesn’t help with women. No women is going to care if you have 1 - 1 bedroom or 20 - 1 bedrooms. Your age and height is what’s most important.

A 27 year old girl would rather go with 32 year guy little money, than a 52 year old lots of money. Don’t go looking for a problem that isn’t there, it will mess you up with women.

 

[zekko]

I'm 58, but I'm not spinning plates, I have a regular girlfriend. 52 is a tricky age. If you're in good shape, it's not much different than your 40s, except that being in your 50s sounds old. I'm curious as to what age girls you are trying to date.

Anyway, I don't think the money is any more important at 52 than any other age. I know many guys my age who are basically being supported by their wives or girlfriends, because they can't keep a job. You would expect someone in their 50s to have their sh!t together and have achieved some sort of success, but that isn't always the case. If it is, that mostly benefits you.

 

[Spaz]

I'm 58, but I'm not spinning plates, I have a regular girlfriend. 52 is a tricky age. If you're in good shape, it's not much different than your 40s, except that being in your 50s sounds old. I'm curious as to what age girls you are trying to date.

Anyway, I don't think the money is any more important at 52 than any other age. I know many guys my age who are basically being supported by their wives or girlfriends, because they can't keep a job. You would expect someone in their 50s to have their sh!t together and have achieved some sort of success, but that isn't always the case. If it is, that mostly benefits you.

A wife or girlfriend does support her man financially when he's down, its expected and a decent thing to do but she also expects him to rise back up or at the very least sees him fighting his way back.

And if he doesn't, she will most certainly lose her admiration 1st, later goes the respect and finally her love.

 

[Medina]

I would lean towards the truth. You were a homeowner but a one bedroom apartment is just perfect and comfortable for you right now. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. You are a happy man. Just make sure to keep the place clean so you don't look like a bum.

 

[Steel_Neurons]

But at age 52, will game and looks do anything for me, or is money the main deal?

I'd say you've already answered your own question at the beginning of your post:

I did have a two month relationship last fall with a remarkably beautiful woman, who liked me, and we had sex four times -- before she finally had to dump me because of my Beta-niceness.

Personally, I've found a lot of posts on here very helpful (and I'm a few years younger than you). I spent the last month slowly working my way through the forums. I found things like the DJ Bible, Pook's posts and Antidump's machine very interesting. I also thought there are some cool people on here who might be interesting to engage with, which is why I finally joined today.

Good luck with it all.

 

[Spaz]

This is a worthy thread.

Thought provoking for many reading or following it, even for me, I've often contemplated this through the years and age does catch up to everyone eventually - so...sex, women, money, power etc - often thinking is this just the primary focus of men ?

There's bound to be different schools on thought and that's fine as it broadens the discussion so as one might find some ending or calling or purpose.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I often say that tongue in cheek because I’m a 50 year old woman. I’m 5 years post divorce and it’s interesting out there. I was lucky as the breadwinner spouse in that my assets were not cleaved in two (my ex and I negotiated a mutually beneficial arrangement that preserved my wealth...but I know many men who weren’t so lucky.

You still have your looks and your health & fitness. You are pursuing music and working on you. Continue to do that. You have improved your image and you are putting yourself out there. Continue to do that too. You have to keep growing in the mindset that you are the man, your life & interests are the focus and be outcome independent about the rest.

Listen. Time comes for us all. I was just discussing this with a 54 year old man I know yesterday. Like you he was substantially undercut financially after his divorce, but over time he is recovering. Our discussion was about the relative high value of young women in their prime and how as a general rule that value falls off with age (the wall) and the relative rise of value in men as they become established and distinguished. That and other red pill topics.

Don’t stress about your living quarters. Keep your place neat, be judicious about money, set some aside each month and never apologize for your situation.

You’ll avoid gold diggers. That is a good thing.

As far as who you actually date that’s up to you. You’ll have options that range widely in age. Certainly women 30s to 50s. Pick women you like and go from there.

I’m having a very (+) experience at 50 relative to most of my peers but I am an outlier physically in that I still look very, very good AND I have my act together AND I’m done with babies and young kids.

Welcome to the community. There are a number of guys 40 and up around here that can offer you good perspective. You have the correct attitude and you are already moving solidly in the right direction.

Embrace your masculine nature & lead your life. As you grow you’ll naturally lead women (which we find supremely sexy).

Cheers

 

[MatureDJ]

I know many guys my age who are basically being supported by their wives or girlfriends, because they can't keep a job. You would expect someone in their 50s to have their sh!t together and have achieved some sort of success, but that isn't always the case. If it is, that mostly benefits you.

That's because American employers want to hire foreigners as much as possible. You could have your sh!t completely together, but once you get that big target on your back, you will go down - and no one will want to hire you, save for the situations in which you have lucked out and your exact skill is still in demand.

 

[zekko]

A wife or girlfriend does support her man financially when he's down

And yet it happens anyway. I know of many examples.
One characteristic of these guys is that they were never very successful in the first place. It's part of their identity that they've got some deadbeat in them, almost like it's part of their appeal. Expectations in this area are low. The girls complain about them, but they don't leave them.

If the guy has been successful, and then has a fall, that's a different story, I think. Then everybody knows he's not reaching his potential, he's seen more as a failure, and it sets him up more for rejection.

 

[Spaz]

And yet it happens anyway. I know of many examples.
One characteristic of these guys is that they were never very successful in the first place. It's part of their identity that they've got some deadbeat in them, almost like it's part of their appeal. Expectations in this area are low. The girls complain about them, but they don't leave them.

If the guy has been successful, and then has a fall, that's a different story, I think. Then everybody knows he's not reaching his potential, he's seen more as a failure, and it sets him up more for rejection.

U r right Zekko, there's a few man who are natural deadbeats to you but have highly evolved EQ.

They subconsciously put their wives in an emotional vortex when they feel them slipping away - that drama - whereby love is created in a continuous loop.

Have you notice it with ur keen observations ?

 

[zekko]

They subconsciously put their wives in an emotional vortex when they feel them slipping away - that drama - whereby love is created in a continuous loop

I don't know about the slipping away bit, but I do think the women are emotionally dependent on them. OR the women are caretaker types. I've seen both cases.

 

[RangerMIke]

Keep doing what you are doing. Focus on yourself... do the things you like... be the best version of yourself you can be. My only recommendation is to be patient with your progress and don't think you have to rush things because you have time to make up.

I'm your same age, and isn't that much of a problem for many women for me. I will say that staying in shape and looking good takes a lot more work. You have to find a balance between working out and recovery... this is something all of us have to go through in middle age. I've had to give up a lot of food I love, and significantly cut back on my drinking. The effects of alcohol on my body is what I notice the most. I really don't feel the effects, but my motor skills and function are worst. It's like drinking saltpeter, nothing bellow the waist works well after two drinks, and even one drink will screw up my sleep that night, I've become an epic light weight. Also, don't try to be something you are not, act your your age... there really is nothing attractive about a middle aged man trying to pretend they are younger, you will just get laughed at behind your back.

In my experience I've had the best luck attracting women in their late 30s early 40s, with kids of their own. I have dated younger women in their 20s with no children, but these never last more than a few dates, I think they are only attracted to the novelty of the 'older man', and that wears out very fast. Women my age... same thing really... but most women in their late 40s early 50s are looking for exclusivity and as soon as they find out I'm not interested in relationships, they move on... and they move on fast.

 

[zekko]

as soon as they find out I'm not interested in relationships, they move on... and they move on fast.

Just out of curiosity, why are you so set against relationships?

 

[jsim]

Most of my co-workers are significantly older. I know people about your age who look 15 years younger than their age (granted, not very many of them), but I also know 50 year olds who look 15 years older than their age. If you've taken care of your health and appearance, you might be pleasantly surprised at your dating prospects, assuming your expectations are not wildly inflated to begin with.

I certainly think it's far more likely for an older man to be dating a younger woman than for an older woman to be dating a younger man. Your dating prospects are your dating prospects. It's pretty much impossible to predict until you put yourself out there. Not a fan of the channel, but here's one example probably of many of an older man/younger woman relationship.

 

[RangerMIke]

I'm not really against relationships. They work for some men, they just don't work well for me. I pretty much like my life the way it is, and really don't need a full time woman in it. The most common complaint I get from women is that I am selfish... there is some truth in this. Because for a relationship to work, in my experience it is the man has to give more and take less.

There might be a woman out there that fits me, but I'm not looking for her, if it happened it happens. I'm just not willing to put in the effort.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Most of my co-workers are significantly older. I know people about your age who look 15 years younger than their age (granted, not very many of them), but I also know 50 year olds who look 15 years older than their age. If you've taken care of your health and appearance, you might be pleasantly surprised at your dating prospects, assuming your expectations are not wildly inflated to begin with.

I certainly think it's far more likely for an older man to be dating a younger woman than for an older woman to be dating a younger man. Your dating prospects are your dating prospects. It's pretty much impossible to predict until you put yourself out there. Not a fan of the channel, but here's one example probably of many of an older man/younger woman relationship.

Yeah the man in that vid looks healthy and their house is moderately roomy and new. I am healthy though well over a decade younger, look good (age finally started showing at 41 I'd say but women don't care, mid-20s women, even younger - I don't use hair coloring though most of my hair is still dark blonde). I use good products all round soap, food, shampoo, mainly garbage in garbage out philosophy so books in books out, your mind stays bright or illustrative). My home however is lower than middle slightly class, and I don't plan on moving. Others who have moved near me recently are struggling, because, my area blew up to double even triple home prices from 2010 to present. I bought at the VERY low. They all struggle, I feel for them. And I don't know how all these MILLION dolla homes keep getting constructed. WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE GET THEIR CASHOLA? I'm talkin 1000s of new home construction upwards of 700K through 1.5 million, when the average household income is 50K-60K. What's up? Inheritances? OLD money?

 

[Wrenched]

Look at Ross Jefferies. He's still working it. Not sure what his success level is but I'm sure he still pulls them in