Wife left (3 month update)

[ariesc]

Fellas,

Holy hell has this been a helluva ride...

I need some advice from ya'll. How effin' long does this depression usually last for? I know that's a vague question, especially with zero context, but to sum in up in sentence or two, wife left, I was numb the first 3 weeks or so, thought I'd be fine, and then BAM! Like getting blinded sided by a semi-truck, I find myself paddling through a sea of despair with no end in sight.

My confidence plummeted... I don't feel like dating... I honestly don't feel like doing anything. Things that used to interest me don't any longer, I'm really at rock bottom.

I guess to ask a more specific question, for those of you who've been through this s***, what did you do to pick yourself back up? How long did it take?

Thanks.

 

[backseatjuan]

You find another pssy during these 3 months?

 

[ariesc]

You find another pssy during these 3 months?

I went on a solid amount of dates but either they didn't interest me or I didn't interest them... Hooked up with this one gal and it was the most meaningless pound of my life. It made me feel more empty. To make matters worse as this depression set in my sex drive plummeted. I honestly didn't expect this sh** to hit this hard.

I'm hitting the gym everyday to try and mitigate these feelings but it's been harder than I'd care to admit.

 

[Billtx49]

I guess to ask a more specific question, for those of you who've been through this s***, what did you do to pick yourself back up? How long did it take?

Thanks.

How long it can take depends solely on your personal motivation level, if it’s not good, stay busy with free time mind consuming physical activities, lifting, competitive sports, etc. …

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I went on a solid amount of dates but either they didn't interest me or I didn't interest them... Hooked up with this one gal and it was the most meaningless pound of my life. It made me feel more empty. To make matters worse as this depression set in my sex drive plummeted. I honestly didn't expect this sh** to hit this hard.

I'm hitting the gym everyday to try and mitigate these feelings but it's been harder than I'd care to admit.

You have to take care of that. Find someone your body and emotions respond to. The longer that libido is flatlined the more difficult it is to resuscitate it.

 

[Fzatf]

My wife left me too and there have been times where I deeply missed her. It does help to get laid, but if you can make a meaningful connection with a woman you're screwing it gets you past it.

It's not going to be easy but you'll be okay before you know it. Therapy doesn't hurt, and if you're prone to chronic depression you can contemplate seeing a psychiatrist to get you antidepressants. Though I'd only go this route if you're not able to get through it with normal means.

 

[backseatjuan]

All things are addictive when done repetitively, including depression.

 

[lamath]

My wife left me too and there have been times where I deeply missed her. It does help to get laid, but if you can make a meaningful connection with a woman you're screwing it gets you past it.

It's not going to be easy but you'll be okay before you know it. Therapy doesn't hurt, and if you're prone to chronic depression you can contemplate seeing a psychiatrist to get you antidepressants. Though I'd only go this route if you're not able to get through it with normal means.

Very good advice there


It can last a long time, if it last too long better go see some professional.

 

[Spaz]

Learn to find ur equilibrium without the need of feminine influence.

Once you're found it, then you can add women into ur life.

 

[Mazer]

After being dumped by my oneitis, I surrounded myself with family and friends, went out my comfort zone and started taking Salsa dance lessons (lots of women present), went on some ****ty dates with women from OLD who weren’t as good looking as my oneitis. I thought to myself I will never find someone who is comparable in terms of looks to my oneitis. Visited this site a few times per week, trying to understand why women do what they do. Hit the gym three times per week. As time went on I continued going on dates and practicing what I learned from this site. Three months later she was still on my mind but I was having more and more sex with women who were more attractive than her and who wanted to be exclusive.

I learned to not take women seriously and continued spinning plates until recently I found a woman who treats me like a king and became exclusive. I would say time and dating multiple women will get you there the quickest.

 

[In2theGame]

Fellas,

Holy hell has this been a helluva ride...

I need some advice from ya'll. How effin' long does this depression usually last for? I know that's a vague question, especially with zero context, but to sum in up in sentence or two, wife left, I was numb the first 3 weeks or so, thought I'd be fine, and then BAM! Like getting blinded sided by a semi-truck, I find myself paddling through a sea of despair with no end in sight.

My confidence plummeted... I don't feel like dating... I honestly don't feel like doing anything. Things that used to interest me don't any longer, I'm really at rock bottom.

I guess to ask a more specific question, for those of you who've been through this s***, what did you do to pick yourself back up? How long did it take?

Thanks.

I was ****ed up for 3 years after my breakup. Takes a bit depending on how deep the relationship was and how much you loved her. Overall though time does in fact heal.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

How long were you married?
I was married 6 years. I went through stages as you describe. The real pain kicks in after the numbness wears off and acceptance happens. Sounds like you are there now.

It took me a solid year before i was no longer consumed by thoughts of her, and was no longer depressed. Long, sustained cardio made me feel better than weight lifting (minimum of 1 hour a day or more at aerobic heart rate), but even the mood lift from that was temporary and short lived. Therapy helped a little.... I didn't get any real answers from it that I hoped I would, but it helped to have someone to talk to. Ultimately I decided to get on an anti-depressant. I delayed that as much as I possibly could but I was starting to get into a really dark place that I felt I wouldn't be able to dig myself out of. It really helped me and I only needed to be on it for about six months.

I didn't discover red pill or game until about 18 months after the divorce. Having that stuff to read would have really helped me get through things faster. So at least you have that, and I'm guessing the divorce is what brought you here? If so, something good has come from it. You'll be a much better man as a result of learning this stuff, and you'll end up with someone much better than your ex wife because of it!

 

[Chev.Chelios]

spent years trying to get over breakups and my last one was a flat out bpd..

trauma will find you and will get worse until you deal with it and let it go

any emotional pain you go through is self inflicted and youre finding situations that trigger you.

take 100% responsibility for your emotions.

monogamy isnt real. matter of fact, its satanic. monogamy is the root of the worlds suffering.

nothing else has had such a negative impact on everybodys lives.

heartbreak over soul mates is a result from social conditioning.

let go of women who are monogamous, they are not worth it.

let go of monogamy in yourself, be happy living with multiple women youre not bound or commited to, if you cant find them be alone.

keeping girls strictly as friends is abundance, cut off girls that want to engage in exclusive relationships becausr that = scarcity.

the lovey feelings you have for that one girl is actually a drug addiction.

never good to be addixted to anything.

read sex at dawn

 

[Trump]

I need some advice from ya'll. How effin' long does this depression usually last for? I know that's a vague question, especially with zero context, but to sum in up in sentence or two, wife left, I was numb the first 3 weeks or so, thought I'd be fine, and then BAM! Like getting blinded sided by a semi-truck, I find myself paddling through a sea of despair with no end in sight.

My confidence plummeted... I don't feel like dating... I honestly don't feel like doing anything. Things that used to interest me don't any longer, I'm really at rock bottom.

How many times do we tell men not to get emotionally involved? Your emotions is what is messing you up. Can’t blame you though, Hollywood, movies, tv, music, government have done a fantastic job brainwashing men to care and profess their love to women. Heck I’ve done some crazy stuff after long term break up.

You are in so much pain because now you invested your EMOTIONS in her. Women are very good at emotionally sucking you in and then when you most vulnerable, bam! It’s not personal, it’s a Power trip. They have slayed the beast and feel like they are top of the world. That’s why we preach if you get involved, keep your emotions at a distance. That way when they pull the rug from out underneath you, it won’t hurt when you fall since you will having nothing to lose.

Disney has brainwashed men to want a “connection” with women because that’s where the money is. Women rarely care about a “connection”, they are about sex and money. Roles are reversed.

What do you mean a meaningless pound? What did your wife provide to you after a pound that the new girl didn’t? I’m surprised you had sex with another girl and are still thinking about her.

 

[Serenity]

I guess to ask a more specific question, for those of you who've been through this s***, what did you do to pick yourself back up? How long did it take?

To be clear, I haven't been depressed because of a woman leaving me, but I have been severely depressed before. You won't like my answer...

I was depressed for 6 months getting progressively worse the harder I tried to fix it. I just gave up trying to fix my depression. Didn't know brains worked like this, but 30 minutes after I gave up the world suddenly became a beautiful place again and it just stayed that way. I guess once a depression gets rolling whatever initially caused it is irrelevant and the new cause of depression is the depression itself and the despair experienced in trying to fix it keeps it going. So I quit, said fvck it instead and accepted it as a part of life like anything else.

Seems like wanting depression to go away is one of the worst ways to get rid of it. Could also be that my particular mind is a big ball of irony. I don't know if this works for others, it's not exactly in the textbooks.

 

[Alvafe]

To be clear, I haven't been depressed because of a woman leaving me, but I have been severely depressed before. You won't like my answer...

I was depressed for 6 months getting progressively worse the harder I tried to fix it. I just gave up trying to fix my depression. Didn't know brains worked like this, but 30 minutes after I gave up the world suddenly became a beautiful place again and it just stayed that way. I guess once a depression gets rolling whatever initially caused it is irrelevant and the new cause of depression is the depression itself and the despair experienced in trying to fix it keeps it going. So I quit, said fvck it instead and accepted it as a part of life like anything else.

Seems like wanting depression to go away is one of the worst ways to get rid of it. Could also be that my particular mind is a big ball of irony. I don't know if this works for others, it's not exactly in the textbooks.

more or less your mind finally accept you are in the most low you could, so starting there you can only improve

not much to do, unless settle your mind, and do things to stay busy, so you don't fry your brain in overthinking overdrive trying to figure out everything, sometimes you need to take a step back to see things better.

as long there is not suicide, self destroying behavior, just let time deal with the pain

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I was ****ed up for 3 years after my breakup. Takes a bit depending on how deep the relationship was and how much you loved her. Overall though time does in fact heal.

Three years sounds about right. There needs to be a manual for recovering after a divorce and building a good life and a successful dating life.

 

[ariesc]

How long were you married?
I was married 6 years. I went through stages as you describe. The real pain kicks in after the numbness wears off and acceptance happens. Sounds like you are there now.

It took me a solid year before i was no longer consumed by thoughts of her, and was no longer depressed. Long, sustained cardio made me feel better than weight lifting (minimum of 1 hour a day or more at aerobic heart rate), but even the mood lift from that was temporary and short lived. Therapy helped a little.... I didn't get any real answers from it that I hoped I would, but it helped to have someone to talk to. Ultimately I decided to get on an anti-depressant. I delayed that as much as I possibly could but I was starting to get into a really dark place that I felt I wouldn't be able to dig myself out of. It really helped me and I only needed to be on it for about six months.

I didn't discover red pill or game until about 18 months after the divorce. Having that stuff to read would have really helped me get through things faster. So at least you have that, and I'm guessing the divorce is what brought you here? If so, something good has come from it. You'll be a much better man as a result of learning this stuff, and you'll end up with someone much better than your ex wife because of it!

I was with her for 4 1/2 years. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection after the break up (her choice, not mine). I find the mornings being the hardest time of the day for some reason. I haven't been getting adequate sleep, nightmares keep waking me up. I'm currently unemployed because I have zero ambition to do anything. The most mundane tasks have become increasingly difficult. I'm extremely fortunate to have been frugal in the past, enough so that I have saved enough to have the luxury to do nothing, but I used to be such a motivated person that this new situation is very uncomfortable and hard to accept. My social circle is gone since I am now in my early 30's and all my friends are married and having children. I'm definetly in one of the darkest places I could have ever imagined, the idea of anti-depressants have crossed my mind, but I'm so afraid to take anything daily that alters my state of mind... At this point though it might not be the worst idea...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I was with her for 4 1/2 years. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection after the break up (her choice, not mine). I find the mornings being the hardest time of the day for some reason. I haven't been getting adequate sleep, nightmares keep waking me up. I'm currently unemployed because I have zero ambition to do anything. The most mundane tasks have become increasingly difficult. I'm extremely fortunate to have been frugal in the past, enough so that I have saved enough to have the luxury to do nothing, but I used to be such a motivated person that this new situation is very uncomfortable and hard to accept. My social circle is gone since I am now in my early 30's and all my friends are married and having children. I'm definetly in one of the darkest places I could have ever imagined, the idea of anti-depressants have crossed my mind, but I'm so afraid to take anything daily that alters my state of mind... At this point though it might not be the worst idea...

You gotta man up. Your self worth, your masculinity and your motivation was tied up in her and your relationship. Its not attractive. Man needs to be internally validated meaning your confidence, self worth, motivation and your masculinity are defined by you and your high self worth. "Motion creates emotion". Movement will cause your motivation to rise. Set some goals and personal improvement tasks amd start to pursue them. As you focus on them your confidence will rise. You need to focus on yoyr goals and desires and take attention away from things that cause pain and misery. Or alternatively youcan wallow in this misery for the rest of your life. The choice is yours.

There's alot of pain in those situation. The refocused attention and energy represents alot of drive power and control conversly. Appreciate the negative. Focus on the positive.

 

[Serenity]

more or less your mind finally accept you are in the most low you could, so starting there you can only improve

not much to do, unless settle your mind, and do things to stay busy, so you don't fry your brain in overthinking overdrive trying to figure out everything, sometimes you need to take a step back to see things better.

as long there is not suicide, self destroying behavior, just let time deal with the pain

It wasn't really distraction or trying to stay busy to avoid overthinking. I was just simply exhausted and my mind just ran out of things to think about. The last thing I thought was "I'm not gonna kill myself so if this is life, then so be it" as I was laying on my bed doing nothing. My next thought was "now what?" and then my mental state mysteriously went from bottom to top. It was a good experience, but for sure very bizarre to have a 6 month depression wiped nearly instantly. On top of that I did literally nothing, yet so many people spend such a long time fighting it to no avail.

I tried distracting myself plenty, to stay busy, but reality was just as bleak when I did that. At moments it helped temporarily, but the depression never really went away before I fully accepted it.